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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side"


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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 7:42:12 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


I told you that once you started posting you'd fit in well, around here and I was right. I am so pleased to see that my prediction of your assimilation was correct.

Best of luck to you.



Michael


Resistance was futile. She has been assimilated.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 8:06:44 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14373
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

Oh yeah.. that's the living end when you get lectured for being on a fetish site "seeking friendship." I must get those kind of messages weekly.


I get lectured all the time when I tell people that they're being rude. They somehow think that because this is D/s BDSM, manners don't count.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 11:57:40 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Today's winner 10/16, 2:45 pm. I congratulated him that he had sent me the funniest one all week and that I was about to make him *famous*:

Go talk to your husband, you fat, classless, uneducated twat. Bored? Get off your fat ass and get a job like your husband...

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

~ Carl Jung

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 11:59:04 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
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What does your husband do?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 12:01:33 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

What does your husband do?



LOL. Technogeek.
I had to tell the guy I make just as much $.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

~ Carl Jung

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 6:05:40 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
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From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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DomMeinCT: That is too funny!

I got one word message recently from a guy in Denmark I'd never heard from before that just said "ret." Yes, that's it.

I figured it might mean something in Danish, so asked a person from Denmark. Turns out, it means "right."

It's a mystery what exactly he thinks is "right."

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 9:24:44 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
...aaaaaaaaand here is one from a guy using the hackneyed old 'lesbian domme' thing to get people to chat with him:

From:
########:
10/16/12 9:05 PM
Hello,can i ask for your help? I am a very good friend of Mistress Denise, she is a Owner of a female slave . this slave is a long time slave, she is very well trained, a total live in , well tamed. Mistress Denise at times needs to be away and can not keep in touch with this female slave, so she is looking for somene that could chat with her and keep her company. are you able to help? Thank you for your time. Ms####


Does anyone actually fall for that?





(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/16/2012 9:30:15 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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My favorite message from today:

"I love the smell of sluts in the morning!"

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

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Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 4:37:52 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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This was in my inbox this morning!!
As Online Master and mentor in collarme, (silly nic) is pleased to note sub, knowing her potential and profile date which makes her the one he seeks for further development, attention and considertaion.
Sub is asked to acknowledge as (silly nic) is to talk to her further

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 8:24:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14373
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

This was in my inbox this morning!!
As Online Master and mentor in collarme, (silly nic) is pleased to note sub, knowing her potential and profile date which makes her the one he seeks for further development, attention and considertaion.
Sub is asked to acknowledge as (silly nic) is to talk to her further


Sounds very much like the one I got:

quote:


XXXXXXX as online Master has noticed and went through your profile. Noticing much the submissive trend which as online Master and mentor I seek. Will appreciate should sub be in touch and positively respond to XXXXXXX


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 8:58:20 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
Heres my contribution :) Warning - its LONG

I have rearranged it :D Now ladies, hands off this one is allll mine. I am trembling (with laughter) at the thought of him...

RuledByTheLittleHead on 10/13/12 at 10:34 PM:
to bad yor bitch ass as not in cairo love to make u fell what real master can do to hot slave like u ,,,,,,,,,,,,

Slavery Contract

This is a sample of a "Slavery Contract". While many in the D/s lifestyle feel these to be unnecessary, there are those who are involved in BDSM on different levels, and may find "contracts" like these useful.<

This contract is provided as a secure agreement which defines in specific terms the relationship and interaction between two individuals, hereafter termed the slave and the Master (both terms are intended to be independant of sex). This agreement must be entered voluntarily, but cannot be broken except under the conditions stated herein, after which certain precautions shall be taken to protect those involved.


slave's Role
The slave agrees to submit completely to the Master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the Master without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave's veto applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their Master, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. All of the slave's possessions likewise belong to the Master, including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as they see fit. The slave agrees to please the Master to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said Master.



slave's Veto
The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the Master, at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both Master and slave:
Where said command conflicts with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave;
Where said command may cause extreme damage to slave's life, such as losing their job, causing family stress, etc.;
Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm to the slave;
Where said command may cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has been raped in the past.


Master's Role
The Master accepts the responsibility of the slave's body and worldly possessions, to do with as they see fit, under the provisions determined in this contract. The Master agrees to care for the slave, to arrange for the safety and well-being of the slave, as long as they own the slave. The Master also accepts the committment to treat the slave properly, to train the slave, punish the slave, love the slave, and use the slave as they see fit.

Punishment
The slave agrees to accept any punishment the Master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.
Rules of Punishment
Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm. Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse.
Blood may not be drawn at any time. Punishment must stop immediately if:
blood is drawn;
Burning the body;
Drastic loss of circulation;
Causing internal bleeding;
Loss of consciousness;
Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for extended periods of time.
Permanent Bodily Harm
Since the body of the slave now belongs to the Master, it is the Master's responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:
Death;
Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones;
Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave;
Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave;
Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave.
Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.

Others
The slave may not seek any other Master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the Master's permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The Master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider the slave's emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the Master allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave. The Master may give the slave to other Masters, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the Master will inform the new Master of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new Master will be considered a breach by the Master as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.
Secrecy
All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both Master and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it. The materials and physical evidence shall be kept under lock and key in a place acceptable to both parties.

Alteration of Contract
This contract may not be altered, except when both Master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.
Termination of Contract
This contract may be terminated at any time by the Master, but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the Master, to be shared or kept as they see fit. The slave, owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to the Master, shall once again own their body, but nothing else, unless the Master decides to give back their possessions.
slave's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to give everything I own to my Master, and further accept their claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand that I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my Master to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

Signature: ______________________________

Master's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, body and possessions, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

Signature: ______________________________


amaidiamond on 10/14/12 at 12:52 PM:
Oh Sir RuledByTheLittleHead,

Thank you so much for your e-mail, my bitch ass aches to be in Cairo with such a wonderful example of Masterfulness as yourself.

I must admit I never realised that the man sat next to me who I am owned by was not real, I honestly thought he was, how silly of me!

If you could impart your Masterful wisdom on me I would be very grateful I was wondering, as it seems he is not real, why is it when he brings a cane down across my "bitch ass" it hurts so bloody much?

In regards to the "Slavery contact", thank you so much... I never realised that as owned property I hold "veto power over any command given by the Master, at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command".

I will make sure to show my Master this next time he asks me to do something I do not wish to.... tell me, will he be able to read it as he is not a "real Master"

That is all for now, I await your wisdom with baited breath....

dia

RuledByTheLittleHead on 10/15/12 at 10:34 PM:
u must work hard in coming to cairo u do that and u have home to stay ...

dont do any thing u dont like as we all do that play for fun and if u ar not happy then look and see wher as your bitch ass going to be happy and move on ,

amaidiamond on 10/16/12 at 6:10 PM:
Yeah - your kinda missing what being a slave is I think....

RuledByTheLittleHead on 10/16/12 at 11:44 PM:
its u the one who need to fell what real master & sex God can do to hot slut slave like u

amaidiamond on 10/17/12 at 4:33 PM:
Should not a real master be at least semi literate?

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 9:02:14 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
FR

Got this one yesterday (coward blocked me before I could respond):

quote:

You're a fat, stupid cow...like your "master". Get off your fat ass, get some exercise, and stop eating cake 5 time a day...




Seriously, Dude, is "fat, stupid cow" the best insult you've got? Elementary school kids are more creative than that.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 9:28:37 AM   
oregongirl


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
amaidiamond -- Had to tell you that I laughed so much at this one. Especially when he typed, "Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as: Death". Ha ha!

Loved your last response to him. :)

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 9:31:26 AM   
wnyThroatLover


Posts: 214
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline
I like the part about not causing internal bleeding...

...a bruise is technically internal bleeding...

(in reply to oregongirl)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 9:48:53 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
LOL i have not yet been brave enough to tell the man in charge that I hold veto power so choose not to make the coffee!

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 10:21:10 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

FR

Got this one yesterday (coward blocked me before I could respond):

quote:

You're a fat, stupid cow...like your "master". Get off your fat ass, get some exercise, and stop eating cake 5 time a day...




Seriously, Dude, is "fat, stupid cow" the best insult you've got? Elementary school kids are more creative than that.



That sounds very familiar in tone, length and insult type from the one I posted up there in Post #83.
What a sweetheart!

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

~ Carl Jung

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 10:29:27 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
You has CMail

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 10:34:21 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

You has CMail


Now that we've determined that it's the same username....

It's hilarious to know that he doesn't just send out the same nasty message to every woman....instead, we each get customized-insulting emails!

HAHAHAHAHAH

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

~ Carl Jung

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 10:36:37 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
amaidiamond - he sent you a contract. Im jealous.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 10/17/2012 11:15:16 AM   
DNAHelicase


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

slave's Veto
The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over:
Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm to the slave;

Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:
Death;
Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones;
Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave;
Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave;
Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave.
Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.



Soooo, the slave can issue a veto after she's dead? Cool, that sounds legit.

Also, it cracks me up that a haircut ("any loss of hair") is listed alongside death and broken bones.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 100
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