RE: two worlds of trust

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: two worlds of trust

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: two worlds of trust

Page: << < prev 11 12 13 14 [15]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 3:34:36 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
I won't answer to all of this except to say this: when my ex and I split up, I had to undergo a psychosexual evaluation because she told her attorney that I was into all this 'sick, twisted, perverted beating and tying up of women to control them, etc., etc.' I had to submit to this evaluation and pass it with the results of my testing given over to the ex's attorney and the childrens guardian ad litem.

I did pass with the doctor finding that I was 'normal'.

So yeah, in some states, it does make a difference.

Dang, Sir...you have been through the wringer! Mistakes are hard, admitting them is harder...perhaps making changes is the hardest of all.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 281

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 6:25:59 PM

melnkolybabydoll

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

As many of you know, i've been in kitten's position and was "caught". Hubby was much more upset about the lies than the affair and we are still working on rebuilding the trust.

We've each been on both sides of this fence. Our (eventual) honesty in each situation is the only reason we are strong together now.

(in reply to proudsub)

Profile

Post #: 282

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 6:55:46 PM

melnkolybabydoll

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

Psssssttt, Kitten, they haven't attacked for the past few hours! Maybe it's safe to come out of hiding......... Somehow I don't dare say another word to *them* but since most of them think you're pretty good at talking out of two sides of your mouth, why don't we just have a little chat, you and me? the one of us in each world, you know?

- Sure, Kitten, sounds good to me!

Did you notice how nobody figured out the *real* reason you started this thread? Do you think anybody noticed that when you started the thread you still had a vanilla cone above your cute little white kitten image, and then with your next post on the thread you graduated to those two BDSM symbols?

- That's right, Kitten, a lot of folks grumble about the vanilla cone but I liked it a lot and was sad to know it was going to melt away after my 25th post. So I thought in honor of vanilla melting away into BDSM, it would be nice for it to dissolve in a blaze of glory - or ignomy. Mission accomplished!

And did you notice how even when you reminded folks that the thread was not about judging how you lead your vanilla life, that's what they mostly wanted to do?

- Uh yeah, I noticed. The one who gets the prize is that juliaoceania chick who said, "In your case I see no growth." Meowwww!!!!

It's too bad too because I used to respect most of her posts but now I confess I feel a tad judgmental.

- It happens to the best of us. Say, that Proprietrix sure gave you a mouthful!

Yes, but I actually respected her for much of her explanation. She judges people to decide if they are worth her bothering with them and she judges that cheaters are not, so that's good; maybe she won't need to weigh in on any more of my posts.

- You don't judge her for her judgments?

Not at all! But I confess I do judge her for being a smoker. I mean, how can she presume to try to take control of another person's life if she can't even control a nasty habit like that? She opened herself up to my judgments by proclaiming herself an honest smoker, so I think I'll hijack this thread into a let's-bash-smokers thing, okay?

- Sounds good to me!

But the hero of the day is Brosco. When I read some of his remarks on another thread the other day where he was chastising another poster for getting off topic just because he was trying to lighten things up a little, I thought, "Wow, who put that stick you know where?" But he *totally* redeemed himself today! He really gets it. It goes to show me I shouldn't be quick to judge people, because now I see what a good and understanding and compassionate person he really is.

- There were other heroes too. Wish we could purr about all of them. But hubby just came in the door! Time to go vanilla again!

Later, Kit!

Delusional and Deranged, perhaps?!? An individual's personal "judgements" are based simply upon their own moral standards...of which, i'd say this person has none.

(in reply to sskitten)

Profile

Post #: 283

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 7:20:14 PM

melnkolybabydoll

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

WoW - 13 years plus experience? Well done! Must mean you must know an awful lot.
ooo... and have I been elevated to goddess status now?(Actually, I am a Queen, but not to you - )
Yes - it is my POV... never said you can't voice yours, doesn't mean you are right. Doesn't mean I am to you either. Isn't that great?

Seriously, name calling and showing off IMO - (fuck these disclaimers) - really shows maturity.
(please note the sarcasm - yes really - my flawed humour is quite terrible isn't it - but then, I am a complete attention whore)

Now the serious stuff - (Feel free to avoid if you take this personally or are easily offended)

If someone disagrees with you, don't take it personally - just take it as a disagreement - not a personal attack - really, to me, you aren't that important. If you cannot take someone disagreeing it is simple - don't post.

i can't help but notice that in this, and many of your posts, you do exactly what you are pointing a finger at and berating others for doing. i've seen a lot of wisdom in some of your posts. You obviously have a lot of good information to share. Unfortunately, you taint it with the overload of sarcasm and bitterness with the personal attacks.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 284

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 7:51:21 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

I honestly cant beleave this thread is still going
the OP said more then 5 pages ago that she will no longer be responding and yet it goes on
all it has turned into is a debate about fedelity and cheeting
give it up people know cheating is wrong
she knows its wrong she is choseing as everyone els that does it chose to hurt the one that she said herself in her profile is "her loveing husband"
there is something wrong there that she shouldnt have brought here aspecialy if she didnt want people respinding negatively
but now that everyone has bashed her and eachother can we maybe move on

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to melnkolybabydoll)

Profile

Post #: 285

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/14/2006 9:02:15 PM

melnkolybabydoll

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

Ok, so it's a compulsion to respond. i can live with that. Correct me if i'm wrong (i do so love discipline at the proper hands), but it is my understanding that as long as a thread remains open folks can post their views. i do apologise for the fact that i have to wade through days worth of a thread at one time, and seem a bit slow to respond.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Profile

Post #: 286

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 5:00:56 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Me? Sarcasm? Naaaa...

You just take what you want and leave the rest.

How I seem is how you read into it. No more no less.

Do I finger point? Is that not the exact thing you are doing to me?

Every single post made by every single person is an expression or an idea that is subjective.

You response has nothing to do with this thread. You are trying to make your own point.

That makes you no different to me.

Peace and Rapture

< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 6/15/2006 5:12:14 AM >

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to melnkolybabydoll)

Profile

Post #: 287

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 6:35:43 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kree (in reply to darkinshadows)

...If someone feels the necessity to enter a forum and try to rally the troops behind their cheating and lies, they should expect some heat. In conclusion, I'm sure you'll be back for the last word; as always.

<smiles> Well, well, well, Sir, <looks at him in wonder and amazement> HOW did you knowwwwwwwww?

Absolution is amazing!

Main Entry: ab·so·lu·tion
Pronunciation: "ab-s&-'lü-sh&n
Function: noun
: the act of absolving; specifically : a remission of sins

(in reply to Kree)

Profile

Post #: 288

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 7:08:42 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Things with my hubby are now cleared up by a heart to heart and new marriage contract. In my original marriage contract the one said at my wedding i did not vow to obey nor did i agree to forsake all others does that mean i have always been free to do as i pleased. No don't answer because that answer was between myself and my husband. What matters now is the contract he and i have and yep i am married, staying that way, able to now tell him what i am doing and he has his vanilla freedom. Does that make it better, only time will tell and when all is said in done it is what is in each persons heart that matters about their behavior and their tolerance. If you feel it is cheating to have a married Dom or sub don't do it simple as that. Don't communicate with those that don't fit your needs, wants and comfort levels. That is how it works best in the vanilla world also only look for mates/partners that fullfil your needs of course those are the needs you think you have and they don't allow for changes over a life time. Is good to hear others opinions about how they feel for their own lives and nice to know so many are putting thought into what they need for themselves.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Profile

Post #: 289

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 7:16:27 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: incognitobynight

So far I am not a cheater, but I am contemplating. I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years. We have never had an intimate physical relationship. Not one night!

Why then, if there was no physical/emotional affection shown that was a more intimate nature than "I love you", did you marry him? Did someone force you to?

quote:

I have told him that if he could not show me some kind of affection (other than to tell me that he loves me), that I should be allowed to find and fulfill that need in me somewhere else. I have tried to leave him. He will not allow me to find it somewhere else (and goes to extreme lengths to make sure I don't), but has pleaded with me not to leave him.

And you should be allowed to go find it elsewhere...without him. On your own, if that's what needs to be. He will not allow you to cheat on him, but pleads with you to stay? I can understand him not wanting you to cheat...what I can't understand is why his pleading with you to stay, you will obey but not his pleading to not cheat on him. If you want the physical and emotional intimacy of being with someone...and don't get me wrong, I know we all need that in our lives too along with everything else we need...then ignore both pleas and go find it.

quote:

We have a good life together otherwise.

So did my ex and I...but it was empty. It was why I was not only led to the state you are in now but went past where you are and cheated...and caused nothing but misery for myself, my ex, my children, and my career. We separated and I knew I could not go back to a life that included all intimacy except the physical kind. I left.

People say, "he will be better off knowing the truth. Better off alone". Bull shit! He can do nothing to change who he is (I won't go into details, but he can't), and I don't want to spend the rest of my life without physical intimacy. It would be best for ME to leave him....I know this. But is it best for him? Who are you kidding? He will lose everything ELSE that we have built together. He will lose the only family he has. He will lose the woman who has for the last 10 years SHOWERED him with gifts and attention and who has focused everything on HIM. If I pull all that out from under him now (and I confess, I am thinking of it), how is that better for HIM???To be honest, that's not your choice to make, it is a choice for the two of you. You present him with the facts and your options and he presents you with his options and you make a decision from there. Will it be a mutual decision? Maybe, maybe not. But it is not yours alone to make. And your statement about how you are keeping all this from him to allow him to keep everything he has? That's bull...it also allows you to keep everything you have.

quote:

You think this frees him to go find a woman who can't stand to be touched? Get real!. Kitten, you know who I am. Yeah, in a perfect world, I wish I could have a totally open and honest relationship with someone who fulfills my needs, but we don't live in a perfect world. We are all just doing the best that we can. I'm trying not to destroy my husband, if he finds out...he will be hurt. But I'M HURTING NOW!

Then do something about it. How does twisting and turning yourself into knots to stop your hurt when you know that what you do...if you cheat...hurts your husband? You can go on and on all you want about how you will do everything you can to keep him from finding out and therefore, he won't be hurt...but from what I've seen, he will be eventually...and where will all your noble purpose be then?

(in reply to incognitobynight)

Profile

Post #: 290

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 11:22:04 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Okay…this is fun. I was just contacted by a guy who wants to YIM. His profile is about as blank as they come; I told him I liked to ‘know’ who I was talking with and to give me at least as much information as he’s gleaned about me from my profile. Instead of updating his (of course) he (in this order) wrote back:

I enjoy church and learning about Christ
I know little regarding BDSM, but prefer one-on-one interacting to parties
I like Collarme because you can see who is/was online for free
I am married with four kids at home; won’t badmouth my wife…but we’re headed for ‘DIVORCE” (his caps)
I’m not looking for sexual gratification, but would like a monogamous relationship (don’t want diseases)

I swear! Five paragraphs followed with “This is where you come in” … as the grand finale. Geezeeeeeeeeeeeeee

What the heck is WRONG with people??? What on earth does he think he has to offer ME? WHO in their right mind would get involved with this guy? Oh wait…never mind; I know the answer to that question.

<sigh>

I wrote back asking what he thought Christ would think of his behavior, said I was not interested in being the accomplice to a cheater…and invited him NOT to write me again. I suspect I’ll get flamed in another e-mail soon. THIS would be why I do not give out even my YIM until I can determine the person is worth it.

I also suggested he read this thread (and posted a link to it in my response). Maybe he’ll see your responses to his particular situation, too.

Yeah, 99.9% of the time I iggy such mail..........but it just fit so well here, doncha think?

(in reply to Bearlee)

Profile

Post #: 291

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 11:34:18 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I was merely stating an opinion and not judging anyone. I don't care if people decide to cheat or not, that is up to them. However, you are rationalising your position, that is your business but you are rationalising.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Profile

Post #: 292

RE: two worlds of trust - 6/15/2006 11:47:44 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

Things with my hubby are now cleared up by a heart to heart and new marriage contract. ... What matters now is the contract he and i have and yep i am married, staying that way, able to now tell him what i am doing and he has his vanilla freedom.

IMHO...if you and your partner have an agreement where you are 'allowed' to participate (to whatever level the two of you agree...in BDSM or anything else) with others...that is your business and it is NOT cheating!

Apparently you, if I'm reading this right, have given him the information he needs to make informed consent regarding his marriage, his future, and his relationship with you. Isn't this what honest is all about?

Bravo!

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Profile

Post #: 293