RE: How Do I get my wife to agree????

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 7:56:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I really feel you are putting your own ideas and philosophies into action here, instead of taking the OP at his word and giving him more credit for understanding his own marital situation. It was not clear to me that he had a "bad marriage." On a scale of 1-10 it seemed to me his marriage was at least 5 b/c his complaints were really rather limited in scope.

The OP stated flat out that the marriage was good except for no sex. But if you read between the lines, it's clear that he's missing a good connection with his wife. Also that he's not really aware how much work a good connection actually is.

quote:

How do you know he created a sock? The anonymous male poster describing his own sexless marriage could have been someone else. Besides, that guy has solved his problem. (Assuming I understand your reference.)

His sock was obvious. The sock admitted being a sock later in the thread.

quote:

Of course at this point, we are all just talking to ourselves b/c the OP has flown the coop.

Shame.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 8:43:00 AM

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quote:

His sock was obvious. The sock admitted being a sock later in the thread.

It was not clear to me the sock was the OP, in fact my own assumption was otherwise (it was not the OP.)

You are right that adding a 3rd person is complicated.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 11:12:20 AM

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I don't think the sock was the OP either, unless he was shoveling more bs than just being a sock. (Remember, sock dude specifically mentioned his new partner and even mentioned that he had an ass to go fuck. His words, not Mine.) Of course, just a person creating a sock shows that they aren't willing to be honest about their identity, so you have to ask yourself just how honest they are about anything else they say.

This next part is probably about as off topic as it gets but we've got enough thread drift here to warrant it. I do believe the OP is long gone and probably didn't get the result that he wanted, like a lot of married guys who come here. The original post might have been the first honest thing he's done on this site in ten years. To Me, that really is kind of sad.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 11:23:59 AM

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quote:

His sock was obvious. The sock admitted being a sock later in the thread.

While there is a poster who said something about the benefits of posting anonymously, he is not participating on this thread with other nicks.

It is ok to have more than one nick, but they cannot participate on the same thread. When people are concerned that this is happening, please use the Report feature to create a ticket for we mods to review.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 12:38:48 PM

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There was a good reference to how you transitioned to Poly. It was almost a how-to manual. I always like it when a responder can reference a specific, helpful post from the past. I think K did that with you.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 7:41:18 PM

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Op, if you're still around, I dare you to take the Love Dare

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/18/2013 11:01:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

How many times have you seen the regulars here say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" to someone asking about a relationship with someone who fooled around on them and should they take him back?

it didn't happen to these 2 ladies at all.

I only just perused through this thread tonight, even though it's been out here for awhile.

And of all the posts, I really only want to comment on your comments about the 2 ladies who were not condemned when having admitted to cheating. I don't know if one of those 2 ladies you found posts on were me, but I've readily admitted to having cheated on my ex husband and realizing later it was the wrong thing to do.

My very first post about it was in my former CM name, back in March of 2006. It was one of my first posts here, describing my history of abuse, in more detail than I've since described. But it wasn't a thread about cheating, it was a thread about journeying from abuse to BDSM and the fears that may come with it. The focus of the thread and my post in it was not about cheating, so that part wasn't really commented on.

However, just today in another thread, it was implied that I was a cunt for having cheated all those years ago, and that no reason could possibly be a forgivable or understandable one. I was accused of being judgmental toward those who speak up against cheating, and I was lumped in with people "banging on" about what the cheater feels in an attempt to gain sympathy. It was also suggested if I didn't have the balls at the time to get out of the marriage, I would not have had the balls to cheat, so apparently my circumstances were apparently not psychologically sound.

I only say this because I think the condemnation is equal opportunity. Not that I'm bothered by today's words, because I'm not. But I think women get it as badly as the men do. I can't remember her name now but I remember many many years ago, a gal created an OP feeling really lost and asking for advice because she wanted to step outside of her marriage, and instead of getting help she was raked over the coals. There was page after page of very hostile (and not helpful) posts toward her. She left CM and never came back. I wish I could remember her name. I think it had kitten or bunny or something like that in it.

I do tend to think newer folks get harder responses than folks who have been around awhile. Maybe it's a familiarity thing.

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 3:03:35 PM

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I don't understand the "once a cheater, always a cheater" mentality. Of the people I have known in real life that have cheated in their marriages, only one was a serial cheater, as in, he divorced two women to marry the one he was cheating with. Yes, the irony of marrying someone that is cheating on their spouse, then having it happen to you is obvious.

The problem I see of taking a cheater back is one of trust, not fidelity at that point. Even if I could believe that the cheating spouse isn't going to cheat again, I don't think I could trust them easily. There would have to be a compelling reason for me to want that drama back in my life.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 6:47:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire

I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

This is fucking simple:

Buy a condo.

Wait a sec....I just actually read your post...

Sooooooo.....she doesn't know your thoughts on this subject and.....you want us to tell you what to do.

Right....well....I'd start with (it's just a concept)....I don't know....maybe......

Talking to her??????

(It's an idea).

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 7:12:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
<snip>

Right....well....I'd start with (it's just a concept)....I don't know....maybe......

Talking to her??????

(It's an idea).

Absolutely! Because biz has been slow lately for divorce lawyers in his town, which is of course tragic

_____________________________

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(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 7:31:58 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Op, if you're still around, I dare you to take the Love Dare

They had a thing on our local news of several couples on the brink of divorce, several had already filed who tried this. I can't remember the exact numbers but it was enough to make the news. But many of couples reconciled and stopped their divorce.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 7:37:18 PM

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I love the Love Dare and have suggested it to quite a few of my friends and guess what...it works. Even if you're not married but wanting to save your relationship, try it. You don't even have to be Christian. It's about paying attention to your partner and really showing that you love and care for them even if they don't reciprocate. You can still honestly say you tried, you did what you could do and you can look at yourself in the mirror and know you are happier for trying and you have integrity.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/19/2013 10:34:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
<snip>

Right....well....I'd start with (it's just a concept)....I don't know....maybe......

Talking to her??????

(It's an idea).

Absolutely! Because biz has been slow lately for divorce lawyers in his town, which is of course tragic

I sit corrected. (GAWWWWWD I have failed!).

(I know marketing....WTF was I thinking????)

Okay Trust....here's how you do it....tell her what you like...and don't take no for an answer!!!!!

When that doesn't work....email me....I have a friend that may be able to assist you in phase 2.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/20/2013 11:28:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I think one of the problems is that you're supposed to attack the post, not the person.

I don't feel that rule has been followed very well on this thread.

I think it's hard on threads like this because there is such a fine line between the person and the topic. Plus, it becomes more complicated due to the very fact that a number of people on the forums are very outspoken. That's where My hang-up comes in.

Rules is rules and let's face it. If this kind of personal attacks on an OP had happened in the "supposedly" wild west of P&R, there would be a lot of [AWAITING APPROVAL]

Just something to think about kids.

Case in point.

There have been some pretty harsh personal attacks in the early pages of this thread and to my knowledge ZERO was removed.

A few minutes ago. I mentioned that "[name redacted] ( even spelled it correctly) read a Gor book so he knows" and that post didn't last 5 minutes.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/20/2013 11:31:08 AM

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That's because he reports every little thing that makes him look like a fool. Keeps his clicking button busy.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/20/2013 11:45:18 AM

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Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That's because he reports every little thing that makes him look like a fool. Keeps his clicking button busy.

The powers that be still have to agree on the violation.

Just because someone whines doesn't make a violation

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/20/2013 7:37:14 PM

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Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

cloudboy Post 338: But for many women, the cause of their sexual malaise appears to be monogamy itself. It is women much more than men, who have H.S.D.D. who don’t feel heat for their steady partners.

cloudboy, this is a spectacular, in depth article you've uncovered and cited for us (post 338). Everyone seemed to skate by your cite, without looking. So Im gonna call more attention back to it. Crediting you.

Rather serious research is pointing out that women have a good deal harder time with sexual monogamy, than men. Independent of the perceived male ineptitude excuse. Female sexual disinterest in their chosen steady partner, not caused by, and without regard for the male being seen as problematic.

Even more important from a science methodology viewpoint, this research breaks ground in defining a useful empirical term: Sexual Resistance Behaviors
(such things as:
Sneaking to bed earlier
Fearing intimacy as repugnant
Reinterpreting morality as antithetical to sex
Preoccupations that expropriate sex time & space
Separate sleeping
etc)

New operative terms are important for scientific breakthroughs. Let the studies come forth. One can only imagine the emotional maze arising from combining latent Sexual Resistance Attitudes, with partially debilitating medical conditions such as Diabetes or Asthma.

In a just & fair world, any woman or man who has had to deal with the combined effect of these, in dedication to their spouse for 15 or more years, certainly deserves a hottie. But the rhubarb is that this spouse too, has been emotionally damaged, and will have difficulty going ahead and doing this. Say nothing of getting 'permission'.

Such is where the OP sits. Dominance (or lack in his case) has little to do with it. His years fantasizing (which tick off responders here) have little to do with it.

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/20/2013 7:43:35 PM

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quote:

Extravagasm Post 357: serious research is pointing out that women have a good deal harder time with sexual monogamy, than men. Independent of the perceived male ineptitude excuse. Female sexual disinterest in their chosen steady partner, not caused by, and without regard for the male being seen as problematic.

To those among us, who focus narrowly on insisting that the straying spouse "communicate honestly" in these complex longterm situations. . . PLEASE try to recognize:

1. Sexual Resistance Behaviors already have longterm dishonesty built in. Because they more often work through subterfuge rather than open rejection. That's why it's called 'Resistance Behavior' instead of forthright sexual foreclosure.

2. The Sexual Resistant partner has long insured what they want and don't want to hear about, as a method of keeping the other's plea from taking place.

3. Full disclosure is a debatable subject in marriage counseling, without unanimity. Also involving the extent of the straying.

4. I always tell subs, they sure wont have me sneaking around since it detracts from dominance. But holding this OP to the higher standards I set for BDSM is fruitless, since everyone can see they are merely a vanilla couple at best.

Deprivation over 15yrs is a bit like a serious prison sentence.

Deprivation over 30yrs is a bit like a capital offense.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 8/20/2013 8:42:26 PM >

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

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