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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:03:13 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

A Dom I was talking to recently sent me photos of a girl he had tied up, naked (Gah! As if I was interested!) and told me, "Oh, she's just some girl I'm training."

quote:

Whenever a man writes to me and his primary picture is of a woman, I send him this link: Straight Doms with Female Submissive Profile Pics? [WTF]

Sometimes, it takes them a while to realize that when I'm in PSA mode, that means I'm not interested.

The worst part is that it wasn't on his profile. In fact, his profile was very misleading in that I thought he was more respectable than that. We were already at the 'traded phone numbers/texting' phase. He TEXTED me this picture out of the blue. Well, not 'out of the blue'. I believe the conversation went something like this...

Me: "What are you up to tonight?"
Him: "Training a submissive woman I know. Don't worry, it's a casual thing." <insert picture here>
Me: "Whoa whoa whoa! That doesn't look very casual and really... dude... I'm not interested in seeing that, but thanks?"
Him: "No problem."

My favorite part was the 'no problem'. Like he did me a favor. Ah, I love the internet.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:09:00 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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DesFIP:

quote:

If the only things you can teach are very limited, it also limits you to very uneducated partners since anyone beyond that would be beyond your expertise level.

Spot on! I never really even thought about how if someone isn't well versed in more than one area, they can't possibly train you in anything more to begin with. What was I thinking??

That makes a lot of sense. Maybe 'sexual training' is all some can offer, because they truly don't know any better? Just a thought...

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could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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Post #: 42

RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:13:34 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I can tell you are quite intelligent and have confidence that you will easily learn to tell the difference between someone using "training" as LadyPact does versus Desktop Diminants.

Yeah, she's a keeper !! So, welcome to the discussion side of CM, Beauty.

Since I (mostly) interact with male s-types, I have an entirely different take on this subject. I feel most male s-types could use an extensive regime of training. Not so they can learn to be the perfect slave, I'm not sure I know what that is, but so they can learn to behave in a submissive manner.

It's been my experience most male s-types are not all that sub. They *pretend* to be sub, until they get their rocks off, then they revert back to their real non sub selves.

Training helps them understand how a dominant female expects them to behave all the time -- not just when they want something. As such, it does translate well from one dominant person to another.

First and foremost: Thank you both for the compliment and the warm welcome.

ChatteParfaitt:

I suppose getting training as far as being submissive all the time would be ESSENTIAL. When I first heard 'training' that's part of what I assumed would go with it: Learning to be submissive, not just when it suits you or your partner. But then my experiences here have led me to believe otherwise. I'm glad I'm getting so many great responses that put the word back on track for me! Thank you much!

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could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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Post #: 43

RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:16:55 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

For most of the guys that call themselves "doms", training is an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you, then fuck you". Over the years, I've also come to the conclusion that guys that say "train you to be the perfect submissive" are the guys that don't know how to have a relationship.

Where's the "LOVE" button? I think you've smacked the dog on the nose here! This is EXACTLY what I tried to convey in my original post (as long as it was), but couldn't have put it so eloquently in a million years.

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could that be what you are saying?
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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:23:42 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't need to be trained into how to be with someone in a relationship. I call what happens within a particular relationship "learning" each other's likes and dislikes and any normal human being would just remember these things because they want their partner to be happy.

Yes, I have to agree with you here too! Getting to know someone and 'learning' who they are and who you are with them is not only normal, but should be expected. Anything less is a waste of time or isn't real.

I once knew a Dom who wanted me always on his left, which was difficult for me because I'd previously learned from another Dom to be always on the right. After being pinched and poked a few times, you'd better believe I practically LIVED on this new Dom's left side. So was this 'learning' or was this 'training'? Or do the two words blend into one at this point?

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the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:25:41 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, he's sharing her photo all over the 'net. Nice.

Right there is a good reason to not allow photos to be taken in compromising positions.

The worst part is I'm not sure she knew the picture was being taken. He'd obviously done it with his cell phone and she had a blindfold on. My options these days seem to get narrower and narrower by the pictureful.

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could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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Post #: 46

RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:35:36 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty
I suppose getting training as far as being submissive all the time would be ESSENTIAL.

It wasn't for Carol. Actually, I don't really understand what is in your head when you use the word "submissive" like that. Out of curiosity, what "essential" thing is it that you think you currently lack which would prohibit "all the time" submissiveness?

After being pinched and poked a few times, you'd better believe I practically LIVED on this new Dom's left side. So was this 'learning' or was this 'training'? Or do the two words blend into one at this point?
I think it mostly matters when one or both parties get some frisson down their spines from the word "training". In the absence of that you can call it whatever you want and nobody cares. In my case I was just tired of having to look for my property so I DidThatWhichWasNecessary(tm) and fixed it.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:38:35 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I find "training" to be useless because it procedes from a negative connotation and just goes downhill from there.

I constantly tell people to take time to get to know people before you get anywhere near any kind of heavy-duty involvement. I've seen this young lady 4 times and we've never been inside either's homes. Suffice it to say; there's been no sexual contact and no declarations of undying love.

We enjoy spending time together and we're getting to know each other. We're in "training" LOL

Someone mentioned earlier that they were once trained on traditional tea service (it escapes me now if it was Japanese, Korean, etc.) but when 'trained' in precision practices such as service or presentation, what would it then be called? Couldn't I 'add that to my resume', as it were, later on? "I am also trained in traditional Japanese tea service. Would you like a cup now, Sir?" Then again, if that Dom weren't in the slight bit interested in this 'degree', would it just be something you held onto (way off on the back burner) until it came in handy again?

I like the use of "we're" in training. Sounds more like what 'training' should be. :)

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:49:46 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Actually, I don't really understand what is in your head when you use the word "submissive" like that. Out of curiosity, what "essential" thing is it that you think you currently lack which would prohibit "all the time" submissiveness?

I was agreeing where she mentioned subs who would be submissive long enough to get what they wanted and then revert back to their normal way of approaching life, sans submissiveness.

When with a partner I feel I can be submissive to, it comes very natural to 'always' be submissive, but there are partners I've had (like the one who only wanted to play, but didn't want to teach me protocol) where I had a lot of trouble submitting at all. The simplest command like "Get me a glass of water"? Yeah, sure, I could do that, no problem. But something more, like "bend over", and whoa--hold the phones! Maybe I get in my own way in cases like that? Since I have such a problem 'submitting' when it should come as naturally to me as it usually does and instead becomes an internal struggle.

Did this help?

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:52:53 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

For most of the guys that call themselves "doms", training is an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you, then fuck you". Over the years, I've also come to the conclusion that guys that say "train you to be the perfect submissive" are the guys that don't know how to have a relationship.

This.

Now when Master speaks of training me, what he means is in me learning things that I don't know how to do or reteach things that I have become lax in. But I am his slave. He could have cared less that I has other training from my ex dom and in fact he has had to work to erase those and replace those things with his own desires. So this whole training idea from someone that does not own you is more of a hindrance than help. Most doms want to train you in THEIR style, not someone else's.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:53:39 PM

Daeson

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I've lurked with out posting for, well, to long, this thread made me feel the need to finally post something,that said.
To be thread repeating, the term training has been thrown in the mud so many times by fly by night doms and dommes that even if you know what it means to you, there's that split second flinch for a lot of people.
I have no problem admitting that in the beginning I thought that's what I meant, it took a moment of life that I still regret to learn what it really means, imo, it can be a way to judge the maturity of a potential partner
by how they explain the use of the word to you. Unless you're completely new and overwhelmed, I don't think I've ever met a submissive that has to be "Trained" to be submissive, that concept just seems foolish. For
my self, any training, has much more to do with all the things that happen out side of the closed doors. With this community I also have a presence in some upper echelon gaming communities, its almost like a business
some days, that's when the training comes in. Answering the phones, keeping track of names and contacts, helping me stay on top of everything so I don't lose focus,as well as my quirks. I know her training is complete
the day she picks up on something that's going to upset me or set me off on some way, and handle the situation before I even know it was going to happen. The day when she seems to be doing the least, is the day
she's learned everything she can about me, and is putting it to work serving. It's not hard to know when some one wants a bj, but can you know in a glance when your partner is about to have a mental overload and just
needs some one to talk them down?

Wall of text vomiting complete,welcome to the forums, and good luck in your search, patience will pay off,eventually.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:54:39 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

For most of the guys that call themselves "doms", training is an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you, then fuck you". Over the years, I've also come to the conclusion that guys that say "train you to be the perfect submissive" are the guys that don't know how to have a relationship.

This.

Now when Master speaks of training me, what he means is in me learning things that I don't know how to do or reteach things that I have become lax in. But I am his slave. He could have cared less that I has other training from my ex dom and in fact he has had to work to erase those and replace those things with his own desires. So this whole training idea from someone that does not own you is more of a hindrance than help. Most doms want to train you in THEIR style, not someone else's.

Word.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:55:26 PM

LaTigresse

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Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!! That is hell on the eyes!

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:55:49 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

But one thing it does mean is that they are advertising that they are only looking at BDSM for sex. And more than that, they, at best, only see subs/slaves as what is essentially a blow up doll that does chores. And at a worst they are looking for a free whore that does kinky shit.

I've had this problem as well. Where it's not just sex, but they openly seek a house slave to clean and cook and all that jazz. Now, I have a very fond interest in 1950's Household but right now it's only an interest. As I mentioned earlier, no strings housework is a big no-no for me. This is where the line was blurred for 'training'. Training just for sex? Just for your use/service? Or is there more to it than that? Or is it even necessary to DO more than that? This gets more and more confusing by the second...

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 2:59:28 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

For most of the guys that call themselves "doms", training is an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you, then fuck you". Over the years, I've also come to the conclusion that guys that say "train you to be the perfect submissive" are the guys that don't know how to have a relationship.

This.

Now when Master speaks of training me, what he means is in me learning things that I don't know how to do or reteach things that I have become lax in. But I am his slave. He could have cared less that I has other training from my ex dom and in fact he has had to work to erase those and replace those things with his own desires. So this whole training idea from someone that does not own you is more of a hindrance than help. Most doms want to train you in THEIR style, not someone else's.

Word.

And I second this.

What I've found is that the more a slave is 'trained' the more they expect me to be exactly like their last owner. I've come across some really fucked up ideas of 'real and true', with those experienced 'well trained' slaves.

Not my cuppa.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 3:05:19 PM

UnownedCOBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Now when Master speaks of training me, what he means is in me learning things that I don't know how to do or reteach things that I have become lax in. But I am his slave. He could have cared less that I has other training from my ex dom and in fact he has had to work to erase those and replace those things with his own desires. So this whole training idea from someone that does not own you is more of a hindrance than help. Most doms want to train you in THEIR style, not someone else's.

Word.

quote:

And I second this.

What I've found is that the more a slave is 'trained' the more they expect me to be exactly like their last owner. I've come across some really fucked up ideas of 'real and true', with those experienced 'well trained' slaves.

Not my cuppa.

Agreed. This seems to make more sense to me than a handful of other posts (though they were VERY helpful as well!) in that it rings with part of what I thought training really was meant to be. But I know I'll get some more descript answers and can't wait!

This was sort of what I was getting at from the get-go. What is training and where does it stand if you're not training or learning with a Dom you're actually serious about? Confusion would ultimately follow.

Believe me, you, I'm not taking any of this for granted. Instead I'm taking notes... as we speak. :) Thank you.

< Message edited by UnownedCOBeauty -- 8/8/2012 3:20:24 PM >

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 3:41:01 PM

Brutalessons

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For Me, there is Training and there is Teaching.
Training is a selfish act and designed to instruct a sub in My expectations and pleasures. Training is Dom/Domme/Master specific and always deals in how the sub is to respond to that individuals requirements and desires. Your training from your previous "Sir/Ma'am" may give you a grounding but it is not Mine.
Teaching on the other hand does cross over whether it is understanding the "why and hows of Positioning" or what various gags or restraints are used for and when, how to do something safely, how to recognize distress. Why a safeword and when it should be used. In this and much More, Many dominants can agree on basics, but of course we all add our own twists or interpretations, and that leads us back to Training for Personal use.

just My 2 cents

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 4:03:45 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty
When with a partner I feel I can be submissive to, it comes very natural to 'always' be submissive, but there are partners I've had (like the one who only wanted to play, but didn't want to teach me protocol) where I had a lot of trouble submitting at all. The simplest command like "Get me a glass of water"? Yeah, sure, I could do that, no problem. But something more, like "bend over", and whoa--hold the phones! Maybe I get in my own way in cases like that? Since I have such a problem 'submitting' when it should come as naturally to me as it usually does and instead becomes an internal struggle.

*nods* I think I get it... barely. My experience and perspective are that of long term committed relationships. I wouldn't be in the situation you're describing here.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/8/2012 6:10:04 PM

subKLee

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Thank you UnownedCOBeauty for sharing this in the forum. I'm a newbie and found the training issue confusing. Of course, my journey is different from your journey; I might take the dirt road and you the highway. Training happens every day for me in talking with potential Doms and others, reading and asking questions. SpaceSpank I thought brought up a good point about trying out things. But I think that is mostly about the physical aspect..like what does it feel like to be tied up or will you like it when spanked...HARD..etc etc. The mental/emotinal piece takes bonding and trust so how could that be a short-term arrangement? I asked a similar question in another thread just to validate what I was feeling. YOU"RE NOT CRAZY. Oh, but I am :)

Endivius said: "I'm going to grab her by the hair and look into those eyes of hers and pound her like a razorback. I want her to know with every gorilla thrust she's mine, this is about us, and dammit it's hot hot hot!" purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...reading this makes me hot hot hot :)..get me out of here!

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 1:04:23 AM

UnownedCOBeauty

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JeffBC:

quote:

My experience and perspective are that of long term committed relationships. I wouldn't be in the situation you're describing here.

What does that mean, exactly?

All relationships have to start from somewhere: Usually from scratch, from the ground up. Sometimes the cornerstone may be 'casual', though not in all instances. I by no means am seeking something casual. I just seem to pick the wrong Doms -- the ones who DO want something casual (but say they want something serious)-- and just don't realize it until it's too late, or until we both come to the conclusion that maybe we weren't a good match to begin with. Then the 'growth' ceases, we part, and we go our separate ways.

It's not as though I'm TRYING to be in a casual situation. It's just that for the most part that's what I've experienced.

When I started the thread, I believe I stated that I was confused about 'training' because it seems that most Doms want to do something casual, and wondered why a sub would bother 'training' in a casual manner if their intention was to find a LTR with a Dom later on down the road.

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could that be what you are saying?
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