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Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 3:11:53 PM

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Ok, so I've been thinking about what people call themselves in the BDSM community. Titles like Mistress, Master, Goddess, Dom, etc. are used with in, I'm guessing, the private circles of the community. So, If I'm going to be a part of the BDSM community I may delve into this title business. OK, that's not the point. The point is I'm slightly uncomfortable being referred to as "Sir". The word is used when a sub/slave addresses a Dom, But the word "Master" is also used and I have no problem with that. Being addressed as Sir kinda reminds me of a knight being addressed as Sir. Knights were given this title by the King or Queen which in turn means Kings and Queens were "appointed" by god. Where as the word Master, at least in eastern culture, was given to someone that earned that title through skill and/or knowledge. My unease comes from when I was working with kids in after school programs. I would always tell the kids to refer to me as Mr.[my first name] instead of Mr.[my last name], which is more common.
So coming from this line of thought I pose two questions. Masters you can chime in too.

1. Do subs/slaves prefer to use the word Master or Sir?

2. What is your opinion on some people in the BDSM community using titles?

RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 3:25:58 PM

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To start off, I'd like to point out that while Your outlook on the Knights is very noble, it's not as though that's where the term 'Sir' originated. Anyway..

I prefer both. 'Sir' is a general term to me. I do not call a Master that is not my own 'Master' because it seems wrong. He is Sir, or Uncle, if the slave He owns is a close friend of mine. I'm also not against M'Lord, or Sire. I'm actually fond of Sire. It's elegant in its own right.

When it comes to a Mistress, I prefer M'Lady to Ma'am. Ma'am sounds too old. M'Lady is polite and gentle. As with Uncle, I would also use the term Aunt if the slave She owns is a close friend. Assuming all parties were okay with such titles, that is. I see the community as a twisted family. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, and Uncles.

I don't have a problem with the titles. If another slave desired to call my Master "Sir" or "Master", and is doing so out of respect, then why would it bother me?

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 3:57:54 PM

lizi

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Well, to start with, Master is kind of used as meaning more, as in that person has perhaps more time in the lifestyle, more experience, or more knowledge in an area. So it's kind like you start out as a Sir, and then grow into being a Master. There is also the distinction of Master/slave, or Sir/submissive - it kind of denotes what type of BDSM relationship you have. There are also distinctions in the leather community for the title of Master which I can't talk about since I'm not knowledgeable about that. At this point you probably don't want to call yourself a Master as that implies something you haven't grown into yet.

In my relationship I call my Dominant by his first name or Pookie, Doll, Schnooks, Cutiepie, Handsome, Sweetpea, Honey, etc. I'm rather affectionate as you can see, which suits him- if it didn't I"m sure he'd give me more direction on what he'd prefer. He calls me by my first name or Baby. We have never used titles. Some people choose something significant to them other than Sir or Master, you can think about that and see if something fits you more comfortably.

As to your questions:
1. I'm comfortable with whatever he tells me to call him.
2. My opinion on people using titles is that they can refer to themselves as whatever they like, if they want to be respected however it should fit them. If an 18 year old Dominant wanted to be called Master Imperious I'd call him that and then snicker, I'm not going to lie. Because to me, an 18 year old wouldn't have enough time doing this to have mastered it yet.

(in reply to orimotis69)

RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 4:18:53 PM

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1. Let's see. I call him by his first name (

) and would laugh my ass off if I was required to call him by a title.
He finds the whole concept as ridiculous as I do.
2. I think it's equally as ridiculous.

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 4:20:02 PM

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What Lizi said!

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 4:24:46 PM

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Yep. I consider titles to be pretentious most of the time.

In Leatherland, I am Mistress Francine, and I'm okay with being called by that ENTIRE name when I'm in that milieu. Otherwise, I'm Hibbie or Francine, and I am fine with people calling me Ma'am or Miss, but I don't require it of anyone unless we have that kind of relationship.

In my personal life, I want to be *close*, and titles create distance. That's not to say that "ma'am" can't be a term of endearment.

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 4:55:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Well, to start with, Master is kind of used as meaning more, as in that person has perhaps more time in the lifestyle, more experience, or more knowledge in an area. So it's kind like you start out as a Sir, and then grow into being a Master. There is also the distinction of Master/slave, or Sir/submissive - it kind of denotes what type of BDSM relationship you have. There are also distinctions in the leather community for the title of Master which I can't talk about since I'm not knowledgeable about that. At this point you probably don't want to call yourself a Master as that implies something you haven't grown into yet.

In my relationship I call my Dominant by his first name or Pookie, Doll, Schnooks, Cutiepie, Handsome, Sweetpea, Honey, etc. I'm rather affectionate as you can see, which suits him- if it didn't I"m sure he'd give me more direction on what he'd prefer. He calls me by my first name or Baby. We have never used titles. Some people choose something significant to them other than Sir or Master, you can think about that and see if something fits you more comfortably.

As to your questions:
1. I'm comfortable with whatever he tells me to call him.
2. My opinion on people using titles is that they can refer to themselves as whatever they like, if they want to be respected however it should fit them. If an 18 year old Dominant wanted to be called Master Imperious I'd call him that and then snicker, I'm not going to lie. Because to me, an 18 year old wouldn't have enough time doing this to have mastered it yet.

I hope I didn't come off as me now calling myself Master. I wouldn't use the word unless I had some experience. Still working on that by the way.
SO coming from a new comers point of view, if someone asks you to call them by their title, would you? I think I would feel a little uncomfortable because I don't know the person. Going back to my line of thought, if someone elses sub or slave referred to me as Sir, I would probably feel uncomfortable too. Which I know is weird but it stems from my days working with kids. Which in fact is even more weird considering your view of the word Master meaning slightly higher than Sir.

look at me editing for grammar.

< Message edited by orimotis69 -- 1/21/2012 4:57:03 PM >

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:04:13 PM

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"Mistress Francine" is not the same as "Mistress", if that makes sense to you. I'm not sure what the issue with "sir" is, it's just a term of courtesy.

Use your name, whatever one you want to be known by. Your behavior and actions are what will command respect, not a title. These titles are self-inflicted, and generally not indicative of anything but orientation. The people in the scene that have really done things over the years--by which I mean set an example of leadership and education--do not expect anyone to bow down to them and call them by a title.

Relax and be yourself, and don't get hung up in semantic games.

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:29:37 PM

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I don't like Sir. That's what you call commissioned officers. If someone can spend 20 years in the military and never earn the right to be called "Sir", then why should having a preference for being dominant in relationships earn you the right?

At least, that's how I see it.

< Message edited by hangemhigh1953 -- 1/21/2012 5:30:11 PM >

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:31:47 PM

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He told me to call him Master. Which I kinda did...but often it came out as "Honey" followed quickly by "Master", so then he became Honey Master. (but mostly I call him by his first name.)

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:38:05 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orimotis69
I hope I didn't come off as me now calling myself Master. I wouldn't use the word unless I had some experience. Still working on that by the way.
SO coming from a new comers point of view, if someone asks you to call them by their title, would you? I think I would feel a little uncomfortable because I don't know the person. Going back to my line of thought, if someone elses sub or slave referred to me as Sir, I would probably feel uncomfortable too. Which I know is weird but it stems from my days working with kids. Which in fact is even more weird considering your view of the word Master meaning slightly higher than Sir.

look at me editing for grammar.

No, I didn't think you were calling yourself Master, I figured we were just talking about it. If someone introduces themselves to me as Sir So and So, I'd probably refer to them as that. If I had a patient that wished me to call them by Mrs So and So I'd call them that. To my mind, calling someone Sir So and So doesn't mean they are my Dominant, its just what they wish to be called. If they said their name was Mike I'd not call them Sir Mike, just Mike. In other words, I'd call them whatever they wished to be called unless they did not deserve my everyday respect and I needed to call them asshole or something

So if you don't want someone else's submissive to call you Sir Orimotis then when you shake hands say Hello, I'm Orimotis. That should do it.

I can see what you're saying, that using titles infers an intimacy that isn't perhaps there between strangers. I get that, and yes, to me, it would seem strange to call someone else Sir, but if that's how they introduced themselves to me then I'm not going to argue the point or be disrespectful and call him something else. I know in my own head that it's just a name, I dont owe that person anything more than common courtesy. The only other thing I'd add is that if my Dominant wished me to call any Dominant male Sir, and any Dominant female Mistress or Ma'am, than that is what i'd do. Whatever he says goes. If i'm on my own I'll go with what that person wishes to be called.

(in reply to orimotis69)

RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:41:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

"Mistress Francine" is not the same as "Mistress", if that makes sense to you. I'm not sure what the issue with "sir" is, it's just a term of courtesy.

Use your name, whatever one you want to be known by. Your behavior and actions are what will command respect, not a title. These titles are self-inflicted, and generally not indicative of anything but orientation. The people in the scene that have really done things over the years--by which I mean set an example of leadership and education--do not expect anyone to bow down to them and call them by a title.

Relax and be yourself, and don't get hung up in semantic games.

So basically I'm just being weird and should probably drop this. This is what happens when I over think stuff.

< Message edited by orimotis69 -- 1/21/2012 5:44:22 PM >

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 5:57:26 PM

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You're not being weird! But yeah, you're overthinking. There absolutely are people out there who are puffed up with their self importance and masssstery (and that goes across genders) but I'm guessing those people are not going to be your friends.

Have fun. It's why we're here!

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:00:00 PM

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If someone wants to be call "Lord .....", then to accomadate them, i happily call them that.
My first dom wanted to be called "Sir", and being raised in New Zealand, and living in the South of North America, i was very comfortable doing that.

So comfortable infact, that it took me about a year to call my present sweetie by his first name.

Heck, if (the generic you) you wanted to be called Lizard - i'll call you that!

Some people do get tied up in titles, but i think that is more about respect and insecurity than anything.

(in reply to orimotis69)

RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:19:40 PM

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Yup, overthinking. Call yourself by your name, and if/when you get into a relationship, find what suits you :)

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:23:38 PM

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quote:

1. Do subs/slaves prefer to use the word Master or Sir?

2. What is your opinion on some people in the BDSM community using titles?

1. neither really. to me sir is a term i would use with any man i respect so it doesn't really have a bdsm connotation for me. master is distasteful to me because of the racial overtones it has from the slavery period.

2. i find them a little silly and pretentious, but they aren't really that big a deal.

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:36:34 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orimotis69
1. Do subs/slaves prefer to use the word Master or Sir?

I've been using Sir and/or Ma'am as a common courtesy to those I interact with on a daily basis.
In my interactions with Him, it's usually personalized endearments. The respect is there regardless
of how he is addressed, and a title neither increases nor diminishes that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: orimotis69
2. What is your opinion on some people in the BDSM community using titles?

I'm not passionate about it either way to form an opinion on it. I bet it sure beats
calling each other vulgarities.

< Message edited by poise -- 1/21/2012 6:37:03 PM >

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:44:53 PM

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I have my girl address me as Lord God Almighty.

But only when we are in public.

In more informal settings "WonderSchlong" is acceptable.

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:50:00 PM

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I'm the same as Poise, in that I've used Sir and Maam as terms of respect for others (including strangers) my entire life.
It's not a bdsm thing, it's how I was brought up.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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RE: Sir or Master - 1/21/2012 6:51:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

In more informal settings "WonderSchlong" is acceptable.

Snerk.

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A slave without a collar is just the mammal form of a chicken with it's head cut off.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

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