Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The anti pro stance


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The anti pro stance Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 5:34:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I love being spanked. But not by someone whom I am not in a relationship with. The fact that I have this as a need does not mean that I am going to enjoy it being done by someone I don't know from a hole in the wall.

Some of us are fine with casual and some of us aren't. And just because someone has a desire for pain doesn't mean they'll be fine with it being asexual.

Let me ask you a question, OP. When you're horny, are you okay having sex with the first guy that asks you or would you rather use a vibrator if you weren't at least friends with the other person? Because it's the same thing.

Not to mention that you're talking solely about topping and bottoming. For someone submissive, taking pain to make your partner happy is a good thing. Doing it for someone who doesn't care at all except for the money you've given them doesn't do anything for your submissive needs.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 5:51:24 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
As for the general topic, I have no issue with pro-D's if they are open and out front about what they are. Not my thing, but then, much isn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not to mention that you're talking solely about topping and bottoming. For someone submissive, taking pain to make your partner happy is a good thing. Doing it for someone who doesn't care at all except for the money you've given them doesn't do anything for your submissive needs.



This is my personal reason for pro-D's and service tops not being appealing in the least for me.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 5:57:52 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		Considering the overwhelming number of men who appear to have one fetish, one desire that they want fulfilled, do not seem to be looking for a relationship or willing to give anything in return, I'm not surprised there are so many Pros. If they guys don't like it, they can't get off their laptops, get out to munches and get involved in teh bdsm community.
They'll meet lots of dommes in the real world

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 6:16:05 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Privileged
If your aversion to pro sessions goes deeper than “PRO DUMMES R WHORES”, I’d love to hear your thoughts.


I can completely understand men here who are looking for a relationship getting fed up and venting about having to wade through the women who are looking to get paid just as I understand the women here who are looking for a relationship getting fed up and venting about having to wade through the men who are looking for a kink delivery system.

(in reply to Privileged)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 6:26:49 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Doing it for someone who doesn't care at all except for the money you've given them doesn't do anything for your submissive needs.


Well there are men who actually like that sort of thing. Those are mostly the ones I encounter. I have several subs who get turned on at the fact that I take their money and know that I have no interest in anything else. But that's why I say to each their own. However, there are times when I do enjoy certain things that I do during sessions. I absolutely LOVE inflicting pain, so when I'm getting paid for that, it's a win win for Me. And hopefully the sub likes it as well. buahahahahaha LOL

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 6:37:33 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Privileged

I’ll preface my questions by saying I am not a professional domme. However, the abuse and attitude I see pro dommes dealing with is troubling. It seems like men who would benefit the most from a pro session are the most vocal about being anti pro. I’m not talking about those seeking a mutually beneficial relationship. I’m talking about men who are solely seeking their own satisfaction.

I see a lot of “do it because you love/enjoy/want it” statements. In the case of pain enthusiasts, would you really risk serious injury at the hands of an amateur to avoid paying a professional dominant? I would think a pro domme would know best how to provide after care. Is that not an important enough factor in fetish play?

If your aversion to pro sessions goes deeper than “PRO DUMMES R WHORES”, I’d love to hear your thoughts.




What Horse Shit to assume that because your paying someone that you will be safer.... For all we know this could be the pro dom first paying customer it's not like there is a licensing procedure for a pro dom. Pay your money take your chances.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Privileged)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 7:02:20 PM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Privileged

I’ll preface my questions by saying I am not a professional domme. However, the abuse and attitude I see pro dommes dealing with is troubling. It seems like men who would benefit the most from a pro session are the most vocal about being anti pro. I’m not talking about those seeking a mutually beneficial relationship. I’m talking about men who are solely seeking their own satisfaction.

I see a lot of “do it because you love/enjoy/want it” statements. In the case of pain enthusiasts, would you really risk serious injury at the hands of an amateur to avoid paying a professional dominant? I would think a pro domme would know best how to provide after care. Is that not an important enough factor in fetish play?

If your aversion to pro sessions goes deeper than “PRO DUMMES R WHORES”, I’d love to hear your thoughts.


I don't have a problem with pro-dommes or fin-dommes in general. However, when someone uses a personals site to place a free ad to advertise a commercial enterprise, then I consider it to be bad form (not to mention being against the Terms of Service for this website). It gets somewhat distractive having to wade through profile after profile of people who are not here looking for any kind of social contact or personal relationship.

Also, as others have mentioned, there's no licensing or certification for pro-domme, so the line between "pro" and "amateur" becomes a bit blurred, at least in terms of protecting oneself from permanent injury or worse. Just because someone takes money for a job doesn't mean that they know what they're doing.

Personally, I take a "live and let live"/"whatever floats your boat" approach to it, so I don't bother the pros or get nasty/abusive with anyone. But if the topic comes up here, I might feel free to express my viewpoint on the matter.

I wouldn't equate professional/financial domination with prostitution, but regardless, it IS a business, and that's how I look upon it.

Many years ago, I worked in the customer service field, and it sucked. Abusive phone call after abusive phone call, people yelling and cursing at me on a constant basis over things I had absolutely no control over or ability to fix. I guess I must be a masochist, but that job damn near brought me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. I won't ever work in that field again. So, I am sympathetic to those who work in fields where they have to put up with a ton of shit, but I'm probably more sympathetic to those suffering at $8-$10 an hour than those making $200 an hour.


(in reply to Privileged)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 7:51:42 PM   
Privileged


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I love being spanked. But not by someone whom I am not in a relationship with. The fact that I have this as a need does not mean that I am going to enjoy it being done by someone I don't know from a hole in the wall.

Some of us are fine with casual and some of us aren't. And just because someone has a desire for pain doesn't mean they'll be fine with it being asexual.

Let me ask you a question, OP. When you're horny, are you okay having sex with the first guy that asks you or would you rather use a vibrator if you weren't at least friends with the other person? Because it's the same thing.

Not to mention that you're talking solely about topping and bottoming. For someone submissive, taking pain to make your partner happy is a good thing. Doing it for someone who doesn't care at all except for the money you've given them doesn't do anything for your submissive needs.



Sub Spank visits Domme Spank's play space repeatedly. He enjoys her style and she has learned how to paddle him into subspace without breaking a sweat. You're saying he leaves unfulfilled every time? Because she doesn't "care"? I don't think people in this situation are incapable of bonding just because there's money involved.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 8:08:09 PM   
Privileged


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Wheldrake has a point which I might summarise as "real men don't pay for it..." Also....

I see a lot of “do it because you love/enjoy/want it” statements. I suspect that this could also be paraphrased as "I want it free" or "I can't hide that many cash transactions".

Cynical? MOI?

I suspect you're right. I thought I might hear from some of the tantrum prone but...

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/22/2012 11:52:07 PM   
warlock1935


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I know ProDommes mostly from my friendship with a guy who owned a pro/sub/domme house. I met several submissive girls there who later went on to become proDommes- and some became very popular. But they were quite a bit different than the lifestyle Dommes I met socially in the Scene. As others have said, they had to "submit to the guy's wallet"; the lifestyle Dommes I know wouldn't do that for all the tea in China, any more that I'd allow one of my subs to even *think* about topping from the bottom.
What I see out there is that there's an army of male "Do-me subs" out there who realistically haven't a chance of attracting one of the relatively tiny number of lifestyle Dommes; that's where ProDommes come in. Hell, the *really* submissive guys, the lifestyle ones, have a hard enough time finding a lifestyle Domme. And it's certainly true that a lot of "ProDommes" have little experience and skill, and aside from the money issues are actually dangerous; but that means do your research before you do something dumb. If a sub guy checks around, it's not hard to find a reputable, skilled ProDomme. If that's too much trouble, well, as the man said: "You know, life is hard. But it's Harder if you're Stupid!"

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 12:16:43 AM   
Skyy


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		Around the time I firs joined, someone said it best;
Prostitute at best, scammer at worst.

Personally though, i got no problem with prostitutes.

(in reply to warlock1935)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 12:20:41 AM   
warlock1935


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		@kittycake said - " the same guys who will write every female, sub or domme, and beg her to let them serve her, and then flip out with they are denied." I was talking to a friend of mine, a highly respected lifestyle Domme, when a guy came up, dropped to his knees, and said: " Oh Mistress, I want to be your slave! I'll do anything for you, anything at all!" Yolanda looked sternly at him and said, " OK, shave your head." .... " Ummm - but ... ah, Mistress...."
Of course, he had a scenario running in his head of exactly what he would do for her, and she'd do for him, and Yolanda saw right through him. I thought it was funny as hell, but she had to put up with that crap constantly, while it only happens to me once a year or so.

(in reply to kittycake)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 1:45:06 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63
I don't have a problem with pro-dommes or fin-dommes in general. However, when someone uses a personals site to place a free ad to advertise a commercial enterprise, then I consider it to be bad form (not to mention being against the Terms of Service for this website). It gets somewhat distractive having to wade through profile after profile of people who are not here looking for any kind of social contact or personal relationship.

Also, as others have mentioned, there's no licensing or certification for pro-domme, so the line between "pro" and "amateur" becomes a bit blurred, at least in terms of protecting oneself from permanent injury or worse. Just because someone takes money for a job doesn't mean that they know what they're doing.

Personally, I take a "live and let live"/"whatever floats your boat" approach to it, so I don't bother the pros or get nasty/abusive with anyone. But if the topic comes up here, I might feel free to express my viewpoint on the matter.

I wouldn't equate professional/financial domination with prostitution, but regardless, it IS a business, and that's how I look upon it.

Many years ago, I worked in the customer service field, and it sucked. Abusive phone call after abusive phone call, people yelling and cursing at me on a constant basis over things I had absolutely no control over or ability to fix. I guess I must be a masochist, but that job damn near brought me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. I won't ever work in that field again. So, I am sympathetic to those who work in fields where they have to put up with a ton of shit, but I'm probably more sympathetic to those suffering at $8-$10 an hour than those making $200 an hour.

Here's the rub.

To you it's a personals site.  To them, it's not.  To tell you the truth, it's not a personals site to Me, either, because I'm not here to date or to find a relationship.  I'm here to shoot the shit and talk about kink.  The question that has to follow is, which one of us is right?

The thing is, we both are because the site can be used for both of those purposes.  It also functions well as advertising for those who are using it in that way.  In My personal opinion, when people pull up that stuff about professionals being here against TOS, they really haven't thought that through because the site even provides a section specifically for advertising professional services.  No different, really, than if you wanted to sell a flogger and market it here.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/23/2012 1:46:01 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 2:38:24 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Oh. It's a few toes. That took a while. Thanks for the exercise.

To the question : I favor the anti-pro stance. But this is personal, not general. What others do is their business (Ha! Pun!). My reason is, been there, done that, it sucked, for EXACTLY the reason you doubted.

quote:

I see a lot of “do it because you love/enjoy/want it” statements.


"Amanda" (probably not her real name) was working. She wasn't enjoying herself, wasn't doing it for fun, certainly wasn't doing it because she liked me. She was doing it for $150 (this was a long time ago). Not so little secret, if it was just about pain, I could figure out how to do that myself. And collect State Industrial afterwards.

I just plain don't get what is so great about Pro Dommes. I was bored. And she was beautiful. A genuine head turner. Seemed to be be beautiful on the inside too. So that was not the issue. Nor did she lack the needed skills. So that was not the issue. And she had a surprisingly large collection of toys. Of which I had my choice. The issue was, very simply ...she was working. It was professional, not personal.

Postscript. GotSteel said something interesting in post 24. It goes pretty far in explaining the VOLUME of some of the comments.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 3:04:20 AM   
VanessaChaland


Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		On the surface what guys do with Pro-Dommes is fine. But its not the same, at all, with relationship style 24/7, or part time, female domination. Cuckoldry (for example) with a Pro-Domme, as in pay by the hour fantasy, is not at all the same as what a married woman does to/with her husband. I met a guy years ago who went to a self titled "Pro" and as discipline equipment she wanted to spank him with a wet towel, lol.
One way, is an empowered woman taking charge of her life and her relationships.
The other way is a woman getting paid by the hour to act as an actress.
Huge difference.
Pros can do what they want to do. But people should know that using a "Pro" is simply hiring an employee.

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 3:16:29 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes you might wanna look at things from a different perspective.

When my kid would come home saying he visited a pro domme. I would ask him what it was like and keep an open mind.

When my kid comes home and says I visited a fin domme and found out I love to be blackmailed. We would have a serious long talk and I would treat it as I would any addiction.

(in reply to VanessaChaland)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 6:19:40 AM   
Arienos


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline 		Decided not to comment after reading my comment

< Message edited by Arienos -- 3/23/2012 6:28:47 AM >

(in reply to MrBukani)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 6:49:35 AM   
steve95476


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/21/2011
Status: offline 		A long time ago, my introduction was through a pro domme. She was a wonderful person, ethical, committed to the scene, and caring. And our interaction was anything but sterile. We built a lasting relationship and are still friends. I trust (and trusted) her completely. And if she were in trouble, I would be there to help out.

Sometimes, something good can come out of those interactions, rarely, I think. I'm not expert here, but I think most interactions would be sterile, a need simply met. At the time I visited her, I had no idea about groups, boards, munches, etc. I knew I was submissive and fortunately found her.

We find friends in the strangest of places!

(in reply to Arienos)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 6:55:17 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

In the case of pain enthusiasts, would you really risk serious injury at the hands of an amateur to avoid paying a professional dominant?


Are you suggesting that because Domme A charges and Domme B doesn't, that Domme A is somehow more experienced that Domme B? Do the pro's go to some special class or do they automatically gain the knowledge when they add pro to their title?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Privileged)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The anti pro stance - 3/23/2012 7:34:57 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Per the messages in my inbox, there are sub males who will allow complete strangers to bind them up and do whatevah.

They can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to understand real life is not like porn, where sub males get done just how they like, and no one *really* gets harmed. I have never had a sub male ask me in depth questions about my knowledge or experience level. They like how I look, and frankly that does it for them.

I have had seemingly intelligent males appear a bit surprised that I might need to research something they would like to explore (needle play is a great example), as if all dom females just come equipped with that knowledge.

I agree that there is no guarantee that even a well recommended pro will know her stuff. But then this life has few guarantees.

The really great prodommes tend to stick with only those clients they "click" with, since that is what makes for successful sessions. But how do they know if they click with someone until that first session? All the questionnaires in the world are not going to tell you that.

I think finding a good pro is like finding a good doctor. Just b/c a person has a shingle out there, that doesn't mean they will be a good fit for YOU.





_____________________________



(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The anti pro stance Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094