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In LOVE with a switch... - 2/23/2014 6:58:56 PM

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As back ground information... I have known this switch when she was first a sub, then moved into switch. I have known her for 2 yrs or more. In the past 6 months things have gotten a little more serious between us. I have now spent the night in her house, met her son, met her mother, and we have grilled out, eaten together as a "family", went shopping, I have even slept in the same bed as her. Funny thing is we have never even kissed on the lips nor even had sex. She is making me take it slow. Wisely slow I think. She has been burnt bad in the past. To the point of moving herself and her son to another state and then having the Dom bail on her and he. This woman and myself are very successful in our careers and life in general. Both well educated. So the sticking point is she does not love me. She is very skiddish because of past experiences. All I can, in my way of thinking, is to just be resolute in my approach to her and my emotions, because if she never falls in love with me as I have her, I will still be in love with her. Her emotions does not change mine. I have OPENLY told her that I am in love with her... and while she smiles, will touch me, she will not kiss me. She will hug me, I have even seen her completely nude, I mean the ONLY thing I have not done is to kiss this woman... which drives me insane btw. So the question is... HOW long is long enough to be wise, but not stupid about the waiting AND is my steadfastness the right thing as a " Dom" to do or am I just being stubborn not wanting to give up on someone I am in love with?

D2ED

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/23/2014 7:14:35 PM

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Sheesh. You're putting in all sorts of extra info. Here are the important points.

1. She has told you she does not love you.
2. You've been "together" for six months or two years, depending on how you look at it.
3. She has never allowed you to kiss her or have sex.

I'm confused just why the hell she would share a bed with you and be nude in front of her, but everything else clearly shows you're in the friend zone, and likely to remain there.

Keep her as a friend, and look for another woman for more than friendship.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/23/2014 10:51:50 PM

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RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 12:04:52 AM

pg4g

Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
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You need to be honest with her, tell her that living in limbo between friend zone and more can't be maintained forever, and she needs to be open about what she wants. She's sending mixed signals. You can't just sit around like this and wait forever. It's just gonna tear you up inside. The answers may not be what you want to hear, but will be better in the long run.

_____________________________

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It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

(in reply to Inghammar)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 12:20:23 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom

I have known this switch when she was first a sub, then moved into switch. I have known her for 2 yrs or more.... She has been burnt bad in the past.
<snip>

She wants to experience being with a sub, otherwise what would be the point for her to have switched from being a sub? Not for all that long, either. She wants to spread her Dommely wings, tentatively, or gain more Topping experience. Is it possible she could be bisexual?

Unless you can switch for her, your chances are slim to nill and far off into the future, if ever.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 2/24/2014 12:26:11 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 12:33:27 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Was first a submissive and a dom hurt her badly, now skittish and switch.

Fear of being hurt again, can often create in a woman, a desire... a need to be in control. She is not, though, she is tempering things. As long as fear is in control, there is nothing that can be done except to wait for it to die, hope that she decides to fully understand herself and what motivates her and be true to who she is, rather than the pain she has experienced.

One cannot determine what happens in their life on a person lost in pain, fear and a refusal to move on with life. OP, your choice must not hinge on another, but on what you desire and no one can tell you what would be correct for your life.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 12:46:50 AM

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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Honestly? She is just not into you! End of story.

I don't get naked and share a bed with you unless I want you to slam me.

This is not about switches, subs or Doms.

It's about chemistry and the lack thereof on her part.

(in reply to Rawni)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:06:00 AM

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Can you be happy loving her without any reciprocity on her part?

If the answer is no, then staying in this limbo will only lead to heartache.

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(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:17:01 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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That you even have to ask this questions leads me to believe you're an emotional masochist.

She's either not into you, or she's been so emotionally damaged she can't be into anyone. Either option makes her not available for YOU.

Sure, of course, she's been hurt so you're waiting around for her to get better on the off chance you can pick her up on the re-bound.

Stop doing that.

Back off and try to be her friend if you can, this means helping her get over the past damage, not by trying to sleep with her, but by urging her to get counseling.

_____________________________

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 9:24:08 AM

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/13/2013
Status: offline

Thank you all for your responses I have read all of them.

Now then true love does not come with conditions attached I do not think, nor as a person can you just let it set there and be stagnant. While my emotions are real, my logical side is ever present as well. Some of you may be right and I am just wishing upon a star so to speak... however you might be curious to know that sometimes it is necessary to wait for a submissive. I had to wait for my first submissive for 3 yrs and then we spent the next 27 together as husband and wife. So it is very unwise to think that to wait on a woman for a short bit might just be what is needed. Will it turn out like my first situation did... maybe maybe not... but if I do not try, then in my opinion I am cutting short what may be the 2nd chance at love. Am I acting like a blind fool... maybe... will I set around and just pine for this woman... HELL NO, but will I continue my pursuit of this woman in this light... absolutely 100% yes!.

D2ED

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 9:28:22 AM

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom

I have known this switch when she was first a sub, then moved into switch. I have known her for 2 yrs or more.... She has been burnt bad in the past.
<snip>

She wants to experience being with a sub, otherwise what would be the point for her to have switched from being a sub? Not for all that long, either. She wants to spread her Dommely wings, tentatively, or gain more Topping experience. Is it possible she could be bisexual?

Unless you can switch for her, your chances are slim to nill and far off into the future, if ever.

I will not switch for her, and yes she is bisexual and loves being with a woman of course I have no issues with that what so ever...

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 9:42:55 AM

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Can you be happy loving her without any reciprocity on her part?

If the answer is no, then staying in this limbo will only lead to heartache.

For a while yes... last time I waited on a submissive for 3 yrs and she fell for me as well and we got married... Was married for 27 yrs... D2ED

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 9:58:16 AM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

I really don't see the problem here, or maybe it's just me. I have had submissive partners who have been chaste in the entire duration of our relationship be it for several months to a year or more. Maybe she's more Dominant than switch, maybe it has little to nothing about her being burned but about her TESTING your limits, and to what end? Who knows. But the tease and denial, ongoing chastity etc etc are all VERY Dommy Mommy traits. Now you have to decide if that's good enough for you. And if you love her then yes it is. But if you don't then moveon.org
It sounds like she does care for you deeply and there is some level of attraction/ affection there and she especially enjoys keeping you under her thumb. It's essentially a total D/s relationship with her being the dominant partner.
If you love her and think it's worth going the limits, embrace your new role as a sub, but you both should recognize things as they are right now.
NOT EVERY DOMME LAYS WITH HER SUB, I NEVER HAVE (Not that I wouldn't, it just never happened because well, I satiated in other ways). I am very faithful and monogamous but I see vanilla acts as inherently submissive and it is hard for me to imagine myself laying with any man very easily despite aesthetic appeal, attraction etc.
She clearly DOES care on some level or you would not have shared a bed (traditionally they sleep at my feet and I LOVE that), nor would she have gotten nude before your eyes unless traditionally an exhibitionist (which I doubt).

With that given information, you need to decide if being submissive to a woman you love and is a Domme rather than switch is good enough for you.
Good luck with it! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom

As back ground information... I have known this switch when she was first a sub, then moved into switch. I have known her for 2 yrs or more. In the past 6 months things have gotten a little more serious between us. I have now spent the night in her house, met her son, met her mother, and we have grilled out, eaten together as a "family", went shopping, I have even slept in the same bed as her. Funny thing is we have never even kissed on the lips nor even had sex. She is making me take it slow. Wisely slow I think. She has been burnt bad in the past. To the point of moving herself and her son to another state and then having the Dom bail on her and he. This woman and myself are very successful in our careers and life in general. Both well educated. So the sticking point is she does not love me. She is very skiddish because of past experiences. All I can, in my way of thinking, is to just be resolute in my approach to her and my emotions, because if she never falls in love with me as I have her, I will still be in love with her. Her emotions does not change mine. I have OPENLY told her that I am in love with her... and while she smiles, will touch me, she will not kiss me. She will hug me, I have even seen her completely nude, I mean the ONLY thing I have not done is to kiss this woman... which drives me insane btw. So the question is... HOW long is long enough to be wise, but not stupid about the waiting AND is my steadfastness the right thing as a " Dom" to do or am I just being stubborn not wanting to give up on someone I am in love with?

D2ED

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 3:41:58 PM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom

I will not switch for her, and yes she is bisexual and loves being with a woman of course I have no issues with that what so ever...

You already have, my friend.

Is it possible she has a girlfriend you don't know about? After all, it really is none of your business. That's good of you to be tolerant, but this may be a non-factor where they don't want a third (non-sub male) wheel included. It wouldn't be uncommon for a bisexual female Switch to be Domme to female sub(s).

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
....
It's essentially a total D/s relationship with her being the dominant partner.
If you love her and think it's worth going the limits, embrace your new role as a sub, but you both should recognize things as they are right now.
<snip>
With that given information, you need to decide if being submissive to a woman you love and is a Domme rather than switch is good enough for you.

You're not in your 20's anymore where you can afford to wait 2-3 years for the object of your affections to come around, and telling her you love her prematurely was not a smart move. You should be playing harder to get, not playing the lapdog. Catching someone on the rebound is ALWAYS a bad idea.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:06:12 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

It's essentially a total D/s relationship with her being the dominant partner.
If you love her and think it's worth going the limits, embrace your new role as a sub, but you both should recognize things as they are right now.
<snip>
With that given information, you need to decide if being submissive to a woman you love and is a Domme rather than switch is good enough for you.

You're not in your 20's anymore where you can afford to wait 2-3 years for the object of your affections to come around, and telling her you love her prematurely was not a smart move. You should be playing harder to get, not playing the lapdog. Catching someone on the rebound is ALWAYS a bad idea.

I'm not in my 20's either though airport security did think I was jailbait despite being 5'9.
All of my subs relationships have been like this, different strokes for different folks, it might work for them as he purported and that's for him to decide not raqndom people on the thread telling him how this woman may or may not feel about him because NONE OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER FEELINGS. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:19:05 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

Apparently a lot of you missed some important points so I will outline them:
1) she is a professional as well as he, who knows who the breadwinner is in this case, but there is no reason for her to use a man who is intellectually and financially her equal.
2) She has had him in her house, in her bed with her child present. That is an extremely huge deal for any sane parent and she might CHERISH him though not love him in the romantic sense. His choice to accept whether that is the case or not.
3)Clearly despite the unrequited love, these people clearly enjoy each other's company outside of the D/s dynamic, it might be worth exploring and even keeping. All of these night be CLEVER TESTS on her part, not necessarily a plan to lead him on.
But I stand with my statements made above also in reference to myself and how WONDERFUL my D/s relationships have been because they were willing to give up the sex for the devotion of a loving Domme. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:36:10 PM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

All of my subs relationships have been like this,... NONE OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER FEELINGS. :)

OP is NOT in a consensual sub relationship with this lady. He's stated that he "will not switch for her" in no uncertain terms, although his behavior is more like a love-smitten schoolboy.

As for her feelings toward him, they are not of a sexually romantic nature like his are for her, and he knows this. He is not going into this with eyes wide open, but it's his choice to risk getting himself hurt. Nobody has told him he has no choice in this matter. I have thus far given this lady the benefit of the doubt that she truly does enjoy his company and is not using him. She is, however, toying with his emotions, teasing him, and leading him on whether she realizes it or not.

ETA: If this is not too personal a question, OP, is this lady much younger than you? I got the impression her child is not that old, and have you been bonding with her child as any sort of father figure? No judgment on your actions one way or the other, I'm just wondering whether you are indulging any fantasies of having or wanting a ready-made family as to how you might be letting your feelings cloud your better judgment in this highly personal matter.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 2/24/2014 5:44:35 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 5:42:43 PM

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Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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OP. It appears that she is keeping you in her life on her terms, and you are acquiescing.

It seems to me that there are 2 Switches in this relationship. Is that okay with you?

_____________________________

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I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 6:09:56 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

OP is NOT in a consensual sub relationship with this lady. He's stated that he "will not switch for her" in no uncertain terms, although his behavior is more like a love-smitten schoolboy.

I hear you and again, you don't know that. This guy was asking for objectivity and I gave it to him. He has COMPLETE AWARENESS of his actions and complicit behavior all along. This woman is not holding him hostage. But now I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious so I digress.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: In LOVE with a switch... - 2/24/2014 6:18:31 PM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

So the question is... HOW long is long enough to be wise, but not stupid about the waiting AND is my steadfastness the right thing as a " Dom" to do or am I just being stubborn not wanting to give up on someone I am in love with?

My opinion is that yes, you are being stubborn...and that she's not healthy enough for a relationship.

(in reply to Dwn2EarthDom)

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