Dilemmas, moral and other

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Dilemmas, moral and other

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dilemmas, moral and other

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 6:56:06 AM

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

Inspired by a recent thread, i would like to ask the members of the board:

Would you care to share one or more real difficult moral dilemmas, that you had to work through. Complete with the way you did it. What or Who helped you in accomplishing that(this)?

I will contribute some of mine, but i have to work the text in english out.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 8:35:27 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Up until very recently I cared for my step father that had a stroke and other health problems associated with emphysema. He was chronically ill for a very long time. As he kept slipping with his health he became more and more difficult to care for. It became wearing for my mother too. I started to hint that I thought she should put him a residential facility because it was getting to the point that even with my day-to-day help my mom wasnt coping well with the situation. Her sleep patterns were messed up and her health was starting to slip. She has heart problems of her own too.

Before she was forced to make this choice he was put in the hospital with pneumonia. Part of me wanted so badly for him to get better, but this other part of me knew he was in daily suffering, every breath was a struggle. Part of me wanted his pain just to be over, and my mom to get some sembulance of a life back. I kinda hoped he wouldn't come home because I knew my mother wouldn't put him in a home.

I felt guilty that part of me wanted him to pass. I still do. He had been with my mom since I was 15, and I had known him for so long, he was the only grandfather my unmentionable ever knew. It was so hard to watch him deteriorate. This is about the only moral battle I ever had that I felt I was unsure of my footing about.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 9:00:04 AM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

My ex Master and I split up after 11 years together because he was a recovering alcoholic who had returned to drinking. Leaving, was in itself, a huge moral dilemma for me. When we parted I had told him that he would always be welcome in my home....providing that he was sober and I made it very clear that he would NOT be welcome drunk.

One night he showed up at my door fully inebriated. He could barely walk and his speech was significantly impaired. I REALLY did not want him in my home, especially knowing how abusive he could be in that state, but I knew if I turned him away and he got down the road and drove head on into a family of five, that I would feel responsible. I suppose I could have called the police and had him escorted away but going that route just felt slimy to me. I ended up pointing him toward the couch with pillow and blanket in hand. I went to my room, locked my door and didn't get one wink of sleep. The next day he thanked me for letting him stay. I made it clear that I didn't do it "for him" but for the innocent people who may have had the misfortune of crossing his path and that I really didn't like being put in a position to have to make such a decision.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 9:43:14 AM

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

Would you care to share one or more real difficult moral dilemmas, that you had to work through. Complete with the way you did it. What or Who helped you in accomplishing that(this)?

Truth is a good friend to have with you when moral dilemma visits.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 10:11:05 AM

DragonOfTheDawn

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

Edit: This is the account of my husband, ZenDragoness writing here, sorry for the mixup.

The first extreme moral dilemma i faced was i was 15 (nearly 16).

In November 1980 a friend of mine in the same age range took me to the flat of a fatherly friend of him. In retrospect i know today, that this man who was 15 years my senior was a slave and he fell for me. I later learned that he cutted contact with his domina because of me. This all went unbeknownst to me.

I met him, thought him attractive but much to old, felt loved in a fatherly way and at home_safe with him. There was no sex, but he gave his all to me. Unluckily had he battled for a long time with depression. As i saw how sad he was, i requested him to go to a professionell, he did that, but it did not helped. Then in July 1981 we met and he drove to a little isle in the Rhein(rhine), we sat at a wooden table and he said that he planned to kill himself, only this time with success, he had tried it some 10 years before with his racing bike, but failed. He explained his reasons:

1.) his depression
2.) all the bad drugs he took, that altered his mind
3.)BDSM, that he went to far, that the pain, that he now needed to get sexual release,
was too much
4.) due to alcohol abuse, had he lost his driving license, so he could no longer drive lorries, this was not the job he had learned, but the job, he loved

The whole year we spend together i did not saw him drinking or doing drugs, i know to this day not, if it was in the past or in the times we spent not together.

I was extremely shocked and thought at first, he made some kind of cruel joke, as i understand, that he was so sure in it, even had everything planned, my whole world shattered.

In this state of shock, i required that he went again to the professionell. But Rainer said, that that would be the last time we saw each other, he said: I am burning myself, sell all my possessions, going down in flames and i do not want you to witness this.

I knew his parents and his brother and he was so loved and i agonized about telling them, but even at 15 i believed in the right to choose suicide and i knew, that he was of a clear mind. The only possibility to stop him, would have been to put him in a mental hospital, and that would have been devastating, he was such a free spirit. So, in the end i respected his wish, to not tell anybody, but to this day i miss him.

It was terrible for a 15 year old and as one day, the friend who brought me to him ,came to visit me and without a word layed the nameplate of his flat in front of me, i knew that he had done it. I spent nearly a half year in a daze, because i wanted to follow him in the darkness, but my sense of living was to strong for it and luckily so.

Today i visit his grave from time to time, took all the men, who were important there (3) and lay red roses down.

< Message edited by DragonOfTheDawn -- 6/12/2006 10:14:49 AM >

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 10:13:35 AM

DragonOfTheDawn

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

This is the account of my husband, ZenDragoness writing here, sorry for the mixup.

Juliaocenania, thank you for sharing your experiences. This really was a very difficult situation and an unsolveable at that.

< Message edited by DragonOfTheDawn -- 6/12/2006 10:16:05 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 10:21:20 AM

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

Mistoferin,

thank you for sharing your experiences. It was very interesting for me to read, i think
i renember the story of your leaving him, you shared it here on the board, i renember, that i was very moved reading it.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 10:22:45 AM

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

Amayos,

i could not agree more with you. Truth and the ability/will to see it, i would maybe add.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to amayos)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 12:20:11 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline

hello, I too have had too face such things and this last one has almost cost me my life and my husband/Master. Last year around around this time an ex girlfriend of my husbands contacted him and she was into bdsm as well , he thought that we should meet because he thought that we could become good friends as well try out a poly with the three of us just for the summer since she had to go back to college in the fall.

   Everything was wonderful she was a major part of our wedding and the family got to know her as well. At the end of summer she did not want to be released but still be under my Masters protection but have an open poly relationship, which was fine. Then i had gotten a i had become acquainted with a woman who was a switch and had her own group locally and her own chat room. I really like this woman and we had planned to go to a party at her house, We went and our sub met this switches brother and sparks flew and i was happy for her. Within a few weeks alot of things came to light about her breaking protocol and betayel. i Won't go in to details but needless to say i t broke my heart.   She refused to talk with my Master with my ugering her to do so and then she kept blowing me off when i aksed her about things she told me i thought that was breaking of protocol.

   Well on this switchs list which i felt at the time and understood that i could bring up issues of concern as long as i did not flame anyone. So i posted my concern about protocol and betrayel of our sub. imediately i was messaged by our sub and told off and to have a nice life that i had betrayed her but since i had depression i was mentally ill and did not know what was going on..
needless to say i was deleted form her messenger and e_mail and the switch who's brother my sub was dating now blocked me from her group list and local group list and my Master too. That was ok part of the deal i knew that but what i was so upset about is the lies and deciet she had no reason for lying. She was asked to return some items that beloned to us which she did not, It has been six months and still she has yet to return those items which one item belongs to my mother in_law.

Anyway did i get too far into details?   needless to say my Master was conteacted and told about my online posting.   It has been six months and i did see this sub where i shop and took a moment to ask her to return the items and i was very cordial. went on about my business. One of the items was a house key and i got concerned about that as well so i called the police to find out what we need to do. Now, by this time i have been accused by this sub and this switch that i had ben harrasing them and stalking them. I was scared to say the least and did not inform my Master because of him being ill and thinking i could deal with this without a big deal. I was so wrong . I was so wrong about a couple of things i did in this situation. I am very ashamed of sending an e-mail to this switch and putting my Masters name on it. The other BIG Wrong thing was that he told me from the very beginning to stay away from this switch. I did not listen.

    The police called our now ex sub and asked about the items and she said the key was sent back by mail--------did not recieve it.   The other itmes she knew nothing about. The police said i could file report and do an investigaion ,my mother in-law would be a wittness and my Master too but the sub called her boyfriend and he in turn called my Master.

    The issue is dropped now.
     I nver got the reort filed and never got our stuff but i salavged my marraige and came clean with all my wrong doings in this situation with my Master.

Moral of this story is too always listen to my Master and i had already been vindicated about the subs breaking of protocol and lies. I became like her when i allowed myself to put my Master name on an e-mail that did not belong there. After that i lost my self respect and his. But he loves me in spite of this and thank god as well. Our First Wedding Aniversary is june 18 the lessons i have learned are immeaaurable and i hope i will never forget them ever.
                     Thank you all for listening ,moontearz

(in reply to DragonOfTheDawn)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 1:56:42 PM

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Up until very recently I cared for my step father that had a stroke and other health problems associated with emphysema. He was chronically ill for a very long time. As he kept slipping with his health he became more and more difficult to care for. It became wearing for my mother too. I started to hint that I thought she should put him a residential facility because it was getting to the point that even with my day-to-day help my mom wasnt coping well with the situation. Her sleep patterns were messed up and her health was starting to slip. She has heart problems of her own too.

Before she was forced to make this choice he was put in the hospital with pneumonia. Part of me wanted so badly for him to get better, but this other part of me knew he was in daily suffering, every breath was a struggle. Part of me wanted his pain just to be over, and my mom to get some sembulance of a life back. I kinda hoped he wouldn't come home because I knew my mother wouldn't put him in a home.

I felt guilty that part of me wanted him to pass. I still do. He had been with my mom since I was 15, and I had known him for so long, he was the only grandfather my unmentionable ever knew. It was so hard to watch him deteriorate. This is about the only moral battle I ever had that I felt I was unsure of my footing about.

Julia,

When my father was dying from cancer , they gave him 3 to 6 months from the time they discovered it. About 3 weeks from then one Sunday afternoon when his brother was visiting he made peace with it, relaxed and just let go, he passed away within moments. I still feel guilty because I was happy that he didn't linger on and suffer for months. I guess I feel guilty because I am never really sure If I was happy because he didn't suffer or because I didn't have to watch him suffer.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 6/12/2006 1:58:24 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 2:18:07 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

My mothers funeral was on the same day that my husband was told he had cancer (falsely diagnosed, he had a tropical disease which killed him a year later anyways). I chose to stay with my husband rather than attending the funeral, I figured I was more useful being with someone who was alive and needed my support than someone who was already dead. This caused a lot of misunderstanding and ill-will in my family. I was totally at peace with my decision, but it was a decision I made knowing the repercussions for me were not going to be good.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 2:20:45 PM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

At the risk of trivializing everything...

Peach and I recently had a threesome with a former slave of mine. We both think she's a twat, but we decided to do it because we thought it would be fun to humiliate her. My dilemma was whether to let the other one suck me, which is normally a very great honor. She asked very nicely, so I relented. Peach got off on watching.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 2:55:39 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

PlayfulOne,

I suppose it is a little of both huh? Most of us will have to face a similar situation one day and nothing prepares one for it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 2:57:55 PM

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

My biggest moral dilemma would have to be when I ended my 18 year marriage. I'm a Christian and I took my vows seriously. I was unhappy and tried for a long time to change my marriage around but it just got worse. I then met my Dom online and fell in love. I thought long and hard about divorcing since I am a Christian and a mother of a teenager daughter. I prayed and talked to my family a lot. I do question it and feel bad for how hard my ex-husband took it and what a hard time he is still having. I'm learning that I am not responsible for what happens to him and that I had to do what I needed to do in order to save myself. I know in my heart that I did the right thing for myself and my child.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 2:59:44 PM

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, watching someone you love or care about suffer is the worst.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 3:20:53 PM

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Julia,
Yes it is a little of both, now I have to go before i start crying.
smiles

K

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 3:37:01 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Shutting my mouth and not saying what I wanted to, when my daughter informed me she was going to have an abortion.

Starting to eat meat again cause Master does.

Going back to a store and telling them they undercharged me.

I think we are faced with little moral dilemma's on a day to day basis. If we handle the little ones correctly, when the big ones come along it prepares us to deal with them without them causing us too much upset.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 3:51:23 PM

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I hear ya, pita. Hardest decision in my life. He is still suffering greatly, in fact was at my door yesterday begging me to come home. I had to ask him to leave. I was dying with him though, and knew that leaving was my only hope at finding happiness.

(in reply to Littlepita)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 6:02:15 PM

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline

Gawd, this feels like confession

As to my dilemmas, well that would be quite a list for me; but after reading some of the others posts on this thread, I feel like I've been spared some really hard ones, as well.

First thing that comes to my mind was that I had sex with the first guy I fell in love with and became pregnant at 16. My parents (despite their religious beliefs) wanted me to have an abortion, and if I decided not to terminate the pregnancy, wanted me to drop out of school, go live with a relative in a different state and put the baby up for adoption. Of course I was also to break all ties with the guy either way.

After some deep soul searching about how much of an adult I was ready to be, I decided to break ties with my parents, and moved in with the baby’s father. Probably wasn't the wisest choice at the time, but hey what did they know.

I went on to have the baby. I changed my high school but didn’t drop out because I had plans to further my education, which I was then soley responsible for, and did this while waiting tables and taking care of my child. I later married the guy when I reached the age of consent, at 18. The marriage didn’t work out but despite everything, we still remain friends to this day. That child is now an adult and attends a university and has a 4.0 GPA (highest marks) and just so happens to be one of the brightest lights in my life.

Nina

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: Dilemmas, moral and other - 6/12/2006 9:02:07 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/22/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline

deciding wether or not to tell my Mum that my father was having an affair with her best friend.

Terrible decision for a fourteen yo to have to make.

_____________________________

...

(in reply to NINASHARP)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dilemmas, moral and other

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.334