MAINEiacMISTRESS
Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
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Well, I should probably put My two-cents in, since I am one of those Big Bad Orgasm-Denying Dominants (BBODD's?). 
For Me D/s interactions are about the PSYCHOLOGICAL aspect, helping them achieve that submissive mindset, "subspace", etc. that they cannot get from "vanilla" interactions. For many subs achieving this submissive mindset is the goal, the very REASON they have sought a Dominant, to focus on doing what pleases their Dominant, deriving their own pleasure from either making their Dominant's life easier, or from working on a goal/path their Dominant has chosen. This submissive mindset can be prolonged for days or weeks, or even permanently depending on the relationship. Some say orgasm denial helps to increase this submissive feeling, and personally I love the beautiful psychological and physiological changes that take place in orgasm-denied males at around the 3-week mark (a change in the physical senses, as well as a marked increase in work productivity/motivation)...but I have read and heard from submissives that orgasm actually INTERRUPTS that, because after the orgasm is over it takes awhile for the submissive mindset to return...and they lose focus.
My D/s relationships have often been GOAL-ORIENTED, therefore in O/our case FOCUS and MINDSET are very important.
Also, I suspect most people here who can't imagine D/s interactions without orgasm are actually confusing D/s as BDSM--tying someone up/spanking them, etc. However, D/s doesn't necessarily involve BDSM "dungeon" activities, actually it often DOES NOT...D/s is often Ritual-driven, as in DAILY rituals, and usually is simply things like doing the laundry and making sure dinner is ready when Dominant gets home from work, or completing a particular Task that Dominant has assigned (get a haircut, lose 10 lbs this month, learn how to make sushi)...activities where an "orgasm expected" mentality makes no sense whatsoever.
I suppose I can understand that BDSM type "Play" in itself can serve as a strong aphrodisiac...the adrenyline, the endorphines, the increase blood flow to the skin and extremities, but like I said, D/s doesn't necessarily include any of this but is instead about Rituals, service, team work.
To Me it seems orgasm can be achieved by ANYONE, they don't even need a partner to achieve it, and since orgasm is produced by your body's biology practicing kink won't suddenly make your orgasms any more magical than a vanilla's. Practicing kink doesn't automaticially make one better in bed, it just means you're KINKY about it, therefore I file orgasms under the heading "Vanilla", and the Dominant/submissive mindset is actually what makes the D/s relationship SPECIAL. I find it sad that so many people are missing out on this experience ("subspace" mindset), by only seeking orgasm. It's like they've taken the shortcut thereby missing out on the Journey.
--MM
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RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 
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