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is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 3:50:59 PM

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my depression hit so hard today it finally caught back with me and it was not going to let me go without a lot of pain. My depression clinged so hard to me today that i had to hurt myself to get it out, i don't usually go this far but i really lost it i was shaking and laughing (i didn't bleed but there were alot of cuts ) and well do you think i should give up on the BDSM life style/fetish/ whatever you call it.
I just think i am into BDSM for all the wrong reasons and even though i try to make myself better it always comes back it stops me learning, i try to escape it with sleep, it wont let me sleep, i try with pain, some times it works. I dont know if this is the right board to post it on but i really have a death wish.

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 4:48:09 PM

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BDSM has nothing to do with mental health.
If you haven't already done so , you need to get help, of the mental health kind.

once the depression is under control then think about a bdsm relationship.

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 4:52:32 PM

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i tried getting help but nothing seems to work and the depression just keeps shooting of and coming back it does not make sense, there are no triggers it is like a separate entity if i get another attack like today i will get myself checked out again.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 4:56:01 PM

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Depression caused by abnormal brain chemistry isn't caused anything, It just is. And medication for depression can take a while to work, so you have to invest a period of months in seeing if different meds. work. It isn't going to work overnight.
Been there , done that, as has my family members.

Also, once you start medication, for gods sake don't stop because you feel better.

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 4:56:55 PM

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I would have to think that if you walked into a doctor's office and said something along the lines of "I've been cutting to have a physical sensation to relieve the emotional pain," a decent medical professional would help you.

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RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 4:59:26 PM

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i tried citalopram for .....about 8 months, i tried councelling for i cant remember and therapy for i cant remember but it was alot of weeks. The drugs just gave me diarrhea and made me feel dead and a unnatural complacency i could not feel anything it was even worse.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:03:48 PM

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in England if you say youve been cutting yourself they will try to lock you away, my sister has been in one it is like a prison and now she is going in one again. Everyone looks to me to make everything right in the family, i try to hide how i feel because well my family is brutal to me, i try to improve myself and learn everyday but my depression wont let me go

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:18:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro
in England if you say youve been cutting yourself they will try to lock you away, my sister has been in one it is like a prison and now she is going in one again. Everyone looks to me to make everything right in the family, i try to hide how i feel because well my family is brutal to me, i try to improve myself and learn everyday but my depression wont let me go

It seems to Me that you have two choices in the matter. Do nothing and accept the fact that nothing will change or take the steps that you need in hopes that your emotional state will improve. If the methods of getting better are not acceptable to you, I'd have to say you've made your choice.

People who are kinder and willing to commiserate with you will be on the thread shortly.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:46:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro

i tried citalopram for .....about 8 months, i tried councelling for i cant remember and therapy for i cant remember but it was alot of weeks. The drugs just gave me diarrhea and made me feel dead and a unnatural complacency i could not feel anything it was even worse.

So, citalopram was not for you.

Another drug will probably work, you just have to find the right one(s) at the right dosage.

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(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:47:45 PM

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it is so easy for you to say that, i am trying all i can and the depression is so powerful it stops me doing anything like i just want to lie down and die. I have no focus everything always feels fuzzy i just want to rip it out and kill it. Everybody who never had depression ever understands they just say well buck up, cheer up, get a hobby, get a job, go out more i wish i could transfer the depression to them and then they would never say anything so stupid ever again to me

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:52:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro

it is so easy for you to say that, i am trying all i can and the depression is so powerful it stops me doing anything like i just want to lie down and die. I have no focus everything always feels fuzzy i just want to rip it out and kill it. Everybody who never had depression ever understands they just say well buck up, cheer up, get a hobby, get a job, go out more i wish i could transfer the depression to them and then they would never say anything so stupid ever again to me

I really dont like using the drugs i really had to go out of my way and research them and ask for them, my doctors are really untrusting and skeptical about giving me them and so will not go out of their way to offer me any and instead wanting a more natural approach just because i have eyebags doesnt make me a drug dealer.

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:53:27 PM

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You have to be your own advocate, where it comes to medications.
If it isn't working then you need to communicate that with them.
And if they aren't listening then say to them: I don't think you are hearing me: I don't feel better, I feel worse in this way ... .

There is help.
There is hope, but you are not going to find any kind of long term solution here.

BDSM is not a substitute for medical help.
If you had diabetes you wouldn't be asking if BDSM can help.

Depression is a medical illness.

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(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 5:58:15 PM

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Personally - I think not.

The depressed Top may go over the edge.
The depressed bottom may be pushed into deeper more extrema depression.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 6:30:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro
it is so easy for you to say that, i am trying all i can and the depression is so powerful it stops me doing anything like i just want to lie down and die. I have no focus everything always feels fuzzy i just want to rip it out and kill it. Everybody who never had depression ever understands they just say well buck up, cheer up, get a hobby, get a job, go out more i wish i could transfer the depression to them and then they would never say anything so stupid ever again to me

Except for the little fact that I didn't say any of those things. I said go to the doctor and get the help you need. If you don't want to tell your medical professional the truth about the severity of your condition, exactly what response would you like to receive? Are you just wanting people to feel sorry or pity in some way? That's completely your choice but not everyone is going to respond that way.

When we first moved to Alaska, the lack of sunlight had the side effect of a vitamin d deficiency which caused depression. (Think Seasonal Affective Disorder to the ninth degree in November.) Same two choices. Live with it or go to the doc and see what could be done. I went with the latter.

The thing is, nobody on a message board can really help you if you are not willing to do what it takes to help yourself.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 7:00:50 PM

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Bdsm is not therapy.

I have depression. Sometimes the bdsm can be helpful. Sometimes it's not. But I don't use bdsm as a way to heal myself.

If you're using bdsm for that reason then please speak to a therapist, counselor or doctor. Bdsm should not be used as a crutch. The longer you ignore your depression the worse it will get.

ETA: Dude, I had to try about 10 different meds until I found the correct ones that work for me, all under a doctor's close care. And a few weeks with a therapist isn't going to help. It takes months or years...usually years, to be of any help.

1 med may not work. Tell the doc who will discuss it with you and you will try a different amount or different mixtures until the right one works.

I've been dealing with depression my entire life and I know exactly what you're talking about. Eventually you will get fed up with feeling like your life is stuck in a black hole and you will cry for help so loud that you will get the help you need and you will do whatever little power you have to get better. I've been there.

Until then you will just sit there in the dark hole and do nothing.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/2/2013 7:05:05 PM >

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RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 9:31:50 PM

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The question is, is a BDSM relationship good for someone?

I would say that ANY relationship, if healthy, is good for someone, BDSM or no.

The BDSM aspects could be therapeutic if done carefully, and very damaging if not.

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RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/2/2013 11:38:46 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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I do not think that people who have serious mental health issues, should do bdsm before their mental health issues are squared away or undercontrol no.

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RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/3/2013 12:07:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro

in England if you say youve been cutting yourself they will try to lock you away,

This is not true.

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(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/3/2013 1:24:54 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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What you are lacking here, is someone to advocate for you. One of the difficulties of mental health problems is that in order to get better, you need to seek treatment and do things to help yourself, and at the same time, the illness makes it extremely difficult to do that. You need someone to keep on your back and make sure you go to appointments, to help you change therapists if you don't gel with the one you are assigned, to take you back to the doctor when side effects are causing you problems. Now you have said your family are no support; do you have a trusted friend who is willing to check in on this? If not, it is on you. It is hard, but it is doable.

You are the victim of your own faulty thinking. I understand, I struggle with this too. You tried one medication, it gave you side effects and you didn't feel better, so you have given up on all medications. This is faulty thinking. You must surely know that there are many, many treatments for depression, which can be combined in different ways and different strengths. You feel this desperate and unhappy now, surely it is worth giving it another go?

You think if you tell someone you cut yourself, you will be institutionalised. This is faulty thinking -a massive oversimplification and expecting the worse. It is very, very hard to get someone held under the mental health act. In many cases people who want that kind of help can't get it. The sad truth is that mental health wards are overstretched and unless you are deemed to be at imminent risk of suicide or a danger to others, you are very unlikely to be held. The fact that you are seeking help will demonstrate that you are less of a risk. Worst case scenario and you get sent to hospital - at least you will be getting focused medical care and attention.

I've been through dark, dark times. I know that 'buck up' isn't helpful - it's not even possible. I won't tell you to cheer up. But I will tell you to be proactive. Force yourself to be proactive. No, you won't feel like it. Lifting up the phone will feel like climbing a mountain. But either you climb the mountain or you perish on the slopes, there's no other option.

Get a pen and paper. Make a list. Include on it things like 'phone doctor', 'go to the pub' (not advocating drinking on meds, just going to a social place), 'tidy bedroom' and 'exercise'. Every day you must cross one of those things off. No matter what. No choice. It won't cure you, but it will help you. And it will put you in a position to access more help. The exercise one is really, really important. I know it sounds like a ridiculous statement, but it really isn't. Exercise is tremendously beneficial for depression. I hated exercise, found every excuse not to do it, until I actually stuck to it for a while and saw how it changed my life. It was the difference between sitting in the dark and switching on the lights.

When you go to the doctor (notice I said when, not if), ask about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It takes work and dedication but it can help fix some of the thought patterns which contribute. It's not just a case of popping a pill and feeling better, it's an active way of stopping the spirals of negativity.

It sucks. It's going to suck for a while. And getting better? That will suck too. But what's your alternative? Life can suck forever, or you can force yourself to power through the suckiness and get to the nice times on the other side.

BDSM - I think DarkSteven nailed it. A healthy, functional relationship is good for you. The physical sensations might provide temporary relief but are open to abuse if you're not in a good state of mind, and will only disguise the problem for a while, not fix it.

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(in reply to plutaro)

RE: is bdsm good for someone with depression - 9/3/2013 3:21:14 AM

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It's a little unorthodox, but there's a really good game for depression. You can find it here: (www.superbetter.com)

It is based on sound psych principals and has research to back up each step along the way. I have recommended it to more than one person who struggles with depression.

Best wishes,
sunshine

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