RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless

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RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 11:24:25 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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FR

Welcome to the DISCUSSION side of CM called CollarChat. Over here, cupcake, we discuss all sorts of things both kinky and non.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder that isn't going to serve you well here. The vast majority of the men on THIS side are actually fairly decent human beings who do read profiles and respect boundaries. Ranting and raving, here isn't going to stop those who won't bother to read your profile. You see, the men on the other side who are contacting you even though they do not fit your requirements (which only state an age range and that they are a business owner or professional) think they have the magic penis and that your requirements are irrelevant. Pissing and moaning isn't going to change that.

BTW, since all you mention is sex and money in your profile, be prepared to be treated like a prostitute by the desktop dominants.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 11:43:45 AM

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Hi Lizi! Point well taken. I really didn't mean it as a condemnation of all Doms. I could have worded it differently. I must say, it did get people's attention though.

I'm sorry I offended the innocents on here. Truly I am.

No, I don't like broad-sweeping statements. When I said about the construction worker, I was just giving an example of how different that is from what I was asking for. Anyway, as for the posts to the sex sites, dating sites, I could take a look, but it's really not that big of a deal to me. What are the sites? I clicked on my link and don't see anything. I have a presence on the web because of my business as an affiliate marketer. So this picture that's on here, is me. I believe if I can't do something in public, I don't do it behind the scenes. This way, there's never any shame - only truth.

I believe that anyone who has ever posted a picture of themselves on the internet, including FB, are subject to people doing whatever they want with their picture. I simply don't care. They can post my picture on a porn site if they want. The reason I don't care is because I don't answer to any "boss" other than myself. My income is not contingent upon corporate America or anyone else other than myself, so I'm not concerned. If men see these links to other sites and they are responding to my ad based on that misinformation, shame on them.

Again, thank you all, and I apologize for offending the innocent.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 11:49:20 AM

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searching4mysir: I wasn't going to respond to you at first, as it's clear to me that either you didn't read my ad or you just have difficulty understanding easy concepts. Either way, you missed that memo too. And no, I wasn't ranting and raving. I simply stated what I needed to state. Also, I don't have a "chip" on my shoulder. If you call being honest having a chip on my shoulder, fine.

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 11:52:14 AM

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searching4mysir: Funny, you missed the "Emotionally Nurturing" section of my ad and zoomed in on the sex part. I told you, you missed the memo.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:36:08 PM

searching4mysir

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Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lisha333

searching4mysir: Funny, you missed the "Emotionally Nurturing" section of my ad and zoomed in on the sex part. I told you, you missed the memo.

I didn't miss it at all. It was very brief and then switched right back to sex. It read as if it was an aside.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:38:24 PM

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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No, I believe you are the one without a clue about the online world. This is not just you, but if you stay here you will read the same type of complaint from other men and women who think that the second they ask for something, only those they want will reply. Not gonna happen.

You seem to think that putting what you want in a profile is going to guarantee that you only get the types of responses you want. Obviously, as a business woman you have never heard of advertising. Advertising is putting out a message and HOPING for the right response. Just as any banner ad cannot predict or CONTROL who clicks on their ad, the same is true for online dating profiles.

I am here to inform you that no matter what you say, you will be unable to control the action of men who wish to reply.

The only thing in your control, is yourself and the way you respond to this situation. You can be graceful and understanding of what goes on in this medium and ignore the ones you do not want, or you can come to a kink website, where you have asked for a nuturing guy to fuck you in the ass really roughly and throat fuck you while cumming all over your face, and then whine about how Doms are totally clueless as your introduction to the smart people on this side.

You missed the mark posting over on this side as many have told you. Oh, and there is nothing wrong with wanting what you want, but try to see it from the other perspective, some guys only read "fuck me in the ass" and missed everything else.

If you truly want something, try leaving out the sex part. I don't say anything about sex in my profile because I will share what I want with the right person, when the time comes. I don't need to broadcast the details to satisfy random online wankers.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 3/3/2013 1:40:42 PM >

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:50:05 PM

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sexyred1: Okay. I don't want to fight on here. That's not why I came on. I'll absorb what people have to say and suspend my judgment and suspicions.

I know I can't control who responds, but I just keep reading these horror stories on different blogs/forums and it's very upsetting. Maybe I'll change the title of this post to "Clueless in New York." How do you change the subject Line?

I just thought it really important to put in exactly what I wanted because I'm finding that when it comes to the sex thing, the guys are looking for one thing (really wanting to use whips and tying people up), while I'm looking for something else in the sex department. I just didn't want to waste time dating someone with whom I'm not sexually compatible. Anyway, your point is well taken. I actually made my own private list of what's important to me in a Daddy/Dom but didn't post it because it's in-depth. May I send it to you? I don't think it's unreasonable. In fact, I think that if I make a list of what I want, I can screen people out that don't qualify - as opposed to seeing what happens.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:52:08 PM

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I am glad you took my points as ell intentioned, which they are.

Sure, you can mail me.

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:55:43 PM

ExquisiteStings

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Well said Sexy Red1 !!

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 1:59:38 PM

ExquisiteStings

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That was for the posting today 1338 regarding how you won't share all of your sex details with the whole world because they are for you and that someone special. I agree with that part.

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

"Clueless in New York." - 3/3/2013 2:00:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lisha333
Maybe I'll change the title of this post to "Clueless in New York." How do you change the subject Line?

See above.

And welcome.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:01:52 PM

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searching4mysir: The pampering is just as, if not briefer, (if there is such a word) as the emotional part and I put in within the context of a relationship. What about the loving and nurturing part of my request, which is in the same paragraph as the emotional nurturing section? I think it's very clear to me what I want. A loving relationship with a dominant male who acts like a "Daddy" who is loving, emotionally supportive, stern, "punishes" but is not sadistic, loves the same kind of sex as I do, and takes me out every Saturday night, pampers me. These are the same requirements I had in the vanilla world, but I don't want vanilla anymore. I want to be in a relationship with someone in the BDSM world - just not an asshole who thinks they're going to use me because I'm new to this.

Why put the financial/pamper part in?

Being new (relatively new as I'm a member of TES, have gone to Paddles many times but never "played" with anyone) I find that when people know you own a business, they see dollar signs. I can deal with this in the vanilla dating world effectively, but what frightens me is that I'm seeing (reading about) women, who are getting taken to the cleaners financially. Someone even posted on here asking if financial domination is part of the process. That's very scary to me. That's what I mean. For a change, I'd like to be pampered. I don't want men to want me because I own a business and make money online. I want to know that they can provide also. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:03:31 PM

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sexyred: Okay, I'll PM you and paste it in. Thank you.:)

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:09:24 PM

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sexyred1: I just sent it

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:12:35 PM

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Could you fill me in on what "winning" your submission is?

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(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:28:40 PM

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Joined: 3/2/2013
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TNDommek: Did I send you something? I thought I sent it to sexyred1. Yes, I can explain that. "Winning" means they (prospective Daddy/Dom) have won the prize - my submission. My submission is the prize. Here is an example (and why I don't think my ad is the problem necessarily but I'm open to changing it if many others think it's the problem). I posted this same ad elsewhere, and here are some responses I got:

Response #1:

"I am 34, 6 foot 2 and a successful business man. I live and work in Manhattan and have experience being a daddy dom. I seek a woman to own and make mine. I would take care of you physically and financially to belong to me. I am stern, HUNG, and sane but i enjoy being in control in a relationship. I am very open minded and like trying different things. I have attached some pics. I am serious and for real. I would take very good care of you."

Response #2:

"Lisha, You are quite attractive. I'd love to get to know you. We love all the same things and I'd like to get to know you. Please respond if you are remotely interested in getting to know me."

Response: #3

"I would very much like if we could get better acquainted. May I propose whatever is convenient for you, be it, emails, instant messages, chatting, phone calls. Looking forward to hearing from you. Keith"

Do you see what I mean? So it's the same ad, and I'm also getting these kinds of responses and they are interested in giving me what I want (at least in theory - we'll have to see what happens when we go on dates).

These 3 are in the running.

That being said, I see this (dating and getting the right Daddy/Dom) as a competitive sport. There are requirements in any competition. If the candidates don't meet the requirements or drop the ball at the finish line, they get kicked out of the running. That's why I think it's important to be specific about what I want. Your thoughts?

(in reply to TNDommeK)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:29:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lisha333

sexyred1: I just sent it

You have cmail.

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:38:16 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lisha333

That being said, I see this (dating and getting the right Daddy/Dom) as a competitive sport. There are requirements in any competition. If the candidates don't meet the requirements or drop the ball at the finish line, they get kicked out of the running. That's why I think it's important to be specific about what I want. Your thoughts?

I said this to you privately, but it bears repeating. If you provide people with everything you want as requirements, you will get people who simply parrot back to you what you said.

I prefer the less is more approach whereby a man is able to tell you about himself and you can discern how he may or may not meet your specifics. I think it is more creative to ask a man to talk about himself and you will see what he values, rather than giving him a playbook of what to say to get your attention.

Just my opinion, of course.

(in reply to Lisha333)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:42:45 PM

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It took me about 20 seconds to find your first and last name and Facebook page. If a level of anonymity on a kink site is important to you, it would be a good move to post a photograph that you take specifically for CollarMe, instead of your stock professional photo.

Welcome to CollarMe. Good luck.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Doms Are Totally Clueless - 3/3/2013 2:43:59 PM

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Hi Sexyred: I like what you said. I do agree with you.

I understand that men will try to parrot back what I said in their responses to me, that's why it's important for me to date them for a while and see where they're coming from. I'm very perceptive/intuitive when it comes to reading people. You can't hide your true character for long. Red flags are always being shown early on. Women tend to ignore them. Unfortunately, ignoring red flags when you first start dating someone causes people to end up in bad situations.

(in reply to sexyred1)

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