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RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/26/2013 11:37:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'm not the "intimacy only" kind of Dominant.

Perhaps clarification is in order.


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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/27/2013 6:48:07 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

There is another thread in Ask a Mistress right now called What Skills? about what the Dommes would like in a sub, so I want to ask, if the subs here could say "The Mistress/Domme I want should be.....(fill in the blank)," what all would you put in that blank?? Lets here it guys.

NBMG



Ohhh ... thank You NBMG ... for asking THIS question. Of course, no one will like my reply ... but You asked what i, ideally want ... LOL

1. Brillliant Intellectual, educated, and up to date on all aspects of life.

2. A highly successful executive, doctor, lawyer or Business Owner.

3. Great conversationalist, smart, witty and charming.

4. Deliciously Deviant Sadist

5. Excellent writing and speaking skills

6. Knows Wine and Fine Dining ...

7. And lets me watch NFL football on Sundays, while opening my beer.


That said, once upon a time, I knew two who met criteria 1 - 6 from the boards ...

But they left me wanting number 7

So i am still seeking!





< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/27/2013 6:51:21 PM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/27/2013 7:06:10 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		That said .. i guess i should fess up ...

Typically, when i am trying to express desire to a Lady i adore ... i try to communicate this:


i want to be Enraptured: mentally, emotionally and physically ... by the Lady whom i adore.


After all, how that all intertwines .. is honestly very difficult to explain.

And it really does vary between two people.



< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/27/2013 7:07:49 PM >

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/27/2013 10:50:20 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		SeekingOwnertoo, if that's what you really want in a Domme, that's definitely what I want to hear.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/27/2013 11:32:18 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm curious how you determine if they have a dominant personality if you are not yet intimate with them.
Akasha


Why in the world would someone need to be ?intimate with another to determine if she/he is dominant? Maybe you mean intimate, as in a small space, just between you two, as opposed to sexually intimate. Feel free to clarify.


Aakasha,
I'm not sure that I understand or agree with you.

I think you may be saying that you're a bedroom only Domme. In that case, I can see why it would take an intimate situation for your dominance to manifest. But what happens when a sub is a service sub, and is hoping to serve a Domme in that capacity? I have had more than one D/s relationship that didn't involve sex. Yet the D/s dynamic was clearly established.

Getting back to your original question, dominance can be demonstrated in a number of ways. I hate to avoid your actual question, but the reality is that dominance can be demonstrated in a vast number of ways. But in truth, it's hard to pinpoint exactly how to define dominance. I always say that it's analogous to shopping for new furniture; I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when I see it.

Frankly, I've had more than one "Domme" ask if she could submit to me. IMO, that is what I'd call "not dominant enough". I also remember one particular Domme who I dated for about 2 months. She was nice enough, but she never did anything to establish her place within the relationship. We had a great time, but it was as vanilla as it gets. She never even asked me to do her a favor, and she certainly didn't establish a D/s dynamic. I finally realized that she wasn't showing me what I was looking for, and I moved on. But we still remain friends to this day.

I understand that everyone is different, and every D/s dynamic is different. But I do expect to see some outward show of dominance. It doesn't have to be caricature behavior like wearing latex and carrying a whip. But she needs to make a demand, establish an expectation, set a parameter, define a protocol, reprimand me, make me kiss her ring (I jest), or do something to remove the equality in the relationship.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 2:19:32 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm curious how you determine if they have a dominant personality if you are not yet intimate with them.
Akasha
Why in the world would someone need to be ?intimate with another to determine if she/he is dominant? Maybe you mean intimate, as in a small space, just between you two, as opposed to sexually intimate. Feel free to clarify. M




Intimate as in -- some level of courtship, attraction, chemistry. A dominant woman having lunch with a business associate vs. with a submissive she is either courting (or vice versa) or in a relationship with - she is going to treat him differently.

I don't "behave in a dominant manner" the same way I do to a man I intend to dominate sensually as I do a man who I work with, who I consider "just a friend" or even a "prospective partner" until some chemistry is established. While my personality is outgoing, I'm a pretty gregarious talker, I am not shy - this is not "dominant" behavior. I prefer equality until mutual affection is on the table, or I am in pursuit of a man.

Am I shy or submissive? No, definitely not. But I am not controlling, domineering or bossy in casual get togethers either.

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 2:26:51 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm curious how you determine if they have a dominant personality if you are not yet intimate with them.
Akasha


Why in the world would someone need to be ?intimate with another to determine if she/he is dominant? Maybe you mean intimate, as in a small space, just between you two, as opposed to sexually intimate. Feel free to clarify.


Aakasha,
I'm not sure that I understand or agree with you.

I think you may be saying that you're a bedroom only Domme. In that case, I can see why it would take an intimate situation for your dominance to manifest. But what happens when a sub is a service sub, and is hoping to serve a Domme in that capacity? I have had more than one D/s relationship that didn't involve sex. Yet the D/s dynamic was clearly established.

Getting back to your original question, dominance can be demonstrated in a number of ways. I hate to avoid your actual question, but the reality is that dominance can be demonstrated in a vast number of ways. But in truth, it's hard to pinpoint exactly how to define dominance. I always say that it's analogous to shopping for new furniture; I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when I see it.

Frankly, I've had more than one "Domme" ask if she could submit to me. IMO, that is what I'd call "not dominant enough". I also remember one particular Domme who I dated for about 2 months. She was nice enough, but she never did anything to establish her place within the relationship. We had a great time, but it was as vanilla as it gets. She never even asked me to do her a favor, and she certainly didn't establish a D/s dynamic. I finally realized that she wasn't showing me what I was looking for, and I moved on. But we still remain friends to this day.

I understand that everyone is different, and every D/s dynamic is different. But I do expect to see some outward show of dominance. It doesn't have to be caricature behavior like wearing latex and carrying a whip. But she needs to make a demand, establish an expectation, set a parameter, define a protocol, reprimand me, make me kiss her ring (I jest), or do something to remove the equality in the relationship.



Thank you for the clarification.

When I hear submissives talk about their desires for this kind of relationship, I wonder where the "demanding girlfriend" ends and "femdom" starts. In other words - I know a lot of women who are more outwardly "controlling" of their husbands and boyfriends than I am. Are they kinky? Ohhh hell no! But demanding - yes! Much more than I am to my boytoy/husband because I am pretty self sufficient in a lot of ways. I have a few in laws who really, really have a tight leash (pun intended) on their hubbies, yet I am the one with the whips and chains in the closet.

These women enjoy being catered to and being treated like a bit of a princess and the men love to treat them this way - they do not do this against their will. These are "well trained" men! And the rules and expectations were set very early in the relationship. But again, kinky? Ohhh god no.

So here is the question - where does the kink end and the demanding girlfriend start and vice versa? I may be playfully demanding now and then to my man, but mostly, I just want things done how I want them done and in reality I don't have to be demanding, because he knows what to do. My control in our relationship is pretty seamless. However, to this day, I still question whether my "control" of our relationship is a manifestation of my "femdom kink" or just a coincidence, because I know women who are FAR more demanding and controlling of their men, but I am ten times more kinky and sadistic and that's a hardwired lustful need that I refuse to compromise on.

In other words, if I had to give up having a doting, attentive husband tomorrow but still have a slut/slave/boytoy for my S&M, as long as I could have a maid and he did not transform into a dominant asshole but was just an "equal" I would be satisfied with that. I am not a control freak but I need my kink.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 7:17:32 AM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

SeekingOwnertoo, if that's what you really want in a Domme, that's definitely what I want to hear.

NBMG



Honestly, it really is. How to find it?

Well there doesn't seem to be any quantifiable list of traits or attributes i can honestly list.

Different Ladies, from different walks of life, touch one in different ways.

I have met Women whom You would describe as a "great catch" and been unimpressed. And others, whom might not seem such a "great catch", that can make the earth move.

Chemistry and intimate desire are very elusive. The only all encompassing words I can use are ...

Enraptured mentally, emotionally and physically by the Lady.

At least it is more wordy, than simply saying love. No?


(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 7:38:04 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

But I do expect to see some outward show of dominance. It doesn't have to be caricature behavior like wearing latex and carrying a whip. But she needs to make a demand, establish an expectation, set a parameter, define a protocol, reprimand me, make me kiss her ring (I jest), or do something to remove the equality in the relationship.


Nicely put. Ditto, except I'd swap the emboldened words for 'mustn't be'.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 7:41:18 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

So here is the question - where does the kink end and the demanding girlfriend start and vice versa?


Good question. And at present I don't have a good answer for it. It would have something to do with a clear and conscious desire to dominate on her part, though.

_____________________________

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 9:04:46 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

So here is the question - where does the kink end and the demanding girlfriend start and vice versa? I may be playfully demanding now and then to my man, but mostly, I just want things done how I want them done and in reality I don't have to be demanding, because he knows what to do. My control in our relationship is pretty seamless. However, to this day, I still question whether my "control" of our relationship is a manifestation of my "femdom kink" or just a coincidence, because I know women who are FAR more demanding and controlling of their men, but I am ten times more kinky and sadistic and that's a hardwired lustful need that I refuse to compromise on.



I've always said that I'm a pretty vanilla kinkster. I don't need to be tied up. I don''t like going to play parties. I'm not a masochist. My kink is power exchange. And I seek FLR's. It's that simple.

So I don't need a woman who yells, or who carries a whip, or who has a sadistic hunger. None of that really appeals to me. What I do like is a woman who has an expectation that she is not only going to be catered to (any spoiled vanilla woman wants this), but that she is ultimately going to be obeyed. She is the head of the household, and both parties in the relationship understand and accept that her word is the final word. Things will be done the way that she desires them to be done. There is no question, whether in private or in public, about who is in charge. No yelling or screaming need occur. She can speak as calmly as she desires. But their is an inherent order (as opposed to a request) in her statements.

For example, I might be watching a football game, and she might calmly say "turn off the TV and go run my bath water". She may sound sweet and innocent in the way that she says it, but it's not a request. It's an order. There was no "would you please" included in her statement. Just an statement of her will, and an expectation of obedience.

That, to me, is dominance. It's what I have always sought in a D/s relationship. In my opinion, it's different from being domineering or demanding. It's different from being spoiled. There is an understood and desired power imbalance that both parties accept and thrive on. She not a nag, and she's not a brat. She's simply the boss, and we both know and live according to that understanding.

I hope that makes sense. Some things that I think in my head are hard to actually type out in a way that is coherent.

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/28/2013 11:13:39 AM   
Chrisp7135


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline 		Someone who is capable of real intimacy....a relationship that has depth.

Intelligence...someone I can explore life's little mysteries with.

Compassionate. This is so critical. Someone who lets me open up about the need
to serve without judgement.

Mentally healthy. Someone who knows that we can predict what life throws at us, but
who perseveres nonetheless.

Hard to find all of that in the vanilla world too....

Chris

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 4/29/2013 6:04:31 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yeah, I'm not the "intimacy only" kind of Dominant.


Me either. There's nothing wrong with intimacy...at all....but there are other ways to make it clear who the Dominant is.

I am loving all these answers. Thank you everyone for all your opinions. This is great.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 5/5/2013 2:55:07 PM   
cuck4SPH


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/1/2012
Status: offline 		"The Mistress/Domme I want should be...":

The love of my life, PRECISELY as I am hers

Regards me as being a GREAT blessing in her life, as she is in mine

Has NO DESIRE to betray, deceive, abuse or manipulate me

Wants a perfectly happy, stable & VANILLA home life with me, aside from her sexual needs

Prioritizes fhe stability of our relationship ABOVE her incidental Cuckoldress desires

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/27/2013 10:25:04 AM   
Born2PleezeU


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/3/2013
Status: offline 		I seek a domme who is extremely intelligent, creative, spontaneous, adventurous and FUN.

A devious mind is a definite PLUS, and absolute confidence in her ability to dominate is a MUST, as i can be very playful, rambunctious and difficult to control at times.

Qualities like loyalty, honesty, protectiveness and nurturing are also at the top of my list, as I will bring those very same qualities to the relationship.

I also enjoy a woman who is a sadist and takes pleasure in making me squirm and suffer within the boundaries of my limits.

There HAS to be great chemistry and mutual attraction, both physically and intellectually.

And last, but certainlly not least, she has to inspire me to be the BEST submissive that i can be, and to be completely devoted to meeting her wants and needs. In turn, she will be a woman who will adore me for who i am, and for my submission and servitude to Her and Her alone. :-)

(in reply to cuck4SPH)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/28/2013 3:18:11 AM   
Darkersided


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline 		Ive asked this many times as to find what they really want from a Dominant.
It seems most want freedom even though they say they are ''slaves'' !!!
It also appears they want an ideal figure,sexually attractive,young looking,large breasts,shaven/waxed pubic area,the Domme to provide all thats needed inc the room/dungeon cost free to them.
The Mistress to own her very own leather/latex clothing,boots,gloves,corsets etc.For the Mistress to be well off and well travelled.Not to into rules !
Sadistic in way but giving him allowances !
Allowing sex !!!

< Message edited by Darkersided -- 6/28/2013 3:19:20 AM >

(in reply to Born2PleezeU)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/28/2013 3:38:07 AM   
MissReddy


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		Most on here seem to want a quick scratch for their itch and not to serve in any committed way in real life!
If someone knows where the real slaves/subs are who are looking for something long term and interesting, please point the way lol
I agree with Darkersided, they seem to want their fantasies to be fulfilled only and care little for the Dommes wants or needs.
Topping from the bottom

< Message edited by MissReddy -- 6/28/2013 3:39:13 AM >

(in reply to Darkersided)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/28/2013 7:51:52 AM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

There is another thread in Ask a Mistress right now called What Skills? about what the Dommes would like in a sub, so I want to ask, if the subs here could say "The Mistress/Domme I want should be.....(fill in the blank)," what all would you put in that blank?? Lets here it guys.

NBMG


I'm searching for a Lady that would like a cuddle bunny, I'd be putty in her hands, no 'pre relationship contracts' etc, it would be a done deal !

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/28/2013 8:32:18 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Yes, cuddle bunnies of either gender are a good thing.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to garyFLR)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What do the Guys want in a Mistress/Domme? - 6/28/2013 9:40:01 AM   
Born2PleezeU


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/3/2013
Status: offline 		MisReddy and Darkersided:

With all due respect, there are plenty of "real" slaves/subs out here, myself included, who are not justy about living the "fantasy" or getting a quick, cheap thrill with the "perfect" domme. Sure, looks matter some, but chemistry is even more important. And personally, I do not top from the bottom, and I ALWAYS put the domme's needs ahead of my own. Just like anything, you have to root through the poseurs and the wankers to find the true gems, but rest assured, we ARE out here and eager to serve.

Subs could say almost the same thing about the dommes, since it seems like 8 or 9 out of every 10 are only interested in our money. But there are also extremely intelligent, skillful dommes who are seeking something deep and meaningful. :-)

< Message edited by Born2PleezeU -- 6/28/2013 9:41:30 AM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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