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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:35:09 AM

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There's a great saying that "By and large, women in the scene are bi and large."

There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

Otherwise I'm not really sure- but I will agree that I think there is a far higher percentage of very overweight people (male and female) in the scene versus the general vanilla population.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:36:03 AM

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So your issue is truly about semantics?

Pushing buttons?

Being an attention slut?

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:36:17 AM

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These kinds of questions are best left alone. It's hard to answer them without pissing off someone. If you answer that it's because of inscurity, lack of self-esteem etc.... then you've pissed off the fat people. If you say it's because fat people are naturally more nurturing, caring, touchie/feelie, then you've pissed off the skinny people.

Just leave it alone and enjoy.

(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:36:46 AM

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You make no sense. Threads? Sewing? Validation?

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:38:25 AM

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Oh great, balance one idiotic thread by referencing another idiotic thread.

If you need others to validate what your are or what you do, then you have issues you need to deal with.

K

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:39:29 AM

sweetinnocence41

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sixstrokes

LL1 - where did i state that the first response was the only one i "enjoyed" reading? I thought it was interesting and honest? Does bdsm attract people with what they see as deficiencies?

Although I wasn't going to dignify your question with a response as I see the percentage of BBW as proportionate to US everywhere in life. I enjoyed the B&D scene since I was a teen and just gained weight these last five years (with age and returning to school). I am a very strong and confident woman who doesn't see my weight as a hindrance. I still enjoy all the activities I did during all my years as a size 12. I am still physically active, yet that has no bearing on my bdsm lifestyle as I am more into the mental aspects of it.

You state you weren't asking the question or referring to BBW in the derogatory sense yet, you make a comment about "does bdsm attract people with what they see as deficiencies? Realizing you put "what they see" in it doesn't negate the fact that your responses to what others have written have tended to focus on the negative ones instead of those that affirm people as individuals regardless of looks, size,etc.

Don't know if you have issues regarding your size, are jealous or otherwise, but you need to get over whatever stigmatisms you have that cause you to find issues with another's size, weight, etc. To thine own self be true, I live and love me, you should learn to live and love you.

(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:43:40 AM

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From: Springfield, Il
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Ya know, as i am looking out of my window right now, i am watching a mixed couple walk down the street. She is more than thin enough to see ribs, and He is a big boy. They, however, have seen past the physical part of each other to find that they enjoy being around each other, at least enough to go walking down the street in public together.

I think my point is this... not just in this lifestyle but in life in general, there are people of all shapes, sizes, colors, religions, etc etc... to pick out one group of women and ask why those types of people are "attracted" to bdsm, is a predjudiced and offensive generalization. Why does BDSM attract it's fair share of professional Men in such fields as Medical, Law, etc etc, that choose to remain in the "closet" and only choose Prof. Dommes to sit near the feet of. Why does BDSM attract so many Men that are willing to 'beat' thier women, but never for anything productive... or the Men that want to be dressed up and paraded around town in a leash and collar in front of thier peers... why does BDSM attract so many women with blonde hair and blue eyes that wish to be told that they are nothing but mere sluts to be used for pleasure, or the redheads that just to want to be flogged senseless...

ya know, as you can see my point, i hope... Your gross generalizations picking out ONE type of person in the community is disheartening.

( Why does BDSM attract so many judgemental men that can't seem to do nothing but focus on the outside appearances, forgetting that under all of this fat, we have hearts and the desire to serve, or the desire to be served, just like sally too skinny jones who has the same need and desire... )

* shrugs * i have no idea if this made sense, i have a horrible headache, and at this point im seeing red. The insensitivity of people *especially* in this community, bothers me. A LOT
be well, and better days

beth

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:44:08 AM

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I have heard this thread before but I would say as a whole it might be a thing in the USA.,who knows? But I for one get more turned on as to the Domme's mind and how she knows her way around. The cool thing about D/s is how it shows how sexy ones mind can really be. Its something that I will be still learning for some time.

(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:46:21 AM

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Once again... Do these threads ever end... Some people suffer from medical conditions that are beyond their realm of control.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:47:56 AM

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From: Springfield, Il
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quote:

There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

Are You kidding me??? * smacks her head on the desk*

I happen to know many bbw women, who have successfully dated in the vanilla world, lived lives as wives in the vanilla world, then decided that something else was missing... did it have to do with thier weight or "lack of self esteem".. i think not.. sometimes, in this lifestyle, if you don't have thick skin and at least SOME sort of self esteem, you are going to get burned, hurt and pissed off all the time... Once again, another gross generalization... Low self esteem is not just for us "big boned girls"...
~edited to add: Ya know, i think if everyone of us look in the mirror today, we can all find ONE thing that each of us need to work on... find me ONE person around here that is perfectly happy with they way they look or doesn't haven't at least one flaw about themselves.... ~

< Message edited by candleTC -- 6/27/2006 5:49:31 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:48:28 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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this is going to sound strange and i promise i am not judging, but it is because you are afraid of overweighness...and you have your own body image to work on...if you get a reaction from reading what i just wrote i invite you to notice it, and maybe explore it alittle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sixstrokes

Why does bdsm appear to attract far more than its' fair share of overweight women?

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:50:50 AM

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Amy, i think You have just hit the nail on the head...

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:52:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's a great saying that "By and large, women in the scene are bi and large."

There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

Otherwise I'm not really sure- but I will agree that I think there is a far higher percentage of very overweight people (male and female) in the scene versus the general vanilla population.

Don't have a comment to the OP but LA, love the way You step out there and always with something worthwhile to add. Your're my heroine (heroin) of the boards.

Btw..what is LJ? I saw it in Your profile and have seen it before on the boards here. Curious.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 5:54:45 AM

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fast reply....

I know this is not going to be popular. Normally I avoid these threads entirely because I do think they have an offensive quality to them....or at least they turn out that way. It doesn't seem to matter how the question is asked...it quickly turns into a brouhaha.

I live in the midwest and I have attended a LOT of events over a good number of years. I can tell you that, at least in this part of the country, the bigger gals outnumber the smaller gals by a good margin. Now I don't know if I would say that the numbers are the same as in society in general. I can only comment upon my own observations. I don't see ratios between 5 and 10 to 1 at the local grocery store...but those types of ratios seem to be common at munches and events.

What is the reason behind this? Well that I don't know...but I would suspect that there are about as many different reasons as there are people. I know some of those reasons and I have some of my own thoughts on it. But as un-PC as it might be to acknowledge it....it is a phenomenon that does occur. To say that I'm unaware of the obvious imbalance in my area would be a lie.

The better question to ask here though is.....why does it matter? It seems to me that there are enough people in the lifestyle that everyone should be able to find a good selection of the types they are personally looking for....and I would certainly hope that weight and physical attributes would be far down the criteria list anyway.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 6:00:48 AM

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too many points to deal with so i wont try or this post would last forever - attention slut? i hardly think my level of posting qualifies me for that - i will leave you to your world of meaningless polls and questions that could be far better answered by a search on google - what is the best anal lube? - what is figging? - and mutual backslapping

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 6:03:24 AM

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Exactly. Different sorts of people are attracted to various life events. It's the pointing out these differences in a negative contentation that causes harm and hurt feelings imho.

It's possible that Sixstrokes was simply curious, but I was taught as a child to not point and stare.

I ask too much I know, but what if he asked, why are there so many beautiful, creative, lively women involved in bdsm?

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 6:44:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sixstrokes
Why does bdsm appear to attract far more than its' fair share of overweight women?

Define 'fair share'? For that matter define 'over weight' as many who consider themselves overweight I certainly don't!

I have seen all shapes and sizes of people from tiny 4'10" skinny lasses to 6' tall rubinesque ladys. Definatly no predominance of any particular shape. Maybe it is diffrent where you are, but it certainly isn't the case here in London.

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(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 6:45:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Otherwise I'm not really sure- but I will agree that I think there is a far higher percentage of very overweight people (male and female) in the scene versus the general vanilla population.

Does this mean most of the fatties are into BDSM and most of the skinnies are Vanilla? HUH, WHAT????

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 6:50:50 AM

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"Overweight women" is not an identity. "Woman" is an identity. "Sub" or "Dom" or "Straight" or "Vegetarian" can be identities. "Overweight" (as well as fat, thin, bald, and HOT, lol) are nothing more than descriptions; a very subjective judgement call that can vary wildly; for instance, a cover model can be considered "overweight" by standards that have nothing to do with health. I don't think "overweight" people are any more or less attracted to this lifestyle than anyone else. There are "people" attracted to this lifestyle... people of all kinds.

What you have to remember is, when you come right down to it.... WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. No matter what our color, orientation, religion, or even weight. Every person you see when you go to a BDSM event... or to Wal-Mart... or the mall... or swing club... or Gas-N-Go... is a HUMAN BEING. With all the faults and virtues that go along with REAL LIFE.

Personally, I don't know of any mass murderers who are overweight women... or even overweight guys. They all looked pretty thin or at least what is generally considered "average". Maybe it was all that pressure to conform to superficial standards that drove them over the edge?

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 6/27/2006 6:53:16 AM >

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:03:38 AM

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G'morning all:

*tips hat to feastie* Well put.

To the OP - if the question wasn't mean spirited, why did you single out chunky chicks? Why not just use that lovely search function and find the endless posts already on the topic? Are you just lazy? By the way, there's more to beauty than just a Barbie doll figure. But then, you're too shallow to notice. One can hope you never breed.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

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