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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:03:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candleTC
I happen to know many bbw women, who have successfully dated in the vanilla world, lived lives as wives in the vanilla world, then decided that something else was missing... did it have to do with thier weight or "lack of self esteem".. i think not.. sometimes, in this lifestyle, if you don't have thick skin and at least SOME sort of self esteem, you are going to get burned, hurt and pissed off all the time... Once again, another gross generalization... Low self esteem is not just for us "big boned girls"...

I said that that was a factor. Not that it was the only reason OR that fat people couldn't be very confident.

I'm a fat person myself. I know exactly the issues that can go with it.

quote:

~edited to add: Ya know, i think if everyone of us look in the mirror today, we can all find ONE thing that each of us need to work on... find me ONE person around here that is perfectly happy with they way they look or doesn't haven't at least one flaw about themselves.... ~

My saying that I think a higher percentage of fat people are in the scene versus vanilla life has nothing to do with the fact that none of us are perfect. I wonder why people take so much value judgement into saying "I make an observation of pure percentages."

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(in reply to candleTC)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:04:39 AM

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From: N. Carolina
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I'm going to (respectfully) disagree. I have heard the same complaints as the OP made, years ago, about swing clubs... and not just about overweight women, but older women also.

I think that the percentage of overweight people in the scene is indeed reflective of the general population at large; the *difference* is that certain types of people come into the lifestyle expecting everyone to be young and beautiful and right out of the really hot S&M flicks (or MTV) they've been watching, and as such are affronted to find Real People instead of the hot bods that they expected... and, frequently, feel those without hot bods of their own expectations have no right to be there. These people should find those S&M clubs that have age and weight restrictions (yes, they do exist!) and go there. The bottom line is... there are not percentage-wise more overweight people in the scene; it's only that they are *noticed* more in such places, because by and large (that was cute, btw, LA), we are expected to be hiding in the shadows, ashamed of our size and avoiding bright lights and public notice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

Otherwise I'm not really sure- but I will agree that I think there is a far higher percentage of very overweight people (male and female) in the scene versus the general vanilla population.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 6/27/2006 7:07:18 AM >

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:05:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery
Btw..what is LJ? I saw it in Your profile and have seen it before on the boards here. Curious.

Thanks Joy, I'm glad you get some benefits from the board. Maybe we'll see eachother in Texas some day.

LJ = livejournal, a personal blog site and where I keep my blog.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:05:15 AM

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Maybe people are more comfortable being accepted for what and who they are - and have no need to hit the diets and the exact body shapes that the media portray.

I do not know, sixstrokes - but there is definately an element of people being themselves - and if thats is being 'larger' than average - male and female... I think that the most important element is the self acceptance.

I do add, I didn't see anything wrong with your question. I think there are probably more issues with the responses of others that show more indignation - than your question/point you are trying to get across.

Welcome to the 'understanding' that is Collarme....

Peace and Rapture

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(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:05:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song

I have heard this thread before but I would say as a whole it might be a thing in the USA.,who knows? But I for one get more turned on as to the Domme's mind and how she knows her way around. The cool thing about D/s is how it shows how sexy ones mind can really be. Its something that I will be still learning for some time.

81song, Your post made me stop and go Hmmm... i live for the exercise of disengaging from the physical and appreciating the mental. In fact, that's the only path that truly gets me all emotional and hot.

(in reply to 81song)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:09:09 AM

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From: Charleston, WV
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Why does it matter?

Master Fire

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(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:09:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW
Does this mean most of the fatties are into BDSM and most of the skinnies are Vanilla? HUH, WHAT???

No. It means what I said- that I think a higher percentage of people in the scene are very overweight versus people not in the scene.

Meaning that about 70% of people in the scene are very overweight versus 30% of people in the vanilla world.

That doesn't mean anything about raw numbers. Say you have 1 million people in the vanilla population and 1 thousand people in the kink population. Taking my previous percentages as reality, that means 300,000 vanillas are very overweight and 700 kinky people are very overweight.

Given that kinky people are from the same population as vanilla people, one would surmise that there wouldn't be any difference in any factor of the population. However, I think there is a big difference in percentages of fat people in the scene versus vanilla people.

The percentages/ratios are very different, but it has nothing to do with raw numbers.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to BBBTBW)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:20:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
The bottom line is... there are not percentage-wise more overweight people in the scene; it's only that they are *noticed* more in such places, because by and large (that was cute, btw, LA), we are expected to be hiding in the shadows, ashamed of our size and avoiding bright lights and public notice.

I can't speak for the scene in North Carolina as I have never been active there...but I can tell you that here in Michigan there ARE more overweight people active in the scene than average or underweight people. I don't know why another state would be significantly different. Now I don't know where the cutoff point is that determines that someone is a BBW or not...but I can tell you that often I am one of only a few or at times have even been the only woman under the 200 lb mark at an event.

I know this is an issue that is sensitive and seems to make people defensive but, I don't see anything wrong with saying that there is some merit to the observation that there does seem to be an imbalance. I don't think that necessarily says anything negative about the community or the people in it.

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(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:24:05 AM

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mist, I was talking of what I have seen in my 13+ years in the scene as a whole, including Los Angeles, not solely by my 6 months here :)

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:24:40 AM

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From: None of your business
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LOL, ummmmm, you made a mistake. I think most guys learn about age 12 or younger, YOU DO NOT ASK A QUESTION ABOUT A WOMAN's PHYSICAL APPEARANCE unless it is a obvious compliment about the woman. It will never be perceived as merely a idle thought or observation. And if it is a compliment you run the risk of being labeled a perv. LOL. Best to just keep such thoughts to yourself, for your own safety.

(in reply to sixstrokes)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:30:16 AM

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Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
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quote:

There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

There are many salient points throughout this thread, but what it comes down to is subjective reasoning. I used to weigh 250 lbs, now I weight 150 lbs... my self-esteem was bad at 250, but it was because I was in a horrible vanilla relationship, the weight being the affect - not the cause. But I didn't lose weight, or come to this lifestyle because of my physical appearance. I lost weight to improve my health, and came to the lifestyle because it filled a part of me that was missing my whole life. Everyone is here for their own reasons, why they look like they do may be what brought them here... then again, maybe not.

And since when does anyone get "shoved into" this culture? The majority of people that I have met have chosen to be here because they have found a missing piece in their lives. Think about it... if she is woman, is overweight, AND into the lifestyle, she theoretically has 3 strikes against her now (in the vanilla and discriminatory world).... who would allow themselves to be pushed into such a situation (then again, who would chose such a situation except for someone that is completely at-ease with themselves)? Yes, as with anything, there are exceptions to the rule, but... on the whole we chose to be here.

I often think (more often than not) that we look at the world from a complete warped point of view when we focus mainly on appearances. My Dom learned that about me on our first meeting... he is overweight, I am not (so much) and he thought that would be a problem, because it had always been such in the past. One month in now, and I am ready to be marked as his submissive... he is kind, caring, controlling, and absolutely wonderful! His weight, though it is something that we notice and that we acknowledge is not who HE is...

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:32:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

mist, I was talking of what I have seen in my 13+ years in the scene as a whole, including Los Angeles, not solely by my 6 months here :)

I just don't see it and haven't seen it. My experience has been primarily confined to the midwest and the east coast but I do get out of my box once in awhile and get to other places. In my nearly 29 years of getting out and comingling with other lifestylers, I have seen exactly what the OP is referring to.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:32:46 AM

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From: Columbia SC
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Stands up again, and states CLEARLY FOR ALL TO HEAR! I PEFER BBW. why would anyone want a woman that is all skin and bones and you feel like your going to break her when you hold her?

(in reply to indybbwsubbie)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:34:41 AM

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Joined: 12/30/2005
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There is huge appeal to a bbw Domme. First, a male slave serves the GENDER, not the body. he submits to his Superior FEMALE because She IS Female.
Submitting to a BBW at least shows that the sub isn't submitting because the Mistress looks like Pam Anderson, but because the Mistress IS aware of Her power and superiority.
in some cases the male needs NOT to serve the "hot young Domme".
And i personally have served both. i have found that the BBW is NOT ashamed of Her size, nor does She suffer from low self esteem.
Goddess Bless the BBW.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:39:26 AM

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Don't forget the skinny scrawny men that are in BDSM too when I go to crack my whip it's like they almost fall apart. *grins
BDSM is a cultured, diverse alternative lifestyle. I know it's more accepting and comforting than any other lifestyle and if you just noticed the BBW in the lifestyle then there must be something wrong. People in BDSM come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. We are like a garden of flowers. I think that a bBBW can look wicked if they carry themselves well and with some class.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:48:59 AM

doll

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From: Middle Georgia
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Ok....my only question is why do ya'll care?? If a person is attracted to a BBW, they are going to be attracted...IF you don't like them...walk away.
I don't care if there are more big, skinny, tall, short, bald, hairy people in bdsm...there are far better issues to talk about I am sure.

I understand the OP's point...I just don't see why it is relevant to anything.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:54:04 AM

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It isn't relative to anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: doll
I understand the OP's point...I just don't see why it is relevant to anything.

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 7:57:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

One of the things I tell people who are nervous about attending their first munch is "Look at the average supermarket line. That's what the crowd is going to look like."

I went to my first public play at the dungeon in DC over the weekend and I agree completely with the above statement. It was just your average core sample of people.
(By the way, I'm my Daddy's sexy BBW and didn't have much problem gettin' all nekkid to play... if He thinks I'm a hottie, then I really care less what other people think.)

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 8:04:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
(By the way, I'm my Daddy's sexy BBW and didn't have much problem gettin' all nekkid to play... if He thinks I'm a hottie, then I really care less what other people think.)

There ya go. OK I can only go off the photo's but you don't look like someone I would lable 'overweight'.... absolutely no argument with the lable 'hottie' though

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RE: Overweight bdsm women - 6/27/2006 8:04:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's a great saying that "By and large, women in the scene are bi and large."

There is something to be said about the lack of self esteem. Women who don't feel confident and successful dating in the vanilla world find themselves online or shoved into sub-culture territory and find that their inner fantasies can come true by the "dom of their dreams" and that their weight has become far less of a hindrance to them.

Otherwise I'm not really sure- but I will agree that I think there is a far higher percentage of very overweight people (male and female) in the scene versus the general vanilla population.

When we met, you talked about why you hated these threads. I do think the OP has a legitmate "newbie-ish" question, and it was the first one I thought about when I joined CM too. I got reamed for posting about it back then, as well.

All that said, I think you've given a great response here. You acknowledge the facts, you inject a little humor into a sensitive topic area, and you give a reasonable and maybe correct explanation for the phenomenom.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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