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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 1:54:50 PM

PrincessDonna11

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Yeah I think a polite "Ive read your profile and feel that its possible I may be of use to you" is more what I look for. I block those that sick naked body shots and have very little to say to someone that after 2 messeges back and forth has not mentioned long term intent ,I dont think its up to me

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 3:05:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna11

Yeah I think a polite "Ive read your profile and feel that its possible I may be of use to you" is more what I look for.

Wow, really? I'm never that grovelly in opening cmails. I'd say something like 'Can I play hide and seek amongst those trees with you?'. Or something equally stupid and inane about your profile text rather than your picture.

Stupid and inane generally works for me, I find.

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 3:39:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Stupid and inane generally works for me, I find.

Oh, come on. We're only human! The right abs can raise "stupid and inane" to cute and amusing.

Personally, I give points for 1) a personal salutation and 2) commentary that shows actual reading of my profile. At the very least, both of those get a return "Thank you, but no"

which apparently is rare.

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 4:04:36 PM

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quote:

There are worse things than being single, such as trying to submit to someone that doesn't know what she wants and yet insists that you get it right.

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 5:23:02 PM

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I read the title line and thought it was an "April Fool's" joke. Whaaaa???? A new "sub" asking about proper protocol without leading with his kink and actually behaving as if we're human???? Holy Moses.

Thank you, sklavo, for your excellent question and your receptiveness to the answers you've gotten. I, too, would see those who take themselves too seriously as holders of big, red flags. I appreciate it when a contact writes, "Hello, QueenRah" or "Hello, Ma'am," and try to engage conversation by commenting on something I've written in my profile or on the boards. I've had great convos with D and s-types that weren't meant for anything other than sharing thoughts and ideas. Good times. I don't take the moniker "QR" seriously, at all. It's more of an ironic name. I digress. Back to you...

I wish you the best of luck. Personally, the beer looks a bit, "I'm young and rely heavily on alcohol to lubricate social situations." But, your dark, vacant, anti-orphan annie eyes are very intriguing.

Be well!

QR

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 9:30:48 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I swear, at first glance, I thought that word was "pricks".

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/1/2012 9:42:14 PM

subbyinlosangele

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavo87

Hello all,

Ive read in a few profiles of dominant women that they want men who write them to "practice proper protocol" and ask for permission to approach.... What exactly does this mean? Is it impolite to some to send a message saying, "Hey, Im so and so, I read your profile and wanted to introduce myself..."... Ive messaged quite a few Dommes who I felt I was compatible with to introduce myself and a majority of the time, I dont get a response back... Is it against kink protocol to send an introductory message/photo to without asking permission? If so, how do you go about asking permission?

Thanks for your help,
sklavo

My experience is it's best to approach a domme not much different than you approach a woman on a vanilla site. Be polite, but be yourself - be real. Simply tell her what about her profile spoke to you, and tell her something about yourself. If you want to crack jokes or whatever, just do it. No matter what approach you take, some women will like it and some won't. A lot of women simply won't respond no matter what you say.

(in reply to sklavo87)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 10:28:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavo87

Ive messaged quite a few Dommes who I felt I was compatible with to introduce myself and a majority of the time, I dont get a response back... Is it against kink protocol to send an introductory message/photo to without asking permission? If so, how do you go about asking permission?

Asking for permission to write to someone is rather silly. After all, why ask for permission if you've already written without permission in order to ask for permission? If you can't write to them without permission, then how are you supposed to get permission in the first place? Geez, my head is starting to hurt just thinking about that.

Here's a little tip for you. If you send a respectful message to someone and they don't respond back, just move on. There's no need to question why they didn't respond, or to send them follow-up messages asking for a response (they probably won't respond, just like they didn't respond to your original message).

It kinda sucks for us male subs on CM. We outnumber the Dommes by like 1 billion-to-1, so the odds of you finding someone on here are pretty slim. But that doesn't mean that it can't happen. But understand that the odds are against you.

Also, remember that this is the internet. So you have lots of flakes, fakes, and guys pretending to be girls. So is it really so bad that you didn't get a response from that girl who was really a guy pretending to be a girl?

Different people are going to have different protocols. Most of the lifestyle folks are more casual about things. They typically don't want you to call them "Mistress" or "Master" until there is an actual dynamic in place between the two of you. That's why you will seldom be asked to call a total stranger "Mistress" at a munch or play party. But I've noticed that many of the pro-Dommes and "on-line only" folks seem to think that forcing complete strangers to call them "Mistress" in the first communication is a show of power. Personally, I see it as more a show of pompousness, but to each his own.

So if you want on-line domination, cam sessions, or paid sessions, then you may have to be prepared to call them "Divine Mistress Goddess Queen" in your very first conversation. But if you plan to meet someone locally, or if you begin a dialogue with a "lifestyle Domme", things will usually be a bit more relaxed. However, she'll probably start introducing protocols once she starts feeling "chemistry" with you.

Personally, I hate the term "proper protocol" because it implies that there's only one protocol. But I've been at this for almost 20 years, and every Domme that I've ever served had a different protocol. So how are you supposed to know what a specific Domme's protocol is until she explains it to you? Some Dommes will prefer being addressed by a title, while others may prefer that you just call them by their first name. Some will require you to say "Yes Ma'am", and others won't. Some will require you to kiss their feet/ass/hand as a standard greeting, and some will prefer a simple "hello".

Bottom line: Just be friendly and respectful. Treat any woman that you write to like a lady. If you wouldn't say it in an initial face-to-face meeting, then don't say it in an initial e-mail. Try to be engaging and let your personality shine through. Just like in the vanilla world, every woman that you approach isn't going to like you (unless you're a billionaire who looks like Brad Pitt). But if you keep it up, you'll eventually find the Domme that you're looking for.

Good luck in your search.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 4/2/2012 10:31:11 AM >

(in reply to sklavo87)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 10:31:00 AM

tng

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Joined: 6/28/2007
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quote:

Stupid and inane generally works for me, I find.

Me too.

Which is a good thing, because smart and sensible is way too much work, right?

< Message edited by tng -- 4/2/2012 10:32:01 AM >

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 12:27:44 PM

PrincessDonna11

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Everyone has their own taste , personally the stupid comments would get you deleted and not read at all UNLESS you said something cleaver like" hey I know where that pic was taken,did you enjoy that area"? type of thing, I dont have time for stupid and see it being of no benefit in my life. As far as the profiles I didnt even bother to read them if I dont see anything worth while on the page but I do respond to all messeges if only to tell them they are blocked. A really good book on this Mormon poly subject is UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN really good book about the history and how they have managed to live within US laws and not have earlier problems then waiting for some young girl to complain. What happens with funding when someone pulls 250 kids out of a school at one time the school board takeds notice and someones head rolls.....

(in reply to tng)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 12:29:12 PM

PrincessDonna11

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Man my spelling sucks today I must be practicing stupid to see what its like!

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 4:14:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna11
Everyone has their own taste , personally the stupid comments would get you deleted and not read at all . . . .

Poppycock.

Is that a challenge, PD?

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 4:29:45 PM

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
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At first I thought, "Oh no. Not again!" Upon reading this thread, I realized that I have wondered the same thing myself.

Hello All,

First off sklavos, I say get a new photo too. You don't want to give somebody a reason to reject you out of hand (Ms ProlificNeeds has a point). Use a photo that is of yourself that is a bit more generic. If you use a photo of yourself in some activity, at least make it an interesting activity. Wind surfing seems to work. Drinking with the bro's... not so much. As for the blacked out eyes, I will leave that on up to you. However, unless your eyes are of such a peculiar color that you might be recognized far and wide by any vanilla aquaintance that might stumble across CollarMe, you don't want to give somebody a reason to reject you out of hand (or did I say that already?).

THE NEXT THING I WANT TO SAY IS IMPORTANT! CollarMe does not remove any of the steps in the "courting (for lack of a better word) process." Too many men come on this site and think that they can jump right to "Letz Fuk!" That is step 378,211! You must start with step 1, otherwise known as "Hello! My name is sklavos87." See the difference?

As for salutations, I follow a simple process. If she uses Lady in her CM 'handle,' I use it. "Dear Lady Hibiscus... Dear Lady Pact..." If it's Mistress, the same applies. "Dear Mistress DarkArt..." If her handle doesn't contain a title I use 'Ms." "Dear Ms. ProlificNeeds... or Dear Ms. NiceButMeanGirl..." There is a red herring here. Suppose that Ms. is already in her handle? "Dear Ms. SadisticMs..." just doesn't work does it? Neither does "Dear Ms. MissImmortalPain..." I confess that those two stump me.

As for the i/I... You/you issue, I follow her lead. Let's say that I received this in correspondence:

"Dear snowranger.
you aren't fit to lick the floor let alone My pretty shoes!
With Love, Lady Ahmera"

Being a prudent man of reasonable caution, I can safely conclude that I should capitalize all references to Her and leave any references to myself in the lower case. In my FIRST missive, I use the same rules that I would in regular correspondence... Say to my pal SkuzzBuckets....

Well that's how I do it. I hope this helps.
Mike
SnowRanger

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(in reply to sklavo87)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 5:00:07 PM

tng

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Joined: 6/28/2007
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quote:

Too many men come on this site and think that they can jump right to "Letz Fuk!" That is step 378,211!

Huh. Who knew? I thought that was step 1 -- I need to hang out in classier places, eh?

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 7:32:00 PM

Posts: 503
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From: Sinsinnati
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That makes sense.... NO!.. Wait!...

(in reply to tng)

RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 9:32:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

Ive read in a few profiles of dominant women that they want men who write them to "practice proper protocol" and ask for permission to approach.... What exactly does this mean?
It means you have to write and ask permission to write to them, but since you don't have permission to write, you're not allowed to write to them to ask. In other words it means you click "Next Profile" and hope that one isn't such a pathetic self-important fool.

^^^This

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/2/2012 11:48:20 PM

MissImmortalPain

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hahaha I really didn't think it was that hard to figure out. But to clear it up. Miss Pain, or Miss ImmortalPain, is what most people that write me call me. I put what I would rather be called in the name because I thought it would make it easier nor harder hahahaha.

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/3/2012 1:10:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna11

Everyone has their own taste , personally the stupid comments would get you deleted and not read at all UNLESS you said something cleaver like" hey I know where that pic was taken,did you enjoy that area"? type of thing, I dont have time for stupid and see it being of no benefit in my life. As far as the profiles I didnt even bother to read them if I dont see anything worth while on the page but I do respond to all messeges if only to tell them they are blocked.

You make a really good point here - "Everyone has their own taste". I'd bet that Peon's approach is natural for him, and if it is the kind of approach that would turn you off then he's done you (and himself) a favour as I suspect that someone who wasn't amused / engaged by his style (even if only a little) wouldn't be his cup of tea - and vice versa.

quote:

A really good book on this Mormon poly subject is UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN really good book about the history and how they have managed to live within US laws and not have earlier problems then waiting for some young girl to complain. What happens with funding when someone pulls 250 kids out of a school at one time the school board takeds notice and someones head rolls.....

I'll be honest, this made one of my detectors go off, not sure which one mind you but.... there's definitely a klaxon.

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/3/2012 2:11:07 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
A really good book on this Mormon poly subject is UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN really good book about the history and how they have managed to live within US laws and not have earlier problems then waiting for some young girl to complain. What happens with funding when someone pulls 250 kids out of a school at one time the school board takeds notice and someones head rolls.....

I'll be honest, this made one of my detectors go off, not sure which one mind you but.... there's definitely a klaxon.

Yeah, where did that one come from anyway?

NBMG

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RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant - 4/3/2012 3:30:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

quote:

A really good book on this Mormon poly subject is UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN really good book about the history and how they have managed to live within US laws and not have earlier problems then waiting for some young girl to complain. What happens with funding when someone pulls 250 kids out of a school at one time the school board takeds notice and someones head rolls.....

I'll be honest, this made one of my detectors go off, not sure which one mind you but.... there's definitely a klaxon.

Yeah, where did that one come from anyway?

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who thought that last part came out of left field.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 4/3/2012 3:32:33 AM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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