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Switch and a sub - 10/23/2013 6:47:22 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

Hi, i need some advice, my friend is a switch and i love his Dom side but he wants me to Dom him but i am sub only and find that hard to do, any ideas?

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Post #: 1

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/23/2013 8:05:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What does he want? Does he want you to Top him during play, or does he want you to set up a system of rules outside the bedrom and enfrce them?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 2

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/23/2013 8:57:35 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

Didn't catch the CD in your user name right off the bat, so about half of my suggestions went out the window (including facesitting/Queening while he's in bed restraints

quote:

ORIGINAL: sallycdsub

Hi, i need some advice, my friend is a switch and i love his Dom side but he wants me to Dom him but i am sub only and find that hard to do, any ideas?

Honestly, as DarkSteven has already inquired, you really need to be more specific. I'll hazard a guess that since you refer to him as your 'friend' and you're a bi-sub trans, he wants you to Top him during play. He is a switch and that would go with the territory, the trading off as play partners. He's not looking to get into a serious D/s relationship with you, I take it.

Take turns with OTK spanking for starters. Unless you're both more into getting tied up with ropes (parachute cord), put him in bed restraints spread-eagled with a blindfold eyemask on; I prefer a cleave gag to a ballgag but that's up to you. Try feather tickling, then proceed with Orgasm Tease & Denial, Edging, Ruined Orgasm. If he has an "accident," employ funishment of (both) your choice(s). I always do Wax & Ice Play together.

You don't have to answer, but does he ever orally service you? Has he hinted, or is this something he might be wanting to try but won't unless you're Topping (by "forcing") him? Does he want you to use a riding crop, cane or whip on him? Do you have a St. Andrews Cross or facsimile for you to give him a light flogging? You're going to have to narrow this down for us unless he's being vague and expects you to read his mind, in which case that's uncool. Sit down with him and have a detailed conversation. Ask yourself this, what do you enjoy doing the most as a bottom? That is probably the Play or types of kinks he is seeking to experience. Make sure you get yours, however things between you turn out, and bon chance.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 3

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/27/2013 5:40:31 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What does he want? Does he want you to Top him during play, or does he want you to set up a system of rules outside the bedrom and enfrce them?

Hello DarkSteven, yes he does want me to top him during play and I would be open to a system of rules in and out of the bedroom.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 4

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/27/2013 5:49:26 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

Honestly, as DarkSteven has already inquired, you really need to be more specific. I'll hazard a guess that since you refer to him as your 'friend' and you're a bi-sub trans, he wants you to Top him during play. He is a switch and that would go with the territory, the trading off as play partners. He's not looking to get into a serious D/s relationship with you, I take it.

Take turns with OTK spanking for starters. Unless you're both more into getting tied up with ropes (parachute cord), put him in bed restraints spread-eagled with a blindfold eyemask on; I prefer a cleave gag to a ballgag but that's up to you. Try feather tickling, then proceed with Orgasm Tease & Denial, Edging, Ruined Orgasm. If he has an "accident," employ funishment of (both) your choice(s). I always do Wax & Ice Play together.

You don't have to answer, but does he ever orally service you? Has he hinted, or is this something he might be wanting to try but won't unless you're Topping (by "forcing") him? Does he want you to use a riding crop, cane or whip on him? Do you have a St. Andrews Cross or facsimile for you to give him a light flogging? You're going to have to narrow this down for us unless he's being vague and expects you to read his mind, in which case that's uncool. Sit down with him and have a detailed conversation. Ask yourself this, what do you enjoy doing the most as a bottom? That is probably the Play or types of kinks he is seeking to experience. Make sure you get yours, however things between you turn out, and bon chance.

Hi TigressLilly,
I understand your advice "what do you enjoy doing the most as a bottom?" as this is how I approached pleasing another man - do what pleased me! Yes I will sit down and talk this over with him and see what he wants exactly.

(in reply to TigressLily)

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Post #: 5

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/27/2013 5:50:42 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

Thank you for your replies, I now feel better about this.

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 6

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/27/2013 9:08:32 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

You could always approach it as being a service Top. Then you could still say inside your head you are doing what HE wants so you're still sub. When I was all sub and played with a switch, that's how I wrapped my mind around it.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 7

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/27/2013 9:24:31 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sallycdsub

Yes I will sit down and talk this over with him and see what he wants exactly.

That's Step 1. Step 2 is to see what YOU want and try to make both partners happy. Don't leave out your own wishes.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 8

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/28/2013 3:25:03 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

Thanks for the tip NiceButMeanGirl

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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Post #: 9

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/28/2013 3:27:40 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

When we chat hopefully we can workout something to make us both happy.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 10

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/28/2013 3:32:21 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

In fact Sally, rather than direct you to a Top/bottom thread, you might want to take a look at these threads:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555101/tm.htm (retired)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4517379/tm.htm (active)

They might not be relevant whatsoever, but it will put you in the right frame of mind to assume the role of Service Topping your partner.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to sallycdsub)

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Post #: 11

RE: Switch and a sub - 10/28/2013 8:31:15 PM

sallycdsub

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

In fact Sally, rather than direct you to a Top/bottom thread, you might want to take a look at these threads:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555101/tm.htm (retired)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4517379/tm.htm (active)

They might not be relevant whatsoever, but it will put you in the right frame of mind to assume the role of Service Topping your partner.