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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 12:29:58 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Broken ribs? Stitches? Stealing? Lying? Pimping out? What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships. I know plenty of people who have, and I don't understand it. I would be interested in hearing some of the reasons, if anyone would care to share.
I just want to make clear, my intent is not to be judgmental, I am genuinely trying to understand. Is it financial? Emotional? Lack of alternatives? Because some of these scenarios sound like being a POW.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 12:33:47 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships


For me, he had me utterly convinced I was crazy, it was all in my head. he was very skilled at manipulation and twisting EVERYTHING.

I doubted myself so much and thought I was the problem, I was the screw up, if only i was not so unstable and was better then I could please him...etc

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Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 12:46:39 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Diamond, that is horrible. No family or friends to intervene?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 12:56:03 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		I don't know if this has already been said, but I'll say it anyway, and I apologise if I'm repeating someone else:

I honestly feel that a lot of the stories on here are about people who have had relationships with people who have claimed to be dom/master, etc.
In fact, they were just plain and simple abusers who gave themselves the 'dominant' tag.
I've had the misfortune to meet and chat to a few people like that, and sadly a lot of people who have not been in a loving D/s relationship before can easily fall prey to these vile creatures, thinking that's how it should be.
I'm just very pleased to see that the people on here got out of said relationships eventually and I hope they can all have the happiness they deserve.

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Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 12:57:49 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond
For me, he had me utterly convinced I was crazy, it was all in my head. he was very skilled at manipulation and twisting EVERYTHING.

I doubted myself so much and thought I was the problem, I was the screw up, if only i was not so unstable and was better then I could please him...etc

This is what my dad did to my mom. When asked about "why didn't you get out sooner?" that is nearly word for word how she describes it. I can't imagine how awful it must be to be forced into that mindset.

Edited to add: And no, she didn't really have any friends to intervene or fall back on. Her family couldn't do much either. My dad isolated her from the outside world so that she had no one to really associate with or lean on when she needed help. He wouldn't even let her talk to her sister after a while (his reasoning behind this is that said sister was "disrespectful and undermining" because she was helping to do some dishes while visiting once and when she put them away she rearranged some stuff...ridiculous.) It's a dangerous spot to be in, especially with that isolation. Given situations like this, even when one realizes that they need to get out of the situation, it can be hard finding a way to do so or figuring out how.


< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 3/6/2012 1:03:00 PM >

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 1:07:16 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Maybe it is the abuser I don't understand. Who would treat another person like that

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 1:08:18 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Iamsemisweet

I wrote it all out but then couldnt make myself publicly post detail... I have PMed you.

It wasn't instant, the isolation, the menipulation... it was slow, first a few friends, then more.

He never BANNED me from talking to people but if i did speak to someone he didn't approve of (most people) the interrogation afterwards was hell... so i just stopped, so I could appease



< Message edited by amaidiamond -- 3/6/2012 1:12:42 PM >

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 1:21:58 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Maybe it is the abuser I don't understand. Who would treat another person like that


Remember that there are women here (and in other places in life around the old terracottainfirma (LOL, thats a joke for ya)) that not only permit, but invite a slow undoing, some can keep easy boundaries and some can not, and power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely and yadda yadda yadda.

Some find that romantic until it proceeds to hellishness.  Hey, remember the movie "The Piano"?  I bet that most women would describe that as romantic.

And that is how it usually starts at the outset, 'Cute'.

The guys side?  Well, not all men are fine young upstanding cocks such as myself with some excellent prospects. There are those who are sociopaths.      

So you have essentially a power exchange gone wrong, and like an attack dog, if I am given a winning environment at all times, I become invincible in my mind and will increase the level and intensity of the attack on the person.  Hey, this has worked before, so maybe I need to do even more of it.....the worlds not large enough to explain, is it?  

Hey, its why women dont give that shit away with both hands, thought they easily could, they know better.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 3/6/2012 1:30:20 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 1:27:44 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Maybe it is the abuser I don't understand. Who would treat another person like that


I don't necessarily want to understand abusers. Even if they grew up seeing abuse around them in the home, surely they would go on to meet others and find out that it is not the done thing? I've never got that. Also, I've heard from some people who did grow up around this say that the abused doesn't always end up being the abuser. So, I've never really got it. I guess it's all about the individual.
Some people actually portray themselves as sub, but then turn out to be abusive, so I've got even less of an idea how that works. I can only presume(which I really try not to do too often) that they have some very hidden aggression that can only come out in this way.
Still no excuse in any way, though, imo.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 1:33:06 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Broken ribs? Stitches? Stealing? Lying? Pimping out? What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships. I know plenty of people who have, and I don't understand it. I would be interested in hearing some of the reasons, if anyone would care to share. I just want to make clear, my intent is not to be judgmental, I am genuinely trying to understand. Is it financial? Emotional? Lack of alternatives? Because some of these scenarios sound like being a POW.


I was about to comment on someone waiting three weeks to leave before I remembered in my own abusive relationship, I didn't leave right away. I enlisted in the USAF, IIRC with the intent of staying with Billy until it was time for me to leave, but after he hit me again, moved back home.

I was SHOCKED the first time it happened, and guess I didn't expect it to happen again.

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 2:04:45 PM   
PolyIrishMiss


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/20/2011
Status: offline 		I'm guessing I'm the three week person. ;-)

I stayed because of the sheer shock of what had happened. Part of me rebelled against the memory, making me imagine it wasn't a real memory. Even when I could barely breathe most of the time. I'm actually glad it only took me three weeks to escape. I know too many other people who took months, even years.

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 2:18:27 PM   
tameeks


Posts: 173
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Broken ribs? Stitches? Stealing? Lying? Pimping out? What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships. I know plenty of people who have, and I don't understand it. I would be interested in hearing some of the reasons, if anyone would care to share.
I just want to make clear, my intent is not to be judgmental, I am genuinely trying to understand. Is it financial? Emotional? Lack of alternatives? Because some of these scenarios sound like being a POW.


I haven't read the majority of this thread, but I'm guessing the pimping out is referring to me... I actually didn't stay until it got to that point. Once I knew about his plan I told him it was a no go. IF ever I decide to sell my body it will have to be because I'm in some dire circumstances, and even then I'll be doing it for the benefit of me and my kid, NOT some man.

I do have a friend who stayed in an abusive relationship, and while I couldn't understand why, I stayed by her side until she was strong enough to get out and then offered to help bury the body if it came down to that.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 2:29:05 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm guessing I'm the three week person. ;-)

Yes, you were :)

I was starting to reply to you the other day when another part of my brain said "Ahem, Ms. Pot." I guess it goes along with the rejection of the memory.

It took me so many years to leave an emotionally abusive relationship that it had ceased to be abusive well before I left.

My boundaries are so much tighter now, for a while I was afraid I'd never get into another relationship, the way I kept quickly rejecting men. Of course, that could have been due to the (lack of) quality of my suitors





(in reply to PolyIrishMiss)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 2:39:13 PM   
PolyIrishMiss


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/20/2011
Status: offline 		Yeah I feel you. I spent a lot of time alone after that. Like you I developed tighter boundaries. I did eventually have some incredible luck and met Mistress. And someday I'll be lucky and find a little one of my own to love. But thanks to the shitty lessons of the past I'm at least a little less likely to end up making yet another massive mistake. *crosses fingers, toes, and eyes*

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http://amandaharper.wordpress.com/

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Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 4:50:18 PM   
ShibsStories


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/2/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Broken ribs? Stitches? Stealing? Lying? Pimping out? What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships. I know plenty of people who have, and I don't understand it. I would be interested in hearing some of the reasons, if anyone would care to share.
I just want to make clear, my intent is not to be judgmental, I am genuinely trying to understand. Is it financial? Emotional? Lack of alternatives? Because some of these scenarios sound like being a POW.


In my case I am always rooting for the underdog, and he was great as portraying himself as a victim. I had wanted to break up with him long before he stole from me, but anytime we would start to talk about it, he would start gushing about how me and his son were the only things holding him together. I felt like I had to take care of him. If I kicked him out just cause I didn't want to be with him, where would he go?
When he started alienating me from my friends I knew he was doing it, but the way he spoke about it sounded so rational, and made me feel like the bad guy.
As a sub in a vanilla relationship I thought I wanted the controlling. I thought it was a good thing, as it was a form of domination- It just took me awhile to realize it wasn't a healthy form.

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/6/2012 5:04:22 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Broken ribs? Stitches? Stealing? Lying? Pimping out? What is surprising me about this thread is how long some people stay in what are obviously abusive relationships. I know plenty of people who have, and I don't understand it. I would be interested in hearing some of the reasons, if anyone would care to share.
I just want to make clear, my intent is not to be judgmental, I am genuinely trying to understand. Is it financial? Emotional? Lack of alternatives? Because some of these scenarios sound like being a POW.


Add kids to the mix, and it is financial, emotional, alternatives are less, issues of babysitting are tough if they are young. A whole host of things. Until you are there... its really hard to see all the obstacles people go thru. Makes it damn near impossible at times and thats why it takes people sometimes years to get out.
Cudos to the ones who got out.
Keep em coming!!!!

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/7/2012 6:36:41 AM   
geekgamegirl


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Maybe it is the abuser I don't understand. Who would treat another person like that

Well, in some of my experience having an abusive ex and an (emotionally) abusive father, there's some who are plain bat shit crazy (psychopaths/sociopaths) but there's also the ones, my ex included, who have nothing going on in their lives, feel out of control of what happening, and need an outlet for that; kink being an almost perfect set up for someone wanting to control or dominante, though it obviously happens fairly readily outisde of kink.

Some don't know they're doing it, but there's also a lot of denial involved, they're usually the "victims" in their own eyes becuase their lives are so bad, they couldn't possibly be hurting someone else. But again, you get the bat shit crazy ones who know they're ruining someone's life and actively enjoy it.

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/7/2012 6:50:40 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		In reading through this, one thing I keep thinking........none of this REALLY has anything to do with the fact that these relationships may, or may not have been a D/s or M/s relationship.

I would venture to say that there are more abusive relationships that are not either D/s or M/s than are. A person doesn't have to slap a D or M on themselves to be a worthless fuck.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/7/2012 8:42:29 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		If there is one thing I have learned by coming here its how ridiculous I was to think different rules apply about respect, honesty, communication, needs being met etc in the BDSM alternative lifestyle vs vanilla. I truly believed somehow it was so. If in a relationship, you take your feelings off the table, take the words someone says to you off the table, and get the bare bones of the actions being applied, one doesnt even need advice as to whether you are being treated fairly or not. You will have the answer right there. Love can be blind, words can be flowery, but take those away............the truth stares one right in the face.

***SLAPS THE TRUTH REPEATEDLY*******THENS SAYS DAMN IT********LMAO

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Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Dom/sub master/slave horror stories - 3/7/2012 10:39:20 PM   
meesekite


Posts: 53
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		My BDSM horror story is not a tale of abuse by a partner; it involves cruelty inflicted by the federal government. It was pretty horrifying having the FBI come to my house to interrogate...er, talk to me about my sex life. It was intrusive, to put it mildly, having the GOVT question me about my fully consensual kinky acts with my friend; very traumatic to have them doubt my claims of consent and Glenn's congenial nature and humanity. Glenn's case (Glenn Marcus- basically a he said she said...but I happen to know she lied; a pity the jury believed the crocodile tears of a true slimy being) and its resultant horrid outcome had a chilling effect on my kink desires, to put it mildly. I still recall May, 2005 vividly. I still remember how the agents disliked when I denied any allegation of drug use, denied that he ever threatened, harmed, or blackmailed me. I recall how scared I was after all was said and done...so much happened that was just bizarre and Kafkaesque during the years between arrest, trial, appeal, and eventual sentencing. For a while I would not even hold a mans hand for fear someone somewhere would see it and think I was being absconded with, and call police on innocent behavior; I had seen it happen before, recall. I was afraid to play. The notion still sort of sours me; I cant really relax into it now without wondering whether FBI agents or police will get involved somehow based on someone elses false claims of abuse. This is NOT denying real abuse happens in others relations...please dont take me wrong here. People here say the submissive has to worry...and yes, the submissive has concern when he or she chooses that role. But when the submissive is female and the dominant male, false allegations by the submissive can really ruin that mans life. And if the GOVT decides to get involved, no ones consent, or lack thereof, matters in anything they wish to do, to virtually anyone.

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Profile   Post #: 120
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