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Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 1:26:32 AM   
SweetT88


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/5/2013
Status: offline 		I'm looking for a mistress, no luck so far. I'd like to just be an obedient slave doing everything my mistress asks but no luck. What the best way to find a mistress?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 1:35:27 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		What have you tried so far?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SweetT88)
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RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 2:29:02 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Reading the guidelines and skip posting things that look like personal ads.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 2:43:46 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Read this Ask A Mistress FAQ

< Message edited by MsLadySue -- 9/6/2013 2:44:37 AM >

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to SweetT88)
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RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 3:22:26 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Slow down!!! You joined apx 12hrs ago. You also list that you are seeking Dom men, Dom Trans, Sub men, sub women, sub TV, Dom/Dom couples, Femdom couples, Male Dom couples....and my personal fave sub/sub couples (now honestly?? you want to serve and worship and THEY want to serve & worship...it would be like a 3 way stop..."you first, no you go first..I insist, you go first!!)

If you are truly this desperate, drop to the Pro Services forum...there are many pro Dommes advertising.

(in reply to toiletcuck)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 4:41:43 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

What steps have you tried so far?


Filling out his profile isn't one of them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 4:51:29 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		LOL DarkSteven!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 4:53:36 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

What steps have you tried so far?


Filling out his profile isn't one of them.


I noticed. I was going to point that out but I thought, hey, give him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he's out every weekend at munches or something...

but yeh, fill in your profile. Might as well use every tool available to you, right?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 5:18:31 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP, sorry if that dig sounded snarky, but it strikes me as poor etiquette to approach people without any representation of who you are. It's like applying to multiple companies by just walking in and speaking to receptionists:

"I want to work for your company. Or any other company, really."
"Do you have a resume?"
"No, too impatient for a resume. Those things take time. I want to work for your company."
"What kind of job do you want?"
"I don't care. I just want to work for your company."

Replace "work for" with "submit to", "your company" with "you", and "resume" with "profile", and it pretty much shows your approach.

So fill out your profile. Contact women that you feel you could be compatible with (yes, that means reading and understanding their profiles). Mention what in their profile (Not kink!) made you think you might be compatible.

Using TieMeInKnots as an example, she has the following two paragraphs in her profile:

I am a "girly-girl" who likes to dress pretty, smell good, wear make-up, high heels, dresses..BUT I also love to swim, be outside, play soccer, garden... I love to watch football, reality TV and read romance novels but also love cultural activities like the ballet, museums, lectures.

I have VERY specific requirements in a Master or Dom and I have no desire to compromise... I am very submissive but I am smart enough to NOT follow a poor leader..I generally prefer career military men because their manner of leadership is the type I respond best to. I am interested In Caucasian men 38-53yrs old, 5'10 or taller, who live in the MD/DC/NOVA area. Employed, heterosexual, clean cut, no history of substance abuse or legal (criminal) issues.

Her first paragraph gives you the "hooks". If you were to write her, mention which of those activities you like. Then close by saying "You gave your requirements in a man. I am Caucasian, 57 years old (I assume the "53" was a typo and you really meant "58"), 5'9" (you're making several typos, aren't you?) and I live in Denver. I'm employed, straight, clean cut except for four months of each year when I grow a beard, never had any issues with the law except traffic tickets, and do not smoke anything or drink."

The actual dealbreaker would be the location, of course.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 9:27:44 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline

. . . although it might be a stretch for OP to switch out (no pun intended) your analogy of a female sub's profile with an interested Dom's initial contact approach and apply this excellent advice to his own individual circumstances, i.e., being a male sub who needs to have his own version of an appealing profile to garner the interest of a prospective Domme, after having properly processed her profile info to make his first contact message a successful venture.

I would recommend that OP stay in as local a radius as possible instead of trying to hit up every Domme across the country. It's annoying when you've specified you don't do long-distance & relocation scenarios, plus are only interested in real time not cyber, and then every male sub & his brother in Bumf*ck Egypt wants to become your instant slave, webcam or engage in phone sex, erroneously assuming you have nothing better to do than chat with complete strangers, or all of the above.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The actual dealbreaker would be the location, of course.

Not just the location, bro. If I specify a minimum height of 5'10" then I mean 5'10", not 5'9"--most guys I know liberally add or round up a half inch or more on their actual height, not to mention elsewhere. When was the last time you met a guy who says he's 5'11"? Every one I've ever known claims to be 6 feet tall. It's kind of like women with their weight, usually in the other direction, shaving off 5-10+ pounds or so. (Wishful thinking?) Also, age range might be flexible by +/- 2 years, but don't waste our time assuming a few more years either way doesn't matter. It does matter; that's why there's an age range there, dudes.



_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 9:34:47 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetT88
I'd like to just be an obedient slave doing everything my mistress asks


I always find statements like that funny. I'm willing to bet there are things you wouldn't do if you were asked.

Statements like the above show a lack of reality.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SweetT88)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 4:58:28 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The actual dealbreaker would be the location, of course.

Not just the location, bro. If I specify a minimum height of 5'10" then I mean 5'10", not 5'9"--most guys I know liberally add or round up a half inch or more on their actual height, not to mention elsewhere. When was the last time you met a guy who says he's 5'11"? Every one I've ever known claims to be 6 feet tall. It's kind of like women with their weight, usually in the other direction, shaving off 5-10+ pounds or so. (Wishful thinking?) Also, age range might be flexible by +/- 2 years, but don't waste our time assuming a few more years either way doesn't matter. It does matter; that's why there's an age range there, dudes.



I've found that an inch or a couple of years can be talked around. If TMIK had specified an upper age limit of forty, then I'd say there was no way. But her upper age limit is only four years from my age - there's a chance.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 5:52:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm actually with TigressLily on this one. I don't think people should expect to be the exception to the rule if someone has their parameters listed. If people have preferences, they should be respected.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 6:05:32 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm actually with TigressLily on this one. I don't think people should expect to be the exception to the rule if someone has their parameters listed. If people have preferences, they should be respected.



Yeh, me too. I might meet someone at a social event and like them despite them being technically outside my usual range, but approaching someone who lays out specific requirements even when you don't fit them seems a bit rude. Like you're saying 'I'm so super special I don't count' which is kinda arrogant, or 'your preferences are less important than mine' which is...well, also arrogant, now that I think about it.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 7:05:30 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Here's how I handicap your chances (while watching from the gallery.)

If WebWanderer can't find someone (he has real assets in my opinion) no one can. So, as he goes, we all go..... we can only hope his space ship touches down on Mars and returns back to Earth with the coveting findings we all need to record and catalog for the advancement of the malesub species.

(in reply to SweetT88)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/6/2013 9:12:59 PM   
sml53


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Good luck on here youll need it.sorry to say ive been on here for years.Try fet life.com join thier web site attend some munches close to where you live.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/7/2013 8:28:22 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		First, go the the Ask a Mistress FAQ, find the parts called How to Attract a Dominant Woman and How to Contact a Dominant Woman and read them. Notice how the activities those sections refer to doing both get done on the other side of CM, where you are supposed to be putting your ad, specifically in your profile.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to sml53)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/7/2013 9:59:13 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		The best way I have found is to get involved in the local community and volunteer to help at events. I was single the year I attended a weekend event in Ohio. Between meeting people from volunteering and just chatting I ended up playing with several lovely ladies.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to SweetT88)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/7/2013 7:23:40 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm actually with TigressLily on this one. I don't think people should expect to be the exception to the rule if someone has their parameters listed. If people have preferences, they should be respected.



I think in general that's true... but I also bet that if she found a fellow who was born ten minutes after the deadline, she'd make an exception... and then the question becomes - what is the REAL line in the sand? An birth age number? A cultural age number? (Asian age or Western age? which can be a full 2 year difference, btw.) An attitude? To me a number like 38 - 53 suggests not an actual NUMBER RANGE so much as an attitude range - a man who is a MAN, not a young man still smelling himself. A man who knows himself well. A man who is settled in who he is but is not so old that he is set in his ways. He can keep up with me in my wildness but can also sit at home with me, sharing an evening of each of us reading a book and be perfectly content.

I believe in respecting the ESSENCE of what people say rather than the letter of it - unless they show me that the letter is the essence. I'm Socratic that way.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Finding a mistress??=\ - 9/8/2013 5:01:41 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I believe in respecting the ESSENCE of what people say rather than the letter of it - unless they show me that the letter is the essence. I'm Socratic that way.



You make a valid point, for yourself, that is. There is a difference between being flexible to a certain extent and constantly making allowances for others, because everybody wants to be the exception to the rule. Everybody cannot be the exception to the rule or such rule becomes null & void, unenforceable. I for one do not want to live in a state of perpetual anarchy. If I did, then I wouldn't be the essence of who I am.

However, unlike those to whom I owe no explanation, I will tell you why I have a few of the criteria that I do. Being local to me is obvious for reasons of regular accessibility. I don't do part-time subs, just like I wouldn't accept having a part-time boyfriend. If I were so inclined, then I would have to have more than one, and I'm not into juggling acts.
(If I were, I would go join a circus, although I'd be vying for the position of the lion-tamer. :)

1. Age range 42-55 -- I am already allowing for 2 years either way per my Bulk Mail spec. Only because some fool in his 30s will ignore this since he will feel a sense of self-entitlement that he is close enough. So will the 57-yr-old. In fact, so will the freaking 18-yr-old & 60-yr-old. If the truth be known, my last sub was 40 but that was when my range was more liberal (40-58) on a different site. He's also very mature for his age, since I prefer someone my own age.

I don't know your age, so please don't be offended when I say that at the expense of making generalizations, you really don't start getting any common sense until you reach at least the age of 40. There's a good reason why you have to turn 40 before you are allowed to formally study the Kabbalah under the auspices of an experienced rabbi.

In any event, I have an older son who is almost 30, some of his friends are in their 30s. I just won't go there. Period. Further, due to some sick cosmic joke, back when I was willing to consider prospective subs ages 58-59, it turned out 3 in a row had ED problems they didn't think would make any difference since they thought I was only interested in Oral Worship. WTH? (Not to be crude, but at some point, I require cock-shot proof as part of my screening process.) As a result, I seriously wanted to make my cut-off age at 52, so I'm being more than reasonable as it is.

2. I like tall men. I don't want to be looking at or dancing eye-level with a man, and with heels on, less than 5'10" won't hack it. If some guy specified he prefers blondes, I wouldn't try to convince him he should go for brunettes! I wouldn't take it personally in the first place. Chacun a son gout.


_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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