RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives?

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littlewonder -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/5/2014 9:46:43 PM)
I just saw him saying he was annoyed by obese women for himself. Nowhere did I see him say they shouldn't be somewhere else or with anyone else. Would I be annoyed by physical traits of some people? Actually, yeah, I would be. I'm not going to say what they are here because I'd just get chewed out like MarcEsadrian. I admit I'm shallow though. But I don't think they don't belong somewhere else or can't be with others. They're just annoying physical traits to and for me. Simple. Not sure why people get so hung up on that.

FieryOpal -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/5/2014 10:07:51 PM)
Those who claim to be submissive. I could stop right there. Not possible. [>:] quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko Should be obvious: The ones who claim to be submissive yet hide behind their vanilla responsibilities to escape their obligations to the D/s relationship.... Those who profess they live to serve a Mistress, but who don't have the foggiest idea what they're saying. Men who say they're submissive but are in actuality BDSM bottoms who assume all Dommes are as sex-crazed as they are and live to Top anyone who breathes every opportunity that presents itself. (You mean we aren't raging Amazon nymphos?) In their private dungeon. (You mean we all don't have one at our disposal 24/7?) At no cost, save a cup of coffee (when meeting), if that. This isn't a real date, after all, because we're not real women. At no expense to them, sex toys are free, bondage equipment grows on trees in our backyards, we prefer to re-use butt plugs, vibrators/dildos we've used on other subs, right?... If it costs anything to date and/or play with a Domme, then she must be a fin or pro, and I<male sub> never pay for my gratification. Dommes should be a free hobby. (What are those lottery tickets and sports ticket stubs doing in my pocket? Those electronics, video game & Starbucks receipts? How'd they get there? Damn, forgot to cash in that stray gambling chip.) I could go on and on ad infinitum, but will spare everyone since I'm so merciful. [sm=angel.gif]

MarcEsadrian -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 10:32:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveOh Does fat-shaming women on a public forum help you work out this anger you carry around? Anger? Who said anything about that? You're the second self-admitted obese person in this thread to have demonstrated a prolific lack of reading comprehension over an expressed preference and observation. I suspect this pattern demonstrates the anger lies in another camp. Thanks to RedMagic and Littlewonder for injecting a little bit of sanity in the mix while I was away.

sunshinemiss -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 4:06:45 PM)
MarcEsadrian Not being submissive to any consistent degree is a big one. That sounds painfully obvious, but it's amazing how many you encounter in the BDSM circle who are anything but..... Sunny reply: How does that work? I think perhaps those people are bottoms? That's totally fine, but perhaps it is an example of why definitions are important. MarcEsadrian: The second most most vexing trait would probably be jealousy. Its presence is natural in human beings, granted, but too much of it plainly worn on the sleeve, despite clear communication about how I feel about it and the brutally stupid drama it tends to stir up, is a problem for me. Sunny reply: Jealousy is often about not appreciating what one has! I dislike that too... It is akin to insecurity. I am aware that when I have felt insecure, it has usually been founded. Rarely does one who appreciates and feels gratitude for what they have experience jealousy. Sure, I may wish to have something similar to what another person has, but that is more of a pointer for me to make necessary alterations in my own life to sate the longings that are tickling my heart. Jealousy is flat out ugly. MarcEsadrian: My appreciation for curvacious beauty set well aside, probably next on the list would be outright obesity. It's a problem in BDSM, or so it seems, at times. Sunny reply: I have the same feeling in reverse. I work very hard to maintain my healthy body... although I am by no means thin, I have amazing strength and stamina in my exercise routine and very healthy eating habits. When "doms" try to order me with food and exercise that either is unhealthy / harmful or is much less than is appropriate for me ("suggestions" to eat 1200 calories per day or to exercise twenty minutes a day when I am a long distance cyclist and ride for five or more hours as a regular thing). Further, if you aren't an athlete, don't try to school me on something I know quite a lot about. ******* For me in reverse... annoying traits in doms... acting like they know something they don't know... expecting submission from a person who is not theirs... lack of decision making skills ... And folks who can't tolerate ellipses. :) best, sunshine

MarcEsadrian -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 6:00:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss How does that work? I think perhaps those people are bottoms? That's totally fine, but perhaps it is an example of why definitions are important. In my experience, sometimes people see something they really want and are willing to be someone else to get it—someone the object of their desires has expressly made clear he/she wishes. It's hard to uphold that facade for long, however. A common interest in the externals of D/s won't be enough to keep the relationship together once things start to unravel. Aside of this, some people are lust plain incompatible, and yes, their intuitive understanding of the meanings behind definitions can be markedly different, as it turns out, even after extensive dialog where they seem to be in alignment with me. This is why I tend to move slow in vetting someone and deeply explore their visions, fantasies, and comprehensions of things three or four times over before agreeing to even meet for the first time (if we met online, that is).

Greta75 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 6:05:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel Dishonesty is a form of disobedience. Just saying... Well in this case, it's just over food, no big dishonesty. Besides, if I was with a dom who likes the same food as me, I have no issues telling him exactly what I want. But if I was with someone who has completely differing food preferences as me, then, is the dom gonna make himself eat what he don't like, or is the dom gonna make the sub eat what she don't like? What do you think? I would be wasting my time stating my preference, just to be told, you'll eat what I order. Now if I was with a vanilla dude, he'll eat what I like, like no issues at all.

Greta75 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 6:10:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Greta, you are Chinese living in Singapore, right? There is cultural conditioning at play here, not only in Asian cultures but in others as well (Latin/Hispanic) where it is considered a sign of respect to defer to the higher status individual. Yes, it is a cultural thing that we must always give way to our elders and let them have their way. To not do that is disrespectful towards them. Lol, I guess an older dom is an elder. But I don't really practice that. Also, going dutch is kinda frown upon here, if the guy takes you out, his paying, it's expected, even a male platonic friend would insist on paying for you, so I see no reason to enforce my preferences at all. He should eat what he likes. Makes it easier for him to simply do that, if I said, "Whatever you like." And he can order whatever his budget is, makes everything easy for him.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 9:53:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss How does that work? I think perhaps those people are bottoms? That's totally fine, but perhaps it is an example of why definitions are important. In my experience, sometimes people see something they really want and are willing to be someone else to get it—someone the object of their desires has expressly made clear he/she wishes. It's hard to uphold that facade for long, however. A common interest in the externals of D/s won't be enough to keep the relationship together once things start to unravel. Aside of this, some people are lust plain incompatible, and yes, their intuitive understanding of the meanings behind definitions can be markedly different, as it turns out, even after extensive dialog where they seem to be in alignment with me. This is why I tend to move slow in vetting someone and deeply explore their visions, fantasies, and comprehensions of things three or four times over before agreeing to even meet for the first time (if we met online, that is). I enjoyed that typo [:)]

MarcEsadrian -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 10:28:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I enjoyed that typo [:)] LOL...good catch, Spirited. Lust incompatibility...yeah, I've experienced a few of those, too. :-)

sexyred1 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 10:52:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveOh Does fat-shaming women on a public forum help you work out this anger you carry around? Anger? Who said anything about that? You're the second self-admitted obese person in this thread to have demonstrated a prolific lack of reading comprehension over an expressed preference and observation. I suspect this pattern demonstrates the anger lies in another camp. Thanks to RedMagic and Littlewonder for injecting a little bit of sanity in the mix while I was away. I didn't detect anger or insanity or reading incomprehension from anyone who replied to you. You really should shrink that ego just a tad. I have always maintained that preferences are fine, expressing them with class is usually a good thing. In other words, I would not come to a thread and say I found bald men annoying (I don't, just making a point).

NuevaVida -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/6/2014 10:55:39 PM)
quote: Sunny reply: I have the same feeling in reverse. I work very hard to maintain my healthy body... although I am by no means thin, I have amazing strength and stamina in my exercise routine and very healthy eating habits. When "doms" try to order me with food and exercise that either is unhealthy / harmful or is much less than is appropriate for me ("suggestions" to eat 1200 calories per day or to exercise twenty minutes a day when I am a long distance cyclist and ride for five or more hours as a regular thing). Further, if you aren't an athlete, don't try to school me on something I know quite a lot about. I agree with this. Having lost nearly 100 pounds myself, and (until my recent move and my search for a new gym) getting myself to a 5-6 day a week hard workout regimen (with a trainer), I have a hard time when told what I know is unhealthy for my body. It's an area I have pushed back on before. However, I've also known many a submissive woman who would say things like, "I need a dom to help me with my weight loss" so I understand Marc's "weight loss coach" comment. It's all about finding compatibility. Give the Mister some time, now that we live together - I'm sure he'll have things to add to this list lol.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 11:47:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I didn't detect anger or insanity or reading incomprehension from anyone who replied to you. You really should shrink that ego just a tad. I have always maintained that preferences are fine, expressing them with class is usually a good thing. In other words, I would not come to a thread and say I found bald men annoying (I don't, just making a point). Please point out to me where I spoke without "class" or tact. Regarding reading comprehension, let's look at your initial reply: quote: If obese submissives are so vexing to you, perhaps you should not engage with the[m]. Not so sure about "vexing," but I specifically noted that I do not engage with them any longer. I'll leave it up to you to figure out why you needed to make a point that was already covered in my initial post. And if you find bald men annoying or me annoying, so be it. I'll stand up for your rights to say so and not cower behind the veil of political correctness due to some rather tender egos in turn, I might add.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 1:18:32 PM)
Fr I appreciate people speaking openly of their politically incorrect preferences in attractiveness and in partners. Makes me feel less guilty for having politically incorrect preferences of my own, even though I keep them to myself to avoid the personal attacks that invariably follow that expression.

Kana -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 1:36:14 PM)
When confronted with the whatever you like dilemma, I just opt to do something she'll hate (like 5 guys) and take care to point out that next time when I ask, maybe her ass should speak the fuck up. She's learned that lesson the hard way once or twice. As for the obesity thing? What's the problem? We all have preferences as to what we do and don't desire and/or find attractive. No big deal. (If you think you don't, imagine how you'd feel if a 99 year old person macked on ya-Yeah, agism certainly counts as a prejudice/preference) So ME doesn't like large women. Who cares. The same people nailing him have their own list of physical qualities they find unattractive/undesirable/unacceptable in a potential partner. Which is absolutely their prerogative. Me? I'm pretty much like ME. Nothing personal against anyone who's plus size but that's the way I'm wired. I tend to be drawn much more to petite women. Some of the reason is a general inclination to hardbodies brought about, most likely, by way too much porn as a kid. A bit of it, I'm honest enough to admit, is partly ego. Lots of that is simply because I'm kinda a string bean-6'0, 175-rolling around with a big girl would leave me feeling like Jack Sprat getting it on with his wife. It would be awkward. But I don't judge folks for their size. I don't insult em. I don't glare or make snide comments. I just move on with my life and don't hit on em. No blood, no foul.

smileforme50 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 6:40:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko Should be obvious: The ones who claim to be submissive yet hide behind their vanilla responsibilities to escape their obligations to the D/s relationship. Unacceptable and SO SO common, even just to meet for coffee and a chat for the first time= DRAMATIC!!!!! I mean really? We can both just shake hands and go home if things don't work out...you know? LOL [sm=ballchain.gif][sm=ballchain.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=domme.gif] Can I ask.....what do you mean by "...hide behind their vanilla responsibilities to escape their obligations to the D/s relationship. " How does one hide behind vanilla responibilities to esccape their obligations to the D/s relationship. Aren't their vanilla responsibilities part of the D/s relationship to begin with?

smileforme50 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 6:45:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian Thanks to RedMagic and Littlewonder for injecting a little bit of sanity in the mix while I was away. ....and DesFIP too!

smileforme50 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 6:50:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss And folks who can't tolerate ellipses. :) best, sunshine Ah! Finally!! Someone else out there who understands! Finally....

smileforme50 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 7:30:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana When confronted with the whatever you like dilemma, I just opt to do something she'll hate (like 5 guys) and take care to point out that next time when I ask, maybe her ass should speak the fuck up. She's learned that lesson the hard way once or twice. As for the obesity thing? What's the problem? We all have preferences as to what we do and don't desire and/or find attractive. No big deal. (If you think you don't, imagine how you'd feel if a 99 year old person macked on ya-Yeah, agism certainly counts as a prejudice/preference) So ME doesn't like large women. Who cares. The same people nailing him have their own list of physical qualities they find unattractive/undesirable/unacceptable in a potential partner. Which is absolutely their prerogative. Me? I'm pretty much like ME. Nothing personal against anyone who's plus size but that's the way I'm wired. I tend to be drawn much more to petite women. Some of the reason is a general inclination to hardbodies brought about, most likely, by way too much porn as a kid. A bit of it, I'm honest enough to admit, is partly ego. Lots of that is simply because I'm kinda a string bean-6'0, 175-rolling around with a big girl would leave me feeling like Jack Sprat getting it on with his wife. It would be awkward. But I don't judge folks for their size. I don't insult em. I don't glare or make snide comments. I just move on with my life and don't hit on em. No blood, no foul. (Not trying to hijack the topic....but I have to comment. Yeah...call me "sub who can't keep her mouth shut") I don't begrudge anyone their tastes, but I always wonder about the emphasis we put on physical appearance. I have to wonder.....if someone's physical appearance is very important to another findng sexual chemistry with them, what would happen if that second person went blind? Would you lose all ability to be sexually aroused? Would you just now need to rely on memories and imagination? What I also find interesting is how most guys can't stand being the one to do the rejecting. I will get a message from someone on CM and when I look at his profile it will say something like "must be HWP". Well...I know I'm not what he's looking for, so I will send him a note telling him that I am not interested. The response I get is something along the lines of "How can you possibly reject ME? You must explain yourself because there is NO reason you could possibly not be interested in me!" THAT'S what I find annoying. Funny story.....back in the mid 80s I was at a party and introduced to a woman who was at least 375 pounds. My mouth dropped open when the person who introduced us said "You'll never guess what she does for a living.....she's a phone sex operator!" All I could think about was how she was making great money by deceiving gullible men who would rather sleep alone and pay $3.99 a minute to be deceied into believing they were talking to someone who looked like a centerfold....instead of a rewarding a loving relationship with a REAL woman.

Lynnxz -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 7:36:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 All I could think about was how she was making great money by deceiving gullible men who would rather sleep alone and pay $3.99 a minute to be deceied into believing they were talking to someone who looked like a centerfold....instead of a rewarding a loving relationship with a REAL woman. Here's a trait I find annoying.... Insecure women insisting that they are "real" women, as if people who keep themselves in shape are blowup dolls.

smileforme50 -> RE: what traits do you think are annoying in submissives? (2/7/2014 7:39:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity ~FRing it~ I think the thing that annoys me the most is the submissive that is so obsessively focused on their kinks and fetishes that they cannot see the bigger picture beyond. It's a partnership...a collaboration...with a dominant. I have yet to see a "do-me" sub be able to contribute meaningfully to the collaboration. That goes BOTH ways. I see that in way too many "Doms". The third message in and they want you to get into intense detail about your kinks and fantasies, or "how big are your breasts?"

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