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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:15:55 AM

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From: DelaWHERE(?)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I always have an opinion but, especially when it's what to eat, what to do, I feel guilty going with what I want, especially if it's something the dom don't enjoy as well, so I always deliberately lie that , "Whatever you like".

Dishonesty is a form of disobedience. Just saying...

I agree.....the /s keeping her mouth shut when she is not asked for her opinion is one thing, but if she IS asked for her thoughts on something, she needs to be honest...and that means saying what she thinks and feels.

I guess this is just another form of "you need to get to know each other" in that the Dominant needs to know his /s well enough to know whether "whatever you want" is a lie....or if it is truly how she feels.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 6:32:35 AM

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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I always have an opinion but, especially when it's what to eat, what to do, I feel guilty going with what I want, especially if it's something the dom don't enjoy as well, so I always deliberately lie that , "Whatever you like".

Dishonesty is a form of disobedience. Just saying...

I agree.....the /s keeping her mouth shut when she is not asked for her opinion is one thing, but if she IS asked for her thoughts on something, she needs to be honest...and that means saying what she thinks and feels.

I guess this is just another form of "you need to get to know each other" in that the Dominant needs to know his /s well enough to know whether "whatever you want" is a lie....or if it is truly how she feels.

Greta, you are Chinese living in Singapore, right? There is cultural conditioning at play here, not only in Asian cultures but in others as well (Latin/Hispanic) where it is considered a sign of respect to defer to the higher status individual. What you are perhaps seeing as dishonest or disrespectful is not viewed in this light, where it is maddeningly difficult for us Westerners and/or Caucasians to get a straight answer at times. Being female merely adds to this dilemma, where they are inculcated to defer to male decision-making and to groupthink. Not only that, in socially-conscious cultures where there are strictly defined hierarchical class structures, there is an ingrained tendency to tell others what they assume that person or entity will want to hear and do not consider this to be a deliberately deceptive practice. It's a cultural clash and takes a conscious effort to overcome.

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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 10:16:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisacutename
curious newby here. I was wondering; are there specific things (like behaviours, personality traits, etc.) that most dominants find unattractive or irritating about submissives?

Not being submissive to any consistent degree is a big one. That sounds painfully obvious, but it's amazing how many you encounter in the BDSM circle who are anything but, when you get past the wrapping paper and down to the core traits and inclinations. Some can be molded and shaped, and will gladly kneel if so inspired. Some need the looping psychodrama of being tackled and worn down in an unending arena of mental air hockey. Others eventually refuse to take it much further past the sexual top notes. I prefer the first camp and generally disdain the others, which limits the pickings to just a few here and there, but the search is worth it, for me.

The second most most vexing trait would probably be jealousy. Its presence is natural in human beings, granted, but too much of it plainly worn on the sleeve, despite clear communication about how I feel about it and the brutally stupid drama it tends to stir up, is a problem for me. I once served a woman who had multiple slaves and found myself only wanting for her happiness, beyond my own inclusion. Having been in that position, I know a jealous-free state is possible to achieve, perhaps not in all people, but surely, the state I managed to embody is not some supernatural gift I inherited. Those who make too much of a fuss over others in the picture, who conspire to back-stab and nurse resentments over access, time, or regard I give to other females are eventually released in my world.

My appreciation for curvacious beauty set well aside, probably next on the list would be outright obesity. It's a problem in BDSM, or so it seems, at times. Maybe the sample rate of women (and men) I've encountered in these circles proportionally reflects the problems of obesity in society, overall, and so that is why it seems like a problem. All I know is I'm tired of being approached by women who are several sizes too big. I've taken the route of fixing them before, indeed. I brought a young lady down from 300+ pounds to the 130s in roughly a year. My current live-in slave had a weight problem, too, which she now no longer has. But all and all, I think I'm done with being a weight loss coach. And so the pickings reduce even more.

But the above are the top three, for me, at least. Most other things I have the tolerance these days to deal with.

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Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to thisisacutename)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 12:57:41 PM

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If obese submissives are so vexing to you, perhaps you should not engage with then.

You obviously are getting something out of being with them.

I would never be with a man who felt he needed to "fix" me.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:03:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

...not having an opinion when I ask them for one..."whatever you like" is irksome (as mentioned previously in another reply by MsMJAY)...

I always have an opinion but, especially when it's what to eat, what to do, I feel guilty going with what I want, especially if it's something the dom don't enjoy as well, so I always deliberately lie that , "Whatever you like".

When faced with a choice of "whatever you like" or 'something that I won't enjoy' - I would prefer to hear honesty (as stated by MalcomNathaniel - it is disobedient to lie - certainly that is true in accordance with rules that I set)...this doesn't mean that I will go along with something I dislike just because I asked for the opinion...the opinion is all that I'm after....if I ask a question it is because I want to know what my Slave is thinking...I want to get to know her...this should not be mistaken for anything other than that...

If I ask the question "should I whip your ass harder?" I want to hear "yes" or "no" ...I will take the answer into consideration before doing whatever I wanted anyway... "whatever you like" is not a safe word so if I don't hear [the safe word] I'll carry on the way i want to...

As to what to have for dinner? I'm ordering what I like...for the both of us...

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:20:50 PM

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From: DelaWHERE(?)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemplarOne

As to what to have for dinner? I'm ordering what I like...for the both of us...

Now THAT'S what I like!

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to TemplarOne)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:22:17 PM

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Exactly the same traits I find annoying about people in general.

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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:26:04 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemplarOne
As to what to have for dinner? I'm ordering what I like...for the both of us...

So if she doesn't like it, she starves. Or she's forced to eat things she dislikes which can cause issues with food. Great move, to cause someone to develop an eating disorder. Which have, as I'm sure you know, the greatest fatalities of any mental illnesses.

And lets just hope she isn't allergic to anything in it.

_____________________________

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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 3:43:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemplarOne
As to what to have for dinner? I'm ordering what I like...for the both of us...

So if she doesn't like it, she starves. Or she's forced to eat things she dislikes which can cause issues with food. Great move, to cause someone to develop an eating disorder. Which have, as I'm sure you know, the greatest fatalities of any mental illnesses.

And lets just hope she isn't allergic to anything in it.

You're making the assumption that I won't have asked exactly those kind of questions first (allergies etc) before taking my Slave out for a meal (or staying in for that matter)...

I don't want a Slave to fear me - I want a Slave to respect me enough to say when she doesn't like something... isn't that what the Safe Word is for? A Safe Word isn't just for sex...

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemplarOne

As to what to have for dinner? I'm ordering what I like...for the both of us...

Now THAT'S what I like!

Thank you smileforme50

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 5:15:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
If obese submissives are so vexing to you, perhaps you should not engage with the[m].

I believe I concluded exactly that, no?

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Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 5:21:21 PM

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what if she really doesn't care if you whip her ass or not? I admit there are times when Master asks me and to be honest, I don't really care if he does or doesn't. So I usually just will say "if that is what you wish Master". Yeah, I don't like the pain and he's already aware of that but beside that, I'm not really a sexual creature. I don't really get into the mood until he has initiated it and that's when I get in the mood. So again, it's difficult for me to say "yes" or "no" because I honestly, once again, don't know.

I don't know until it's actually happening.

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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 6:48:28 PM

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From: DelaWHERE(?)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

what if she really doesn't care if you whip her ass or not? I admit there are times when Master asks me and to be honest, I don't really care if he does or doesn't. So I usually just will say "if that is what you wish Master". Yeah, I don't like the pain and he's already aware of that but beside that, I'm not really a sexual creature. I don't really get into the mood until he has initiated it and that's when I get in the mood. So again, it's difficult for me to say "yes" or "no" because I honestly, once again, don't know.

I don't know until it's actually happening.

WHAT?? YOu mean "submissive" isn't a synonym for "nymphomaniac"? Has anyone let the HNGs out there know this????

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 7:41:55 PM

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Marc--

Does fat-shaming women on a public forum help you work out this anger you carry around?

I'm an obese woman. I have a great play partner and an amazing sex life. I really enjoy life and adventure. I have a great career. And I do all these things while being fat and happy-- despite that current beauty stigmas suggest I do the exact opposite. You, on the other hand, sound tired and miserable.

Fat chicks are not the problem. It's Y.O.U.

By the way, thanks for dedicating a giant mess of a paragraph to us. lol

(in reply to smileforme50)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 7:49:34 PM

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maybe it's just me but I didn't see anywhere where he was shaming fat people. He simply said it's one of the things that annoys him and he doesn't want. So what? He gave it a try, realized it wasn't something he could do and has decided not to take one on again. Simply his preference.

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Nothing has changed
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RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 8:00:46 PM

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Littlewonder,

I know I wouldn't come on a forum and claim that certain physical traits annoy me; seems a bit petty.

Feel free to disagree with me, but as a big girl myself, that's how it read.

Preference is one thing, however that preference can still be displayed with tact.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 8:15:11 PM

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Also, I just want to add, it makes more sense to be annoyed by personality traits than physical ones.

For example, would you be annoyed by people who wear braces? Or blonde-haired people? Or people with moles?

That doesn't make a lot of sense, though I fully admit to being annoyed by fanny packs-- But fanny packs are not a sub-group of the population marginalized by beauty standards.

Of course, just my two-cents. And I left all my "Turn a fat girl skinny" trophies at home. ;-)

Btw, cute mousey picture.

(in reply to SlaveOh)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 8:20:13 PM

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You do realize that MarcEsadrian made one post in which he attempted to answer the question posed by the OP, and you've now made three posts in a row, none of which answers the OP, and all of which focus on you and your feelings?

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SlaveOh)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 8:22:05 PM

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Sorry, my apologies to you and the OP.

I hope you have a wonderful night.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 8:46:55 PM

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Oh has a point though. Saying you work out a lot and therefore are compatible with women who do the same is one thing. Saying any overweight sub annoys you makes it seem as though you don't believe they should be permitted at a munch or a dungeon.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SlaveOh)

RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? - 2/5/2014 9:13:41 PM

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From: Dante's Inferno
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Should be obvious:
The ones who claim to be submissive yet hide behind their vanilla responsibilities to escape their obligations to the D/s relationship. Unacceptable and SO SO common, even just to meet for coffee and a chat for the first time= DRAMATIC!!!!!
I mean really? We can both just shake hands and go home if things don't work out...you know? LOL

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The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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