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Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/12/2012 7:13:32 PM

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http://www.cbc.ca/news/arts/story/2012/07/10/f-50-shades-of-grey-bdsm.html

Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes
BDSM advocates say E.L. James's books perpetuate myths about BDSM community
By Andre Mayer, CBC News
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 6:38 AM ET
Last Updated: Jul 11, 2012 8:28 AM ET

"...While the books are fiction, this explanation plays into stereotypical attitudes toward the alternative sex lifestyle, says Tristan Taormino, a U.S.-based sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Kink."

The article goes on to discuss the "Reality of BDSM", the types of people attracted to BDSM and the "Code of Conduct".

There's some interesting information in this article, and a place to point to when explaining it to vanilla friends (especially if you're not looking to out yourself.)

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/12/2012 7:35:22 PM

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Good article, thanks.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/12/2012 8:53:58 PM

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You're quite welcome! ;))

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/13/2012 7:00:15 AM

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I like the article's point, and for the most part how it is written. Though, it did force me to look up (on wikipedia, no less!) what the acronym "BDSM" stood for, again.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/13/2012 11:34:33 AM

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I know, me too!

I wondered if they took the Sadist/Masochist out because slave/Master went more with the tone of the book or because it's less controversial (sort of?).

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/21/2012 12:01:11 PM

fucktoyprincess

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I'm so glad this article is out there. I really hate that stereotype that those who are in the lifestyle are psychologically damaged, and that it is that damage that brought us to this world, and explains our enjoyment of it. While I've encountered people on my BDSM journey who do fit that profile, the vast majority I've met, do not.

I haven't read these books in their entirety, but everything I've read about them (descriptions, reviews, excerpts) makes me dislike them intensely. I realize it's just fiction, and I realize that people are entitled to their own tastes, and yada, yada, yada. But that these poorly written books (universally acknowledged as so), that are little more than BDSM meets Harlequin romance, should be so very popular just bothers me a bit. Maybe my issue, but just sharing my perspective.

And I'm sick of my male Dominant friends asking me if women who've read and enjoyed these books would actually be interested in BDSM. My honest answer is "no". I think the reality of what we do would actually scare them immensely. If you gave these same readers The Story of O, or Rice's Beauty Trilogy, I think they wouldn't enjoy nearly as much. It's not the BDSM they are responding to. It is the classic fairy tale romance of the naive woman and the seemingly "perfect" man (handsome, rich, powerful, yada, yada, yada), who turns out to have a (gasp) tragic flaw, which of course the woman can help him "cure" and then they can live "happily ever after". This is no different than the obsession that most girls/women have with fairy tales. And I'm not saying a man cannot come and sweep a woman off her feet. Not at all. I've experienced that enough times to know. It's just these books are really just a form of fairy tale. I don't think the appeal is the BDSM, so much as the "I can change him", "I can win him over" and "we will live happily ever after".

You know what the best fairy tale is - The Little Mermaid. I really like the fact that in that story there is no happy ending. The prince is revealed for who he really is. And the mermaid has given away something valuable for nothing. As a story, it is much more compelling and gives much more food for thought than this Shades of Grey nonsense. Sorry, I've strayed off topic a bit. Just hate hearing about these books.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/21/2012 12:12:11 PM

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Thank you for this article. Earlier today I overheard a guy on his cell stating "All the girls love Christian Gale, tell them you are into bdsm. They will want you all the more brudda". *face desk*.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/21/2012 12:26:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dresproperty

Thank you for this article. Earlier today I overheard a guy on his cell stating "All the girls love Christian Gale, tell them you are into bdsm. They will want you all the more brudda". *face desk*.

I have a fair number of platonic female friends who tell me about the guys who try to be dominant with them but just aren't, and how clearly it shows. And if someone is a girl looking for a dominant man, nothing is worse than a wannabe who just isn't.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/21/2012 6:34:36 PM

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The funny thing I find about this book is that so many women I've heard screaming over the years, the same suburban housewives who are going ga ga over this book, would always say "I would never let my husband boss me around. I would never let him touch me in that way when we're making love. He better do everything I say or there's gonna be hell to pay!" And then along comes this book with a dom of a man who does exactly what they said they would never accept from their husbands lol. No wonder so many men feel confused and inadequate these days lol.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 7/26/2012 7:05:14 PM

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I read the first book so I could have an informed opinion. Let's just say, after finishing it, I couldn't imagine spending another $20 to finish the series. It was all hype and no meat. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen, and it just...didn't. I found the woman annoyingly whiney and the "Dom", entirely too misunderstood and willing to "break his own rules".

The only good thing about the book is that it's made the idea of being interested in an alternative lifestyle a tad more acceptable, and it's given many of us a chance to educate a little and talk more freely with our vanilla friends.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/13/2012 6:53:23 AM

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In my vacation I read all three books.

For the “Fifty shades of …” trilogy it seems the writer has taken a course “how to write soap scripts” for dummies. Take some all-time high ingredients and stories and spreading them thin over 3 thick books. Such as the rich spoiled hunk and the honest poor pretty girl (Cinderella). Bad youth – good youth. Dynasty family. Love heals it all. Imprint on each other page that kinky sex gives you three orgasms a day. Freud’s Es, Ich and Ueberich are translated into Ana Steel's my inner princess, me, and my sub-consciousness. Ana, the female star of the books is tried to be made submissive by a young dominant ICT nerd millionaire (Christian Grey). He had a bad early youth and became as adolescent the sub of evil "Mrs. Robinson" who taught him to utter his feelings by whipping him. In the first book BDSM slowly starts to build up when Cristian tries to make Ana his sub. In the second book you think, now we are going to have it! But no; no face slapping, whipping or caning or other things that evokes submissiveness. The ultimate experience is a butt-plug. Even a shaved pussy had to be sneaked in, and topless tanning in France is a major problem; there where there are libertine camping sites in France where you can do all you please. Anglo-Saxon prudishness is found everywhere in the book, probably not to block a future Hollywood movie. The good thing (?) is that it opens up BDSM, actually kinky sex, to the broader audience. The shrink in the story even declares that BDSM is choice, a way of living and is no longer considered a psychiatric deviance. The bad thing is I can never use Thomas Tallis anymore whipping my sub. The music choice is good. The third book is boring, as it is on and they lived happily ever after. Marriage, children and still being happy and having kinky sex can be done! But first the good guy (Christian) and his brave pure girl (Ana), beat the bad guy; of coarse named (the) Jack. Can it be more over the hill? Pure Disney. Still many vanilla women like it; especially the continuous sex mixed with the sugar-sweet romance. Surely that Hollywood movie will come.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/13/2012 9:40:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrJones
Imprint on each other page that kinky sex gives you three orgasms a day.

Only three? Somebody hasn't done her research...

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/18/2012 5:56:53 PM

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Thank you now I can send people this and not have to try and explain why the book is wrong and how I know it .

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/22/2012 6:52:29 PM

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It should be quite sufficient to slam it for being so godawful boring.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/22/2012 6:59:10 PM

SlipSlidingAway

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Thanks OP, was a good read. I have yet to read the books, but I have a cousin who is crazy about them. She's my age, and while I would not doubt she could be kinky, she is one of the least submissive women I have ever known. Now, however, she fancies herself to be a sub, she just never found the right Dom. Of course, she now believes that Doms are all like the book guy...lol. She keeps urging me to read the book, telling me that I have no idea what I am missing, that there is this entire world out there that ~I~ know nothing about. Sheesh, if she only knew...

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/23/2012 4:41:46 PM

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people need to be careful you can't wake up say your submissive because you read this book in bdsm it built in trust and you need to be born one.a master protects , provides, loves he is not supost to toss away. If you never tried some devices in bdsm you might want to try before getting in the lifestyle this not a game you could get in cage then wine about it what happen some people flake out that why people should Just stay soft bdsm or stay vanilla.

< Message edited by Realbabygirl2 -- 8/23/2012 4:47:49 PM >

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/23/2012 4:43:42 PM

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get a trainer before starting this lifestyle.you can't become a sub or slave over night it takes years of experience.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/23/2012 4:51:26 PM

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but good luck to all its how you carry your self not your size.

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/23/2012 4:53:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Realbabygirl2

50 shades of grey might be but a man in bdsm would not treat a girl like crap and not care for her.a real master protects and provides.

REAL Master is a subjective term and not everyone will view it the way you do.

quote:

you can't wake up and read 50 shades of grey say o i am submissive it does not work that way.you need to be born one and experienced.

No one is born A submissive. Being A submissive is a learned behavior. You can naturally have a submissive personality but that does mean you're A submissive.

quote:

This is reality.are you ready to be in a cage and being beaten black and blue that what bdsm is you must enjoy the pain this not vanilla missionary style and trust is the main key in bdsm.

That might be your reality, but it's certainly not mine. I'm never put in a cage and I'm rarely beaten black and blue. There are a large number of submissives in WIITWD that do not enjoy pain and do it because it makes their mates happy. There are people that engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM. There are people that engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Realbabygirl2

get a trainer before starting this lifestyle.you can't become a sub or slave over night it takes years of experience.

As has been covered many times in the forums....being trained is primarily bullshit unless it is for protocol or service skills.

For someone that seems to think experience is important, your posts read like the bulk of yours has come from porn and internet fantasies.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/23/2012 4:54:38 PM >

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RE: Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes - 8/31/2012 10:44:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Realbabygirl2

get a trainer before starting this lifestyle.you can't become a sub or slave over night it takes years of experience.

That is interesting. I though in the last post you said you had to be born that way? I have met a lot of submissives in the last 10 or 12 years and I can't recall anyone of them getting training before starting in the lifestyle.

OP thanks for the article. that was very interesting. I met Tristan at a kinky camp many years ago and she rocks.

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