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Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 2:57:54 PM

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I know this will be different for everyone but Im just wondering from a Domme side what you get out of forcing your male sub into 'ladies' clothing
It seems such a common thing that male subs like, and I kinda understand the motivation there (again different for different blokes) but just trying to understand the different motivations for different Dommes why you like it/tolerate it/dont like it at all

Thanks in advance :) not trying to judge I just like to understand peoples motivations

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 3:08:16 PM

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Just fyi - this is much more a male fetish than a female fetish. In fact crossdressing has a pretty bad rep, because a lot of the guys into it are self-centered, and the fetish boils down to, "Look at meeeeeeee." So a lot of women learn to hard-limit it. There's also the whole question, "Why should dressing like a woman be humiliating? Because women are inferior to men?"

All that said, some dominant women do engage in this fetish, and you might get responses from them. But my guess is that most of the femdoms who do it are pro or semi-pro. Or they are in a relationship with a man who isn't gender-binary.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 3:10:14 PM

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most of the time in my experience i couldnt care less what they want to wear, its usually a thing for them.... sure i have fun going shopping and picking out things for them to try on(all the times i've done so it was more fun to help them find things than to try anything on myself... of course, if they stay on their best behavior i'll dress up too)... i've never encountered a sub that had to be "forced".... i have had a dom before(in a poly situation) where i convinced all the girls(and one boy) to help me dress him up while he was asleep, ponytails, a pink bow around his junk, shaving his eyebrows and putting on makeup, then taking pictures and leaving them on his computer so when he woke up he could freak out.... that was great fun.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 3:14:45 PM

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fr

I get to have fun, laugh with my partner and dress up my very own living doll. Some days I want a goth girl as my target and others I want the rich bitch in an evening gown who needs to learn her place. I've also been known to dress up a bottom as a politician or a talking head and then I beat the fuck outta the whipping boy. The motive, as it is in all of my BDSM activities is simply to have a good time and I'm pretty open-minded and can have a good time with almost anything.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 3:22:52 PM

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Since you very specifically included those of us who don't like it at all, I'll give My personal opinion.

I happen to be straight. I'm not sexually attracted to women in any way and that means that any male who is trying to appear more feminine is going to lose My sexual interest. Can I appreciate somebody who wears clothes that are more feminine? Sure. From a point of the effort involved. Heck, I *am* genetically female and I don't go through half of the work that some folks do to change their appearance. However, that and the platonic sense is about as good as it's going to get. In other areas, it's an automatic indicator that I won't be interested in that person on a relationship and/or sexual intimacy level.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 4:18:42 PM

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Thankyou all so far, some good insights. This has basically come from me chatting with a friend who it has taken him over a year to admit to me his deep dark desire to be forced to cross dress. and he has never admited it to anyone else before. So I can see that it would very much be a humiliation thing for him. That got me thinking tho as it really seems such a common thing for male subs what do the Dommes get out of it? Personaly I can possibly see I could have some fun and enjoy a bit of humiliation but obviously I wouldnt find it attractive in any way
It does kinda confuse me a little tho because if I did it to someone then really I would be doing it for them rather than for me

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 4:30:56 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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I don't like anything about "forced feminization". There are so many things wrong with that oxymoronic term, I hardly know where to begin. It's not forced if he wants it, if there's humiliation involved, it insults women, it belittles the struggles of trans* people, it borders on and may even cross over into appropriation of trans* experiences...the list could go on all day.

As far as helping someone who identifies as trans*, gender queer, or gender fluid to do things like select flattering clothing and apply makeup goes, I'm all for it. I love to go shopping, do makeovers, and have home spa days and I have a Thing for feminine-leaning androgyny. But force? Nope, no way.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 4:47:13 PM

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quote:

There are so many things wrong with that oxymoronic term, I hardly know where to begin. It's not forced if he wants it, if there's humiliation involved,

i agree with that... for me using the term "forced" in anything that is not is a major step backwards(i.e. 'rape play' being used as an excuse to actually do things unconsensually because of the generalization that "no means yes" and "shes a slut anyways she wanted it") people that want to be humiliated need to learn to take the step to say they want to be humiliated.... i dont understand why they dont, is it embarrassing for them to admit it?.....

quote:

it insults women, it belittles the struggles of trans* people,

yes, i have encountered that commonly as well. boys that think its insulting to dress like a girl, and in those cases i doubt they find many women who would humor them.

its a fetish that can quickly cross a line, and people need to be straight forward about their intent and think through the reasoning behind why they are attracted to the idea. if they think that dressing like a woman insults their character, than it does, but it is not the clothes that do so it is the state of mind.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 5:29:55 PM

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I used to get offended by the attitude of some of the transvestites I know. But much talking on this matter with some guys who are into the forced fem it is not about thinking down on women, more about certain outfits are portrayed as having a significance of saying that person is slutty. Now not that I agree with that kind of thinking in general but as a switch I somtimes am put in a position of being asked to dress a certain way and it (for me) is very different being asked to dress that way than choosing it - sort of like an outfit of 'you know whats coming next' of course with the Dom there is the added benifit that they enjoy the look as well
So I can kind of understand the thought process of finding a costume humiliating without having any bad feelings for others who wear them
Hell I have been a bit of a Goth for about 20 years, have no problem walking into the supermarkets in pvc boots and collars - but when being *told* to wear a collar and pick something up from Ann Summers shop I blushed to the tips of my ears
I was just wondering the other side, not whether it is right or wrong or whatever - to me its just clothes, but Dommes who do do that with their subs what is it they get out of it?

(in reply to directiveerror)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 5:37:29 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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This is very close to the way I feel regarding the term "forced" ANYTHING. If it's forced it's not consensual, and that crosses a line for Me. If someone says, "I want to challenge my HARD LIMITS", as in it's something they want to explore, then SURE.
Regarding these type "forced" situations, I prefer "EN-forced" (feminization, chastity, Bi, sissification, etc., etc.)...after all, aside from the consensuality issue if a Dominant has to resort to FORCE a submissive to do something, then he/she isn't being very submissive (therefore it's not D/s but more S/m).

I enjoy when I want them to do something they don't care for and they WANT to do it because it PLEASES Me (willingness in other words)

*sorry for the grammatical errors, dozing off here. No sleep last night.

quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

quote:

There are so many things wrong with that oxymoronic term, I hardly know where to begin. It's not forced if he wants it, if there's humiliation involved,

i agree with that... for me using the term "forced" in anything that is not is a major step backwards(i.e. 'rape play' being used as an excuse to actually do things unconsensually because of the generalization that "no means yes" and "shes a slut anyways she wanted it") people that want to be humiliated need to learn to take the step to say they want to be humiliated.... i dont understand why they dont, is it embarrassing for them to admit it?.....

quote:

it insults women, it belittles the struggles of trans* people,

yes, i have encountered that commonly as well. boys that think its insulting to dress like a girl, and in those cases i doubt they find many women who would humor them.

its a fetish that can quickly cross a line, and people need to be straight forward about their intent and think through the reasoning behind why they are attracted to the idea. if they think that dressing like a woman insults their character, than it does, but it is not the clothes that do so it is the state of mind.

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 11/22/2013 5:39:18 PM >

(in reply to directiveerror)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 5:48:58 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

All that said, some dominant women do engage in this fetish, and you might get responses from them. But my guess is that most of the femdoms who do it are pro or semi-pro. Or they are in a relationship with a man who isn't gender-binary.

Nice thought Red, and while you are Dominant; this corresponds to my own experience as a submissive.

OP, frankly, I have no idea why you, dressing up as a woman would appeal to a Woman. There may be some who enjoy it. That I cannot tell you.

But I can tell you, I have never met one, in real life, except for Pro's.

That likely doesn't mean anything to you, but .. LOL ... I have met one or two Dommes in my life.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 6:03:16 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JetOnly
Im just wondering from a Domme side what you get out of forcing your male sub into 'ladies' clothing

quote:

ORIGINAL: JetOnly
just trying to understand the different motivations for different Dommes why you like it/tolerate it/dont like it at all

I can honestly say I don't like anything about it. I don't believe in "forced" anything because, if it's really forced, it's non-consensual.

I feel forced anything is really the sub/slave just not wanting to take responsibility for/not want to admit he really wants whatever it is. Why help someone hide from the truth?

Also, if he wants to be dressed up as a female for humiliation, well, that's just insulting to females and, as a female, that rubs me the wrong way.

If the person is really trans and/or identifies as female and is looking for attractive clothes/make-up/etc, I would love to help in that quest. But, I have no interest in "forced fem."

I have some male-identified friends who like to cross-dress and they are friends. That's the extent of it, I could just never get romantically involved and/or in a dynamic with a CD.

I have trans friends too, both MtF and FtM, and that's different than CD. It's dressing to conform to their gender identity. I'm all for that.

NBMG

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 6:03:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JetOnly

I used to get offended by the attitude of some of the transvestites I know. But much talking on this matter with some guys who are into the forced fem it is not about thinking down on women, more about certain outfits are portrayed as having a significance of saying that person is slutty.

I have a friend that's a drag queen and a couple of friends that are TV. Their attitudes are immensely different than the typical cross dressing male sub that expresses himself in these forums.

It's repeatedly been posted that they want to be "forced" to go shopping dressed as a woman so the sales clerks will see him. Most of these guys would say they don't look down on women, but the fact that they think being dressed as woman in public and being seen as man dressed as a woman is humiliating/embarrassing says something completely different. Actions speak louder than words.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 6:14:01 PM

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Not a pro, and enjoy feminization, but forced fem, not so much.. forced fem is very fantasy driven very often with and I like to play it MY way.

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/22/2013 6:34:05 PM

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FR (I just learned what that means :) )
I know this is in "ask a mistress" But I see comments about this subject that absolutely do not apply to me.

To the world, I am a guy. I can work on cars. I have replaced engines, transmissions, pulled the head to get it decked and rebuilt. shocks, brakes, struts . . . .I can do it.
I bought a 1920 era 2 room school house. Gutted, moved walls, moved staircase, new plumbing, new electric. The only thing I hired out was the insulation and the drywall. I did the rest with some help with friends whose houses I help build. I have an 8x4 dual shower head shower room, stainless steel counter tops because I love to cook. All designed by me. I can calculate sum of the moments about X and Y axis, moments of inertia etc and so on. I am a mechanical engineer, and mechanical engineers do it with the proper skin friction coefficient ( yes that is a real term) I have stopped several confrontations dead merely by standing up. I am 6' 4" 300 lbs and I am NOT a butterball. Think defensive lineman.

But there is another side to me. One of my earliest memories is trying on my sisters dance leotard. I think I was 4 or 5, before kindergarten anyway. It just felt right. There were no sexual connotations. WTF I was a little kid at that point! But I remember that moment clear as day. That urge has never left me. I have fought it over the years. Tossed my lingerie collection into the dumpster I don't know how many times. But around the age of 35 I accepted and embraced my secret self. I LOVE to clean house and cook dressed up. I cannot explain it, it just is. The only time humiliation could possibly enter the picture is being publicly exposed. I have never participated in a group setting so maybe a BDSM group would humiliate me. I don't know, but that is not my driver. I think I was born this way. I didn't choose it. It was always there. And no matter how hard I fight it, it comes back. I chose to quit fighting and embrace it. The Lady I am seeing loves that she has control over this big guy. She is a petite little half Japanese, cute as can be,awesome as can be, woman. She loves that once she takes off my steel toe shoes, jeans and shirt, there is a pair of pink satin panties under all that, that she told me to wear that morning. It is like our dirty little secret. And she likes that, tiny little her, has mastery of a big galoot like me.

For me, and I am speaking only for me, it is someone I can share my other side with. Someone I can cook for, take care of, obey her. There is no shame or humiliation. Just the sheer joy of being able to be totally myself with another person who appreciates the side of me I must hide away on a day to day basis.
Just my experience and thoughts. Take it for what it's worth

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RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/23/2013 3:05:40 AM

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For those confused I am a female, I am talking about females dressing males up in woman's clothing

By forced I'm talking of something that is difficult for the male to do but entirely consentual. I only added that bit as it is relivent to the situation I am thinking of

In my mind it is totally understandable that someone could feel humiliation at the idea without any negative thoughts about women, from an early age boys are told to wear x type of clothes but they are not permitted to wear y type, that is nothing against women

But even if he was a woman hater does that matter to the question, I was asking women their motivation for dressing their subs as women, if indeed they do it

(in reply to KYsissy)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/23/2013 3:07:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

FR (I just learned what that means :) )
I know this is in "ask a mistress" But I see comments about this subject that absolutely do not apply to me.

To the world, I am a guy. I can work on cars. I have replaced engines, transmissions, pulled the head to get it decked and rebuilt. shocks, brakes, struts . . . .I can do it.
I bought a 1920 era 2 room school house. Gutted, moved walls, moved staircase, new plumbing, new electric. The only thing I hired out was the insulation and the drywall. I did the rest with some help with friends whose houses I help build. I have an 8x4 dual shower head shower room, stainless steel counter tops because I love to cook. All designed by me. I can calculate sum of the moments about X and Y axis, moments of inertia etc and so on. I am a mechanical engineer, and mechanical engineers do it with the proper skin friction coefficient ( yes that is a real term) I have stopped several confrontations dead merely by standing up. I am 6' 4" 300 lbs and I am NOT a butterball. Think defensive lineman.

But there is another side to me. One of my earliest memories is trying on my sisters dance leotard. I think I was 4 or 5, before kindergarten anyway. It just felt right. There were no sexual connotations. WTF I was a little kid at that point! But I remember that moment clear as day. That urge has never left me. I have fought it over the years. Tossed my lingerie collection into the dumpster I don't know how many times. But around the age of 35 I accepted and embraced my secret self. I LOVE to clean house and cook dressed up. I cannot explain it, it just is. The only time humiliation could possibly enter the picture is being publicly exposed. I have never participated in a group setting so maybe a BDSM group would humiliate me. I don't know, but that is not my driver. I think I was born this way. I didn't choose it. It was always there. And no matter how hard I fight it, it comes back. I chose to quit fighting and embrace it. The Lady I am seeing loves that she has control over this big guy. She is a petite little half Japanese, cute as can be,awesome as can be, woman. She loves that once she takes off my steel toe shoes, jeans and shirt, there is a pair of pink satin panties under all that, that she told me to wear that morning. It is like our dirty little secret. And she likes that, tiny little her, has mastery of a big galoot like me.

For me, and I am speaking only for me, it is someone I can share my other side with. Someone I can cook for, take care of, obey her. There is no shame or humiliation. Just the sheer joy of being able to be totally myself with another person who appreciates the side of me I must hide away on a day to day basis.
Just my experience and thoughts. Take it for what it's worth

I love this:)

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to KYsissy)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/23/2013 6:59:14 AM

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From the women that I have known who have indulged such a fantasy (for their bf or husband), I think the main thing they get out of it is giving pleasure to a loved one.
I think this type of fetish/fantasy appears (initially) quite odd to almost all women (notice I said almost all), but if they are able to tolerate it and investigate it, they find out how many males there are out in world turned on by this (which doesn't make it a great fetish, only somewhat pervasive).

Some women can run with it and have fun. Others run from it.
I think a lot of times we embrace a certain kink because we love our partners.

I dated a woman once who had me buy tickets for a Michael Bolton concert, and I had to go with her!!
Michael Bolton! I wanted to run away screaming, but because I cared for her I went with her.
I felt so dirty afterwards.......

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/23/2013 8:12:16 AM

StrictlyADomina

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It always amazes me the many variations on any one BDSM subject and a diverse opinions and personal preferences. With all of this, finding your BDSM partner takes a lot of time and honest communication.

Forced Anything: Cross dressing, bi, whatever, if it's forced it's not consensual therefore wrong as many have stated before. Using forced to imply "a commonly accepted term that means it's ok and we play-push/manipulate them into doing something they are hesitant/reluctant to do but probably want to do anyway" I think it may set the stage for people to believe it's fine in a BDSM context to condone non-consensual play. Forced only be used referencing non-consensual play. Will that change, nope. There are some submissives (and probably doms) who feel less guilt about what they did if they believe they had no option but to do it. Do you as a Dominant want to play into this? I ask this because the person who you are playing with, if they are using this coping strategy, is really not 100% mentally/emotionally OK with this activity. I don't mean "Well this is not something I love, but I tolerate it because it makes him/her happy." Heck get married, we ALL do this. Remember the Michael Bolton tickets? LOL (Yes I know Chrisp that was your date

.)

Cross dressing: There are a couple of categories for me on this topic. I'm going with the cross dresser is a male submissive for my opinions on this. I'll also add that I'm straight and females are just not what I want in a BDSM partner. (Odd since I don't have sex with my submissives, but there it is.) I also have no desire to dress up a boy to be like a pretty princess doing all the makeup and prosthesis.

1. The individual is genetically male but wants to be female: They wear women's clothes. I can be seen in public with them with out undue attention. (No bright pink pink hoop skirt and neon green bra top wearing to the mall) Great have fun. I have no problem with this. If we go to a BDSM club, wear the pink and green, no problem.

2. Guy wears women's clothes to get attention or shock people: NOPE That's your thing, but it is 100% not mine.

3. Guy wears women's clothes because it's erotic, improper to wear the other sex clothing or "naughty" feeling: If this in connotation to something else we are doing BDSM wise then whatever. I'm neutral on that. If that's the totality of the guy's submission. I'm not interested. Proudly wear your pink satin panties and watch TV at you own house.

4. Guy wears women's clothes because it's humiliating to be seen as a woman: NOPE and the boy will be, at the very least, bitch slapped not in a fun way and dismissed. Where do you get off thinking women are inferior to men you asshat!
**************************************************************************
Your mileage may vary,
Strictly A Domina

(in reply to Chrisp7135)

RE: Forced fem - Dommes what do you like about it?? - 11/23/2013 9:13:31 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

The Lady I am seeing loves that she has control over this big guy. She is a petite little half Japanese, cute as can be,awesome as can be, woman. She loves that once she takes off my steel toe shoes, jeans and shirt, there is a pair of pink satin panties under all that, that she told me to wear that morning. It is like our dirty little secret. And she likes that, tiny little her, has mastery of a big galoot like me.

For me, and I am speaking only for me, it is someone I can share my other side with. Someone I can cook for, take care of, obey her. There is no shame or humiliation. Just the sheer joy of being able to be totally myself with another person who appreciates the side of me I must hide away on a day to day basis.
Just my experience and thoughts. Take it for what it's worth

Now this is cool. Feminization, you're doin' it right.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to KYsissy)

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