RE: NO Safeword...??

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: NO Safeword...??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: NO Safeword...??

Page: << < prev 5 6 7 [8] 9 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 5:59:38 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 141

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 6:05:29 PM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

Damn fire ants... That sounds like fun.

Unfortunately that's the problem with being a sadist and a masochist like me... Any creative sadistic ideas I find or come up with I'll probably become the victim of...

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 3/23/2014 6:06:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to ARIES83)

Profile

Post #: 142

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 8:43:45 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

Safewords are really only needed for role playing. If you are doing just sadism/masochism then you can easily do without them without any roleplaying, you don't need them. But not respecting limits is definitely something that everyone should do.

The only difference between BDSM and rape are respecting limits. He is claiming to be a rapist, not a dominant man.

The refusal to do so demonstrates stupidity, arrogance, inexperience, and the inability to tell the difference between reality and fiction.

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Profile

Post #: 143

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 9:44:42 PM

frunandsins

Posts: 81
Joined: 10/7/2012
Status: offline

Hmm... not to be a wet blanket, but fire ants are a nuisance pest, and should not be introduced into regions where they can become dominant. And even if you're in a region where fire ants are already present, you should still think twice about bringing them to your neighborhood. Unless, of course, they're already in your backyard. In which case, save the money on a terminator and solicit for a sub, instead?

To atone for my fun-killing, may I suggest stinging nettle and poison ivy instead? Something that can bring similar sensations but which is easily treatable with otc creams and ointments after play.

_____________________________

To each, their own kinks, and may they suffer beautifully.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 144

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 9:57:10 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

meh. I've been stung by fire ants. They're prevalent pretty much everywhere I've ever lived. I also grew up on a farm so stinging nettles and poison ivy was a normal occurrence. All three are fucking painful.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to frunandsins)

Profile

Post #: 145

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 10:42:18 PM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins

Hmm... not to be a wet blanket, but fire ants are a nuisance pest, and should not be introduced into regions where they can become dominant. And even if you're in a region where fire ants are already present, you should still think twice about bringing them to your neighborhood. Unless, of course, they're already in your backyard. In which case, save the money on a terminator and solicit for a sub, instead?

To atone for my fun-killing, may I suggest stinging nettle and poison ivy instead? Something that can bring similar sensations but which is easily treatable with otc creams and ointments after play.

Heh nice. I agree. Fire ants aren't a good idea unless you can seriously control the fuckers.

Though the majority of the time I prefer more brutal beatings, lashings, heavy impact play etc. Creative agony is fun, but you can't go past dark brutality at times.

Ok, back on topic: Safewords!

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to frunandsins)

Profile

Post #: 146

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/23/2014 11:53:03 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins
fire ants are a nuisance pest, and should not be introduced into regions where they can become dominant.

We're talking vials of fire ants intended for ant farms.
These don't have queens, don't have a way to procreate and will all be death in about 20 days no matter what. You could happily release them in your kitchen and it wouldn't really be that big of a deal.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to frunandsins)

Profile

Post #: 147

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 6:12:22 AM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

Wow .... What ever happened to fun, power exchange, imagination and safewords?

I think the safeword post has turned into "Real sadists don't need safewords. Real mascchists do. e.g. Masochists prefer fear more than pain. Sadists think a scratch is knife play. Fire ants can replacing gerbils. Plus a list of NOs longer than my list of Musts.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 148

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 8:00:53 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

I think some folks have forgotten what it's like the first few times they're with someone, and don't 'know' their limits yet. I'll reiterate, when I began, the 'safeword' was a foreign concept to both me and some of my play partners. It wasn't until I hooked up with a woman who'd been in the scene for quite some time longer than I had revealed that to me during our pre-scene negotiations. "Okay, my safeword is 'Jordan' (from the river that runs through SLC)." To which I replied, "What's a 'safeword?", which began a long and interesting conversation when I thought we'd be getting it on.

Yeah, after you've been with someone a couple of months/years, you get the feeling for when it becomes too much, but day one through thirty means you need a safety switch so they don't get hurt/killed and you don't get charged with a crime. While she and I didn't hit it off down the road, we did part as friends, and I learned a lot from that woman.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Profile

Post #: 149

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 8:37:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins
To atone for my fun-killing, may I suggest poison ivy instead? Something that can bring similar sensations but which is easily treatable with otc creams and ointments after play.

You apparently don't realize that reactions to poison ivy becomes more extreme with repeated exposure. And some of us require not otc creams, but two week courses of steroids to deal with the reaction. And permanent scarring from scratching in your sleep is always a possibility.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to frunandsins)

Profile

Post #: 150

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 9:16:04 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

By this time Kana is sulking and REALLY in the mood to punish me. So he puts on "barney the dinosaur" on an iPhone in loop on full blast and leaves the room. A few hours later he can hear me screaming 'safe word' off the top of my lungs and hissing 'hard limit' as soon as he enters the room.
Upset he unties me and tells me "fine, if you don't want to play, I'm not going to either anymore".

I had to "safe-snap" last week during a scene that involved "Bob's Burgers."

/shudders/

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 151

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 10:42:14 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Wow .... What ever happened to fun, power exchange, imagination and safewords?

Sadists think a scratch is knife play.

Completely off topic......

Knife play doesn't have to be about cutting. It can just be a scratch to enjoy a person's fear. That particular picture probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else. It was about what was being felt at the moment. No, it doesn't come through in the shot, but it was the reaction that I got when the cold metal went across his chest. The terror in his eyes as he looked into Mine. Knowing I had power over his physical form.

Oh, yes.... This sadist will take something like that in a heartbeat. Not all sadism is physical.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Profile

Post #: 152

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 11:54:19 AM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

The fear of what will he do If I don't ... exceeds scratches.

< Message edited by Blueswordsman -- 3/24/2014 11:59:22 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 153

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 12:02:00 PM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

OK?

Attachment (1)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 154

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 1:05:03 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I think some folks have forgotten what it's like the first few times they're with someone, and don't 'know' their limits yet.

Yeah, after you've been with someone a couple of months/years, you get the feeling for when it becomes too much, but day one through thirty means you need a safety switch so they don't get hurt/killed and you don't get charged with a crime.

I'm not in the least bit suggesting that people shouldn't discuss stuff before playing.

What I'm arguing against -and frankly upset about- is that people are holding a list of limits and a safe word as a 'safety belt', posing that playing without them is somehow 'dangerous' instead of recognizing that it's communication that's important, and it doesn't matter what form that communication takes.

General:

I've asked over and over again now, but the crowd that keeps telling me I'm insane for not deeming it necessary to play with limits keeps refusing to answer:

How exactly do safe words and limits make you safer?
And how exactly does playing without them make you unsafe?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Profile

Post #: 155

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 1:37:28 PM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
it's communication that's important, and it doesn't matter what form that communication takes .

I agree communication is the key and you don't need to be specific. Just light conversation "What do you find thrilling" "Ever fulfill a fantasy" "What do you think of...", etc. will set the stage. However, your excellent point is miles away from. No Limits or safewords will be honored

< Message edited by Blueswordsman -- 3/24/2014 1:38:08 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 156

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 1:58:09 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman
However, your excellent point is miles away from. No Limits or safewords will be honored [/color]

Not at all.

My husband doesn't honor limits or safe words. Neither did my ex.
With both this was stated upfront, before meeting them, in a non-bullshit manner.

That doesn't mean that we don't communicate. Nor does it mean that, if I had a latex allergy I wouldn't tell him, or that after telling him he'd go out of his way to dress me in latex.
What it means is just what it says: he does not honor *my* prerogative to put limits on him, nor is he going to abide by a command for him to stop by means of a safe word. That doesn't mean that he's not going to think "hmmm, a latex catsuit would have her end up in the emergency room, and I still want to do X tonight, so I'm not going to use latex on her".

I don't see how the fact that he doesn't honor a safeword or hardlimits with me implies in the slightest that we don't communicate. We do communicate. We communicate by me indicating preferences instead of rules for him. When an s-type lays down a safeword and hardlimits what they are doing is saying "here are the rules you HAVE to abide by during our play lest you break my consent".

I don't have such rules for him, and trying to implement them would mean the end of us playing, forever.
That's what "I don't honor limits of safewords" means: he doesn't play with people who expect to use rules and dictums to limit his choices.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Profile

Post #: 157

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 2:32:10 PM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

I believe the OP was referring to a Dominant profile that stated no limits or safeword will be honored. I consider ...stating upfront, before meeting them, in a non-bullshit manner .... very risky but a limited establishment of boundaries.

Just curious if you were looking for someone to play with, would you consider messaging with a CM Dom who's profile read "No limits or safeword will be honored? And meant it?

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 158

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 3:00:30 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Just curious if you were looking for someone to play with, would you consider messaging with a CM Dom who's profile read "No limits or safeword will be honored? And meant it?

It depends on the rest of the profile, but I certainly wouldn't discount them for it.
As I've already said, both my ex as well as my husband said as much in their profiles and emails before meeting me, though not literally phrased like that.

In fact, if they are somebody who plays without limits and safewords I very much demands that they make this clear in their initial impression. I wouldn't take well to somebody leaving out such a crucial piece of information until later in the courting process.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Blueswordsman)

Profile

Post #: 159

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/24/2014 3:03:43 PM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

What I'm arguing against -and frankly upset about- is that people are holding a list of limits and a safe word as a 'safety belt', posing that playing without them is somehow 'dangerous' instead of recognizing that it's communication that's important, and it doesn't matter what form that communication takes.

I completely agree and have said so. However you chose to communicate, that is what's important. I communicate danger and hard limits via a certain word, but whatever works for you.

The profile is saying "no limits, and no safewords" reads to me that "I won't accept hard limits - I do what I want, and I will go as hard as I like." Which is fair enough, if that's what you are into.

I just happen to use a safeword FOR communication. But that's just me.

I do agree and appreciate your point.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 3/24/2014 3:05:32 PM >

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 160