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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 6:48:10 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you, cordeliasub,

It was upsetting. I wondered about my judgment. I wondered if this was a kink that didn't fit me or if he was an aberration of the kink I knew (what most here describe as Daddy Dom behaviors). Asking these questions here is one of many ways in which I am trying to learn more and understand better.

I'll read the thread again because there are so many perspectives here, it's worth taking the time to review.

For now, my impression is that most people think that age play/incest play is a different sexual turn-on than pedophilia (beyond the fact that the behaviors involve consent and people of the age of consent).

I wondered if the sexual fantasy of engaging in acts with children was the same for DD/of the age play/incest play as it is for the pedophile.

As I read responses, it did occur to me that if a Daddy Dom wanted to say, "yeah, I fantasize about kids while I do ____ to my girl/boy" that he would be attacked for admitting it. Some l/g's here stated adamantly that they would reject him outright if there were any hint of that line of thought going on. So, perhaps I am asking questions that cannot or will not, be answered here. Well, no, I don't mean that exactly. My questions were considered and answered. I mean, there may be some answers that won't be posted here, for fear of, at the very least, rejection.

I do thank you for your support and encouragement. No, I won't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. I'm just going to keep learning, as best I can.

Also, I'm sorry that you had the experience you had, as well. :) Maybe this thread will help the next newbie.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

After reading what the OP went through in her relationship, I think I understand now where some of her apprehension comes from. I would not really consider that man a Daddy Dom - especially not his reaction to an 8 year old in a commercial. I would consider that more in the "creepy pervert" category. I joined a BDSM site as a relative newbie and began talking some with an "experienced Dom" who said he did the daddy thing. Once he found out I had a teenage daughter (which he gleaned in between calling me C*nt slut and trying to order me to eat poop)....he became fixated on whether or not SHE was submissive and would I bring her when I came to see him......

HE wasn't a Daddy either - HE most certainly would fall into the creepy pervert category. In fact, had I not been so wigged out by it....I should have dug for more info about him and reported his ass.

I am so sorry that you had a very upsetting experience with this man - but don't let him factor into your internal definition of Daddy Doms. Sadly, anywhere you go, you can find the occasional creepo trying to use a lifestyle or kink to mask his....creepo-ness.



_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to cordeliasub)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:20:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		TwoHearts, I haven't read the thread, but in my experience:

1) No, there is no statistical correlation between being a Daddy and being attracted to prepubescent children;

2) Daddy is a gender-neutral term in some circles. There are female daddies, both gay and straight.

3) There are a fair number of femdoms who identify as "Mommy Domme." I haven't seen any evidence that they are into prepubescent children either.

Finally, a longtime poster once wrote about fucking his girlfriend from behind while she was wearing a little skirt and pigtails, and coloring a coloring book. I don't know about you, but my reaction was, "Hot hot hot hot HOT!" Can you really not see how that might add some kick to doggystyle, without making me suddenly want to bang a sixth grader?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:33:55 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Okay, this is really for other readers. wittynamehere appears to have a hate thing going so I have no hope that an exchange of ideas can occur with him.


quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

I like to assume that nobody is really this stupid and poorly informed, but you never know I guess. If you're just acting stupid so you can troll the forum, congrats, you got several pages of replies. But if you're really just that dumb:

I don't know what "troll the forum" is, but it sounds bad. I'm sincere. I am certain that I've been poorly informed in some ways and asking others, reading and listening a lot... are my ways of dealing with that. You call me stupid... wouldn't be the first time I've heard that, but I've also heard the opposite. Either way, I'm satisfied with my sincere effort to always learn more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
I’m feeling paralyzed by fear. I don’t even know where to turn for answers.

Paralyzed and yet, you managed to write up a long post. I guess you found out where to turn for answers?!

I meant, I stopped searching for a relationship for at least 6 months. Instead, I've become active in my local BDSM community and have actively sought l/g and DD friendships to understand better. Even so, this is a touchy subject and the internet DOES allow for a measure of distance in which people might speak up about things they would prefer not to discuss in person. Plus, this forum allows for many, many perspectives. I like the people here in general and respect their experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile?

You could have saved yourself some time by using a dictionary, wikipedia, or other free resouces to look up the definitions of those terms. You can't afford our time - do your own googling!
But to answer your question, yes, a "daddy dom" and a "pedophile" are exactly the same thing. I have no idea why they bothered to make up 2 terms for the same definition. [/sarcasm]

I asked if a Daddy Dom is psychologically the same as a pedophile. That means, even though the behaviors differ (consent and chronological age of participants) do they both get sexually turned on by the fantasy of sex with children? So, when a Daddy/daughter are engaged in sexual play... is he picturing a kid in his head? That is NOT a crime. It's obviously not a kink people wish to speak about out loud.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts..

Some do, some don't. You could say the same thing about all dominant people (they may give praise or rewards to the person they're interested in). Hell, you could say the same thing about EVERYBODY entering into a relationship. It's not exclusive to "daddy doms" and "pedophiles", as much as you'd like to claim. Hell, when I was 25 and vanilla, I dated a 29 year old vanilla woman. I used praise, compliments, and gifts. Want to lump me in with pedophiles for that?

I'm not lumping. I'm saying that I see shared methods. These are methods of control. While other types of Doms also fit, the Daddy Dom is seen as nurturing, etc... and again, the question was about what is different.

More than one poster did answer that there are differences. Generally speaking, I'd say that the consensus was that Daddy Doms who are mentally healthy differ in exactly that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I see what your problem is. You're old, and feel threatened and inadequate, so you attempt to make those who are into things like family play and/or age play seem like immoral twisted criminals. Nice try.

While I understand that I differ from the common view that pedophiles should be shot, and instead believe they need a way to channel their desires into a healthy outlet and should not be reviled for having thoughts and feelings... so I also differ in my views of aging.

I like aging. I have always seen beauty in wrinkles, sags, and old faces. That may be cultural. I adored listening to the stories the old people told. I was not exposed to much television or magazine culture until I was much older, so I have never been brainwashed into adoring youth culture. "Inadequate" isn't a word I think of much at all. I'm constantly learning, so I'm always feeling a sense of mastery in some areas and a sense of open wonder/ or downright confusion in other areas. I'm simply... comfortable being me.

At what point did you "discern" that I think of age players/incest players as immoral or twisted or criminal? Take a look at the original post. I said nothing of the sort. Those are not my thoughts and not my words. That's coming out of you.

And, I'll add that your personal attack sticks out in an otherwise mature, intelligent and respectful exchange of ideas and perspectives.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
What is being done already to protect innocents from harm?

You're not aware that it's illegal to have sexual relationship with someone who is incapable of giving informed consent? Holy crap. I think it's YOU who is dangerous to society, not those you're trying to smear. Yikes! Stay far away from me, lady.

Your vitriol doesn't fit the conversation. The tone you "add" reveals you. I'm reminded of fanatics who fluster at any questions of a religious nature, as if asking the questions displays some unwarranted disrespect. Or, of those who think that disagreement means either the person doesn't understand or is lacking in some way. Sometimes, intelligent, informed and reasonable people disagree. It's called, "complexity." I reject any notion that those who question are stupid, ignorant or of ill intent.

I can be sarcastic, too. Now, seems like a good time for it. Feeling scared of a woman who asks questions? By all means, scurry off and hide. Me thinks thou dost protest too much!




_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 7:48:07 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

.

Finally, a longtime poster once wrote about fucking his girlfriend from behind while she was wearing a little skirt and pigtails, and coloring a coloring book.


How the hell are you supposed to color inside the lines like that?

_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:00:10 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have been in Daddy Dom type relationships. Should the right opportunity present itself, I would do it again.

As a Daddy Dom, I was able to let my lg enter a childlike state where she would color, sit on my lap, and in other ways act like a young girl. It put me into a "daddy space".

I could never have sex with a woman when she was in little space, but I did know of at least one local Dom who did. Squick.

To me, being a Daddy Dom means having a relationship with a woman who would mentally act young occasionally, but who was physically unchanged - completely legal. A pedophile goes for children that are underage, and of course is illegal.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:25:03 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		The last sentence of this post is beyond the limits of reproach... even for THIS website.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Finally, a longtime poster once wrote about fucking his girlfriend from behind while she was wearing a little skirt and pigtails, and coloring a coloring book. I don't know about you, but my reaction was, "Hot hot hot hot HOT!" Can you really not see how that might add some kick to doggystyle, without making me suddenly want to bang a sixth grader?


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:31:00 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

I’m feeling paralyzed by fear. I don’t even know where to turn for answers. I am hoping that TOS guidelines won’t interfere with a rational and informative discussion of this topic. I simply seek clarity. These are my questions:

Question 1

Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile psychologically, but he behaves physically/sexually only with adults?

I believe people are sexually unique for three reasons:
1) Born that way
2) An early event linked sexuality and (fill in the blank/fetish)
3) Choice.

Question 2

So, if a guy is sexually aroused and attracted to all things youthful and he acts on it, it’s a crime and a horror. But, if that same guy channels those feelings into mutually consensual behavior with another adult, or adults, then I think we’d all want to support that “use” of those feelings, right?

Question 3

Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?

Question 4

To anyone who has seen the film, “The Woodsman,” which shows how a woman accepts a pedophile’s need to express his sexuality in specific ways with her, do you agree that the Daddy Dom relationship is much like this?

Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?

Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.

Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

I sincerely hope we can skip the defense of the kink… THAT is not the issue, and there is an abundance of that point of view already. Could we focus on this other concern, please?

Thank you, Everyone.




Speaking from ugly personal experience, I am probably be one of the best people to answer this. THIS is the difference: A REAL pedophile goes after REAL children. It is not a consensual relationship but one of intimidation and fear, where someone else puts their own wants over a child's needs and sexually exploits them without giving a sh*t about the psychological damage they cause.

I'm a monogamous switch who chooses the Domme side. I've known a "Daddy Dom" or two in my time. They have been giving, nurturing, healing souls who do not make someone feel like they are walking on egg shells all the time...they put their submissive's needs over their own wants...ensure that the relationship is symbiotic instead of parasitic...and care deeply about the mental and emotional health of their submissive.

I am a "Mommy Domme". I don't have him roleplay being a young child, we just are who we are to each other; I guide him and watch over all of him, as everything about him is important to me. We do not have a punishment dynamic. I earn his trust so that it becomes as pure as the trust one can get from a very young child.

I grew up in a time when it was common to see in real life as well as in movies and on tv where a wife or girlfriend would refer to their mate as Daddy or Dad, and the male to refer to her as girl or mom. (Many married people just took the title Dad or Mom once the children came along, even with each other.) Many vanillas refer to each other as baby and there is no "pedophilia" roleplay going on...same goes for us. My mother had to go to Dad to ask permission from him to buy a new dress...my mom also had to get permission from her next husband to be allowed to add some bananas into their grocery cart...if this is not treating a WOMAN like a child instead of a fully functional adult, then why is it acceptable in the vanilla world and squicky in our own? I could likely get you links to old advertisements that recommended husbands treating their naughty wives like dependent children and spanking them when "necessary". Heck, even a John Wayne movie showed husbands treating their wives like unruly children and spanking them.

This next part will say this next point better than I can.
Taken from The Connection Between Kink and Abuse, an essay by Bob King...
http://reocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/6140/survkink.htm
"The psychological aspects of Domination and Submission also seem to have a very
strong attraction for survivors. In many cases I believe this relates to the
need to find a safe and trustworthy authority figure who will provide a secure
environment for healing."

For some people, BDSM has been a healthy part of healing past issues. Yes, I have daddy issues and major trust issues. bo's obedience takes me deeper into trust than I ever dreamed possible. He had a lot of issues of his own and is also learning to trust someone more than he ever dreamed was possible.

Part of owning him is mothering him...because he has an empty place and every part of him is mine. Even the empty place where his heart was ripped out of him. It's all MINE. His mother and father may have started raising him but I am finishing the job.

quote:

Question 3

Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?


I'll change this to Mommy Dommes and answer your questions. (Btw, not all pedophiles do what you mentioned in that first sentence. Some don't pretend to have a special friendship, they just see an opportunity and take it, going back for more as opportunities present themselves.)

Self-image? I know I'm an old thing pushing 50. My nature may be a bit childlike (gawd, I LOVE Pokemon!) but I don't try to fool myself that I am some eternal teenager. Even when I had submissives half my age I FELT the age difference and knew our relationship would be temporary. Inability to maintain peer relationships? Um, wow, I haven't seen that among fellow real time kinksters, nor is it true for myself. I've tended to make friends with people a lot older than myself as well as a lot younger because I don't believe in "age segregation". My peers were mostly married and doing their best to cheat, and I got tired of being propositioned by my friends' husbands just because I wasn't dating anyone. When I was a young teenager, most of my best friends were old people from my paper routes, folks in their 60's and 80's on up. (These were all non-sexual friendships.)

A need for isolation, control, and secrecy? You see this within the real time BDSM community? Really??? At our munch groups and play parties we have several "littles", mostly owned, and they have lots of friends and are quite socially active. There is a difference between BDSM and abusive relationships...one makes someone glow, feel loyalty and trust and love...and the other dries up someone's soul and makes them either afraid or cringing or numb and/or suicidal. Someone needing isolation and secrecy...would send up red flags with me. Control...that's different, I don't have a problem with that.

I don't feel shame for what I do. No self-loathing either. A charming facade? I'm into transparency within relationships. Having a "charming facade" would mean that I didn't like myself and felt the need to hide my real self away from the world. Btw, if I had so little control over shaping who I am so that I can bear looking at my own face in the mirror each day, then I would have no business trying to shape the life of another.

quote:

Question 4

To anyone who has seen the film, “The Woodsman,” which shows how a woman accepts a pedophile’s need to express his sexuality in specific ways with her, do you agree that the Daddy Dom relationship is much like this?


Never saw it. I squick out easily compared with many vanillas on some subjects. WTF, if the woman in the movie is a WOMAN and not a child, why in the world would a pedo be interested in her? If she is fully grown up...whatever roleplay they do in the bedroom is their own business and none of mine. Just throwing the word pedophile around like that is enough to make me never want to watch that movie.



quote:

Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?


If pedophilia was a real problem, where the guy wasn't interested in just roleplaying but wanted real kiddies to toy with... "Responsibility to protect?" I'm seeing apples and oranges here. Any responsible human being would not hook up with someone who would go all pedo on her kids. I see a difference between consensual roleplay between two adults and some woman offering her kids up to some pedo to use.

quote:

Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.


Maybe I'm missing the point here but...all of us age. Nobody stays young forever. If you are genetically blessed or have enough money for plastic surgery you can age very gracefully (example, many Hollywood movie stars). My "boy" is ten years older than I am. He dyes his hair because we like it that way. He has dentures. Nonetheless he is my "token child" and I can see his beauty in spite of his years. Seeing someone through the eyes of love and proud ownership...means never having to "trade up", as many vanilla husbands do when their trophy wife puts on twenty pounds or gets her first wrinkle.

As far as being attracted to a "look" or an "illusion"...I will see him as I want to see him. Part of him is forever young to me; his body is just the outer wrapping and yeah, it will age just as surely as I will. We don't have to worship youth or be a pedophile to have a Mommy or Daddy Dom relationship with someone. We like their sweet little ways, their trusting eyes, loving heart, obedience, and some of us enjoy their ability to entertain...calling out to my inner child to come and play with their inner child.

quote:

Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

I sincerely hope we can skip the defense of the kink… THAT is not the issue, and there is an abundance of that point of view already. Could we focus on this other concern, please?


What is being done to protect innocents from harm? For one, I know of anyone messing with jailbait within our munch groups and MAsT. There are innocents who are older, no longer jailbait, and what is being done is EDUCATION. Leading them to reading non-fantasy, non-porn, educational books to help show them the ropes. I've mentored many (no strings attached, no fingers raiding the cookie jar).

I would never defend anyone hunting/using underaged people. Btw, most of the people in the half a dozen groups I belong to are over 40 years old. So are most of the submissives. The underaged kids in my area are NOT members of any BDSM groups I know of, and I belong to all of them in the lower part of WV.

Are you sure you are not confusing BDSMers with human trafficing?

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:32:47 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Michael,

I've left you for last because your attitude is kind of stingy/grouchy. Such impatience with people who are learning and don't know it all like you do...

Here's a tribute I wrote for my Daddy Dom who later revealed himself to be something else...













Good Morning Everyone :)
Okay, I've been playing in my last 2 entries here, but it's time to give tribute to my Daddy, my Dom, my Sir & and my friend. He is all of these to me.
First, I worship and adore Him. He's teaching me a new kind of love that I never knew existed - a loving, caring, committed, kind, kind, kind, nurturing, affectionate, attentive and encouraging Daddy.
I'd previously been wary of Daddy Doms as so many offer trinkets, trips... and I am not here for any of that. I was concerned with "age play." I simply did not understand. All of that Daddy searching I've done my whole life - I found in Him. As if I was a baby (not the kink), He is providing what I never experienced - just starting at the beginning. My Daddy Dom is a healer and there's never been a happier submissive than me. He's been the epitome of all that is wonderful and magical in a Daddy.
As my Dom, He has been patient, clear and firm. This is a Dom to contend with! I am to become the best me and the best submissive I can be. My efforts are noticed, encouraged and expected. There is never a hint of abuse, disrespect, or condescension towards me. Can He be exacting? Absolutely! He gives me the room to learn, obey and please Him. His tone is clear and His instructions are consistent. Although as a relative newbie, so many "rules" can be daunting, my Dom understands and simply re-enforces the lessons and lauds the efforts that come purely from my heart.
As my Sir, OUCH - cherry cheeks here! Punishment is a part of what I submit to in respect for His wisdom, experience and intentions. Perks - He insists that I take better care of myself (lost 10 pounds in as many days, using exercises He gave me to do, which don't stress any of my injured parts). I suppose that one is a cross-over of each of His roles, but lack of effort or defiance is punished. I need His authority, too. My Sir is teaching me much of the protocol which is expected in "our community" and all of that which makes Him proud. Although I find I am becoming more slave-like than submissive (which I never expect to happen), my Sir has created a "safe space" in which I can finally experience the womanliest of surrender. A place of freedom - and He feels my surrender, revels in it and knows exactly what to do with it.
As my "vanilla friend," He's my confidant, my cuddly, playful buddy. We can talk and laugh and be deeply and seriously intimate. There's romance, holding hands, hugging, silliness, and shared interests. This respect, mutual honor and gratitude for having met each other have been the basis of trust and the foundation of a harmonious union.
Perhaps as a newbie in training, I should not separate these "roles" into 4 parts, but I wanted to explain to all who a Daddy Dom can be. I don't mean to make distinctions in "levels" or to judge intimacy or approaches. I simply understand why He and I are celebrating our relationship. We are both especially complicated and it's been with great difficulty that we finally found each other. Make no mistake - I'm HIS, but He is also MINE.
In the depth of my surrender to Him, I find the sublime - He takes me straight to heaven or nirvana. Truly, I am shocked at His command over me and how I revel in being protected and directed, under His wing. I can feel His heart beating faster as He stands above my "bottoms up," His expansion in the control, the power, and to my dedication as I say, "Yes, Sir, or Daddy or Dom." I love the way He marks me and gives me a reminder of His possession of me. I love the way He feels my surrender to Him and how He knows that this is so much deeper than any outer displays of dominance.
You see, you could torture or kill me and never make me cry. It's His approach, the environment of complete safety He's built, His kindness, His inspiration to give Him every ounce of me, and to never, never disappoint Him - it is this that brings me to tears. It's also His willingness to meet me in this place of vulnerability, and to share in it Himself. Nothing this intimate happens in a one-sided manner.
So, I write this to give honor to the most trustworthy, open-hearted, patient, forgiving, experienced, intelligent, endlessly interesting, fair, Hot, protective, mentor and friend (the list goes on). As I am prone to frequently say these days, "Wow"!
We've found our bliss, our forever - and yes, we've met. A lot. We will soon be 24/7 and I am looking forward to learning so much more about what makes my Love feel exactly as He wishes. :)
Sir (fill in the blank)'s (would you believe militant feminist?) and devoted submissive,
me





quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

You seem to be starting from the premise that "Daddy = pedophile". You're wrong, of course so I won't answer your slanted questions.

I'm 48 years old and while I have dated younger ladies, for most of my life I've been with ladies my age or older (I admit, as I get older, I haven't dated that many ladies significantly older than I am)

You could really benfit from a bit more information about what a daddy really is.



Peace and comfort,



Michael


Now, with a better idea of how I feel about Daddy Doms, perhaps my original questions can be seen as dealing with a specific type (and not with the ONE TRUE WAY that you think I should have found already).

In all fairness, by page two, I believe, I revised the question to "Daddy Doms who engage in incest play/and or/ age play." My mistake, but I think it turned out okay because I sought a variety of perspectives and they were generously given. Even those who felt offended, extended a bit of kindness in giving me the benefit of the doubt, in that I mean no offense to others. My heart is in the right place and I've laid my head down here for adjustment. That's all I've got.

I have great admiration for those who tried to help, whether by agreeing, or disagreeing. My questions were "slanted" to point towards a very specific issue - NOT about Daddy Doms as a kink.


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:45:34 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		Actually, apropros of nothing, but I think it's FUCKING amusing when the mods go bug-fuck crazy when I make comments about submissive males with no self-respect but some chick can come in here and call daddy Dom's a bunch of fucking pedo's and there's nary a mod to be seen.

All part of the anti-Dom agenda, I suppose, but I can't be the only one getting really fucking sick of the bias in the moderation.

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(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:47:30 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		No. Pedophiles want to have sex with someone underage.

DaddyDoms want to have sex with someone who is of age but who needs mentoring/nurturing.

It's almost like comparing an apple with a platypus



quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

Still, do they share the same turn-ons?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam


quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne


Okay, I think I see what I missed here. I'm not saying that Daddy Doms are pedophiles. I'm asking if some types of Daddy Doms are psychologically pedophiles.

A Daddy Dom who is an incest/age-player... am I even saying that right yet?, is acting out sexual feelings for an under-aged person & / or family member?

I'm not referring to things like coloring books. I'm talking about role-play that is sexual AND involves family &/or minors.

I'll give an analogy.

Years ago, I was a wrestling coach and I had been a 4x national qualifier when I competed.

I enjoyed 'takedown play' up to and including penetration.
Does that make me psychologically a rapist?

I'll say no.





< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 2/6/2013 8:58:23 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:50:12 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been in Daddy Dom type relationships. Should the right opportunity present itself, I would do it again.

As a Daddy Dom, I was able to let my lg enter a childlike state where she would color, sit on my lap, and in other ways act like a young girl. It put me into a "daddy space".

I could never have sex with a woman when she was in little space, but I did know of at least one local Dom who did. Squick.

To me, being a Daddy Dom means having a relationship with a woman who would mentally act young occasionally, but who was physically unchanged - completely legal. A pedophile goes for children that are underage, and of course is illegal.


Yep, got that! My original post was poorly worded because I was trying to write around the TOS, which I thought meant we could not discuss age play/incest play. My bad... it's not a choice in the BDSM interests, so I thought we had to avoid direct language. Now that I know...

After reading the full thread, I'd like to refine the question to this...

Even knowing there is no "One True Way," is is true that generally speaking, a Daddy Dom does NOT engage in sexual practices with his girl while she is regressed? Or, is a Daddy Dom, generally speaking, NOT an age-player?

If it can go either way, then my question becomes...

"Is age play/ incest play" the same set of thoughts and feelings that a pedophile experiences, the same fantasies... but in a acceptable environment, between consenting adults?

As EsotericLady stated, even here, in the chat rooms, the Daddy/daughter, molestation fantasy is alive and well. It's THEM who identify as Daddies. Neither she, nor I, have labeled them as such.

I think fantasies are fine. I know a sadist who gets off on the thought of snuff. He's not going to kill anyone or do anything without consent. Still, he is excited by the fantasy.

You say you don't do age play in tandem with sexual play. Most here seem to echo that. Some don't.

So, what I'm trying to sort out is if there are pedophiles masquerading as Daddy Doms (who are age players/incest players) or is the sexual fantasy life of both the same?


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:56:31 PM   
EnamoredReject


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/3/2012
Status: offline 		to quote my profile
quote:


this girl is a "Little girl"
What is a little girl?
A "Little girl" is an adult submissive who needs the positive role model and craves the protection, but also needs the role somewhere between a submissive and a slave. they look up to their owner as a Daddy/Mommy or father/mother figure. They feel vulnerable and crave protection and gentle care. They just crave the protection, support, reliability and nurturing nature of a Daddy/Mommy Dom/me
A little is a type of baby-girl
A little expresses inner vulnerability and innocence to the point that they sometimes appear childlike in their behavior. It's not about role playing a child, it's about expressing those... childlike needs to the point that behavior may appear childlike. IT IS NOT AGEPLAY!



once you understand that it's not ageplay, it becomes pretty clear that it's not even related to pedophilia.

with that said, sure there are probably some Daddy types out there who are pedo's but that's not what it's intended to be.


"Daddy" does not mean "father" in a sense of incest. it is just a better term for this type of relationship that "Master"
Weather the relationship is sexual or not varies between DD/lg and there is no one answer for that. it's a case-by-case type of thing.
personally, i'd never be sexual while being "little", but outside of that, sex is fine. and that's something that's stated very clearly in any relationship of a DD/lg type i've entered (or plan on entering in the future). This is a common theme among all little's that i've talked to (and some even go as far as to be completely non-sexual).

the bottom line (in my opinion) is that there will always be bad apples in the bunch, but as a whole, DD/lg is not about ageplay or incest or any other such nonsense.

< Message edited by EnamoredReject -- 2/6/2013 9:02:16 PM >

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:58:10 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		Well, but RedMagic1 is actually addressing the awkward part of my question. My answer, no, I don't see how it is hot. It's right up there with eating shit as a kink, in terms of my personal preferences.

But, I do think that some men are fantasizing about having sex with kids while they are having sex with adults... and between adults, I think... no harm done. In an earlier post, or two or three, actually, the littles said that if they thought there was even a hint of that going on, they'd be out of there. So, I wonder if this goes on more often than is revealed, because otherwise, the guy with the fantasy would be rejected.

I do think that RedMagic can have a sexual fantasy that is totally taboo, and NOT be in any way tempted to go hurt a child. It's not my thing, but I don't see the harm in it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

The last sentence of this post is beyond the limits of reproach... even for THIS website.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Finally, a longtime poster once wrote about fucking his girlfriend from behind while she was wearing a little skirt and pigtails, and coloring a coloring book. I don't know about you, but my reaction was, "Hot hot hot hot HOT!" Can you really not see how that might add some kick to doggystyle, without making me suddenly want to bang a sixth grader?





_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:02:03 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

TwoHearts, I haven't read the thread, but in my experience:

1) No, there is no statistical correlation between being a Daddy and being attracted to prepubescent children;


May I ask how you know this? In other words, what are you basing, "there is no statistical correlation" on? Is there something I can read to learn about this?

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:03:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

Are you aware that there are some who are sexually excited by the genitalia being shaven/waxed to the pre-pubescent look? How do we know that this is not one aspect of a pedo channeling a compulsion onto an adult?


Seriously? Yeah and all these years I thought we both just liked me being shaved completely because it's cleaner and neither of us likes pin pricks in the skin from the hair while we're fucking. Silly me.

And all of those years of shaving completely since I was a young teenager had nothing to do with me not having to worry about stray hairs sticking out of bikinis and such. I just liked looking like a pre-pubescent.



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Everything has changed

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:04:37 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne


After reading the full thread, I'd like to refine the question to this...

Even knowing there is no "One True Way," is is true that generally speaking, a Daddy Dom does NOT engage in sexual practices with his girl while she is regressed? Or, is a Daddy Dom, generally speaking, NOT an age-player?



Age play is generally NOT sexual. Coloring, other childlike activities. As I said, while I do know of men who have sex with their women while in little mode, it squicks me out and I think it's uncommon. Daddy Doms ARE age players because age play is mostly NOT sexual.
quote:



If it can go either way, then my question becomes...

"Is age play/ incest play" the same set of thoughts and feelings that a pedophile experiences, the same fantasies... but in a acceptable environment, between consenting adults?


Lord, no! Like I've said, age play is mostly nonsexual.
quote:



As EsotericLady stated, even here, in the chat rooms, the Daddy/daughter, molestation fantasy is alive and well. It's THEM who identify as Daddies. Neither she, nor I, have labeled them as such.

I think fantasies are fine. I know a sadist who gets off on the thought of snuff. He's not going to kill anyone or do anything without consent. Still, he is excited by the fantasy.

You say you don't do age play in tandem with sexual play. Most here seem to echo that. Some don't.

So, what I'm trying to sort out is if there are pedophiles masquerading as Daddy Doms (who are age players/incest players) or is the sexual fantasy life of both the same?



Quit focusing on the sexual!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:12:33 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline 		TAFKAA... I'm taking this opportunity to "speak" to you directly, although I've read your posts many times before.

I've learned to view your input as a sign that a bottom has been reached in human intercourse.

Perhaps the distinction the moderators see is that intelligent people are able to make... distinctions. (hint - that requires seeing past one's own ego)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

Actually, apropros of nothing, but I think it's FUCKING amusing when the mods go bug-fuck crazy when I make comments about submissive males with no self-respect but some chick can come in here and call daddy Dom's a bunch of fucking pedo's and there's nary a mod to be seen.

All part of the anti-Dom agenda, I suppose, but I can't be the only one getting really fucking sick of the bias in the moderation.



_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:13:58 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Just because someone does not attempt the act, it doesn't mean the thought is beyond reproach.
And in this case and to me, it most definitely is.
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

I do think that RedMagic can have a sexual fantasy that is totally taboo, and NOT be in any way tempted to go hurt a child. It's not my thing, but I don't see the harm in it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

The last sentence of this post is beyond the limits of reproach... even for THIS website.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Finally, a longtime poster once wrote about fucking his girlfriend from behind while she was wearing a little skirt and pigtails, and coloring a coloring book. I don't know about you, but my reaction was, "Hot hot hot hot HOT!" Can you really not see how that might add some kick to doggystyle, without making me suddenly want to bang a sixth grader?






(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:14:11 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		It's largely anecdotal, because there's no good studies of the US BDSM scene as far as I'm concerned. But for what it's worth:

from Germany, over 62% of men reported having paraphilias, but pedophilia fantasies was at 9.5%, so a minority of total fetishists.
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01597.x/abstract;jsessionid=B1F6436CBC85128C7C61FE47082D211E.d02t03?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=&userIsAuthenticated=false



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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:16:24 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady
Just because someone does not attempt the act, it doesn't mean the thought is beyond reproach.
And in this case and to me, it most definitely is.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

-- Aristotle

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 140
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