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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 4:15:39 PM

subrosaDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

The safe word I give to my ladies is: "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu".

It's a real word. It's the name of a New Zealand hill (about 1,000 meters high)

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

I got one better, and use this: Prince's unpronounceable name

Just contort your body into that shape. Simple.

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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 4:32:02 PM

Gauge

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I am normally asking my slut if she is OK as we are doing things so she really doesn't have a safe word. I have told her that if she feels the need to safe word she may use, "Hey! You fuckhead, that hurts."

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 5:55:37 PM

subrosaDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I am normally asking my slut if she is OK as we are doing things so she really doesn't have a safe word. I have told her that if she feels the need to safe word she may use, "Hey! You fuckhead, that hurts."

I do something similar. "Hey! You bitch, that hurts" means make it worse. "Hey! You fuckhead, that hurts" (a sure sign of respect) means stop.

_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 6:10:57 PM

Domnotlooking

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A couple of years back, we went to the very goofy TES-fest BDSM convention. They had a dungeon setup in a big hall with all manor of voyeuristic fun possibilities on hand.

Heavy-handed "Dungeonmasters" exerted their faux-authority like school hall monitors. Lots of useless "stand back" demanding and endless checking of ID's after they already checked it at the door.

The funniest bit was the concept of the "house safe word". How a house safe word is useful in any way is something that some scene type person here may be able to clear up.

"What's the house safe word?", some leather-vested baldie yelled at us. "We're just S+M" said my newbie wife, "not S+M Nerds".

Yeah, we were shown the door.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 6:58:21 PM

quizzicalkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Them having a safeword does not absolve you of responsibility of noticing things have gone wrong.

If you hit an emotional trigger they may well be unable to talk. Subspace also can cause people to go nonverbal.

Even if they can't talk, usually they can nod or shake their heads. So it is still incumbent upon you to ask them if they're okay or not.
Or simply to notice that they're crying or shaking and their body language indicates distress. At which point you should stop and end things. If afterwards they say they could have gone a little further, then you've learned that for next time.

It doesn't all have to be done at once.

Crying and shaking dont really mean the end of a scene in my world, it means Dear gods yes keep going we are almost there... so thats really not the best of advice. I also believe the bottom IS COMPLETELY responsible for safewording or stopping a scene when it goes to far.... A dom cant read minds and cant know when they hit a trigger unless you open your mouth....

I have a few safewords/signals most events I play at have red/yellow/green as house safewords.

If my head/upper body go up and then back down thats a yellow. If i sit up and stay up its red....

Or when i take the toy out of your hand and hit you over the head with it... that also means red...

And What the fuck is wrong with you you god damned mother fucker are you stupid is ALSO red...

<<terrible bottom

quote:

A couple of years back, we went to the very goofy TES-fest BDSM convention. They had a dungeon setup in a big hall with all manor of voyeuristic fun possibilities on hand.

Heavy-handed "Dungeonmasters" exerted their faux-authority like school hall monitors. Lots of useless "stand back" demanding and endless checking of ID's after they already checked it at the door.

The funniest bit was the concept of the "house safe word". How a house safe word is useful in any way is something that some scene type person here may be able to clear up.

"What's the house safe word?", some leather-vested baldie yelled at us. "We're just S+M" said my newbie wife, "not S+M Nerds".

Yeah, we were shown the door.

Sorry you had a crappy time at TES its usually a blast, but the house words are usually printed in the rules and posted throughout the dungeon, its been that way at every major and even small events ive been to. The house safeword is for the DM's to stop a scene incase the top doesnt stop when the bottom reds... its actually fairly common for a newer top (seen it happen at GKE, TA, TES, Brimstone, BP) to not stop or not "hear" a safeword Hence me hitting the top with what was redding on if he doesnt stop...

<<again terrible bottom...

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 7:07:47 PM

GotSteel

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I'm not a fan of safewords, I think just speaking english is more useful for communication. But then I haven't dated anyone who says no when they mean harder.

We do use shake your head when gagged though.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 8:46:29 PM

TheHeretic

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Cramp

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 9:08:31 PM

caelestis

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I don't have one with the person I currently play with. In the past I've only ever used red, though.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 9:35:51 PM

Darkfeather

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if I could find someone who could do that, I'd marry her

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 9:48:16 PM

PandoraFoxxx

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I am not a casual player, and perhaps this is why I personally do not use them. I believe that a good Dominant is observant enough to not need a safeword (for 99% of play - including moderate edge play). Also, I have found over the years that waiting for a safeword can be counter-productive, as most submissives will endure - and sometimes to the point of it being damaging; either physically or psychologically or both. I also feel, as a submissive, that a safeword keeps me tethered to the world. When I am in scene, I *don't want to be tethered to the outside world!!!* That's the whole point of submitting and allowing that headspace to take over, to rest, to clear one's head, and to have a break - whatever you choose to call "subspace." I have to consciously be ever-aware of said word; instead of just knowing that if it gets to be too much 1. My Owner will recognize "that look" or body language, etc and 2. I can just say stop. It is my opinion that safewords are exactly that - they keep you in the safe zone of everything. As a Dominant, I pride myself in taking the time to learn my submissives' non-verbal language and oftentimes can predict when things should taper, slow or stop before they even consciously know that it is time to say "stop." In my personal experience, in using safewords, there is very little room to grow and explore, both as a submissive, a Dominant, and a couple.

< Message edited by PandoraFoxxx -- 7/17/2014 9:50:18 PM >

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/17/2014 10:18:22 PM

Prettylilthing82

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Aardvark.

I've never been put in the place that I've needed to use it. Then again, I've never played with someone who didn't know me well enough to read all the other signals to know I'd had enough. I think they are of the most importance during casual play, or perhaps at the start of a relationship.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/18/2014 9:01:40 AM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

My guy and I do not use safe words. This is by personal choice and I by no means advocate it across the board. Each dynamic and level of trust between parties involved is highly individualized. For us, two and a half years together makes each of us pretty readable to the other. Safe words just aren't needed for us.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/18/2014 9:27:03 AM

Domnotlooking

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For me, safe words bring me back to Hollywood's golden era when "Her lips say no, no, but her eyes say yes, yes" was a credible plot device.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/18/2014 11:41:09 AM

SpyUnderCover

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I have never had a sub use a safeword. If a sub ever wanted to stop, all he'd have to do is say, "Stop," or "This is too much," or some such. To me--just for me--using a code/safeword would feel like we were just play acting and that the control wasn't real.

I do understand why lots of people use them. And I agree that the dominant is responsible for checking for cues and maintaining dialog to make sure that the submissive is indeed okay.

Spy

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/19/2014 4:21:21 AM

DaCat6

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I think it depends on the scene and how well you know that person/people. Five years back I was involved in a consensual kidnap interrogation scene with seven submissivess, Four Dominants, 2 moles, one of them a psychologist. The scene went on for three days and included torture, a shooting (obviously not real and this is where a mole came in), a lot of fear and mind fuckery. It was all finely tuned including their brief. They were given a safeword. What we discovered on the evening of day two was, one of those submissives (a male) was overly anxious and disconnected.... The first signs of PTSD. He hadn't used a safeword and it was clear he no longer had the mental ability to do so because the situation he was in had gone from being a played out fantasy to something very real. He was pulled out but remained with us to the finish so he could see it was just a game.

The mind does funny things to people when they are put under certain situations and some of those situations can happen within BDSM scenes. If we are going to go down extreme routes, which is what some people want, a safeword may not be uttered by the submissive, even when there is one in place.

As far as a safeword being a crux for the dominant/sadist, surely that is a good thing?. I'm extreme and I play with extreme people, often randomly. I don't want to permanently hurt someone or frighten them out of their masochistic world. Taking them to the extreme should be pleasurable for both of us but a step too far is hugely subjective to each and every individual. I have had people safeword with me, at which point I pause, find out what is wrong and then normally go down a different avenue of play. What I have found is, those who do safeword are usually not coping and not coping isn't a place I want to keep them in.

I refer back to my second paragraph. Even with a safeword in place, there is no guarantee it will be used, especially in mind fuckery scenes. As a Dom/Top, we need to be savvy enough to know when enough is enough, even if the sub disagrees.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/19/2014 1:31:14 PM

HausVonHerrin

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When starting with someone new we've always used red, yellow etc... most everyone knows about traffic lights.

Once a real M/s dynamic is up and running I think everyone needs a safe word otherwise what we do is akin to abuse or kidnapping in other peoples eyes and minds. Once the RYO colors are passe and where some say they have 'no safe word' we use 'goodbye' taken literally. We don't push anyone to that point casually and no slave uses it off the cuff. Everyone involved has to understand the implications and it makes the whole process take on a new level of seriousness but that is a good thing IMHO.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/19/2014 3:18:35 PM

SweetAmber32

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Pineapple

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/19/2014 11:36:07 PM

Telios

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My safe word is the expression "Dammit, I'm mad!" said backwards!

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/20/2014 1:02:04 AM

DaddySatyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

For me, safe words bring me back to Hollywood's golden era when "Her lips say no, no, but her eyes say yes, yes" was a credible plot device.

I just met a young lady, last night whose lips were saying: "NO!" but her eyes were saying: "Read my lips, asshole!"

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: What is your safe word? - 7/23/2014 10:23:13 AM

crimsontuxedo

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"Nagasaki!"

Because it ends the scene/war. And it can be said with a gag in place.

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