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In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 3:39:22 PM   
Mya52556


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline 		In the beginning of a new communication between a Master and a slave, is it appropriate for a slave to say no to a Master who requires the slave to purchase things for his amusement, not necessarily things she wants or needs.  This is at the very beginning where they are communicating by email or IM only and have not met.  The purchases can be anything from $10 to $500 items. 
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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 3:49:18 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, personally, I'd question a request like that, but that's just me. To some people, it might be okay. Until I'd have met someone in person, or talked to them extensively by phone and really trusted them, I'd not be buying anything for them. If it wasn't requested, and I really liked them, I might send flowers, or a book or some other little thing I might know they'd like, but that's about it. But again, that's just me. It sounds a little greedy and also presumptious (to me) on the part of the Dominant person. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/11/2006 3:57:23 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Mya52556)
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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:07:18 PM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		Well, each to his own, but here is my philosophy on the issue.

First, it's very easy for a supposed "master" to convince many (not all, maybe not most, but many) subs to do things that isn't in their best interest.  Such men, I suspect are "testing out" to see if  a sub is easily taken advantage of.

If she is, then she IS taken advantage of.

Because of this, I not only do not want a sub to buy anything - at all - for me, I've not wanted them to invest a lot in the expense of meetings or anything else, unless and until I've decided that she has a high likelihood of being "the sub for me".  At that time, then I might feel comfortable letting a sub buy me something.  But even then ... I don't think I'd require it, and would be uncomfortable with anything expensive.

FHky


_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:18:17 PM   
Mya52556


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline 		The purchases are not necessarily for the Master but at his request.  For instance, he may want me to have 5 inch heels instead of 4 inch heels or they have to be white instead of black.  Or maybe he wants me to get a faster internet connection rather than dial-up.  Or he wants me to buy a webcam.  It just seems that each Master has his own requirements and if  I had met Him and we had formed an agreement to work toward a common goal then I would not mind spending the money.  But when it is someone new who I have not met and they make requests, I just wondered if it is appropriate to say no.  I have been taken advantage of in the past so made a new boundary not to spend money until I had met them but am taking some grief because of it. 

(in reply to FirmhandKY)
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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:29:22 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Of course it's appropriate to say no.  Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.  A faster internet connection would benefit you, but 5 inch heels instead of 4?  I'm prolly going to take some grief for this but if some dom I hadn't met told me to go and buy 5 inch heels or black instead of white, I 'd explain (as nicely as possible) that I don't have the means and if that's what he requires, then he's going to have to purchase them for me.  Now, I don't expect that anyone would do so, but it might give him food for thought.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:31:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Um.... These things ARE for him to get his rocks off.

The webcam is so he can see you

The heels might be a fetish item for him to watch you in

The higher speed connection is so he can watch you better

Personally I wouldn't buy fetish items for someone I hadn't met yet... I am a single mom though and I have better things to spend my money on rather than purchasing things for some stranger that wants to watch me masturbate for him on cam at my expense..Just me ... could be wrong

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:32:15 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mya52556

In the beginning of a new communication between a Master and a slave, is it appropriate for a slave to say no to a Master who requires the slave to purchase things for his amusement, not necessarily things she wants or needs.  This is at the very beginning where they are communicating by email or IM only and have not met.  The purchases can be anything from $10 to $500 items. 


From my point of view, monetary tyranny is something to be exercised upon a servile soul after a bond has been formed. Those who would demand tribute in such excess in the beginning wield and assume a power that is entirely premature and unjustified; a slave is not a slave until it is a slave. Until that time, tithing and tribute in surplus quantity is akin to bleeding so much into the void; it is an unwise gesture of loyalty towards the faceless idol of a future which is not set.



< Message edited by amayos -- 7/11/2006 4:33:26 PM >

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:39:58 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mya52556

In the beginning of a new communication between a Master and a slave, is it appropriate for a slave to say no to a Master who requires the slave to purchase things for his amusement, not necessarily things she wants or needs.  This is at the very beginning where they are communicating by email or IM only and have not met.  The purchases can be anything from $10 to $500 items. 


From my point of view, monetary tyranny is something to be exercised upon a servile soul after a bond has been formed. Those who would demand tribute in such excess in the beginning wield and assume a power that is entirely premature and unjustified; a slave is not a slave until it is a slave. Until that time, tithing and tribute in surplus quantity is akin to bleeding so much into the void; it is an unwise gesture of loyalty towards the faceless idol of a future which is not set.




Nodding.........shorthand, no payola without a payback.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 4:53:50 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If a Dominant can't be op front and out in the open regarding finances etc then IMO they not a Dominant but a wannabe

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 5:09:56 PM   
Mya52556


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for your responses.  Unfortunately, I still have the coins in my pocket but still no Master.  Sigh!

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 5:14:06 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Masterless better is than coin eating pseudo-master.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Mya52556)
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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 5:24:28 PM   
Mya52556


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline 		IronBear, that is so true. 

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 7:12:33 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Masterless better is than coin eating pseudo-master.


Well said.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 8:36:57 PM   
PrincessGirlie


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		The coins in a nice savings acct or invested is so much more of a sure thing than a "Master" over a webcam / internet connection.  ... even in a bad economy.


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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 8:50:14 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mya52556
  The purchases can be anything from $10 to $500 items. 


That's a huge span.
If Im spending 500.00 on something at a dom's (not even my dom yet) command it better either
a. be saving the life of someone I know
b. involve my sipping drinks with umbrellas in them by a pool
or
c. make my car go when it wouldnt

Do people have that kind of money, really?????


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/11/2006 10:33:53 PM   
Sparr0w


Posts: 15
Joined: 7/11/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mya52556

In the beginning of a new communication between a Master and a slave, is it appropriate for a slave to say no to a Master who requires the slave to purchase things for his amusement, not necessarily things she wants or needs.  This is at the very beginning where they are communicating by email or IM only and have not met.  The purchases can be anything from $10 to $500 items. 

Do I see it as being appropriate? Absolutly not. Sounds to me as if he can not afford them himself, so he's looking for someone to fund his little 'fun box'. Just my opinion though.
quote:

  The purchases are not necessarily for the Master but at his request.  For instance, he may want me to have 5 inch heels instead of 4 inch heels or they have to be white instead of black.  Or maybe he wants me to get a faster internet connection rather than dial-up.  Or he wants me to buy a webcam.  It just seems that each Master has his own requirements and if  I had met Him and we had formed an agreement to work toward a common goal then I would not mind spending the money.  But when it is someone new who I have not met and they make requests, I just wondered if it is appropriate to say no.  I have been taken advantage of in the past so made a new boundary not to spend money until I had met them but am taking some grief because of it. 

The ole "if you don't do this, you can't be a real submissive/slave' speech? Personally, I would not buy anything that I, myself, did not need/want. I absolutly would not do it simply because a man/woman I have never met tells me I have to.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/12/2006 4:06:27 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Base principle: If I am suggesting something, fine the girl can comply IF she is able, but if I REQUIRE it I provide it. End of!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/12/2006 5:27:36 AM   
subedana


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		If I haven't even met the person yet they get nothing from me but polite chat. Then after we meet it can be discussed. And we'll see if it fits in my budget. If I can't afford something I won't be getting it. If said "master" wants it he can get it.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/12/2006 5:31:44 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Spend the money for dinner at a local BDSM munch and you can get someone to buy you stuff and then can throw the computer out the window.

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RE: In the beginning, money issues - 7/12/2006 5:51:46 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mya52556

The purchases are not necessarily for the Master but at his request.  For instance, he may want me to have 5 inch heels instead of 4 inch heels or they have to be white instead of black.  Or maybe he wants me to get a faster internet connection rather than dial-up.  Or he wants me to buy a webcam.  It just seems that each Master has his own requirements and if  I had met Him and we had formed an agreement to work toward a common goal then I would not mind spending the money.  But when it is someone new who I have not met and they make requests, I just wondered if it is appropriate to say no.  I have been taken advantage of in the past so made a new boundary not to spend money until I had met them but am taking some grief because of it. 


Perhaps like you, I often pose questions here just to consider stuff.  Sometimes I end up answering my own question...like it seems you have done here! 
 
Good for you.
 
This internet thing is a means to an end....IMHO.  It's just a way to find people with whom you might be compatable.  You've got to move it PAST the computer, though.  Meet people for coffee!  A good person, Dominant or no, would want to know more about you than sex-tricks by webcam.  Get to know people, go meet them for lunch a few times before you start investing a lot of money or intimate time with them. 
 
But then, I think you already know this. 

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