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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 5:53:35 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:


He's been on this site for 10 years = he's had experience? Laughable.


No. I didn't draw any causal links. I merely referred to information from his post and from his profile.

He said he's had experience. Not much, but I'll take back what I said if his wife knew about about his "experience".

quote:

As for defending the author of the other post, yes, she did ask her husband.
This guy was asking "how can I get my wife on board."
Pretty damn similar neh?


It is similar. But the OP was slammed for the deceit and his profile where he was looking for squeeze on the side. As for talking to his wife, after 10 years of trying to get some on the side, he now wants to ask her permission to get some on the side, but won't even consider getting her on board in the lifestyle.

I'll say it again, for me it's the deceit that's a problem.

If you truly believe that those are comparable situations then we'll have to agree to disagree.


quote:

I also demonstrated statistically that I was correct and showed my methodology.


Can't agree to disagree here I'm afraid. You're wrong nine ways to Sunday because you know nothing about stats and methodology. You know nothing about sampling. You can't draw any conclusions without first having some idea of the population. You didn't sample results by gender, you didn't make sure that they were seperate authors, you presume the posts in a row or chronologically recent is representative.. You're out of your league here.

let me help you.


You think that women are harder on male cheaters than female cheaters. Is that correct? If so, find posts where women said they were cheating, and look at the responses by men, and by women. (and not the same posters over and over again.. if responding 6 times, I'm still only 1 woman.. this is where population and data sampling come into play and we can't go there on this site).

Then find posts where men said they were cheating, and look at the reponses by men, and by women.

You're looking for gender differences in the way posters respond. You may be right but you certainly haven't said anything remotely compelling. At best what you could do here is make an observation based on your searches, and ask a question based on your anecdotal observations.

Besides, it's just data. Don't know why you need to go to the mockery zone. Trust me, I can live with the burden of you being right, not lose any sleep, and have my self-worth intact. But if that's how you want to handle a debate, count me out. Prove me wrong.. I love it. I'm particularly in awe if/when that happens to a long held belief. Will I misspeak or make errors in logic.. yep, just ask Ishtar, she's caught'em plenty. Mock me for it? Well, that just means we're done because clearly you're more vested in being right or top dog than substance. For me, being wrong is just part and parcel of the human condition.. happens routinely in my world.

I'm good with that.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:02:27 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		To Lady Pact, re. opinions of infidelity on the long running Sexless Marriage board:

We're all for it. Marriage means sex and a marriage without sex is a voided agreement (that "honor" thing -note quotation marks).

Partners do not get to breezily rewrite the basic marital agreement going back to the stone age just because we said some mumbo jumbo in church and then slowly kill their partner's soul just because.

Would it be better (or to quote a fave poster, "better") to seamlessly and perfectly tie up some completely muddled mess in a neat bow before moving on in a responsible, Dr Phil manner to a clean break future?

Sure. But sometime life's a bitch and people are imperfect.

To Little Wonder, re. slipping into a little booth at lunch time to watch a little mixed combo action for half a buck:

Jesus, 'talk about a victimless crime. If the guy was being taken care of at home, he wouldn't be there. Or here.

Aint nobody at the go-go bar who has a hottie like Little Wonder in the wings. And for most of 'em, fearless life changing and searing self-examination aint gonna offer one up -ever.

This sense that all non-partner sexual thinking is akin to cheating is like the thoughtcrime concept in 1984. I don't want to live my interior life in a sexual North Korea.

How about you, Kim Il Jeff? Can't help but notice that all the yellers here are getting seriously laid -with kink thrown in that MAYBE (or "maybe") .001% of the world can only dream of.

My own story:

I was trapped in a sexless marriage and met someone on a hobby board who was likewise. We hadn't been laid half a dozen times in a decade between us.

We hit it off. Our marriages were all but dead and we had one foot out the door. To quote my now wife: "What did being honorable (or "honorable") ever get me? Fuck it, let's get laid before the dirt nap".

Today, we have sex at least twice a week. We feel we were dug up from a cold grave and let to breath and live in the sun again. Sometimes, we weep with gratitude.

Downside: we suffer, I suppose, the huffy and fatuous disdain of people like Jeff.

It's OK -we can live with it.

And Jeff's on here 10 times a day imperiously wagging his finger at strangers and loving it.

So a win/win all around then.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:06:54 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I need more details about the marriage before I condemn this person. He may be trapped with her due to her health insurance situation. That's what happened to me.

quote:

I'm curious. There was no way the insurance requirement could have been made a part of the divorce decree so that the insurance company had to carry the benefits over? I'm confused about the insurance company being able to void what boils down to a court order.


My staying on his health insurance was part of my divorce. His company dropped me after we were divorced, and reinstated me after I showed them the decree.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:12:33 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Many women in the (assumed) position of OP's wife want to be shielded from husband's outside activities to preserve their sexless but otherwise satisfying marriages. The black and white condemnation I've read all over this thread has really disappointed me in so many people. Let's see what you have to say 20 or 30 years into your marriages.


At 18 years, I said "Yes" to the divorce, but maybe it doesn't count, because there was sex, but not satisfaction.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:15:09 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden


Can't agree to disagree here I'm afraid. You're wrong nine ways to Sunday because you know nothing about stats and methodology. You know nothing about sampling. You can't draw any conclusions without first having some idea of the population. You didn't sample results by gender, you didn't make sure that they were seperate authors, you presume the posts in a row or chronologically recent is representative.. You're out of your league here.

let me help you.


You think that women are harder on male cheaters than female cheaters. Is that correct? If so, find posts where women said they were cheating, and look at the responses by men, and by women. (and not the same posters over and over again.. if responding 6 times, I'm still only 1 woman.. this is where population and data sampling come into play and we can't go there on this site).

Then find posts where men said they were cheating, and look at the reponses by men, and by women.

You're looking for gender differences in the way posters respond. You may be right but you certainly haven't said anything remotely compelling. At best what you could do here is make an observation based on your searches, and ask a question based on your anecdotal observations.

Besides, it's just data. Don't know why you need to go to the mockery zone. Trust me, I can live with the burden of you being right, not lose any sleep, and have my self-worth intact. But if that's how you want to handle a debate, count me out. Prove me wrong.. I love it. I'm particularly in awe if/when that happens to a long held belief. Will I misspeak or make errors in logic.. yep, just ask Ishtar, she's caught'em plenty. Mock me for it? Well, that just means we're done because clearly you're more vested in being right or top dog than substance. For me, being wrong is just part and parcel of the human condition.. happens routinely in my world.

I'm good with that.

It seems I not only did what you suggested, I showed my methodology and posted the results TWICE.

Maybe you're more vested in covering your logical fail then actually reading posts on the topic with something resembling logic and comprehension which you obviously failed to do.

As for "Well, that just means we're done" Nice flounce.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:26:19 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		RE: Insurance

Once you get divorced, you get COBRA most of the time. I know of half a dozen people in this boat. Court ordered agreements and the ability to expensively prosecute them in court are not real options for most people.

I also know a lot of people trapped in a can't-sell-the-house nightmare. Or who are taking care of a disabled child.

Yeah, trapped.

I said it and I am unrepentent.

But nickel and diming about the details of the lives of the suffering is a bland pleasure of the currently comfortable.

As far as it goes, I hope your good fortune and lofty morals are sustained forever.

As to the sock accusation, so what?

If I am someone else (?) and I want to go on the internet and make a point anonymously -well, how many animals were killed in the making of this post? I'm not, btw.

Jesus, get a life.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:30:17 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I was trapped in a sexless marriage and met someone on a hobby board who was likewise. We hadn't been laid half a dozen times in a decade between us.

We hit it off. Our marriages were all but dead and we had one foot out the door. To quote my now wife: "What did being honorable (or "honorable") ever get me? Fuck it, let's get laid before the dirt nap".


Clearly you weren't trapped - you are now remarried. Or did you two cheat until your spouses died?

My ex husband and I both cheated. I realized it was wrong and resolved to never do it again. I went into most of my subsequent relationships agreeing that it would be an open relationship. In my current one, we are monogamous, and I am fine with that and will honor that.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 6:43:18 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Marriage means sex and a marriage without sex is a voided agreement (that "honor" thing -note quotation marks).



Not sure I agree there. Depends on the vows. This is typical, even in civil ceremonies:

quote:

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.



Lack of sex falls under "for worse" and, in this case "in sickness". There is no vow that generally states "I'll give you pussy/cock on demand or the marriage is over". You can put that in the vows if you want, but without it there a lack of sex doesn't void the contract.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 7:08:37 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking
Marriage means sex and a marriage without sex is a voided agreement (that "honor" thing -note quotation marks).


If someone "catches" their spouse using sex as the carrot and then once the ring is on their finger, the sex stops.. I would actually say that was deliberate fraud.. and I have heard that happening to people/dudes.. it makes me cringe and I do feel for guys that has happened to.. of course they say there are 2 sides to every story but.. stories like that make it hard for women like me that want lots of sex and its not gonna end if a guy falls for me.. not that I am looking to get married, I just want to live with a nice horny guy and wake up happy.. but if a guy has been burned before, makes it a lot harder for me to break down those barriers..

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 7:10:00 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Okay, so you admit you did not leave your sexless marriage until you had another partner in hand, so to speak.

Welcome to the world of 90% of those who leave their marriages. Most have someone else in the wings.

Being willing to leave if and when you can find someone else is not being 'trapped' it's being cowardly.



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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 7:51:11 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Okay, so you admit you did not leave your sexless marriage until you had another partner in hand, so to speak.

Welcome to the world of 90% of those who leave their marriages. Most have someone else in the wings.

Being willing to leave if and when you can find someone else is not being 'trapped' it's being cowardly.



Good point. I think it was Foxworthy who said "If she says 'we should start seeing other people' she not only has the horse picked out, she has the saddle and blanket out of the barn"

(same applies to both genders)

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 8/15/2013 8:34:09 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:14:35 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		.....Actually, it was later revealed that both our sex-refusing partners were cheating on us!!

And that's probably my last point here:

The sex refuser is generally not a blameless victim. On the sexless marriage board, they are typically passive aggressive, narcissistic users.

Or maybe that's "just data". Over and over again.

If it's a case of genuine physical or mental incapacity that's stopping them from having sex, that's a different standard.

Overwhelmingly tho, it's them not being into you, failing to send you the memo, and then years of gas lighting to maintain a toxic status quo for selfish reasons that's the scenario. Plenty of lying on both sides.

Just even assuming that your partner should go without sex for years because your own head is well fucked is a fundamental lie and demands a lot of contorting on both sides to maintain.

If I were hurting my partner at that level, I feel I would have the responsibility to end the relationship. Again, plenty of responsibility on both sides.

What category does the OP full into?

We don't know.

This thread is just a clusterfuck of made it up in the shower projection. Mine leans charitable and compassionate. Your's leans moral lesson-oriented (yawn). But we're all talking straight out of our asses.

As to our eventual remarriage, in our both cases we told them it was over early in and that their dullard eunuch asses should take a hike. We didn't drag it out for years with a lot of refuser tap dancing.

To the lady above who is a fellow sexless marriage survivor, I urge you take a look at the sexless marriage board. Certainly plenty of bait and switch stories like you outline. And the mind fuck you were doubtlessly put through could use a little support and analysis. You'd probably meet a better class of internet men then here too.

Later.


Gonna go fuck an ass. Try not to hate me. I mean, I waited so long......


< Message edited by Domnotlooking -- 8/15/2013 9:22:11 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:18:23 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

On the sexless marriage board, they are typically are typically passive aggressive, narcissistic users.


According to whom? The spouse or the refuser?

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:26:44 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Well, obviously the board is for people who are unhappy being in the sexless marriage.

Refusers are welcome, but why -being cool with sexlessness- why would they then post there?

And people who have been treated badly, starved, and lied to do tend to say unflattering things about the people who did it to them.

I know you're trying to make some arch point, but that's just common sense, no?

Anyway, I sincerely wish that you're gonna have sex as good as I am today.

And that goes double for the beleaguered OP.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:33:55 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I disagree cloudboy. On both of the threads you mentioned - small penis and diaper - the negative postings were because the posters seemed to think that the rest of us were here to enable their "fun".

When serious questions are asked, I don't see dogpiles, I see serious answers. And I don't consider "tell me how small and horrible my penis is" a serious question.


First of all, the rough treatment those two OPs faced fits a longstanding pattern. Next, the small penis question was not wank fodder, it was a self description and good questions asked. Hating the kink resulted in hating the op. it was just disguised as hating "wank fodder."

How else can you explain such poor reading comprehension?

------

This may seem like a strange question, but having recently chatted to a couple of other weak males with small penis's, I wonder if there is a link between cock size, confidence, success, and power.

I have a very small penis, and I need people to laugh at it, and hurt it (including men with normal sized penis's). I wonder if men with real cocks are more succesful because of the confidence and success with women they have.

This is just curiousity, because as a wimp with a 1 inch willie, I know I will never be more than a toilet and slavepig for my superiors.

-----------

Simply Michael was the only decent responder on the diaper thread.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/15/2013 9:45:17 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:37:55 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I know you're trying to make some arch point, but that's just common sense, no?


My point is that their view of their partner is skewed because they can't get past their own sex drive. Of course they are going to paint their partner as a narcissist or in a passive aggressive way since they aren't getting their desires (not needs) met. That doesn't make it true. If anything, I see THAT as passive aggressive on the part of the "victim" because instead of communicating with their partner and, if it can't be resolved, separating/divorcing, they choose to bad mouth the partner they promised to love in a public forum.

Just as I would NEVER bad-mouth my dom on a public forum, it would devastate me if he did it to me. It would SO damage my trust in him that it could, potentially, terminate our relationship. Without trust, there can't be a relationship. Cheating, even if being denied for medical/religious reasons, destroys trust because of deceit. If one partner cannot trust the other to communicate and resolve differences in an adult manner, the relationship is already dead. Best to formally end it and go your separate ways rather than to keep hurting each other.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 8/15/2013 9:38:55 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:41:31 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking
To Lady Pact, re. opinions of infidelity on the long running Sexless Marriage board:

We're all for it. Marriage means sex and a marriage without sex is a voided agreement (that "honor" thing -note quotation marks).

Partners do not get to breezily rewrite the basic marital agreement going back to the stone age just because we said some mumbo jumbo in church and then slowly kill their partner's soul just because.

Would it be better (or to quote a fave poster, "better") to seamlessly and perfectly tie up some completely muddled mess in a neat bow before moving on in a responsible, Dr Phil manner to a clean break future?

Sure. But sometime life's a bitch and people are imperfect.

Wow. Just wow.

I guess it completely depends on what you consider "better" and just what you feel *does* kill your soul. Lack of sex wouldn't do that for Me but there are other things that would. There are a lot of people on the face of the earth that don't care what it does to the other party as long as you're getting yours. I couldn't handle My conscious or My character being dictated by My genitals.


quote:

My own story:

I was trapped in a sexless marriage and met someone on a hobby board who was likewise. We hadn't been laid half a dozen times in a decade between us.

We hit it off. Our marriages were all but dead and we had one foot out the door. To quote my now wife: "What did being honorable (or "honorable") ever get me? Fuck it, let's get laid before the dirt nap".

Today, we have sex at least twice a week. We feel we were dug up from a cold grave and let to breath and live in the sun again. Sometimes, we weep with gratitude.

Downside: we suffer, I suppose, the huffy and fatuous disdain of people like Jeff.

It's OK -we can live with it.

And Jeff's on here 10 times a day imperiously wagging his finger at strangers and loving it.

So a win/win all around then.

Well, at least you found somebody who takes loyalty and commitment with the same level of importance as you do, so that's a good thing. I hope you both remain happy and healthy. If you don't, and one of you sustained an accident or illness that would leave you unable to perform sexually, at least you've got your prior experience behind you to know that you'd be willing to let the new spouse go and get their satisfaction elsewhere. "Cause what does that honor thing get a person anyway.

People are just different, I guess. This thread had Me thinking back to those times that MP was deployed and what the difficulties of that period of time brought up. Lack of sex was so low on the list that it barely registered. I must have come up with forty things that I remembered missing about just having him in the same house that were so much more important. If he'd have come back from those deployments unable to have sex, I'd still be married to him today because I fell in love with the whole man. Not just what he could do for Me in the bedroom.

Oh, and I'm glad you did turn out to just happen to be a new poster. It shows your not a dishonest person who just created the account just to answer the thread or lie about who you are. The latter would have implied that a person isn't quite as proud of their actions as you seem to be.



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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 9:57:28 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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This thread is just a clusterfuck of made it up in the shower projection. Mine leans charitable and compassionate. Your's leans moral lesson-oriented (yawn). But we're all talking straight out of our asses.

------------------

Message boards and marital issues are a poor combination. You have been a god read. In general responders feel compelled to be objectionable when they don't like what they see. As you state, projection follows usually under another form of cover.

I agree with your points that it is hard to be helpful, but it is not so hard to offer some understanding and sympathy.




< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/15/2013 9:58:12 AM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 10:07:27 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		It seems to me that every condemning post here is written with the poster's face so firmly planted into a mirror that the possibility of another valid viewpoint or approach is invisible to them.

If I were married, I would prefer to end the marriage rather than have my husband dallying outside of it, as several posters commented above.

So fucking what?

That is how I feel and would act. That other women and men would and do choose differently than I would doesn't make them reprehensible.

Unbelievable that this truism is lost to the vast majority of posters on this thread.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/15/2013 10:07:46 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking
How about you, Kim Il Jeff? Can't help but notice that all the yellers here are getting seriously laid -with kink thrown in that MAYBE (or "maybe") .001% of the world can only dream of.

Heh, for the record, I haven't had sex with Carol in about 8 weeks. In general our sex life stinks. It's something that needs work.

quote:

We hit it off. Our marriages were all but dead and we had one foot out the door. To quote my now wife: "What did being honorable (or "honorable") ever get me? Fuck it, let's get laid before the dirt nap".

And there you have it in a nutshell. Yes, lots of people will sacrifice their honor on the alter of expedience. Does that make them awful? I don't think so. I really, really dislike statements that amount to "vast swathes of humanity are bad". It does, however, make them creatures of expedience rather than honor and to some of us that's important. It certainly changes how I interact with them. Shouldn't it?

quote:

Today, we have sex at least twice a week. We feel we were dug up from a cold grave and let to breath and live in the sun again. Sometimes, we weep with gratitude.

I've been through two divorces dude. I've been there.

quote:

Downside: we suffer, I suppose, the huffy and fatuous disdain of people like Jeff.

I would agree... not much of a down side. For me the real downside would be that guy in the mirror not some random internet stranger. The guy who looks at you in the mirror doesn't care about such matters though so I think it's perfectly appropriate that you carry on. But the fact remains... for some people, things like honor are secondary or tertiary to expedience... which is to say, they have no honor. Do you really see it differently?


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/15/2013 10:09:42 AM >

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