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Zonie63 -> RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? (4/24/2013 4:59:50 AM)
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When you observe a dominant being condescending to another person (online, as an example, on a message board here if someone asks a dumb question), do you consider that an attractive trait? Do you admire their take charge attitude?
I wouldn't consider it to be a take charge attitude. Anyone can be condescending, even the dull and ignorant.
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Even if the person asked an obviously ignorant question or behaves badly, when a dominant responds by being condescending, does that make them appear more "dominant" in the way they handle the situation - versus being patient or polite? If someone is handled in an overly nice situation, does that make the dominant appear weak?
As others have stated, I would agree that it depends on context. Perhaps a parent or teacher dealing with youthful hubris might find that condescension has its uses. But I generally find that adults who try to set themselves up as self-styled "teachers" or "parents" of other adults to be a bit arrogant and presumptuous.
I think it's okay to return rudeness with rudeness. Responding in kind is acceptable in my opinion. But I also believe that if someone wants to be rude, they should just be rude. Condescension indicates to me that someone really wants to be rude and tell someone off, but they're trying to appear "civil" but making thinly-veiled attacks at the same time.
Usually, this can cause an escalation into a bigger argument or an all-out flame war, at which point the condescending one might try to act like they're the injured party. In my opinion, that's the kind of thing that would make a poster look weak, since it would appear that they can dish it out but can't take it.
I would never think that someone looks weak by being nice or polite over the internet. It's the internet "tough guys" who tend to look weak to me, since internet bravado never really impressed me that much.
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What if it was in a situation where a dominant was being treated incompetently by waitstaff or technical people, for example. Is a condescending approach considered appropriate?
I would say no. It doesn't solve the problem at hand, and it can only make a bad situation worse. There's no purpose in it.
A more appropriate response would be to just call the manager and calmly state the complaint. Perhaps getting angry might even be more appropriate, since anger is genuine, whereas condescension is disingenuous and false.
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Submissives, when you observe a dominant treating a submissive (who is not their submissive partner) in a neutral situation with a clearly condescending attitude in front of other people, does that make you respect them more or less and why? If a non dominant woman treated a person in a condescending way, do you cut them less slack?
I doubt it. Condescension seems more of a passive-aggressive maneuver when someone seems to want to avoid being direct or to the point. Usually, I just tend to ignore it, although I've found some forms of condescension to be somewhat obscure and vague, so in those cases, I might ask for clarification.
Sometimes, I've seen internet discussions which appear to be the equivalent of an internet heavyweight abusing the proverbial 98-pound weakling. That just seems like bad form to me, not very sporting at all.
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