RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom?

RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (Full Version)

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Duskypearls -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 1:41:18 PM)
Lady D, It would seem to me that poor, damaged, rigid-minded fool suffers from the dreaded Braintaint Malady. You need never identify, nor associate yourself, with such lowly and plagued individuals. Congratulations on having such a smashing experience on your first time out. Bully for you. You should be delighted, proud, and inspired to further investigate yourself. A girl (and others) could die of old age waiting for their perfect match to come along. Take great pleasure and pride in learning what pleases and excites you, as well as that which doesn't. Any future Dom, worthy of his salt, would admire and appreciate you were mature enough, and cared enough about yourself to do so. Anyone with half a brain would recognize and appreciate the gift it offers. How can another know what works for you, if you don't? Welcome to Club Hedonic, girlie girl! Now, get out there and play, and play safely.

Kaliko -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 2:01:23 PM)
I don't know. I had told my (then) husband many times how upset I was that I had not waited for him. And even more upsetting to me is that he turned out to not be the love of my life like I thought he was. I was young, and now that I'm more settled into myself and honoring my beliefs in a more quizzically self-interested fashion, I can see that I do feel I would have liked to have been for one man and one man only. I know it's a romantic and idealized notion, and...too late, anyway. :) Should I be judged for that by a prospective dominant partner? Well, I don't think that's so out of bounds. We allow for so many other things to judge someone on, why not this as well? It's personal preference, and if someone doesn't approve of my sexual history for whatever reason, that's their right.

tddom -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 2:51:04 PM)
I personally think that saving oneself for the dream guy/girl is crazy, especially when the standards are high. It's a good way to write off relationships completely without even intending to do this.

Ishtarr -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 3:19:55 PM)
~FR~ I think that whether or not you should save yourself for your dream Dom depends on what you expect from your dream Dom. And actually, the same thing should apply to the Dom. If you would prefer an inexperiences Dom, who haven't tried a lot of things with somebody else, because he wanted his first experiences with something to be with somebody special, you should save yourself for him. If you would prefer and experienced Dom, who knows the ropes because he practiced at play parties before and had mentors, then you should feel free to practice and experiment at will as well. What you should NOT ever settle for is a man who thinks it's okay that HE has experience (in BDSM or otherwise) but the women he is with do not have experiences. This is because this sort of man proves to you that he has no moral fibre, and lacks ethical conduct from the start. After all, if he expects his women do be without experience, then EVERY woman he has used to gain his own experience is now "tainted" and no longer desirable in his own eyes. He ruined them on purpose, to his own standards. He used them, made them (in his eyes) less desirable to other men, and then callously tossed them aside. Even if he didn't do that on purpose, even if he thought he was in love every single time, that still leaves the fact that apparently he can't learn from his mistakes. He can't learn that people sometimes fall in love with the wrong person, gain experience, and that's okay. After all, ever though he's done it several times now, he STILL won't allow his future women to have the same standard. Would you really want to settle for a man that is scum enough to be a player who expects "virgins" to then, when they've lost their "value" move on the the next one? So I don't agree with the general opinion on this thread that "saving yourself" is necessarily a bad idea. It's only a bad idea if you don't expect him to "save himself" for you as well. Apply the standards you expect the guys you date to have to yourself, and you have your answer as to what's the right kind of conduct for you.

kalikshama -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 3:27:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder While I didn't "save" myself for the Dream Dom, I have never been one for casual anything because for me personally it just kinda cheapens the whole relationship thing for me and feels completely empty and I went 8 years before getting involved with Master. Was I saving myself? Not necessarily. I just simply didn't have any interest in playing with others. Weren't you taking a break after a bad marriage?

kalikshama -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 3:32:08 PM)
quote: I attended my first play party this past saturday, and I had a blast! I think play parties are a great way to learn what you like. A lot of things than may seem hot in fantasy are different in reality. I know I have absolutely no interest in public play (that's the real public, not a play party) so someone who lives for that would not be compatible with me. How do I know? I was with someone who was into that. [:'(]

Lockit -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 3:33:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ishtarr ~FR~ I think that whether or not you should save yourself for your dream Dom depends on what you expect from your dream Dom. And actually, the same thing should apply to the Dom. If you would prefer an inexperiences Dom, who haven't tried a lot of things with somebody else, because he wanted his first experiences with something to be with somebody special, you should save yourself for him. If you would prefer and experienced Dom, who knows the ropes because he practiced at play parties before and had mentors, then you should feel free to practice and experiment at will as well. What you should NOT ever settle for is a man who thinks it's okay that HE has experience (in BDSM or otherwise) but the women he is with do not have experiences. This is because this sort of man proves to you that he has no moral fibre, and lacks ethical conduct from the start. After all, if he expects his women do be without experience, then EVERY woman he has used to gain his own experience is now "tainted" and no longer desirable in his own eyes. He ruined them on purpose, to his own standards. He used them, made them (in his eyes) less desirable to other men, and then callously tossed them aside. Even if he didn't do that on purpose, even if he thought he was in love every single time, that still leaves the fact that apparently he can't learn from his mistakes. He can't learn that people sometimes fall in love with the wrong person, gain experience, and that's okay. After all, ever though he's done it several times now, he STILL won't allow his future women to have the same standard. Would you really want to settle for a man that is scum enough to be a player who expects "virgins" to then, when they've lost their "value" move on the the next one? So I don't agree with the general opinion on this thread that "saving yourself" is necessarily a bad idea. It's only a bad idea if you don't expect him to "save himself" for you as well. Apply the standards you expect the guys you date to have to yourself, and you have your answer as to what's the right kind of conduct for you. Great post!

RaspberryLemon -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 3:53:57 PM)
I did save myself for my Master and as for my personal code of values/morals/ethics, that was the right decision. I wanted to be an untouched blank slate for the one I gave myself to, free of previous experience (positive or negative) so that all experience, learning, and preferences I would develop would be his and his alone. I wanted to only ever belong to one man. And my Master is very grateful for this. It's not wrong to want to save yourself--whatever that means to you--and it's also not wrong to get "experience" if that is what you feel you want to do. I also don't feel that men that expect or desire women that have saved themselves are necessarily arrogant or wrong. That is just their personal preference, something in line with their values and as said here, it's their right to have that "standard" in what they look for in a partner: quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko Should I be judged for that by a prospective dominant partner? Well, I don't think that's so out of bounds. We allow for so many other things to judge someone on, why not this as well? It's personal preference, and if someone doesn't approve of my sexual history for whatever reason, that's their right. That being said, it's an issue of compatibility. Do what you want, do what YOU think is right and what makes YOU happy. If that is saving yourself, that's great. If that is having fun and getting experience with others, that's also great. It's completely up to you and neither way is wrong. The partner that is right for you will agree with and be content with your choice, whatever that choice may be. lizi said it best here: quote: ORIGINAL: lizi No one can tell you what the right thing is for you. Pay attention to what floats your boat and how you want to conduct yourself and listen to that, not what someone else thinks is right.

hlen5 -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 4:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit .......Women were not given any freedom. They worked damn hard for it. Have some lost their way or confused things? Yes, I think so... but there are still women fighting hard for those freedoms and we will share our experiences and help them see... you can be who you are, be free to be who you are and don't have to play to the tune of some gamer man's game. We will get there... well most of us anyway. Lockit, You are so undeserving of the "insane" caveat on your avatar. You're cutting thru the crap as always!![:)][;)][:)]

hlen5 -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 4:19:39 PM)
Double post, whoops!

xssve -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 6:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise If your dream dom is going to be insulted that you had experiences prior to him entering your life, then he negates his qualifier as a dream dom. Good point. Live it up girl.

xssve -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 6:38:17 PM)
“It is far easier for a woman to lead a blameless life than it is for a man; all she has to do is to avoid sexual intercourse like the plague.” --Angela Carter If waiting for the one is something you want to do, and you find a man who appreciates that and makes it worth your while, then there's nothing wrong with it, there are a lot of people that do feel that way - but if playing is something you like to do, then wait for somebody who likes to play, and play while your waiting. I think everybody's playing because of all the waiting - use it or lose it. You're about the same age as I am, and at this point tainting it is the about the least of my worries. Only way it taints you is you might end up more experienced than he is.

littlewonder -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 8:56:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder While I didn't "save" myself for the Dream Dom, I have never been one for casual anything because for me personally it just kinda cheapens the whole relationship thing for me and feels completely empty and I went 8 years before getting involved with Master. Was I saving myself? Not necessarily. I just simply didn't have any interest in playing with others. Weren't you taking a break after a bad marriage? No, my husband passed away and then I got into a relationship a couple of years afterwards only for him to leave with someone else. I then stopped dating and playing because I felt it was empty, unsatisfying and it cheapened the aspect of sex and play for me.

lthrpup -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (1/31/2012 9:17:42 PM)
Without some experience, how will you recognize the Dream Dom?

wolf223 -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 6:21:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lthrpup Without some experience, how will you recognize the Dream Dom? /quote] This and who in their right mind would want a 47 year old virgin? I am too old to want to teach a woman everything, experience defines a person makes them who they are.

kalikshama -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 8:05:29 AM)
Ok, must be thinking of someone else.

DesFIP -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 8:37:30 AM)
If you're happy playing casually then do so. And your dream dom will be someone who thinks this was a great way for you to experiment. Now some of us aren't wired for casual play with people we've never met before or will ever see again. And for us, waiting until we're in a committed relationship is best. The Man is like me, he finds it better inside a committed relationship also. He did have some casual play, but always found it less than satisfying. I didn't bother to do that because I knew that it wouldn't work for me. The only important thing is that you know what works for you, in and out of relationships so that when you do get in one, it will be with someone compatible.

xssve -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 9:33:14 AM)
To be honest with you, tainted just arouses my interest, I've always been wired that way: I'll pretty much ignore the virgins, and go straight for the biggest slut in the room, which admittedly, has not always worked to my benefit. [:D] Being that I'll pass up women that might actually be good for me for somebody that's gonna use my heart for an ashtray, so it goes.

xssve -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 9:36:28 AM)
'Course part of that is just how freaky I can get - even sluts shocked by it sometimes. But that's why I'm here.

xssve -> RE: Should a sub "Save" herself for her Dream Dom? (2/1/2012 9:54:29 AM)
Fuck taint, I'm gonna ruin that shit - it's just not all there is to me.

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