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RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 3:13:45 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



By the way, I happen to be a military wife. I wasn't "less" married during those times in our marriage when My husband was deployed. However, it's really hard to convince Me that all the aspects were 'just as good' when he was half way around the world. There are so many things that you realize you don't have that you know it's not the same.



You said almost the exact same thing I was going to say. So I will say ^^ yes this instead.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 4:24:21 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Copper29

@DesFIP But that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying "Lots of different people have different ideas about their interest in food! You're hungry and you want to eat a meal, and that's great, but I'm full and I just wanted to look at pictures of food online-- they're pretty and it makes me happy." What you seem to think I'm saying is "Everyone has to look at pictures of food! Looking at pictures of food is just the same as eating! Everyone has to do it my way!"


If people are reading your posts in a negative way, then is it possible you are not being clear in your meaning, tone or timbre?



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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 4:38:34 PM   
bloomswell


Posts: 52
Status: offline 		Real is something that happens to me subjectively inside my head. I've never done bdsm online but given that a lot of bdsm is psychological play I see no reason why a virtual top couldn't put me into a different yet just as valid 'subspace' as a real one. We all know he written word can provoke all manner of reactions.
Personally I prefer 'in person' interactions but I could see online control as being lots of fun too. Soon, I imagine, a top will be able to give electric shocks via the net. That'd be relatively real.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 5:06:55 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Copper29
What for you, counts as "real" bdsm? What quantifies it? Why do you feel that your brand is the true version, while others are not?

I'm not about to say my way is the only true way. BUT....

For me, real BDSM is real-time BDSM and not online, on cam, or any variation of online or cam. My reasoning for my opinion is this: I don't see how telling someone to spank himself and him doing it can equal you really doing the spanking or him really getting spanked. Everyone is just doing things to themselves, no one else is doing it.

Camming and cyber are just playing online games, just as BDSM chat rooms are. The Dom/me can say "I'm cracking my whip over your back now" and you can say "Ohh, ow! Ow!" but you still don't know what being whipped really feels like because it's not real. Anyone can be anything they want to be online, it doesn't mean it's true. AND, no one really has any control over another, or is being controlled by another, online. All you, or they, have to do is turn off the computer and that will be the end of that.

Sure, some people can think they're having real emotional encounters online, except that they still don't know for sure if the person on the other computer really is what he or she says s/he is. In otherwords, it's all fantasy until you meet in real time and do things for real. That's why the differentiation between "online" and "real-time."

I feel taking up the slack in long-distance relationships is different than online-only and taking up the slack can be real, since you do see each other every so often in real-time and really know each other. Online-only where you've never met each other, yeah, it's just fantasy until you meet in real-time. I realize I will take a lot of flack from some people for my opinion but it's just that, my opinion.

NBMG

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 5:12:54 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		What is a "real" kiss?

Was it the first time you read about about a kiss in a romance novel and imagined it was you or was it when you finally, in real life, actually kissed someone?

Same thing.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 5:43:09 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

What for you, counts as "real" bdsm?


For me it is activity that take place in person (not on line) that involves bondage, discipline, sadistic and masochistic activities just like the abbreviation spells out that are consensual in nature.


quote:

What quantifies it?


Quantifies? Are you sure this is the term you want to use here? Quantify means to find or calculate the quantity or amount of (something) according to Mr. Webster. So I'm not sure what you are asking about here.



quote:

Why do you feel that your brand is the true version, while others are not?


I don't "feel" an emotion that makes my version is true. I do think and have my opinion on the matter. I think that if consenting people are happy with the kink activity that occurs between them, whether it is on line or in person, then that's great. Enjoy.

Now, is it my opinion that fin dommes are a "real and legitimate" form of BDSM? Nope. Is it my opinion that on line is "real" BDSM? Nope. Do some people believe the opposite, believe in Bigfoot or believe that people have been abducted aliens? Yes and that is their opinion which they are entitled to have, just like I have mine. Do I care if anyone agrees or disagrees on this? Nope.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 6:53:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to kind-of disagree with the others.

I consider online to be a form of BDSM. There's no question in my mind that it's not as real as in-person. But it is to me a milder form of BDSM.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 7:09:34 PM   
iaminigo


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/3/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

What is a "real" kiss?

Was it the first time you read about about a kiss in a romance novel and imagined it was you or was it when you finally, in real life, actually kissed someone?

Same thing.


Have we differentiated between online of having never felt something and online when you know exactly what something feels like? Seems like a huge difference to me.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 7:44:17 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Copper29
I've run across many people who state that they are only interested in "real" bdsm experience


well,.. there is another possibility.. practicing bdsm without knowing you are practicing bdsm..

for instance, my first boyfriend- I had him but then if I fancied another guy and wanted to bed him, I would and I didn't do anything to hide what I was doing, oddly enough, the times my boyfriend found out or suspected, he became very affectionate (go figure).. for so many years I was down on myself cuz I thought I was just a horny little slut with no self control.. when I started learning about bdsm I found out that all along my first boyfriend had been a cuckold and we were actually practicing bdsm!!! (what a relief to know)
So was it "real" bdsm if we didn't know it was bdsm????

eta- we had unfortunately broken up before I found out what I/we had been doing was bdsm & had a name/kink.. if only I had known then what I know now, I coulda had so much more fun!..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 12/18/2013 7:54:21 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 9:22:30 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel
What is a "real" kiss?

Was it the first time you read about about a kiss in a romance novel and imagined it was you or was it when you finally, in real life, actually kissed someone?

Same thing.

I like that. It's simple.

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 11:01:25 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

It's all real. It's not all my cup of tea, but it's all real.


This.

~ SJ


Really???
So... I cam with someone and they want a spanking that I would give - if it were "real".
Does the sub on the other end receive what I would have given them?? Nope.
Do I get the feeling of satisfaction of spanking that ass as if it were real when, in reality, I'm just swooshing the paddle through thin air?? Nope.

Nope. It's NOT real. nowhere even close.


If I'm in my flat with someone and he tells me to put the clamps on and I do - it hurts. If I'm on the phone with someone and they tell me to put the clamps on and I do - it hurts. The pain is just as real whether they are there or not. Nothing unreal about it :-)

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/18/2013 11:04:32 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

What is a "real" kiss?

Was it the first time you read about about a kiss in a romance novel and imagined it was you or was it when you finally, in real life, actually kissed someone?

Same thing.


What is a 'real' orgasm?

Is it the first time you masturbate and make yourself orgasm, or is it the first time you have sex with someone and they make you orgasm?

It's amusing me how people are only using examples that require two people, and not considering that there are many acts of service, submission and masochism that can be performed by one person, for another person, without them being in the same room. When a submissive stays at home to clean for her Dom is that not real, because he wasn't there at the time?

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 2:21:30 AM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

When a submissive stays at home to clean for her Dom is that not real, because he wasn't there at the time?
I'd rather clean when he is not home just cause he gets in my way and is a dictator about how I should do things but anyway...when he comes home at the end of the day and experiences the clean smell and the way it looks it's real but if I told him over the phone or showed him on web cam how clean our apartment was....he probably say okay...and in that respect I would be cleaning just for me because I am the only one getting anything out of it.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 3:39:47 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		[fast reply]

Haha, my idea of a "real bdsm experience" simply means, physically present.
I often say to doms who ask me to be their online sub, like WTF? I don't get the whole online domination thing.
Sex is important to me, and a dom is no good to me, if he can't have sex with me.

I am also often very clear about, if I only want to play the kinks, or I wanna do D/S. For me, I need to fall inlove with someone to get to the D/S stage.
Otherwise, it's mostly just playing out kinks.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/19/2013 3:42:41 AM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 3:47:48 AM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iaminigo


quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

What is a "real" kiss?

Was it the first time you read about about a kiss in a romance novel and imagined it was you or was it when you finally, in real life, actually kissed someone?

Same thing.


Have we differentiated between online of having never felt something and online when you know exactly what something feels like? Seems like a huge difference to me.



You are making something more complicated than it needs to be. Have you ever heard of the KISS principle? This is a thing that engineers strive for. It stands for "Keep It Simple, Stupid."

(in reply to iaminigo)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 5:50:26 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If I'm in my flat with someone and he tells me to put the clamps on and I do - it hurts. If I'm on the phone with someone and they tell me to put the clamps on and I do - it hurts. The pain is just as real whether they are there or not. Nothing unreal about it :-)


I do put clamps on my nipples when I masturbate. But the orgasms I have from masturbating solo are nowhere near as enjoyable as the ones I have from scenes that start with him tying me to the chair and him putting the clamps on my nipples himself. The pain is so much more juicy when I am bound, helpless, unable to get away.

Solo masturbation has become fast food for me - scenes with him are a gourmet feast.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 7:14:32 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Copper29
does that mean that the online is somehow lesser, or less meaningful, because it is not a substitute and is a different sort of experience?

I assume you are someone who prefers the fantasy to be simply an online one, and not delve into any physical play. The most important thing is, IF this is your kink, and what turns you on, then, rather than even discussing if it's "real" or not, I guess it's about being clear that this is what you prefer and enjoy. Nothing to do with "real".
For most people, I think they use the word "real" to represent physical play. More like a short-form for "real life play".

(in reply to Copper29)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 10:23:02 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I believe her question was inspired by the critical responses to her post here:

quote:

I think it's only fair to have a specific board about 'negative experiences.' Those of you who don't read to read at it or look at it? No problem! Don't go to that board. Those of us that would be interested? Great! We have a safe and designated space to go. This isn't about libel or slandering-- it's about keeping people safe. Yes, I'm a domme, and yes, the expectation is that if I should meet a sub in real life I'm going to take every precaution and be as careful as possible about my safety and screening, and that I should also be in control. But the bottom line is that I am a 110 pound woman who could easily physically be overwhelmed by someone much larger than me-- which is why I do not meet subs online in real life. Period. But if I could, say, search the good/bad experiences or even just be aware of what was happening in the community around me, that would give me a great deal more comfort.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 10:24:33 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Copper, I have a suggestion for you if you are truly in Alaska and didn't just chose that state because you are online only at the moment. Please advise.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: "Real" BDSM - 12/19/2013 10:32:22 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

It's posters like you, who think their world view is the only correct one, that make this place a less than happy experience. B/c too many will try to argue their own view, and that's what you want.


Where did she give you that impression CP?



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Profile   Post #: 60
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