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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 2:28:50 PM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

Ok so apparently i post are being deleted by admins without eve telling me.

quote:

Ok so apparently i post are being deleted by admins without eve telling me.


You have mail.

(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 2:49:59 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I think the big thing is that it's not necessary to throw the baby out with the bath water. That's a saying we old folks say

The big lesson to learn is to not keep digging the hole deeper. You really only end up burying yourself. I think you get that now and based on the posting directly above mine (if no one else jumps in before I post this). I genuinely hope that you feel sincerity and are being genuine in what you have said.

When someone is young like you are, you feel like you are 10ft tall, bulletproof, and have the world by its balls. You are cocky, a know-it-all, and react with the maturity of one befitting your age. I'm saying YOU as a general you, though Im sure you can see your own actions reflected in what I've written. As you age, you get a bit more humble. You realize you might not have known as much as you thought you did. With age comes wisdom...hopefully

Your question, though poorly worded, was not a bad question. But what I hope you have learned is that the "perfect submissive" is very subjective and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. What is perfect for me will be different than what is perfect for Lady Pact (for example). It comes from figuring out who you are and what it is you are looking for. BDSM is a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the line. Because of this, the "perfect submissive" can't be summed up in one single set of criteria.

My question to you is why are you interested in this? Most folks, myself included, don't enjoy being made to feel like we are lab rats under observation. Your story has changed quite a few times in these pages, so I personally have no clue what you are looking for. If its words to spank your trouser snake to, the Internet is littered with stories set to get your rocks off. If its not that, perhaps coming clean with people is a great place to start trying to mend fences. Quite a few fences look like they need mending, based on what is contained in these pages. But Id like to think that honesty could go a long way to helping.

(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 3:06:20 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Alrighty. Looks like someone failed the stupid test. When you're not smart enough to be allowed to post on this very liberal and understanding forum, that's saying something. Big hint, OP, it's not good.

_____________________________



(in reply to VideoAdminChi)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 3:22:50 PM   
iamwhoiamabc123


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline 		SeekingTrinity if you want to skip all the way own to the bottom the answer is short and sweet.

You want the honest truth,
I'm scared,
I'm scared that being too dominant can get people hurt,
I'm scared that being too invested into a person that you find a connection to can break from the second you lose focus,
The title for my book is "A Life within a Life,"
I am a confused dominant person,
I feel set on learning to be dominant, but feel the only way to be dominant is to understand the dynamics of being a sub,
I feel that the barriers and rules set in our predetermined system of expectations are flawed and so I need set my own limitations and barriers,

Honestly I'm here because I don't know my limitations,
I think to much about whats happening in front of me that sometimes the goals I set are covered by insignificant things, that distract me from my goals,

My life on this is earth is going to be short I feel,
Like you said I feel as if I'm bullet proof,
I mean I'm graduating college at the age of 19 with a degree in sociology and want to jump right into to Darfur Africa to try and help people, and the rights that follow them,
My whole life I have been searching for the meaning behind my life,
My whole life I have been searching for reasons why I throw myself into the firing line,

I'm very familiar with getting bashed and being avoided,
I mean for half my life I was in different places all over the world,
I only had time to make a few friends, and one best friend,

I am so good at blending in but never getting attached,
I feel I can't attached, because I don't feel its fair,
I'm not a fighter I'm a healer,
If I were to get attached the rebels that invade and kill so many lives, I fear might come and find her to blackmail me,

So ultimately I'm here just to talk about things, so that I can gain a better understanding of this lifestyle.

Thank you!!!!!

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 3:25:17 PM   
iamwhoiamabc123


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline 		I didn't even notice how bad the message looked, WOW EPIC FAIL on my part...
quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

Ok so apparently i post are being deleted by admins without eve telling me.

quote:

Ok so apparently i post are being deleted by admins without eve telling me.


You have mail.


(in reply to VideoAdminChi)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 3:28:29 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Iam,

Please take it easy. No 1 requirement is that you develop some faith that things will pan out as you get older. The storm does pass, eventually.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/10/2013 3:30:48 PM   
iamwhoiamabc123


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you,

PeonforHer
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Iam,

Please take it easy. No 1 requirement is that you develop some faith that things will pan out as you get older. The storm does pass, eventually.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/11/2013 10:58:22 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		Iam,

Well done.

Being domimant just means you're in charge. With that comes certain responsibilities. Use common sense and learn. There are some wonderful books out there (start with Resident Sadist's list). There are authors who have done a far better job than I could ever do here (which of course is why they're published in the field and I am not).

I don't know that you need to be a submissive before you can be a dominant. That's been a topic of great debate. The fact that you would consider it is indicative that you appreciate the need for compassion and understanding, two very important characteristics of being a good dominant.

You say that you've never really been attached to someone. Some people find that D/s brings incredbile intimacy. Some people use it to maintain a distance in the relationship. Just keep in mind that at its base, it is about a hierarchy. Whether you just dabble in the bedroom, or have a relationship in which you decide who does what when it comes to division of labor in the household, or how money is spent, or what clothes your submissive wears... is up to what you like in your relationships.

You don't havet to decide ANY of that now. You'll find out what you like as you go along. Just as you are different now than you were 3 years ago, so you will be different in the future. No need to slap any labels on yourself. Who you are as a dominant will be evident in hindsight.

What you can decide now is whether you're going to be a man of integrity and honor.

Learn from your mistakes. Better yet, learn from the mistakes of others. That's what books and workshops and mentors are for. Relax, respect the fact that you don't know what you don't know yet, and just enjoy the journey.

You know how I know when I'm out of my depth in something? I realize that I don't even know what questions to ask.

As for Darfur.... I understand your reluctance to bring someone there with you... but perhaps your match is someone you will meet over there. Someone like minded.

Above and beyond all the protocol and kink and intimacy and so forth, it's a relationship. Compatibiity, and with d/s in particular, complementarity, make the world go round.

Great post btw......

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/11/2013 11:34:45 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

You don't have to have all the answers right now and you don't have to carve yourself in stone just yet. You are young and there is plenty of time to develop into the one you want to be. If I was to compare who I was back then to who I am now, I was a clueless fucking twit back in the day . But with time and experience, I've been able to mold myself into the dominant I am now. It's totally expected and not surprising at all that this is scary. And you know what, it's totally okay to be scared.

Yes, it's true that you can hurt someone by doing WIITWD (what it is that we do). But with experience and mentoring from someone with experience, you can learn to mitigate the risks somewhat. One thing Id like to caution you on is to not be so "I know it all" and too proud to learn from others. Like I was saying, I've been at this for quite awhile myself and still try o learn from others. There ain't no shame in my game to admit that I don't know it all. Be willing to open your mind to others, be humble, and people are more than willing to step up and help a brother out.

Relationships (be it vanilla or BDSM) all have successes and failures. When they fail, it can hurt. But in each failure comes wisdom that can help hone your focus as to what it is you are looking for in another. I've suffered my share of heartache in the past, but its all gotten me to he point Im at now...and I fucking love where Im at. I've got a great connection with someone now...and I don't think I could have gotten here without going through what I went through.

It will come to you. You will discover who you are and figure out what makes you tick. The first person a dominant learns to master is him or herself. Just figure out the right path for you. The hardest part of any great journey is taking that first step. I think you might just be on your way.

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/11/2013 9:24:07 PM   
iamwhoiamabc123


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline 		So this is going to sound really immature, but damn 2,200+ views OMG epic...

I guess this is why the media looks, more upon negative stuff because it attracts people.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/11/2013 10:00:30 PM   
iamwhoiamabc123


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
Status: offline 		In reply to SeekingTrinity and Evesgrden:

My life is somewhat pre-determined,
I have always had that upper hand,
I have always had people like like you to guide me along,

I think this life has a lot to do with finding yourself,
Your right I'm young, and in a constant battle for the discovery of my purpose,

I'm starting to discover how words can transform a conversation into an inspirational self identification process,
So, I think I'm gonna start a blog, of my life and the experiences I share with people all over their place in life and journey,
People everywhere are in a constant struggle for meaning,

I had the honor of meeting an 18 year old women who in search of her real mother,

She was struggling with the ability to find a friend,
She didn't want to show me her face,
I finally convinced her to show me her face,
She told me that she is going to regret it,
I told her she was beautiful,
She was speechless,
She told me she didn't know how to react,
I told her to just smile,
She laughed,
And now we are friends,

Inspiration is everywhere,
She inspired me to write about emotions and the impact it has on our world,
Words can be amazing,
Words can be something so simple like "beautiful" that change someones perspective on life forever,

I found a mentor for this life,
He ironically went to college at the age of 16,
He has some of my dream toys,
He has accomplished many of the goals I hope to achieve when it comes to education,
He in a simple conclusion is an older version of me with a little more intense fantasies,
He has taught me a day how to find women and try to understand what they want,
Women are complicated everyone knows it,
But in order to be a good Dom you have to be able to find the connection between each other,
You have to be able to stay focused at all time on her and nothing else,
You have to be able to know the warning signs,
And above all you have to respect her emotional stratification,

Its amazing how last week I knew nothing about this life,
This one thread I created called "How can I be the perfect straight sub,"
Set a mark of interest that helped me identify a major problem within myself,
The problem of feeling smarter than everyone else,
I was smashed down,
And then some people came back and helped me find myself again in a different light,

So do I regret posting this thread?
No I don't in fact I hope it doesn't disappear,
I hope people can see me in that light to be reminded,
Reminded how not to be,
How not to act with people of like minded commonalities,
People that just want to help,

So I guess what I'm trying to say to everyone here is Thank You,
Thank you for being there when I wasn't,

I needed you all more than any of you know!

I hope all of you have a great summer!

(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/2/2013 4:45:48 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

What would be your perfect submissive little bitch?


I know this OP has flow the coop, but I saw a femdom profile today that I felt was a bit stereotypical of a particular type femdom looking for a malesub. Some malesubs are often accused of looking for a unicorn in the forest, and and sometimes a Domme wishes upon a star as well.

I'm very attracted to a 5'9+, strong, handsome, educated, Alpha man (non-smoker only, no drugs, clean cut facial looks/appearance, lots of nice hair, business look, no tat's or piercings) who is very professional and a leader in the business or working world by day (very vanilla), but innately desires to cater to, obey, serve, support, and take direction from his Lady, when outside of work. Your natural submissive tendencies at home will complement My complete lack of interest in dealing with household duties and domestic chores. I would expect you to maintain, be concerned about, and take pride in our home(s).

Essentially, I want you wrapped around My finger at home, although in public we appear as a balanced, loving couple IF and when it reaches that level!!

Understand one more thing though -- it is only I that wears the panties in this household. NOTE: I am not into sissification/feminization/crossdressing at all, ever. VERY HARD limits there!!! Your punishment for any attempts to behave in this manner will be complete and total, permanent, banishment from Me

I'm not sure this kind of man exists, but what we have here a desire for: (1) A man of average to tall height; (2) a "real man" with no feminization urges; (3) Alpha Male, leader, business success story; (4) wants a female led-relationship; (5) has a love of the domestic arts (able to wield a vacuum, mop, etc.) when not closing business deals; (6) not mentioned above -- but also wanted is a guy that must not have a any strong kinky interests in rubber, dress, or S&M -- but instead have a burning interest in monogamy and orgasm control.

(in reply to iamwhoiamabc123)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/2/2013 5:26:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		That most definitely sounds like someone has read a few too many F/m fantasy novels.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/2/2013 7:38:09 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Wow. At....all that I just read.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


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Profile   Post #: 134
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/2/2013 9:46:57 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:



I'm not sure this kind of man exists, but what we have here a desire for: (1) A man of average to tall height; (2) a "real man" with no feminization urges; (3) Alpha Male, leader, business success story; (4) wants a female led-relationship; (5) has a love of the domestic arts (able to wield a vacuum, mop, etc.) when not closing business deals; (6) not mentioned above -- but also wanted is a guy that must not have a any strong kinky interests in rubber, dress, or S&M -- but instead have a burning interest in monogamy and orgasm control.


He exists.

My profile is hidden, but that is essentially how I describe myself.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/2/2013 10:37:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		So, when are you buying that ticket for a flight to Alaska?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 6/3/2013 1:53:43 AM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OP, you might find a number of Dommes who aren't particularly thrilled with anybody who wants to identify as a term that has been used as such a derogatory one against women for the most part. Yes, it may sound hot for you to use it but at the same time, it may be a real turn off to those who have become used to it being the type of term that is used against strong, confident women.



Totally agree, pejorative terms can set peoples teeth on edge, why would a woman wish to call anybody a bitch as it has so many anti feminine overtones?

As a relationship progresses the Lady will decide what to call you, surely?

Or was the question merely poorly couched?

< Message edited by garyFLR -- 6/3/2013 1:54:28 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 137
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