Demarch
Posts: 1
Joined: 8/14/2012
Status: offline
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Congratulations, Lola. You get my forum virginity, since you hit on something that I'm CONSTANTLY having to deal with from would-be subs. I think there's one minor hurdle we have to overcome to discuss this, though, and it's that "strong personality" needs to be clarified.
Back when I was young, my family adopted a dog that hadn't exactly been well cared for. Poor thing wasn't incredibly bright, and he was terrified of EVERYONE; the instant one of us would walk into the room, he would roll over and piss on himself.
My neigbor's dog was a hellion that attacked several of the neighborhood kids before he was finally put down. I still have a couple of scars myself from him.
Compare those two to the Belgian Malinois that shared my home for years as an adult. First off, he was by NO means stupid. You could see him trying to figure out exactly what I wanted him to do, and it took practically no time to train him. While these were all dogs, guess which one I had an absolute blast spending my time with? Yep, the Belgian.
The same goes for my boys. Most of the ones that approach me about BDSM act JUST LIKE the first dog in my example: They walk right up and throw themselves at my feet and wallow in their own self-loathing. And frankly, it's not endearing; it's irritating as hell.
On the other hand, I don't want the kind that is always testing my authority either. If they call themselves a sub but want to run the show, then they're on the wrong end of the whip. It's pointless, dull, and tiresome, and it wastes a lot of energy that could be used for more fun and enlightening pursuits. For the record, I'll not refer to these as strong-minded, but as passive-aggressive and stubborn.
For me, there's a third option: A strong-minded person is one knows what he wants. He's the one that asks me honestly thought-provoking questions from the distance, slowly sniffing me out. (Often checking my profiles often between questions.) Granted, he probably wants tied up and smacked around more than the other two types of subs above, but he has the sense to know that he needs to be able to trust me first. He may know nothing about kink, but he wants to learn--the gears are already grinding between his ears. And he wants to please someone that's going to see his efforts for the gifts that they really are.
If that third type is what you mean by a sub with a strong personality, then that's not only my preferred type, but the ONLY kind of sub I'll accept. The only shame is that, at least where I live, they tend to be found in the company of unicorns and honest politicians.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LolaLita
Let's say that you (the Master) have met a rather...strong-minded "potential" sub. Would his or her personality be too overwhelming, even if they were more than willing to submit to you? Is there really a such thing as a "bad submissive"?
I have been told that an intelligent, independent submissive woman is the "perfect" type. Why then, do so many run away when faced with such a person?
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RE: Is A Submissive With A Strong Personality A Red Flag? - 
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