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RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/6/2014 7:15:55 PM

ChaoticIntent

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/17/2013
Status: offline

Let me get this straight angelikaJ & littlewonder,

If this were a female the both of you would be ringing the bells and blowing the horn warning that the man she is with is a psycho abuser. Yet, this is a dude and both of yalls response is "good luck and have a good one"? What hypocritical and irrational nonsense is that....

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 21

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/6/2014 7:18:30 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaoticIntent

Let me get this straight angelikaJ & littlewonder,

If this were a female the both of you would be ringing the bells and blowing the horn warning that the man she is with is a psycho abuser. Yet, this is a dude and both of yalls response is "good luck and have a good one"? What hypocritical and irrational nonsense is that....

Welcome to CollarChat!

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(in reply to ChaoticIntent)

Post #: 22

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/6/2014 8:08:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaoticIntent

Let me get this straight angelikaJ & littlewonder,

If this were a female the both of you would be ringing the bells and blowing the horn warning that the man she is with is a psycho abuser. Yet, this is a dude and both of yalls response is "good luck and have a good one"? What hypocritical and irrational nonsense is that....

You obviously have never ever read my posts then. LOL. I'm the one who believes people should do whatever the hell they want. Makes no difference to me...male or female. I would and have said the same thing to both males and females. I don't differentiate between gender online. For all I know, you're a female with a male picture posted.

As far as I'm concerned, if you stay, you know what you're getting and it's your consequence...stay or leave. I don't care.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/6/2014 8:10:07 PM >

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(in reply to ChaoticIntent)

Post #: 23

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/6/2014 8:48:44 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

UM..

angelikaJ did not say that.
and littlewonder has responded like that, regardless of gender.

And yes, OP, I would be wary of a Dom who wouldn't let me ask questions. To me that reeks of abuse- but to each his own- if you aren't happy- you have the right to leave, feel free to exercise that right.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 24

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 3:44:07 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

Thank you for answers. By sharing, I mean giving the slave to another dom and ordering him to obey his new dom for a while, like few days. I am wondering if this means that my dom is bored of me, or he finds it arousing.

My quick answer is a resounding NO, I don't share or loan out my sub as a sub, and I would not dream of handing over authority to another Domme of what is mine, not for a day, not unless there was a (non-sexual) task he was suited to perform and he readily agreed to it. My cousin has had her sub partner help me move furniture or give me a hand around the house to fix something, but he would have done that anyway as a vanilla boyfriend. Further, she's like me, and she didn't order it, she asked him first so he could work it into his schedule and coordinate logistics with me. (I almost wish she would lend him out to me! Had to content myself with eye candy.)

The assumption being made here is that there are no stipulations, such as not limited to non-sexual service only or whether this includes play. When you say you enjoyed it, was there any sexual element included?

The fact that you are not permitted to ask questions is not right. But what's puzzling me is that you signed up less than a week ago looking to have fun without much limits in your words. Does your Dom-Master know this, and is not being exclusive a part of your dynamics, so that it doesn't really make any difference to either of you? This would be helpful to know about your situation, since you speak in the present tense and not of a former Master.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 25

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 7:42:44 AM

quickiemy

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/1/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

Thank you for answers. By sharing, I mean giving the slave to another dom and ordering him to obey his new dom for a while, like few days. I am wondering if this means that my dom is bored of me, or he finds it arousing.

My quick answer is a resounding NO, I don't share or loan out my sub as a sub, and I would not dream of handing over authority to another Domme of what is mine, not for a day, not unless there was a (non-sexual) task he was suited to perform and he readily agreed to it. My cousin has had her sub partner help me move furniture or give me a hand around the house to fix something, but he would have done that anyway as a vanilla boyfriend. Further, she's like me, and she didn't order it, she asked him first so he could work it into his schedule and coordinate logistics with me. (I almost wish she would lend him out to me! Had to content myself with eye candy.)

The assumption being made here is that there are no stipulations, such as not limited to non-sexual service only or whether this includes play. When you say you enjoyed it, was there any sexual element included?

The fact that you are not permitted to ask questions is not right. But what's puzzling me is that you signed up less than a week ago looking to have fun without much limits in your words. Does your Dom-Master know this, and is not being exclusive a part of your dynamics, so that it doesn't really make any difference to either of you? This would be helpful to know about your situation, since you speak in the present tense and not of a former Master.

Thank you for the answer. First of all he does not know I am craving for the answers here. For the question part, yes we made a agreement and during my slavery I agreed that I would never ask a question unles he allows me to do so. I realy can't understand why this is not acceptable and it highly makes me respect him. I guess this is because I am more into mental bdsm and mind fuck.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 26

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 11:36:29 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Ok, so you willingly agreed to no questions and obviously find it hot. But....how does your dom know if you have a question to ask? Its one thing to say "only if I allow you to ask," but there logically then needs to be some way for him to know you have a question in order to make that decision.

Also if you really enjoyed being loaned out regardless of the reason, why are you worried anyway? It seems something other than that, including perhaps your own insecurity is making you wonder if he is becoming bored with you.

As for him not knowing you are on this site...well, it is dishonest, but if he has set forth no rules regarding it and you aren't alllowed to ask questions unless pemitted, you had no way to ask. From my point of view, the "no questions" is currently biting you both in the ass.

As to your original quuestion, I am monogomous, I don't share. Period.

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 27

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 11:51:53 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Also if you really enjoyed being loaned out regardless of the reason, why are you worried anyway?

That's precisely what I was thinking. Why should he care what other Dominants do with their subs, knowing that some of us are mono and others poly or open to sharing (if not in a committed poly).

I have to ask you this, quickiemy, are you on here looking for a new Master, one who is prone to do lend-outs? Given that you're bisexual, I'll extrapolate that you are wanting both Dom and Domme. Is this correct? And not to be moralists, but the consensual part of BDSM is not an option for you or anyone else. This means that what you do behind your Master's back is an act of supreme disobedience, and your contemplation of it is thoroughly disrespectful. Count your lucky stars if you get punished for it, because many Dominants won't tolerate this for one moment and will release you on the spot.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 28

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 11:55:31 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, I have.

I happen to have certain......... Interests. Some of which can not be conducted without another party.

As an aside, what in the heck is up with this 'no questions' thing lately? Are we just having a bad run or is there something underneath that?

ETA - Sorry. I think this is one of those situations where I should have specified the above is a fast reply.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/7/2014 11:56:21 AM >

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 29

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 1:04:27 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

Thank you for answers. By sharing, I mean giving the slave to another dom and ordering him to obey his new dom for a while, like few days. I am wondering if this means that my dom is bored of me, or he finds it arousing.

Ask him

I am not allowed to ask questions to my master.

I'd bet hard cash a smart slave can find a way to safely work it into conversation, with or without a question involved. :-)

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HST

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 30

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 5:59:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Why did you agree to get involved with someone who doesn't want to talk to you? How does this satisfy you?

We're monogamous. And that conversation came up way before I committed to him. If he hadn't been interested in talking to me and answering my questions, I wouldn't be with him.

If the op was that desperate to be topped, he'd have done better to pay a prodomme and guaranteed a safe and happy outcome.

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(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 31

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 10:44:57 PM

quickiemy

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/1/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Why did you agree to get involved with someone who doesn't want to talk to you? How does this satisfy you?

We're monogamous. And that conversation came up way before I committed to him. If he hadn't been interested in talking to me and answering my questions, I wouldn't be with him.

If the op was that desperate to be topped, he'd have done better to pay a prodomme and guaranteed a safe and happy outcome.

First of all,this is not life time commitment. And, if my dom likes this way, why wouldnt I do it to please him. Besides, it is not about talking, we always talk of course. It is about asking questions when I am not allowed to do so. I was so surprised to get such reactions. Many kinks here may get the reaction from society we live in, but our kinks should not get such hash reaction within bdsm community. We are here to share and destroy the prejudges.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 32

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 11:15:14 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Many people here are in monogamous relationships, so sharing is off the table. But you say it is something you enjoy, so no one is "judging" you about that, although we do all hope you are being safe; ie using condoms, knowing if the other person is disease free, etc. That's just kind of common sense.

As for the no questions....yes, some people get off on blind obedience. However, communication is key to ANY. Successful relationship, so not being able to ask questions (not as in questioning your partner's authority, there is a difference) means that there could be communication problems.

Just because people are kinky doesn't mean they lack morals or values. No one has judged you, we have expressed opinions, and you are getting defensive about it. If you are going to ask questions to a bunch of strangers who may have different values and view than you do, you should make sure you are equipped to handle what is said.

What I'm still curious about is why whether or not others share their s-type matters. You said you enjoy the activity, so that isn't a problem for you. You hav a partner who apparently also gets something out of lending you out, so everyone is happy. Yet you aren't happy. You wanted to be lent out, but it has brought out your insecurities about the commitment your partner has to you. That's a problem. And our point is that if you were able to ask questions, you would be able to communicate these concerns to your partner. See how that works?

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 33

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/7/2014 11:29:00 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

I am not allowed to ask questions to my master.

WHAT? o_o

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(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 34

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 5:17:10 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

First of all,this is not life time commitment. And, if my dom likes this way, why wouldnt I do it to please him. Besides, it is not about talking, we always talk of course. It is about asking questions when I am not allowed to do so. I was so surprised to get such reactions. Many kinks here may get the reaction from society we live in, but our kinks should not get such hash reaction within bdsm community. We are here to share and destroy the prejudges.

First off, the people here are just a slice of the world. All that we have in common is some degree of interest in kink and/or power exchange. That doesn't obligate us to form some sort of brotherhood of mutual support and approval for whatever the other folks are into. There's no reason to assume that kinky folks would be more open minded or accepting that folks in general. I'm not here to help destroy any prejudices, I'm just here to talk kink and relationships.

Secondly, even if we are interested in promoting understanding and tolerance of D/s or BDSM, that doesn't mean we're not allowed to have a negative reaction to someone else's kink. If anything, a sense of community means we should be promoting responsible interactions, both to create a safe culture and to dispel those prejudices by showing the rest of the world that we're not a bunch of nutters. People react negatively to situations where communication is restricted because communication is central to safe, responsible play. By banning questions, you increase the risk of a misunderstanding which might result in physical injury or emotional harm. That's not to say it will definitely happen, but the risk has increased.

I personally believe that if everyone involved is aware of the risks and deem it worthwhile, then they should do as they please. So if this works for you and your partner great. But if we are accepting the notion that kink is a community and we should support each other, then we should absolutely expect and encourage people to speak up and challenge us when they hear something that they believe is dangerous or risky. Caring means sometimes calling someone out. You can't have it all ways.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 3/8/2014 5:18:24 AM >

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(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 35

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 6:27:04 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Why did you agree to get involved with someone who doesn't want to talk to you? How does this satisfy you?

We're monogamous. And that conversation came up way before I committed to him. If he hadn't been interested in talking to me and answering my questions, I wouldn't be with him.

If the op was that desperate to be topped, he'd have done better to pay a prodomme and guaranteed a safe and happy outcome.

First of all,this is not life time commitment. And, if my dom likes this way, why wouldnt I do it to please him. Besides, it is not about talking, we always talk of course. It is about asking questions when I am not allowed to do so. I was so surprised to get such reactions. Many kinks here may get the reaction from society we live in, but our kinks should not get such hash reaction within bdsm community. We are here to share and destroy the prejudges.

I don't know what you are smoking, but BDSM is not some magical thing that takes out human nature's tendancy to make judgements. People are people, with or without kink.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 36

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 3:58:47 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

First of all,this is not life time commitment. And, if my dom likes this way, why wouldnt I do it to please him. Besides, it is not about talking, we always talk of course. It is about asking questions when I am not allowed to do so.

In an effort to get this straight, because I'm hearing double talk, you say you aren't allowed to ask questions but you do talk about things. In a follow-up post to your original you explained, "I am wondering if this means that my dom is bored of me, or he finds it arousing." You later went on to say that you enjoy being shared with another Dominant. Are you trying to tell us that your relationship with your Master is such that you cannot ask him whether he is getting bored with you? Thus, the incredulous response, as well as concern for your welfare. Now, if you had said you're afraid to ask him because you can't take hearing what the answer might be, then some of us might try to help you with that issue.

May I ask whether you've been collared? Do you technically consider yourselves Master and slave? You don't seem to be taking this commitment seriously, is why I ask. After all, you have already decided "this is not life time commitment" in your mind. So what difference does any of this make if you have no problem with being lent out? The only bisexual male subs I've seen behaving the way you are, seeking play partners when you already have a Master, are men married to a vanilla wife, who look at BDSM as an umbrella to cover their indiscretions under the assumption that kinky people (the so-called BDSM community) somehow condone unethical conduct and have no moral standards. Just saying....

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 37

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 4:32:52 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Phew! That's good to know.
(even though I already knew about the man on man. )

Hang on there little miss mouse... I believe Kana was talking about "Man and Man... On woman
"Man on man" is quite a different kettle of fish!

Is there something you know that I don't?

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 3/8/2014 4:34:39 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 10:13:06 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Phew! That's good to know.
(even though I already knew about the man on man. )

Hang on there little miss mouse... I believe Kana was talking about "Man and Man... On woman
"Man on man" is quite a different kettle of fish!

Is there something you know that I don't?

Master does not like man on man with woman or man on man...for him, they are basically the same. He wants nothing at all to do with another man even if there's a girl involved, even if he and the man are not doing each other at the time. Just the idea of both being nude in the same bed with her is a turn-off. Thankfully, I'm perfectly good with that! I'm creeped out by it too.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 39

RE: Sharing a sub with other dom - 3/8/2014 10:16:41 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quickiemy

We are here to share and destroy the prejudges.

We are???? You might be but I sure as hell ain't! I'll be more than happy to judge you and everyone else on the planet.

As for your predicament. I'm confused. You like the idea of being loaned out but yet you are questioning whether your dom is doing it because he doesn't like you anymore...so which is it? If you like it then what does it matter? Especially since you said this isn't a life commitment thing. I'm going to assume it's just a play situation?

And you're either allowed to talk or you are are not. Which is it? And if that's what you like, then why does your profile allude to something else? Lots of contradictions here.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to quickiemy)

Post #: 40

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