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RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 6:37:38 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline 		FR

Remember, the men outnumber the women on sites like this. Take your time and pick the cream of the crop. No one of any value wants to own someone who views themselves as worthless.

ETA: I highly doubt he ever had any intention of meeting you. Two days is awfully fast and he knows he won't measure up. It's far easier to keep up the online fantasy and make excuses.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 3/15/2014 6:39:07 PM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 6:55:56 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

ETA: I highly doubt he ever had any intention of meeting you. Two days is awfully fast and he knows he won't measure up. It's far easier to keep up the online fantasy and make excuses.



Not only that, but IF he does come back, and does actually wants to meet you, you should refuse.

Any man who will tell you that you're owned after two days of talking online isn't a guy you should meet.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 7:35:18 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I'm glad you took the "Owned by" out of your profile. He was moving way too fast, you're better off without him!

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 8:19:16 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		To give you some perspective on this being owned thing...I knew Gary for a year and lived with him 24/7 for 6 months before I consented to be owned by him.

You may need to do a search on the term "sub frenzy." It will help explain why you are so eager to be owned by someone you have never met.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to tendermercies17)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 8:47:57 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: tendermercies17

im more confused than i was when i started. from what i read i guess im unowned


Exactly!

You aren't going to be owned just because some asshole tells you that you are. You wouldn't marry any jerk off the street just because he told you to.

Your D, and you will find him or he will find you, will court you, meet you, date you, and do all those wonderful things that people do when they want a good relationship. So, make yourself "Unowned" and continue shopping.

Exiled


I'm guessing OP is new and it's unfortunate this guy tried to take advantage of that. Some wankers want to hold a "D" title to get you to do things while really they are a waste of time who have no clue about what the lifestyle entails. Being a sub doesn't mean your feelings don't qualify. THEY DO.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 8:48:05 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		If it started on Thursday and you made plans to meet Friday & you haven't met in person yet, there's no way he can already own you. For that matter, maybe he IS sick, or maybe he's not and he's married and leading you on. Or maybe he just changed his mind. I hafta tell you though, a whole lot of those cyber-Doms already have wives or girlfriends that don't know about their internet frolicking.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 9:25:15 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You are strangers to each other until you meet.


Would you really want to be owned by someone you haven't met yet?
And even if you did meet them, you still don't know them.
So, do you want to be owned by someone you don't know?

Some self-proclaimed dominant partners believe in instant collars: just add sub(missive partner).
I personally believe that that takes a lot of the specialness out of being owned.

I think you should define for yourself what ownership means to you and don't give into demands by others' or even your own desires for belongingness until you find someone you know well enough to know he's worthy of owning you.

edit: missing parts of word

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 3/15/2014 9:39:04 PM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to tendermercies17)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 9:32:37 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		OP,

In the real world would you consider yourself engaged to a guy after one phone call?

You are 31 years old, have you dated much? This whole situation; you talked to someone for the first time on Thursday, he tells you he "owns" you, you do it, he cancels meeting and now you are hear confused about whether you have a relationship or not sounds kind of desperate on your part.

Desperation is never an attractive thing, except to people who will take advantage of you. You say on your profile you are a Chriistian first and foremost. So don't immediately put a guy equal to God and obey him blindly before you know him.

I think, from what I have read, you shouldn't even start a BDSM relationship yet. Concentrate on talking to people, meeting and getting to know them AS A PERSON, and them to know you the same way. No kink, no sex, no ordered tasks. When you know each other well enough, then take a step into kink, SLOWLY.

And I'm with blondie. Online isn't real.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: i need advice - 3/15/2014 9:37:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tendermercies17

it was online leading to real


Until you meet in real life he's just a total stranger. If he shows up again, fine. Talk like two normal people getting to know one another. If he doesn't then no big deal either. NEXT!


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tendermercies17)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 1:45:18 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fr

What everyone else said, plus, to give the OP some credit:

Planning to meet quickly after you find someone interesting is a good thing. It weeds out people like this guy who don't intend to meet you and just want to jerk off online.

Please also remember that if and when you do meet, treat them like any first date. You do not owe them anything just because they claim to be dominant. You don't have to fuck on the first date, get spanked, have photos taken, give him a bj in the back seat of his car etc. You're just two people sharing lunch or a coffee. I mention this only because I sense you took this last guy a bit too seriously. Be picky.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 4:52:57 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		OP, if you met someone in real life and you talked for awhile and then he asked you to marry him, would you say yes?

I hope not. It's the same in here. You get to know people over time, just like in real life. YOU decide IF he is right for YOU by getting to know him just as he is supposed to decide over time if you are right for him. And even if you seem right for each other, meeting in real life to see if you are compatible together there, too.

It's not just putting yourself online and taking the first thing that comes along. Just because he calls himself a dom doesn't mean he's something special. YOU have to take responsibility for your own safety and happiness. No one is going to just give it to you because you are a sub and he says he is a dom. It's good that you're questioning now. Obviously, something in your gut told you this probably isn't right, and when your gut tells you things like that, you should listen to it.

In the future, do the questioning BEFORE, much much questioning, much much before. Though some might try to tell you differently, you SHOULD respect yourself just as much as a human being in here as you do in real life. You're not just "a sub". You're a woman first. When he proves himself someone deserving of YOU, then you can be HIS submissive.

To be fair, I work in the medical profession, and we're still seeing a lot of flu and severe colds, so he could be sick. But regardless of that, you need to step back a little and slow down.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 4:58:13 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		If you made plans to meet and he's suddenly back-pedaling, forget him, he never had any intention of meeting in real life, and is probably terrified at the thought. Doubtless he has probably lied about his age, height, weight, and marital status.

Keep looking OP, and if you're looking for real time, push for a face to face sooner rather than later.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 5:53:08 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		If I were you I'd wait a couple of days and then move on. Keep in mind if he re-appears that if he's not present and putting forth effort in the beginning of things with you, then he probably isn't going to carry through in the long run. He may have had second thoughts or he might be hiding something from you - maybe he's concerned that with time you'll find out the penis picture he has posted isn't really him, who knows.

Think about what the other posters are telling you about calling someone you really don't know yet master. If you took out the BDSM and were looking to date someone, would you call yourself boyfriend and girlfriend with a man after simply talking to him on the phone? Wouldn't it take some time, and meeting him many times, for you to think to yourself that you are in a relationship? Don't be so quick to jump into things with a stranger, it doesn't matter if a man says he's Dominant or that you're owned, things still follow the good old fashioned rules of dating that you already are acquainted with. Adding BDSM doesn't make it any different.

Edited to add: I just read SeekingTrinity's post about your "master" being logged onto CollarMe yesterday when you started this thread OP. You can check that by doing a search on his username. If he was using the site, I guess he wasn't in a hospital dying somewhere, or on a sudden trip out of the country. I'd say he's moved on. You would do well to do the same, don't wait those couple of days...

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 3/16/2014 6:21:02 AM >

(in reply to tendermercies17)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 6:36:44 AM   
TenderTorment


Posts: 304
Joined: 12/30/2012
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Ok, to be honest he sounds like a fud, plenty of them out there and he rings my fud bell straight off the bat, you can't do anything about that, it is what it is.

Advice for you, learn the value of you, understand the value of what you offer and don't be so keen to give it away to a few words on a screen, oh and take some time reading this thread over and over, some very good advice already.

(in reply to tendermercies17)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:05:24 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		fr

There's a dating truism, if you go for the low hanging fruit, most of it's pretty rotten.

If you work a bit harder, you can find better. Take you time and you get the best picks of the crop.

Don't say yes to the first person who comes along, and be willing to be picky. This means you have to not be desperate for a relationship.



_____________________________



(in reply to TenderTorment)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:20:05 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

FR

Remember, the men outnumber the women on sites like this. Take your time and pick the cream of the crop. No one of any value wants to own someone who views themselves as worthless.

ETA: I highly doubt he ever had any intention of meeting you. Two days is awfully fast and he knows he won't measure up. It's far easier to keep up the online fantasy and make excuses.


While true, most of them are hardly men so I suspect based on what I've seen posted by women here over the years that once you take the fakers out then there are more women than men. Sorry, that's the way it is.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:23:48 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

Please also remember that if and when you do meet, treat them like any first date. You do not owe them anything just because they claim to be dominant. You don't have to fuck on the first date, get spanked, have photos taken, give him a bj in the back seat of his car etc. You're just two people sharing lunch or a coffee.



In case anyone has not noticed, the number of submissive women who don't treat their newly found Dom as a "first date" is overwhelming compared to those who do. Sorry, that is the way it is. But, I applaud your consistency in posting that advice year after year.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:28:48 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		So, which is it?

This one:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

While true, most of them are hardly men so I suspect based on what I've seen posted by women here over the years that once you take the fakers out then there are more women than men. Sorry, that's the way it is.


Or this one, from: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4657544/mpage_2/tm.htm

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

It's something we, all males, are born with, witness the little boy who attempts to take control of the house, and then we are modified by modern society in the way we look at things starting with kindergarten where we are taught to play nice and nowadays the aggressive male child is even doped to be less so, and you notice it tends to be male children who are the 'problem'. So, he is born with it and it is suppressed over years and some males have gotten it back and some not so much so although you do have a challenge to re-awaken his natural self you might find the job easier than you think if you are so motivated because behind every great man is indeed a woman and I am sure he is indeed a great man since he has you, a very great woman.


Inquiring minds want to know!
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:28:58 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

things still follow the good old fashioned rules of dating that you already are acquainted with. Adding BDSM doesn't make it any different.


See my answer to that above. While star got to know me very well before moving into a long term relationship, neither she or others followed "the old fashioned rules for dating" when meeting for the first time. I did meet Star over dinner and we were fully vanilla that night because she lost her babysitter, but that is not the rule with submissives and Doms when first meeting. I assure you, and even star was in "don't take me out to dinner but pull my hair and make me a woman" mode on the next date. It's the way it really is.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: i need advice - 3/16/2014 7:31:10 AM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

things still follow the good old fashioned rules of dating that you already are acquainted with. Adding BDSM doesn't make it any different.


See my answer to that above. While star got to know me very well before moving into a long term relationship, neither she or others followed "the old fashioned rules for dating" when meeting for the first time. I did meet Star over dinner and we were fully vanilla that night because she lost her babysitter, but that is not the rule with submissives and Doms when first meeting. I assure you, and even star was in "don't take me out to dinner but pull my hair and make me a woman" mode on the next date. It's the way it really is.

No. It's NOT the way it really is.
Please don't speak for female submissives until you become one.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 40
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