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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/9/2012 7:49:17 PM

LookieNoNookie

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It always ends up with some theoretical discussion on whether or not the relationship can possibly last, various derivations about how it's a mans kink....why can't it just be a fabulous, wonderful thing?

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/9/2012 9:35:01 PM

xssve

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quote:

Cuckolding is rapidly emerging as the alt-sex fetish of choice for American intellectuals. Just check out the online forums like OurHotWives.org/forum, where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust, and trust.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/07/29/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals.html

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/10/2012 12:51:38 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

It always ends up with some theoretical discussion on whether or not the relationship can possibly last, various derivations about how it's a mans kink....why can't it just be a fabulous, wonderful thing?

I happen to think it is a wonderful thing, but for different reasons for Me than it is for you. Something like a person doesn't have to want or be a masochist for Me to want to beat them. Their pleasure from the pain is completely separate from the fact that I want to cause the pain. It's just because I'm a sadist and surface enjoyment on the other end isn't the important part for Me. The receiver doesn't make Me a sadist. I'm a sadist whether they like being beaten or not.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/10/2012 2:47:59 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

Cuckolding is rapidly emerging as the alt-sex fetish of choice for American intellectuals. Just check out the online forums like OurHotWives.org/forum, where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust, and trust.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/07/29/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals.html

What the $%$%$

Read that link and it is clear to me, the author does not have a clue!

Yikes, this Internet is scary ... and full of BS ...

ROFL ... had to add this little tidbit ... Note the Highlighted words ...

"Paul posted a notice at AdultFriendFinder.com that began: "Seeking an intelligent man to be my wife's lover." He picked the four smartest candidates. That was 12 years ago"

See I can cherry pick sources too!

Ever think this article is just a subtle advertisment for AdultFriendFinder and OurHotWives?

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/10/2012 3:07:01 AM >

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/10/2012 6:23:28 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

Cuckolding is rapidly emerging as the alt-sex fetish of choice for American intellectuals. Just check out the online forums like OurHotWives.org/forum, where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust, and trust.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/07/29/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals.html

What the $%$%$

Read that link and it is clear to me, the author does not have a clue!

Yikes, this Internet is scary ... and full of BS ...

ROFL ... had to add this little tidbit ... Note the Highlighted words ...

"Paul posted a notice at AdultFriendFinder.com that began: "Seeking an intelligent man to be my wife's lover." He picked the four smartest candidates. That was 12 years ago"

See I can cherry pick sources too!

Ever think this article is just a subtle advertisment for AdultFriendFinder and OurHotWives?

I didn't endorse the article, I was more interested in the statistical trends it mentioned. Clearly, there is a lot bias both way on the subject.

And, statistically, jealousy is a primary, if not the primary driving force behind domestic abuse.

quote:

Turning this dynamic into reality through cuckolding is a mental workout "because it involves getting your mind past the jealousy"—past that touch her and I'll blow your head off reflex. Jealousy, Block theorizes, is a social construct based on the notion that husbands own their wives, and is thus "much more recent, evolutionarily speaking, than the competition that turns guys on. That's why it's mostly intellectuals who are into cuckolding: because other guys are crippled by jealousy. They're aroused and upset and don't know why."

Doesn't sound all that farfetched to me, and if the guy is into it, then I don't see why it wouldn't work, a lot depends on external social perceptions of masculinity - if he consents, then presumably he can handle that aspect and is ready to take it to the next level, he's going in with his eyes open.

And even if he's not getting any sex out of it himself: unrequited love is powerful stuff: a lot of people report anticipation of a thing being better than the thing itself, and this is the ultimate voyeurism: the object of ones desires tantalizingly out of reach, being pleasured by another man? Sex might be a disappointment by comparison.

I can only speculate.

< Message edited by xssve -- 3/10/2012 6:28:01 AM >

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/10/2012 12:14:59 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

In this example here, I'm seeing xssve bringing in some concepts and theories from veterinary medicine and evolutionary biology and trying to use them to explain a kink. In my experience, this never works nor should it. They aren't the same concepts even if they share the same words and the fact that the science definitions came first doesn't mean they are any more "true" in this context.

Thanks Jeff - this led to some aha moments about other topics in other threads and tangentially gave me insight into decisions I made 25 years ago..

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/10/2012 12:33:49 PM

LadyPact

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And, statistically, jealousy is a primary, if not the primary driving force behind domestic abuse.

Just a word of friendly advice. When Lockit shows up...... Duck.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/11/2012 7:23:15 AM

xssve

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Jealousy is just an evolved trait to the end of incentivizing maintenance of control over the breeding opportunities of ones mate. It's a crude mechanism, and cruder still in humans who have somewhat attenuated inhibitions against inter-species violence than most other mammals - i.e., most mammals will attack the interloper, not the mate, and the levels of violence are far less than lethal due to group fitness inhibitions, although lethal levels of violence against the offspring are not unknown, as the entails lower costs to group fitness.

On the plus side, as a culture, humans tend to rate the potential group value of the young much higher than other mammals do, our economic patterns are significantly different, we rely on browsing, foraging and hunting - which limits the maximum population size for most species - to a lesser extent than we do cultivation, innovation, production, and efficiency, under an umbrella of technological evolution.

Nurturing, whether it's crops, domesticated animals, or technology plays a central role in human evolution and economics, which begins with the nurturing and enculturation of children, and we have evolved nurturing traits to a much greater degree than any other animal on the planet, we've taken it to whole new orders of magnitude. In fact, it is, along with abstract thinking, the thing that sets us apart behaviorally from every other class of organisms on the planet.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/11/2012 10:02:46 AM

LadyPact

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From the experience that I have in that area, which I will agree is limited more to victims of DV more than anything else, (meaning no real study, just volunteering) I wouldn't pin the primary as jealousy. I would have said that it is more about control. That tends to apply whether we are discussing heterosexual or homosexual cases, so I can't say much about how it relates to breeding. It's been several years since I volunteered directly (something the other poster I mentioned and I have in common) and My information on stats is outdated.

Interesting thought though.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/11/2012 2:45:58 PM

Alecta

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My husband equates cuckolding to "showing off [your] jag", the jag being the woman.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/12/2012 6:24:12 AM

xssve

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8982958/99-year-old-divorces-wife-after-he-discovered-1940s-affair.html

Lol.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/12/2012 7:00:28 AM

PeonForHer

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What *I* want to know is if the old boy got turned on when he found out that his wife had been squelching with another man back in the 1940s.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/12/2012 7:28:02 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

What *I* want to know is if the old boy got turned on when he found out that his wife had been squelching with another man back in the 1940s.

I'll bet it worked better than Viagra. The old guy probably had his first erection in 35 years.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/13/2012 1:43:58 AM

ViborgHerre

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I really would like to encourage "the highest level of intelligence" to let their wife/girl friends be used by me - and a lot other :-D ..... And I sincerely hope a lot other - hoping to be "the highest level of ect - will follow the new trend :-P

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/13/2012 5:50:22 PM

malemaid4BBW

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Cuckolding is something that always confuses me, as I can never quite grasp the parameters. The word cuckold is an old fashioned term used to describe a man whose wife has been unfaithful to him, women who trod this path were called cuckoldres's until it was replaced with adulterer and adultery. As far as I know there's was no similar word for a man who was unfaithful to his wife, because back when the words were used women had no rights, so men could not be seen as being unfaithful. Adultery and adulterer replaced cuckold when divorce became a less one sided affair.

Anyway putting that aside. In the D/s context does the man, husband/partner have to agree to his wife having sex with someone else, because if he does the word cuckold doesn't really apply. And if he does agree, surely it then becomes voyeurism. Cuckold implies non agreement by the male. I think..

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/14/2012 11:21:58 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: malemaid4BBW

In the D/s context does the man, husband/partner have to agree to his wife having sex with someone else, because if he does the word cuckold doesn't really apply. And if he does agree, surely it then becomes voyeurism. Cuckold implies non agreement by the male. I think..

Malemaid4BBW,
You've just summarized why discussions about "cuckolding" on CM are often so confusing. Many people use the terminology incorrectly.

As you correctly stated, cuckolding implies non-agreement by the male. Or if not non-agreement, at least the woman has to be in charge. It is initiated at her behest for her pleasure.

Earlier in the thread, I described a relationship that I was in where I was a cuck. But I knew that my partner was sleeping with other men. Yet I didn't leave her. So some would argue that by staying, I inherently gave my agreement. That may be the case, but I was still in the "victim" role. I didn't have any power to control or stop her infidelity. She initiated it, and she controlled it. I didn't watch or participate in any way. So I was a cuck.

On the other hand, there is a trend going on now called Hotwifing. A Hot Wife is kind of like a cuckoldress in that she has sex with other men. But the difference between a hot wife and a cuckoldress is that the husband is often the one who initiates the activity. He is aware of her activities, and he encourages them (often for the purpose of watching her have sex with other men). Both partners get enjoyment from her "infidelity". Watching his wife have sex with other men is a source of pleasure for him, rather than a source of angst.

Then there is another activity that is often mislabeled cuckolding. This is the one that is most common on CollarMe. It is when a sub male post a message asking for a random woman to "cuckold him". His focus is on being "cuckolded", and not on the woman, since he is seeking any random female to fulfill his fantasy. But the problem is that if he is not in a relationship with her, then he can't be her cuck. A woman can only cuckold her husband or boyfriend. What the man in this scenario is seeking is actually a voyeur scene. He wants to watch two people have sex. He may even volunteer to "clean up" and eat "cream pies" afterward. While this is a commonly expressed fantasy here on CM, it doesn't qualify as cuckolding. In fact, it defies the very definition of cuckolding. If there is no pre-established emotional relationship between the man and the woman, then she can't "cuckold" him.

Thanks for your comment. You highlighted the primary misconception that led me to start this thread in the first place.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/14/2012 2:19:26 PM

mandmlv

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I know most of you require (usually) the husbands knowledge or even consent to make it cuckolding, but that need not always be the case. Cheating on the husband by the wife even without his consent produces a cuckold.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/14/2012 5:22:25 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Earlier in the thread, I described a relationship that I was in where I was a cuck. But I knew that my partner was sleeping with other men. Yet I didn't leave her. So some would argue that by staying, I inherently gave my agreement. That may be the case, but I was still in the "victim" role. I didn't have any power to control or stop her infidelity. She initiated it, and she controlled it. I didn't watch or participate in any way. So I was a cuck.

You needn't have been the victim if you'd left her. Or, perhaps, even threatened to leave her - and thus made her realise in a very big way which side her bread was buttered.

My point is that D/s can often involve some level of force. We, here, on these forums, are fond of saying 'Oh, it can't be "forced" if the sub wants it'. But the people who chant that mantra at every opportunity on these boards either won't, or can't, accept that there is *much that we do that isn't frigging logical*. It makes *no sense* to give away one's power to another. Likewise, it makes no sense to risk one's life climbing mountains. I think people should deal with that. Go with the unreason to see where it takes you . . . .

I do think people should accept that last, and move the hell on. If, for instance, they really must have a term that makes them feel comfy with 'forced but, er, not exactly forced, on account of I enjoy it', they can call it 'BDSM-forced'.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/14/2012 5:45:55 PM

LadyPact

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I'm very much in the middle of another project just now, so I have to make this one quick.

If anything, I'd go with underlying consent. It could even be considered consent/non-consent, in a way. The type where once you have entered the dynamic, the Dominant party is the one that chooses the activities that occur. The sub consents to everything that the Dominant wants or else leaves the dynamic. Not much different than any other activity X that the sub does because the Dominant says so.

I happen to have this great little toy that I call the ugly stick. For as long as I've owned it, clip has hated it. There is no enjoying the sensation that is received. When he sees it come out of the toy bag, he knows he is going to dread it being used on him. It brings him no physical pleasure.

However, I happen to LOVE using the ugly stick. I do it for My own sadistic pleasure. Part of My loving it is exactly BECAUSE he hates it. The only joy he gets out of that ugly stick is My happiness. It is completely about obedience. There's fulfillment in that, but if you asked him the one toy that he would hope I would never take out of My bag, it would be that stick.

If people can understand that about a stick, I think it should help them understand about cuckolding.

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RE: A serious discussion about cuckolding - 3/14/2012 9:32:20 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

the other guy ran a mile as soon as he knew I was aware of his relationship with my wife.

Its interesting that you and your wife were able to work through such a situation, and it does not surprise me that the single guy on the outside ran from an open marriage.

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