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Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 7:48:41 PM

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I am especially interested to hear if submissive men have ever lowered their standards (consciously or subconsciously) in order to date/court/be in a relationship with a dominant woman.

For example, maybe you tolerated a woman that mistreated your friends, or smoked even though you hated it (and never would have been with a vanilla woman who did that), cheated on you (you forgave easily -- after all, she was dominant, and there aren't many of those around), treated you poorly or other things?

Because it's difficult to find a compatible kinky partner, are you guilty of worrying less about the compatibility and hoping that will work itself out? Did it, or did it not?

Akasha

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 8:42:07 PM

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Not sure if I would lower my standards? Change them yes. But what do I know because I've never had any RT with any Domme except for the pro that got me hooked on wanting to experience more.......and that really doesn't count because basically it was just biz...no feelings involved.

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 8:44:27 PM

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Standards? We're supposed to have standards now?

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 8:45:58 PM

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No, i haven't lowered my standards which is perhaps why i'm still searching. i'm seeking a relationship and discrete (note the spelling) sessions don't do anything for me. 'Discreet' doesn't either.

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 9:02:29 PM

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funny this should pop up

just tonight i was asked why i don't just hire a ProDomme to "satisfy" my submissiveness

i will not compromise my standards or my submissiveness by paying someone who (in my opinion) is not really serious about the lifestyle (pass the point of someone's wallet)

also, i have limits both hard and soft and the hard limits are non-negotiable...period.

does this make me any less real or any less submissive?

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 10:38:28 PM

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What a pity that this thread is specifically directed to subs and not to both Dominants and sub/slave.....

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 10:40:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

What a pity that this thread is specifically directed to subs and not to both Dominants and sub/slave.....

Not just directed to subs, but male subs... i was thinking the same thing *smile*

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 11:23:22 PM

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I know I've chat with several men who asked me to ignore specific information on their profile indicating to me we were incompatible....
Needless to say, it's never gone beyond chat. If someone's sexual needs are diametrically opposed to mine, it won't work, I don't care how much we want it to. That said, compatible personalities/outlooks are more important than compatible kinks in my opinion. M

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 11:33:10 PM

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On a purely general basis, I would rather have a female as a friend than a lover. Friends are worth pure gold. Lovers come and go but a friend with whom I have a sexual or other intimate relationship.. If I like you and we enjoy each others company (cyber or not), then we can have some sort of relationship the areas in which we are sympatico, indicates the type of relationship we will have.. This is general for me and may encompas many areas such a paganism, medieval things, shooting or BDSM and even Gor.

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/9/2006 11:41:11 PM

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quote:

On a purely general basis, I would rather have a female as a friend than a lover.

IronBear, your age is showing with this post, LMAO... You'd rather be friends with a hot babe than have her as a lover? I'm generalizing/kidding, but honestly, I've not heard many young guys utter this sentiment.

I have few people I actually call friends, because I have a big family with whom I am close, and with whom I spend a lot of my free time. Having said that, the only times I am platonic friends with a guy, is because he is gay, married/attached, or I'm not attracted to him at all... M

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 2:41:02 AM

emek

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along the search for a dom or sub woman I have had relationship with thoes who were not exactly my ideal partner. but I never had anyone treating me bad. before I went into the relashionship I knew what I was facing.

emek

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 5:26:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I know I've chat with several men who asked me to ignore specific information on their profile indicating to me we were incompatible....
Needless to say, it's never gone beyond chat. If someone's sexual needs are diametrically opposed to mine, it won't work, I don't care how much we want it to. That said, compatible personalities/outlooks are more important than compatible kinks in my opinion. M

Yes I get messages from those people also wtf is that all about…… the say things like, I know my profile says that I am straight 100% uber dom though can I have a go and being your bitch please.

The strangest ones are people who don’t even try to explain the massive inconsistencies I usually send them a message back asking them if it was a friend of theirs who sent the message via their account and forgot to mention the fact.

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 5:48:49 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am especially interested to hear if submissive men have ever lowered their standards (consciously or subconsciously) in order to date/court/be in a relationship with a dominant woman.

For example, maybe you tolerated a woman that mistreated your friends, or smoked even though you hated it (and never would have been with a vanilla woman who did that), cheated on you (you forgave easily -- after all, she was dominant, and there aren't many of those around), treated you poorly or other things?

Because it's difficult to find a compatible kinky partner, are you guilty of worrying less about the compatibility and hoping that will work itself out? Did it, or did it not?

Akasha

Perhaps the question is a little inverted. Maybe a more accurate way to perceive of the situation is whether we have a higher standard for non-dominant women partners in areas other than dominance.

I think compatibility is a bit of an accumulative equation. There are numerous traits you may want in your "ideal" dream mate. For submissive men, one of those traits in a woman is dominance. Depending on the individual involved, that might be a lot more important than other desired traits (such as, enjoys camping, college educated, long hair, etc.). Since, in reality, we realize that it is extremely unlikely that you'll ever meet anyone who fulfills 100% of each and every of your ideal traits, we go through an internal evaluation process as to whether the woman in question satisfies enough traits-- or satisifies well certain very important traits-- to make us want to pursue a relationship with that woman.

For me, a woman's attractiveness, and my interest in her, is greatly influenced by her level of dominance. While I am attracted to non-dominant women as well, their lack of dominance means that they need to catch up in the "attractiveness quotient" area with other appealing traits. Thus, a non-dominant woman has to meet a higher standard on other desirable characteristics in order for me to be as attracted to her as I would be to a more dominant woman.

Hope that's helpful. Good question Akasha.

Regards, ATP

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Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:01:01 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

On a purely general basis, I would rather have a female as a friend than a lover.

IronBear, your age is showing with this post, LMAO... You'd rather be friends with a hot babe than have her as a lover? I'm generalizing/kidding, but honestly, I've not heard many young guys utter this sentiment.

. M

But think about it Lass, It really isn't hard to get laid even if you are hard up.. Isn't it more rewarding to have a friend on the opposite sex. If things happen they happen and it is absolute magick and the bonus is you still have a friend in the morning (As long as hormones dont screw things up).. With a friend you can share so much of yourself, things you daren't share with a one night stand... Besides which after a one night stand I just want to get the hell out of there which is why I wont have them. With a friend who may be a lover, I want to sleep with her cuddling up to me and wake up with her naked beside me and make love in the first light of the morning and even have breakfast together.... Mayhap it just takes an old head to appreciate the subtler thigns of life...

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:03:36 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I know I've chat with several men who asked me to ignore specific information on their profile indicating to me we were incompatible....
Needless to say, it's never gone beyond chat. If someone's sexual needs are diametrically opposed to mine, it won't work, I don't care how much we want it to. That said, compatible personalities/outlooks are more important than compatible kinks in my opinion. M

I agree, when I was looking I often encountered men that were into bondage but no pain play, and no matter how cute and nice they were.. it just wasn't going to work. Either someone likes spanking my butt and pulling my hair, or they don't.

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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:27:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am especially interested to hear if submissive men have ever lowered their standards (consciously or subconsciously) in order to date/court/be in a relationship with a dominant woman.

For example, maybe you tolerated a woman that mistreated your friends, or smoked even though you hated it (and never would have been with a vanilla woman who did that), cheated on you (you forgave easily -- after all, she was dominant, and there aren't many of those around), treated you poorly or other things?

Because it's difficult to find a compatible kinky partner, are you guilty of worrying less about the compatibility and hoping that will work itself out? Did it, or did it not?

Akasha

Perhaps the question is a little inverted. Maybe a more accurate way to perceive of the situation is whether we have a higher standard for non-dominant women partners in areas other than dominance.

I think compatibility is a bit of an accumulative equation. There are numerous traits you may want in your "ideal" dream mate. For submissive men, one of those traits in a woman is dominance. Depending on the individual involved, that might be a lot more important than other desired traits (such as, enjoys camping, college educated, long hair, etc.). Since, in reality, we realize that it is extremely unlikely that you'll ever meet anyone who fulfills 100% of each and every of your ideal traits, we go through an internal evaluation process as to whether the woman in question satisfies enough traits-- or satisifies well certain very important traits-- to make us want to pursue a relationship with that woman.

For me, a woman's attractiveness, and my interest in her, is greatly influenced by her level of dominance. While I am attracted to non-dominant women as well, their lack of dominance means that they need to catch up in the "attractiveness quotient" area with other appealing traits. Thus, a non-dominant woman has to meet a higher standard on other desirable characteristics in order for me to be as attracted to her as I would be to a more dominant woman.

Hope that's helpful. Good question Akasha.

Regards, ATP

This is the same way I see it.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:36:27 PM

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I have lowered my standards to bargain basement level and hit upon everyone who checks shopping on their profile.....still no buyers.

I can only hold out a month or two more, and then I will be forced to file for kink bancruptcy..........

Direly,
Ron

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:47:57 PM

champagnewishes

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From: Orange County
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

But think about it Lass, It really isn't hard to get laid even if you are hard up.. Isn't it more rewarding to have a friend on the opposite sex. If things happen they happen and it is absolute magick and the bonus is you still have a friend in the morning (As long as hormones dont screw things up).. With a friend you can share so much of yourself, things you daren't share with a one night stand... Besides which after a one night stand I just want to get the hell out of there which is why I wont have them. With a friend who may be a lover, I want to sleep with her cuddling up to me and wake up with her naked beside me and make love in the first light of the morning and even have breakfast together.... Mayhap it just takes an old head to appreciate the subtler thigns of life...

I am with you on this one Iron Bear. One night stands just don't do it for me anymore. I appreciate a meeting of the minds that can only come with a friend. A one night stand, even if with someone drop dead gorgeous, leaves me feeling completely unsatisfied...

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RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 6:51:54 PM

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

But think about it Lass, It really isn't hard to get laid even if you are hard up.. Isn't it more rewarding to have a friend on the opposite sex. If things happen they happen and it is absolute magick and the bonus is you still have a friend in the morning (As long as hormones dont screw things up).. With a friend you can share so much of yourself, things you daren't share with a one night stand... Besides which after a one night stand I just want to get the hell out of there which is why I wont have them. With a friend who may be a lover, I want to sleep with her cuddling up to me and wake up with her naked beside me and make love in the first light of the morning and even have breakfast together.... Mayhap it just takes an old head to appreciate the subtler thigns of life...

I am with you on this one Iron Bear. One night stands just don't do it for me anymore. I appreciate a meeting of the minds that can only come with a friend. A one night stand, even if with someone drop dead gorgeous, leaves me feeling completely unsatisfied...

I really do think it has a lot to do with the hormones finally backing down enough to actually allow one to be rational.

Maybe this is why many subs seem to like older masters.
They'll offer more than just entertainment.

(in reply to champagnewishes)

RE: Lower your standards for kink? - 7/10/2006 7:21:23 PM

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From: Stockton, California
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Part of the mistake in the past was lowering standards. I don't anymore. Nor will I ever in the future.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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