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RE: He wants my password - 5/12/2013 7:26:58 PM

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In my view you don't give out passwords to anyone that you wouldn't trust with your life/finances/reputation, even after things end.
I still know my x-dominants passwords for the bank, email, ect. He still has mine. Neither one of us is worried.

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RE: He wants my password - 5/12/2013 8:35:42 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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No. Not under any circumstances.

The fact that you have to ask shows that you don't trust him that much.

(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/12/2013 8:49:41 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WithATwwist
I met a dom in jan, so far so good. We are both on another kinky website, (FL) so he can see all my pics, comments, etc.
He now wants my password. Why and should I give it to him? He says it's a dom thing.

If you met him only four months ago and you're here asking us, that shows you don't trust him that much, so I would tell him no. Also, if he has your password, he can mess up your account, your relationships with your friends, and he can change that password so you can never get back into your account again. How does that sound to you?? Think about all that and then decide.

NBMG

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(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 1:36:02 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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FR

I think you've made the right choice.

What would worry me more than him messing with your accounts is the lack of trust that it shows.

I'm pretty sure that we know each other's passwords for everything, but it's always come up in the context of 'hey, would you just log into my emails and check the address of this place for me?' rather than 'I have the right to look through your stuff'. Even though there is nothing on my phone, emails, cm account or anything else that I wouldn't willingly share with me, I'd still be horrified if I thought he was reading my messages just for the sake of it or to check up on me. I've never given him any reason to doubt me, so I expect the courtesy of not assuming I'm up to something all the time. I can't live my life constantly under suspicion by the person who is supposed to care about me. It seems like the next step after that is questioning who the male names in your phone book are, not wanting you to socialise out of his sight, controlling who you are friends with etc... Maybe that's just my background speaking, but personally signs of possessiveness and 'checking up' are red flags.

Trust issues are a huge burden on a relationship. It can be hard to make ourselves vulnerable, but there comes a point where you have to decide this person is worth the risk of getting hurt. It seems like a lot of people who have 'trust issues' take the 'guilty until proven innocent' stance and the thing is, you can never prove yourself innocent. It's an exhausting cycle and if he were giving me the choice of 'deal with my issues or move on' I'd go for moving on. Seems like the third option of him making a good effort to move past it (counselling, maybe?) is missing from that list.

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RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 6:30:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Actually, I'm more concerned about his flip explanation "It's a Dom thing" than the request itself. He's treating your trust without any respect.

This, which would cause me more issues than just password concern.

The Mister has my passwords, but I think it was a year or more until I shared them. And when I did, he shared his, too. And yeah, call me crazy but it certainly took us more than a year to have complete trust in each other. These things take time.

Prior to that, though, I did open up my accounts for him to view when we were together and he wanted to. I totally accepted that complete trust didn't fly both ways yet, and I was happy to ensure his comfort level, while still controlling my own accounts. He had no issue with that, either, as he understood where I was coming from, too.

Our relationship and trust within it, as well as my submission to him, evolved to what it is today over time. It was not instantaneous.

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RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 6:56:49 AM

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Fast reply.

I'm with Missokyst on this one.

Don't give out (or ask for!) passwords so early on.

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RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 7:17:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WithATwwist

Thank you all very much for your responses. I just wanted to verify my own feelings, and not hand it over..
We have meet in person, it is apparent he has trust issues with women in the past.
I have to either deal with that or walk away, time will tell.
(I'm 54 and been around awhile and I know how the game is played)

But one thing that didn't cross my mind and I thank you for mentioning it, if it were to end I would have no way to defend myself..
Horrible thought..

Again, thanks!!

This is going to sound like a stupid question but have you asked him what is the purpose of the "Dom thing?"

As Cynthia said, in long term dynamics, certain things do come up where people exchange passwords. There's a reason you can't access your account so you would need him to have access to your mail. Maybe something needs to be printed and one person's printer is on the fritz. One person gives the other bank account info because it's easier to put finances in one account than another.

Ask yourself a question. What assurance do you have that the person won't use the information against you? Please keep in mind that not everybody is honorable when the relationship is no longer viable and will use that information in ways that you don't want them to. Even when you thought you knew that person for years, rather than just a few months.

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(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 9:37:47 AM

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there is no way in hell I would pass out my passwords to anyone. If my domme wants to see something on my computer, she can come over and look. there is no reason for her to have the passwords.

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(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 9:39:26 AM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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Glad we confirmed your decision. Giving out passwords is a personal decision, but I don't think it should ever be one sided, and it certainly isn't a "dom thing." That's just some bullshit reason given by someone who, as others said, is insecure and has trust issues. Sadly, there are many who turn to BDSM because of other issues, thinking that this will solve them or help them deal with them, or worse, excuse them.

(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 9:45:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WithATwwist

Thank you all very much for your responses. I just wanted to verify my own feelings, and not hand it over..
We have meet in person, it is apparent he has trust issues with women in the past.
I have to either deal with that or walk away, time will tell.
(I'm 54 and been around awhile and I know how the game is played)

But one thing that didn't cross my mind and I thank you for mentioning it, if it were to end I would have no way to defend myself..
Horrible thought..

Again, thanks!!

Does the fact that your profile is asking for another woman for him also indicate he has issues with finding his own women?

He sounds lame to me.

(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 10:06:38 AM

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Sounds like a Dom wannabe.

I never ask anyone for passwords and you should not trust anyone who does.

At BEST, you are dealing with a control freak who wouldn't know a true dominant feeling or attitude if it jumped up and bit him on the ass.

At WORST, you are setting yourself up for a world of trouble, as that can give you no end of trouble with identity theft or fraud, your online reputation ruined, and a possible stalker.

(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 10:09:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Does the fact that your profile is asking for another woman for him also indicate he has issues with finding his own women?

He sounds lame to me.

Yes, indeed.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 10:27:56 AM

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I live with a dominant. All my passwords are saved on my pc. He has access any time he desires. To my knowledge, he has never bothered to access any of my accounts.

My rebuttal question would be "Do you not trust me?"

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(in reply to WithATwwist)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 10:54:01 AM

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My initial response was...um no and why? I am pretty laid back & I go along with most stuff so it is pretty bad if I am saying no! My ex husband, after 13 years of marriage, did not have any of my computer passwords!...

BUT...I then looked at your profile and you are looking for a 3rd so maybe he wants to see who is responding. My suggestion..have a "couples" profile since the person responding would be expected to interact with you both. You both could have the password to that account and then you could keep your individual account for your personal use.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 11:51:11 AM

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when he says it is a "dom thing" it really is a control thing. and the real question is whether you are ready to give him that much control so soon. when i was new to the D/s lifestyle i gave out my passwords against my better judgement and lived to regret it.

now, i have given my Master my passwords for everything except banking (he did not want that one). he asked for them because there have been some trust issues because i cheated on him at one point. it was a condition of him taking me back. but we have known each other 5 years now, my trust in him is 100% and so i am comfortable with it.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 12:57:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WithATwwist
He says it's a dom thing.

It's not. It's a flippant response because he doesn't want to tell you the real reason why.

I'm also going to add that a person I know did that very thing and it ended badly for her. The guy she was seeing (I won't use the word Dom), went into her account while they were in the process of breaking up. He changed her profile and locked her out of it. But, it went beyond that: he set up "meetings" with guys at places he knew she was going to be, and I'm not talking about kinky events. I'm talking about dinner with friends or co-workers. On one occasion, she thought she was going to end up raped until the guy realized that someone had played him and backed off.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/13/2013 1:03:32 PM >

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RE: He wants my password - 5/13/2013 5:31:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
But, it went beyond that: he set up "meetings" with guys at places he knew she was going to be, and I'm not talking about kinky events. I'm talking about dinner with friends or co-workers. On one occasion, she thought she was going to end up raped until the guy realized that someone had played him and backed off.

Jeezus.

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RE: He wants my password - 5/14/2013 1:08:18 PM

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How do all y'all feel about a feature that would give subs the ability to give out a limited "view activity only" access to their profile to whomever they want, without the person given access that way having the ability to change stuff like passwords, or contact people from the profile.

That way there would be a fairly risk free way for a dominant to monitor their submissive's profile, with the submissive being able to remain in complete control of when to withdraw the permission.

For those dominants who ask for passwords, would such limited access be sufficient for you, or would you still demand access to the main profile features?

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RE: He wants my password - 5/14/2013 1:19:34 PM

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If he wants your password he should at least prepare a small interrogation scene. Then he posts something slightly humiliating for you, while you are tied up, and then he returns it to you.

It's fun :D

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RE: He wants my password - 5/14/2013 1:20:06 PM

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I would not give anyone access to anything of mine online, nor would I ask a partner about his.

Unless you are sharing a home and banking, etc. there is no need for sharing passwords. Unless, like some couples here, you like to post on message boards, then that is fine.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

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