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Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:07:36 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

Since no one starts off at the top of their game, I need some advice. If there are any Doms or Masters who used to be insecure about themselves, I must ask, how did you overcome your insecurity? This is a serious question. My insecurity is that I feel i dont offer anything that another dom could not offer as well. I dont want or need pity, only advice.

Post #: 1

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:11:18 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

And you don't. So, don't be insecure about it. Each one does and is in their own unique way though.

Why does the shopper, faced with two inscrutably indifferent granny smith apples choose the one on the left?

The sandbox is big enough for everyone to play in.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 2

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:14:43 AM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

What do you have to offer as a dom? You.

The best way to beat this type of insecurity is to realise that a sub is looking for you, not just your dominant style or kinky activities, and work on not worrying about impressing a sub, but instead being the best person you can be.

Security is about knowing who you are, and being comfortable with that. All the kink etc is all trimmings around being a great person.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 3

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:28:17 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I think my real problem is confidence. Sure I am confident when i get to know someone. Also, you know how some subs are very strongwilled until they find the Dom that is worthy of their submission? Im the opposite. Im a Dom who is normally laid back and submissive in life who is looking for that one special person to protect and love. I know, that sounds rediculus.

< Message edited by CobaltRose -- 3/31/2014 7:29:18 AM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

Post #: 4

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:34:46 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

ridiculous. (but dont get insecure about a common spelling error). You dont have to be ghengis khan to be dominant. You can be laid back and still mean what you say and have dominion.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 5

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:45:39 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Since no one starts off at the top of their game, I need some advice. If there are any Doms or Masters who used to be insecure about themselves, I must ask, how did you overcome your insecurity? This is a serious question. My insecurity is that I feel i dont offer anything that another dom could not offer as well. I dont want or need pity, only advice.

For your own edification, everyone starts at the top of their game, we just keep raising the bar as we learn, grow, refine, and evolve.

Insecurity is you not being true to yourself. It is no different that you being a Rebok guy in a Nike world. You can be sheeple or you can lead your own life. Find what is right for you, not what all the other kids are doing, just find your thing. Get some comfort with it, listen to your inner moron (that little fucker will scream at you when you don't know what the fuck you are doing), continue to learn, evolve, and grow. Do not dismiss something out of ignorance... that is just stupid. Educate yourself and utilize an informed opinion of X being right or wrong for you.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 6

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:47:38 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

You might be better off matched with a switch, given that you have a poet's heart.

Listen, you're only 21. There aren't very many confident 20-somethings, and you need life experience to instill this in you. That's going to take time.

Finish your education or learn a trade, get your ducks lined up in a row. Work on yourself first. Being responsible for another person is not an undertaking to be taken lightly.

Do as you would normally do in the vanilla world. Get yourself established, and the women will flock to you. Asking yourself what you have that other Doms don't have isn't the right question. It's what can you offer of yourself that will be appreciated by whoever you attract and are attracted to regardless of which side of the kneel either of you are on.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 7

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 7:49:51 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I think my real problem is confidence. Sure I am confident when i get to know someone. Also, you know how some subs are very strongwilled until they find the Dom that is worthy of their submission? Im the opposite. Im a Dom who is normally laid back and submissive in life who is looking for that one special person to protect and love. I know, that sounds rediculus.

Okay, just saw this and I'm about to do something that I rarely do and I hope you can set your ego aside and really think about this.

Are you sure a submissive is what you need?

Have you considered that a Domme will happily take all the love and protection that you have to offer? Furthermore, she will groom, nurture, and guide you into becoming the best man you could ever become.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 8

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:00:37 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I think my real problem is confidence. Sure I am confident when i get to know someone. Also, you know how some subs are very strongwilled until they find the Dom that is worthy of their submission? Im the opposite. Im a Dom who is normally laid back and submissive in life who is looking for that one special person to protect and love. I know, that sounds rediculus.

Okay, just saw this and I'm about to do something that I rarely do and I hope you can set your ego aside and really think about this.

Are you sure a submissive is what you need?

Have you considered that a Domme will happily take all the love and protection that you have to offer? Furthermore, she will groom, nurture, and guide you into becoming the best man you could ever become.

Jus sayin
Exiled

You actually are right. I consider myself a "top sub",a sub that would serve his domme by dominating. I know, sounds wierd. I only put myself as a dom because it was the closest thing to it. I dont like being dominated, but i love serving.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 9

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:06:24 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

Cobalt, then you would be a very nice find for someone. There are quite a few BRILLIANT women on this site that I am going to encourage you to talk to, that will really help you define and understand yourself better. So I am going to blow the whistle here and hope they come see you.

MistressDarkArt
LadyPact
LadyLaffette
FireyOpal
MsLadySue
GoddessManko
NiceButMeanGirl
Laday_Constanze
TNDommeK

Please forgive the spelling, and there are a dozen more that I hope will take the initiative and come here or PM you.

Exiled

< Message edited by ExiledTyrant -- 3/31/2014 8:08:00 AM >

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 10

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:14:52 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

You actually are right. I consider myself a "top sub",a sub that would serve his domme by dominating. I know, sounds wierd. I only put myself as a dom because it was the closest thing to it. I dont like being dominated, but i love serving.

It would be more accurate for you to list yourself as a Switch. You aren't ready to take on the responsibility of being the Dominant in a relationship at this present stage of your life. There's nothing wrong with getting as much experience as you can. Believe me, Dommes are used to encountering male Switches who don't want to be dominated, so that can pose some difficulty when submission is expected in tangent with service.

Get involved with your local BDSM community and learn as much as you can. There's a big demand for service Topping. Give yourself permission to explore whatever facets of BDSM appeal to you until you can make your mind up what it is you really want. Then you'll be able to get yourself matched up with the right woman for you. You may find out that you enjoy bedroom Domination, but don't need to always be in charge of the relationship and are content with a more equitable partnership the rest of the time, in which case you are better off matched with a bedroom submissive.

ETA: Just saw your post above, Exiled, and thanks for the inclusion.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 3/31/2014 8:17:31 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 11

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:17:00 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

Thanks.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 12

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:23:57 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

ETA: Just saw your post above, Exiled, and thanks for the inclusion.

Just keeping it real, babe. You're one of my go to Ladies. This is out of my territory, but it is in my best interest (considering my ultimate goal is everyone getting their happily ever after kink on) to be in the know, and know who to call on. I am very impressed that the OP can and did set his ego aside and really reflect on his position. I look foreword to seeing him participate here, and to watch him grow and get his happy on.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 13

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:32:29 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

Just curious, what should i put in my profile description that will catch the eyes of the type of women im into. No lies or stretching of truth, just a way of writing that gets me noticed. I am a service top and i rather give all control to my partner. Though i stil want her to consult me on the important discisions.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 14

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:40:20 AM

frunandsins

Posts: 81
Joined: 10/7/2012
Status: offline

Great advice so far in the thread and great to see you taking those in stride, Cobalt.

_____________________________

To each, their own kinks, and may they suffer beautifully.

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 15

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:48:25 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

The words you used in your post sound good as you've written them. Put that info in your profile.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 16

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 8:59:30 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Just curious, what should i put in my profile description that will catch the eyes of the type of women im into. No lies or stretching of truth, just a way of writing that gets me noticed. I am a service top and i rather give all control to my partner. Though i stil want her to consult me on the important discisions.

Cobalt, you are off to a great start. I would recommend you slow down a little bit, give the rest of our Ladies time to get online, communicate with you on here and in mail, get on more terra firma, then proceed.

You will get a lot of input from our D's and /'s as well, which will (hopefully) be invaluable to you. However, the people you really need to listen to, and ruminate over all that they tell you, is our Ladies and our /s's. They will help you get a very clear picture of where you are trying to get to, and they'll help lay facets in the jewel that is you. The rest of us can help polish you to a nice shine, but our Ladies and /s's have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience from the perspective that you are looking from.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 17

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 9:14:14 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I am kinda confused. I am kinda bisexual in that i am into girls and mtf transexuals. One of my fantasies involve either eating my Mistresses pussy or sucking her cock. I like cock and pussy, but only am attracted to feminity. Sorry if thats confusing.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 18

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 9:23:22 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I am kinda confused. I am kinda bisexual in that i am into girls and mtf transexuals. One of my fantasies involve either eating my Mistresses pussy or sucking her cock. I like cock and pussy, but only am attracted to feminity. Sorry if thats confusing.

Not a bit, brother. The more specific you are the more successful you will be. Having the courage to identify who you are, what your wants and needs are, and the kink that turns your crank is a freaking amazing thing.

This site is world wide, and no matter what your kink is, there will be someone that is looking for you precisely.

Again, I'll point you to my last post, and you continue to put yourself out here, feed us info, and our /boys, /girls, Women, and Men will wander in here and really help you. Now you may get some stupid comments from people that are just being dicks, just ignore them and wait for the knowledge you are seeking to arrive.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CobaltRose)

Post #: 19

RE: Insecurity - 3/31/2014 9:33:19 AM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I consider myself mostly submissive, but there are some kinks i have that are dom kinks, such as throat fucking a girl

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 20

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