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RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 1:32:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Of course, you are dead wrong, but it is your opinion.

"Telling it like it is" is a form of tough love. It is also blunt. They are not mutually exclusive.

Of course they aren't mutually exclusive, when you're talking to those you love. You don't know, let alone love, total strangers. So it isn't tough love. And it's not perceived as love.

As I mentioned earlier, people don't like it when their behavior is called out as boorish.

By the way, I don't expect you to learn from what I've posted. It's for my own amusement and edification.

_____________________________

Eloquence

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 1:39:12 PM

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Joined: 5/7/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I dont consider it "civil" to proclaim someone a fake simply because they disagreed with someone.

But, hey, thats just me!

I don't either. I think it's rude and foolish. But I believe it's more sensible to tell the rude, foolish people to be polite, than to tell them to be respectful.

Edited to rephrase

< Message edited by MsEloquence -- 6/9/2013 2:34:53 PM >

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Eloquence

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RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 3:00:29 PM

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respect is earned. The people I respect are the people I can count on one hand. Why the fuck would I want to be respectable to complete strangers who don't deserve it? It would make my respect worthless for those who DO deserve it.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MsEloquence)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 3:13:33 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I dont consider it "civil" to proclaim someone a fake simply because they disagreed with someone.

But, hey, thats just me!

I don't either. I think it's rude and foolish. But I believe it's more sensible to tell the rude, foolish people to be polite, than to tell them to be respectful.

Edited to rephrase

You are far nicer than I. What I would tell them face to face cannot be repeated here. TOS and all that.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MsEloquence)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 3:16:19 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

Nueva Vida,

Yes, the regulars in general give the impression that new posters ought to offer respect (not civility) to the regulars.

People don't really enjoy hearing that their behavior is, well, boorish. But most places I've joined or observed, in real life and online, aren't very welcoming to new comers. I'm as guilty of cliquishness as anyone else, even though I have tried not to be.

I dont consider it "civil" to proclaim someone a fake simply because they disagreed with someone.

But, hey, thats just me!

Geeeezus, you're still pushing this ghost story...?

See, I'd agree with you *in principle*, IF that's what happened. And it just didn't...!

Kana never "disagreed with someone", he made a rude characterisation of the newbie OP. And she had a reasonable case to take offense - I would've in her place.

You take an unprovoked swing at a stranger, you're an idiot not to expect a reaction. And you're double the idiot to think that stranger's reaction will only be relative to that which you fired at them in the first place.

The fact is if Kana had minded his manners, you wouldn't be all over the OP's case about it. How tha hell is that stance even fair? Just because "fake" seems to be a personal trigger of yours?

In-fucking-credible!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 3:47:29 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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See, that's the problem there. Shoulda kept her mouth stuffed with cock and the sailing, she woulda been so smooth :-)

Oh, my bad... its just so insensitive to talk about blow jobs with submissives on a kink site.

Lets just dismiss the fact that it was followed by a smiley.. which most of us do when joking.

Lets over look the fact that she asked...."Am I just not being a good sub or do I not have some boundaries that should be respected?" I know many men who would say a sub/slave with her mouth stuffed full of cock is a very good sub/slave.

quote:

Kana never "disagreed with someone", he made a rude characterisation of the newbie OP. And she had a reasonable case to take offense - I would've in her place.

There are many I could take objection to when they tease or flirt... whats the point? Ron often makes references about blow jobs... and he isnt the only one to make sexual comments to submissives on these boards.

"If you had fucked him better, you may not be having this problem"

"How dare you! You fake wanna be asshole. I asked for advice and you belittle and demean me?"

"No, you asked are you a good sub. To me, a good sub is one who fucks often. What is your problem? Butt hurt because you didnt like the answer?"

When you ask, you open yourself up to a multitude of answers... on ANY message board. This isnt her first rodeo. She had a profile up on fet.. which is suddenly missing. Interesting that, huh. I distinctly recall her having messages there from about 6 months ago. So she isnt new to the atmosphere on message boards.

Im not here to coddle. You can have all the sympathy for the "poor abused girl" you want. I just dont have that emotion in this situation.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 3:55:12 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

The fact is if Kana had minded his manners, you wouldn't be all over the OP's case about it. How tha hell is that stance even fair? Just because "fake" seems to be a personal trigger of yours?

Fake is a personal trigger for me. That has nothing to do with Kana. You seem to be making this out like I am just trying to protect my "friend".

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4347070

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3387490

I have taken up a defensive stance against anyone being called a fake.. why? because someone's "fake" is someone else's "perfection".

You can call me a fake all day long. Its not you that I have to worry about proving I am what I say I am. But if someone doesnt explain that to these idiots, then they just go "lalalala fake fake fake fake" through their lives without ever knowing what the hell they are talking about.

So, you keep insisting that I am defending Kana. Yet, you are wrong. I am objecting to the use of calling someone a fake because you didnt like what they said.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/9/2013 5:50:35 PM

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

You are far nicer than I. What I would tell them face to face cannot be repeated here. TOS and all that.

That's funny! And thank you

_____________________________

Eloquence

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 1:55:29 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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Nada.Kana went all Spy vs Spy and engaged in Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.

And for the record, I don't color things as anything but they are-I don't engage in tough love,I call the shots as I see em and move on. But love...naaaaah...heck, I don't even like 1/2 of ya bitches :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MsEloquence)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 2:05:35 PM

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
You are far nicer than I. What I would tell them face to face cannot be repeated here. TOS and all that.

Some version of this would make an excellent sig line.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 3:45:58 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

So, you keep insisting that I am defending Kana. Yet, you are wrong. I am objecting to the use of calling someone a fake because you didnt like what they said.

Crikey, in your 2 posts of response, it's all pretty much in this last paragraph.

The calling of someone a fake IN THIS THREAD was the OP to Kana - yes or no? If your answer is "yes", then I'm not wrong.

Which frankly boils it all down to one four letter 'f' word that isn't the usual 'f' word. And that's what this is really about. Of all the thousands of things the thousands of people using a public forum can call one another, your personal dislike of one particular word is reason enough to keep sticking it to a newbie.

Ever heard of "don't poke the bear"? I think the message is something about how you can't control whatever degree of reaction that'll likely blow back at you. What I see is you continually blaming the "bear" - which leaves you defending Kana IN THIS THREAD.

And for what, again? "Fake"?

I think you're saying way more about you than the OP when you keep banging on about it like this. Especially as I agree that one person's fake is another person's real deal - which is why I roll my eyes and pass on topics about "fakes". Been called that before - pffft - interesting that it's usually by newbies but. Go figger....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 4:23:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

respect is earned. The people I respect are the people I can count on one hand. Why the fuck would I want to be respectable to complete strangers who don't deserve it? It would make my respect worthless for those who DO deserve it.

I think being respectful is different than actually respecting someone. Being respectful is a reflection of who I am. Earning my respect is a reflection of who you (generic) are.

I prefer to be respectful, even if I don't respect someone. I don't feel good about myself when I am disrespectful.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 4:28:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

Of course they aren't mutually exclusive, when you're talking to those you love. You don't know, let alone love, total strangers. So it isn't tough love. And it's not perceived as love.

I agree with this concept and I've said it before. If I love you it's tough love. Otherwise it's just tough.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MsEloquence)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 5:19:08 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I dont expect everyone to get my little jokes.... such as saying on the Texas prostitute thread "They wouldnt have killed Dolly!" .. a reference to the Best Little Whore House in Texas.

I got it, and enjoyed it :)

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 5:25:25 PM

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As did I.

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Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 5:26:08 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

No, my dear, you are not the only one. I've been on here a year and a half, and tend not to ever post anything of personal importance, as I do not wish to become the recipient of, or embroiled in, the liberal, prolonged attacks and misunderstandings, willful or otherwise, I've seen others, often unfairly, receive and endure.

My life is hard enough, my health and hold on life is actually fragile and somewhat tenuous at times, and I do not wish to become the main dish in a feeding frenzy. I feel so sad about it at times for I have much to offer, but too often think/feel it unsafe to do so.

I've really enjoyed when you offer suggestions about helping animals and think you and I share some beliefs when it comes to care for humans as well. I wish you felt safe to post freely, but agree with your assessment of the possible outcome.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Duskypearls)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 5:50:08 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

The calling of someone a fake IN THIS THREAD was the OP to Kana - yes or no? If your answer is "yes", then I'm not wrong.

You would only be right if Kana was the only one I have taken up this argument for. In fact, its not even all regulars I have argued this point over. One of those links, I do believe, was a newbie that someone else called a fake. So, there goes that theory.

quote:

Which frankly boils it all down to one four letter 'f' word that isn't the usual 'f' word. And that's what this is really about. Of all the thousands of things the thousands of people using a public forum can call one another, your personal dislike of one particular word is reason enough to keep sticking it to a newbie.

We all have our little idiosyncrasies. Im honest enough to own up to mine.

2010 Post of mine....

quote:

Yet you leave out the possibility, on both sides of the kneel, that one can be fake in your opinion, and real in the eyes of the next person.

I have stuck with that position for a long time now. if you think I am going to change that because you dont like it... yeah.. think again.

quote:

And for what, again? "Fake"? I think you're saying way more about you than the OP when you keep banging on about it like this. Especially as I agree that one person's fake is another person's real deal - which is why I roll my eyes and pass on topics about "fakes". Been called that before - pffft - interesting that it's usually by newbies but. Go figger....

I have seen some go ballistic for being called a slut. Others for a whore. Others for being abusive. Still others for being on the "government tit".

I freely admit to being a slut. A whore? I suppose if I am truly mastered, I could even be that if commanded. All I have ever abused has been spiders (damn, hate fucking spiders!) and I have owned up to my own time on the government tit.

Again, Im not likely to change because YOU dont like my idiosyncrasy. Im quite sure, and feel quite confident in saying that trait will not change any time soon. What might amaze you is that it doesnt bother me if they call me a fake.

I consider fake as offensive as a racist term. Dont know why. But I get the same knee jerk reaction when I hear it. So, if that truly upsets you, then block me. But after almost 30 years in the lifestyle, the last 15 exclusively (as in no vanilla relationships), I got tired of hearing the word "fake".

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 6:57:31 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsEloquence

Here's one: acknowledge that bluntness isn't "tough love" when directed at strangers, it's a nod to ones internet friends

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Of course, you are dead wrong, but it is your opinion.

"Telling it like it is" is a form of tough love. It is also blunt. They are not mutually exclusive.

Of course they aren't mutually exclusive, when you're talking to those you love. You don't know, let alone love, total strangers. So it isn't tough love. And it's not perceived as love.

As I mentioned earlier, people don't like it when their behavior is called out as boorish.

By the way, I don't expect you to learn from what I've posted. It's for my own amusement and edification.

Aw, aren't you sweet? Hate to break it to ya cupcake, but the term "tough love" isn't meant to denote something you only do with people you love.

I'm so glad that you think I'm boorish. It actually makes my day. I daresay some of your recent comments have come across as anything but "eloquent."

If you say something purely for your own edification and amusement, you wouldn't need to post it on an internet message board. I get that you need to put your "thoughts" out to the world at large, and that's ok. I also get that you don't like all us "boorish" folk pointing out to you that we might be on to your personal little agenda, and that's ok as well. See, "boorish" people have the balls to call things as they see them. They don't see a need to try to dress it up into something else to make themselves look good.

So now that we believe we each have the other's "number," I'll just leave it at that.

(in reply to MsEloquence)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 7:08:15 PM

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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

respect is earned. The people I respect are the people I can count on one hand. Why the fuck would I want to be respectable to complete strangers who don't deserve it? It would make my respect worthless for those who DO deserve it.

I think being respectful is different than actually respecting someone. Being respectful is a reflection of who I am. Earning my respect is a reflection of who you (generic) are.

I prefer to be respectful, even if I don't respect someone. I don't feel good about myself when I am disrespectful.

I don't disagree with you in premise. I think what we have here is that some people don't like the term "respectful" when it comes to simply showing basic manners. You and I might say we are being "respectful" of the bag boy at the supermarket (I miss the, lol), while others take issue with the term believing we are showing them basic manners.

I know we disagree with the entire "approach," but "tough love" is a legitimate one and you must admit that it is not simply for people we love. You don't need to use it and you don't need to like it, but you can't claim it is not a legitimate way of responding. You might think it is inappropriate, but it is considered a legitimate therapeutic approach. Certainly, a counselor using it with a client doesn't "love" their client, yet it can be useful.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 6/10/2013 7:18:19 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

The calling of someone a fake IN THIS THREAD was the OP to Kana - yes or no? If your answer is "yes", then I'm not wrong.

You would only be right if Kana was the only one I have taken up this argument for. In fact, its not even all regulars I have argued this point over. One of those links, I do believe, was a newbie that someone else called a fake. So, there goes that theory.

Links? I generally don't do links. I'm here for the discussion moreso than other people's links to often specious and convenient "facts". A certain 'K' on this site (who isn't Kana) comes to mind straight up. In *this* thread, the OP called Kana a "fake" - yes or no?

quote:

I have seen some go ballistic for being called a slut. Others for a whore. Others for being abusive. Still others for being on the "government tit".

I freely admit to being a slut. A whore? I suppose if I am truly mastered, I could even be that if commanded. All I have ever abused has been spiders (damn, hate fucking spiders!) and I have owned up to my own time on the government tit.

Lol, I'm thinking "fat" threads.... Personally, I've never liked the word "slut" and never called any partner that (in a good or bad way), nor used it as ammunition when things heat up. Skipped many a profile just for seeing it written there. It's the actual word I've never liked - such is me.... <shrugs>

quote:

Again, Im not likely to change because YOU dont like my idiosyncrasy. Im quite sure, and feel quite confident in saying that trait will not change any time soon. What might amaze you is that it doesnt bother me if they call me a fake.

I consider fake as offensive as a racist term. Dont know why. But I get the same knee jerk reaction when I hear it. So, if that truly upsets you, then block me. But after almost 30 years in the lifestyle, the last 15 exclusively (as in no vanilla relationships), I got tired of hearing the word "fake".

Like I'd ever give *anyone* the satisfaction of me blocking them. Not when I've got all this personality to share....

And as I said before, I like you and still do. Trouble here is that if your particular obsession with "fake" was only about you, you get to fob it off as a personal idiosyncrasy. But that's not what's happening; you keep making the newbie OP the bad guy for her right to defend herself with what's a "nothing" defence to almost anyone else. That's what's unfair and plain nasty. Your idiosyncrasy is not her fault.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to tazzygirl)

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