LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TAFKAA
You will find the replies are usually specifically chosen so that each individual can maintain their own self-image. They will construct their 'rules' to match their own self-assessment against their own experience and capability.
This is very much why I started the thread the way that I did. It's also why I wanted to put out there that My rules won't necessarily fit for other people because they are going to have their own criteria.
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It's different. A slave is a statement of identity and you could argue that nobody has the right to argue with someone's own self-determined idea of identity - regardless of how we might think otherwise.
I see your point about self-identity, but I'm rather stubborn in the belief that a person has to live that way to make those claims.
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Assuming the title of 'expert' is a statement of capability and ego. The two combine to produce that self-assessment. Someone with little capability but significant ego may assume that mantle themselves while someone with significant capability but a paucity of ego may not. Obviously then, it becomes clear that self-assumption of that mantle is worthless because it provides no way of assessing the capability component of the equation - which is, after all, what we're really interested in knowing.
Consequently, it follows that the only worthwhile assessment of capability is some kind of peer assessment which occurs outside the social interactions of a given community - lest nepotism or other forms of positive or negative bias influence the outcome.
This is where the presenting really comes into play for Me. It's easy to do it in your own backyard. (Meaning your local kink group.) It's different when you do the same gig in another location where folks may not necessarily know you, like you, and have nothing but the presentation to base their opinion on.
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Essentially, we are all creatures of ego. Because of that, there's an unconscious drive to distinguish ourselves in some way from others in a given community. You see it repeated ad nauseam both here and on Fetlife. People attempting to exercise that drive - usually by disparaging other individuals or groups in some way.
Independent assessment is important in a community such as this, especially because so many of the activities have safety considerations and the increasing potential for legal liability. In fact I would be very surprised if we did not see the notion of legal liability becoming an increasing part of community considerations. The various strategies people employ to try and keep the realities of our societies at bay are mere window dressing over a very real problem - that the social mores of the kink world (particularly with regard to consent, pain, suffering and damage) are seriously out of step with the social mores of the societies in which we reside. And the disparity between the two will inevitably clash.
This is a trend that I think is happening already. Seminars on BDSM and the law are becoming more frequent. I see this as a very positive thing. How a person handles themselves when those clashes happen can save a lot of complications and getting the information on what steps to take is very valuable.
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Consequently, avoiding that requires the kink community to wake up and stop playing at what we're doing. To start considering the notions of certification and legal liability - because it's only going to take one case which sets legal precedent to shove a large fat fly in the kink ointment.
Have you happened to notice the threads on what was being called the Missouri sex slave case? A lot of what was being presented as evidence there really are the same activities that we discuss on these boards every day. How qualified the guy was that was charged in that case, I have no idea.
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From that perspective, it really is important for the conversation around capability to start factoring in a professional-practitioner type approach to activities with significant risk. If you wish to rig, tie or cut, your own self-assessment is insufficient and and your capability to do so should be assessed independently. I would argue that the subs who give themselves up to a Dom or Top's care deserve no less.
I'm absolutely all for subs/bottoms using some kind of criteria to evaluate whether the person they are playing with for the first time is really competent at the play or not. For those who do play publicly, sometimes, this can be easier. A person can have the opportunity to see a top play with others to help them make an assessment if they are a safe person to play with or not.
For those that don't play publicly, this can be a little more challenging. I'm not sure how easy it would be to convince those who play at home only to be critiqued in their skills. It would be a nice option though. Maybe a way for subs/bottoms to have a little reassurance in those first few play times.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Expert designations - 
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