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RE: VII - 9/19/2014 4:24:50 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


Tee hee, you think???

Ok, here it goes. I am a recovering addict who is trying to figure out how to broach the subject to my current *x*. Over three years out, and I'm STILL dealing with this bullshit. This "OMG, I would NEVER deal with someone like that". When in reality, if I never told someone...they would never fucking know. Which brings up the issue of being honest. Hmm...

The reality is that what I have to say pales in comparison to what others do. But, somehow, being an "addict" brings all else to a halt. He's got shit he's dealing with now, yet I should feel like shit because he's said he doesn't want to deal with an "addict". That's just crap and a lame excuse.

I'm not saying that he HAS said that, but it's a matter of time. EVERYONE has their baggage. It's just easier at times to point the finger at someone else than look internally.

Perhaps it's just better to keep quiet about this. It's worked for me for 4 months, why not another 4 years?




You're right....if you don't tell them and you have managed to stay clean for so long and you don't have any doubt about ever falling back into drugs. Then maybe it is best to just never tell him.

From my (granted, limited) experience, the percentage of people who completely stay off drugs is quite small. So you are one of the lucky few. And maybe I could deal with that if he never told me and I never found out and he never went near any illegal drugs for the rest of his life. But if he ever DID go back to using, I would have no tolerance at all. There wouldn't be a second chance.

Like I said before....hell, I don't even drink very much (I think the last time I sampled any alcohol was 2011 when I went on vacation to Florida to visit my sister....) I don't even remember the last time I've been drunk....has to be at least 25 years ago.

And like swiftyw said....a lot of people don't like big girls and that's something I have to deal with. It would be nice if they didn't feel that way....but I deal with it, and move on.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: VII - 9/19/2014 4:37:59 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

oh this sounds hard but i might be able to manage:

1. whining... not good for my health ;)

2. being a pushover. im hard to handle for people that have no sense of self, if they cant stick to what they believe or follow through with actions, well, they can put whatever label on it they feel like but its obvious who is running the show.

3. negativity... if you dont want to do something dont.

4. generally anyone who says they are nice/honest/intelligent/open/dominant/submissive... im a big believer in the dunning kueger effect. if someone has to tell you they are something it most likely is because they cant show it.

5. boxes, bubbles and other confining shapes. people that need everything to be labelled so they can understand it, complexity all ties together. there is no window to truth, it is through actions.

6. the physical side. they have to fuck me a lot and be able to protect me, if they arent in the shape to take care of whats theirs they arent going to keep it.

7. no sense of responsibility. if you have to blame a little girl for your failures thats not a quality i find attractive. though i practically swoon every time a guy says "it was my fault ill take care of it"

ooh i managed 7! though they are pretty similar, i count that as message accomplished.


Hmmm... the other end of that is pretty rough to deal with as well. One of the most common point's of contention you'll find on these boards is the "It's not rocket science" chest thumpers. I'm guilty of it from time to time, i have a hard time understanding why people just cannot check the oil in their friggen cars.


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to DerangedUnit)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: VII - 9/19/2014 6:05:41 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

Tee hee, you think???

Ok, here it goes. I am a recovering addict who is trying to figure out how to broach the subject to my current *x*. Over three years out, and I'm STILL dealing with this bullshit. This "OMG, I would NEVER deal with someone like that". When in reality, if I never told someone...they would never fucking know. Which brings up the issue of being honest. Hmm...

The reality is that what I have to say pales in comparison to what others do. But, somehow, being an "addict" brings all else to a halt. He's got shit he's dealing with now, yet I should feel like shit because he's said he doesn't want to deal with an "addict". That's just crap and a lame excuse.

I'm not saying that he HAS said that, but it's a matter of time. EVERYONE has their baggage. It's just easier at times to point the finger at someone else than look internally.

Perhaps it's just better to keep quiet about this. It's worked for me for 4 months, why not another 4 years?


For a few years I had a drinking problem in the fast lane to alcholism, this was defined by my medical doctor and psychologist. I knew I had a problem which is why I sought help from my doc and the psychologist I was seeing at the time. I haven't had a drink, not even a sip in 8 years and will never have a drink again.

When I first met Master, I told him everything about myself including everything in my past.....the good, the bad, the ugly. He also told me everything about him and his past. I wouldn't commit to someone before he knows everything about me that had an impact on my life. I feel to really be able to love and accept me, he has to be able to accept everything about me or else he's loving someone he thinks I am, not who I am. The same goes for me knowing everything about him.

My feelings are, if a partner can't accept everything about me then he's not the right partner for me and if I can't accept everything about him then I'm not the right partner for him.

Keeping secrets from each other won't cut it for me (or Master) in a relationship. If either of us found out we were keeping something significant hidden from the other, we would lose the complete trust we have in each other and 100% mutual trust is essential to both of us. We feel once there's any lack of trust, the relationship has no solid ground to stand on.

I am in no way saying you should tell your partner, that's a decision only you can make. I'm only saying how important full honesty is in our relationship.





_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: VII - 9/19/2014 9:25:06 AM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

oh this sounds hard but i might be able to manage:

1. whining... not good for my health ;)

2. being a pushover. im hard to handle for people that have no sense of self, if they cant stick to what they believe or follow through with actions, well, they can put whatever label on it they feel like but its obvious who is running the show.

3. negativity... if you dont want to do something dont.

4. generally anyone who says they are nice/honest/intelligent/open/dominant/submissive... im a big believer in the dunning kueger effect. if someone has to tell you they are something it most likely is because they cant show it.

5. boxes, bubbles and other confining shapes. people that need everything to be labelled so they can understand it, complexity all ties together. there is no window to truth, it is through actions.

6. the physical side. they have to fuck me a lot and be able to protect me, if they arent in the shape to take care of whats theirs they arent going to keep it.

7. no sense of responsibility. if you have to blame a little girl for your failures thats not a quality i find attractive. though i practically swoon every time a guy says "it was my fault ill take care of it"

ooh i managed 7! though they are pretty similar, i count that as message accomplished.


Hmmm... the other end of that is pretty rough to deal with as well. One of the most common point's of contention you'll find on these boards is the "It's not rocket science" chest thumpers. I'm guilty of it from time to time, i have a hard time understanding why people just cannot check the oil in their friggen cars.




i lack the neurons that were supposed to make me aggressive. there are very few things i've felt the need to chest thump on(probably because with boobs it hurts). one of my favorite things about people lies in their difference of opinion. i love the idea that someone can think in a way entirely unique to my own... sometimes it doesn't make any sense. but i like to be optimistic and hope that it's a learning process. people that find the need to be defensive about everything i'll just give a few years and see if they grow... i'll leave out the likelihood of success...

as for why people dont check their 'oil'... something to do with the law of diminishing returns, though i worked at jiffy lube years ago and people would pay 25 bucks for their lube job. which leads to the conclusion that sometimes people just need it done for them so that they dont have to learn anything in the process...

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: VII - 9/19/2014 12:26:46 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

littleladybug, it sounds like you have something you'd like to add to the discussion.


Tee hee, you think???

Ok, here it goes. I am a recovering addict who is trying to figure out how to broach the subject to my current *x*. Over three years out, and I'm STILL dealing with this bullshit. This "OMG, I would NEVER deal with someone like that". When in reality, if I never told someone...they would never fucking know. Which brings up the issue of being honest. Hmm...

The reality is that what I have to say pales in comparison to what others do. But, somehow, being an "addict" brings all else to a halt. He's got shit he's dealing with now, yet I should feel like shit because he's said he doesn't want to deal with an "addict". That's just crap and a lame excuse.

I'm not saying that he HAS said that, but it's a matter of time. EVERYONE has their baggage. It's just easier at times to point the finger at someone else than look internally.

Perhaps it's just better to keep quiet about this. It's worked for me for 4 months, why not another 4 years?



So why not come out and say that instead of waiting until prompted?

Fair enough. You've mentioned before that the opinions of others here don't make that much of an impact on you. So why take it so personally here?

The way I see it there's a difference between "this isn't right for me because X" and "you're a bad person because X." The posts that caught your attention seem more of the former, and they shouldn't make much of a difference to you anyway.

Honestly, I'd review the addiction thing on a case by case basis. One on hand, I've got several addicts or recovering addicts in my family, and I know they're not bad people. On the other... several of my relatives are (recovering) addicts, and I know the damage it can cause. As long as they're in recovery, and honestly making efforts to keep clean and move on, it's never been a problem for me. But I can't be held responsible for keeping them that way or "fixing" them, or feel that's what they want.


< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 9/19/2014 12:27:12 PM >

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: VII - 9/19/2014 10:39:33 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

What are the seven deadly sins of your D/s dynamic?

Top of my list would be lying. It is absolutely death of a relationship for me. Anyone that is going to lie to me doesn't have enough integrity to be with me, and I would find myself questioning everything about her. I mean, if she can lie to me, what else is she capable of?

I'll come back as I can to add more, but my business is concluded, all arrangements made, I'm no longer tethered to my desk, and I have a shit load of work to do.

1. Ordinarily I would list lying for any relationship, no matter what kind of dynamic. Friendship, business, family, what have you, although I might be more forgiving with less intimate relationships. Not keeping one's word would be included here. A lie by omission is one thing, but breaking a promise is a betrayal.
So this is actually 3 then? Lying,
2. Betrayal (including Infidelity and/or Disloyalty)
3. Breaking One's Word
4. Lack of Submission/Non-Compliance
5. Lack of Integrity, Low Moral Fibre
6. Immaturity, Shirks Responsibilities or a Slacker (not gainfully employed, doesn't pull his own weight)
7. Not Passionate or Virile Enough -- Wait, this has to be No. 1!

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 4:30:24 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

oh this sounds hard but i might be able to manage:

1. whining... not good for my health ;)

2. being a pushover. im hard to handle for people that have no sense of self, if they cant stick to what they believe or follow through with actions, well, they can put whatever label on it they feel like but its obvious who is running the show.

3. negativity... if you dont want to do something dont.

4. generally anyone who says they are nice/honest/intelligent/open/dominant/submissive... im a big believer in the dunning kueger effect. if someone has to tell you they are something it most likely is because they cant show it.

5. boxes, bubbles and other confining shapes. people that need everything to be labelled so they can understand it, complexity all ties together. there is no window to truth, it is through actions.

6. the physical side. they have to fuck me a lot and be able to protect me, if they arent in the shape to take care of whats theirs they arent going to keep it.

7. no sense of responsibility. if you have to blame a little girl for your failures thats not a quality i find attractive. though i practically swoon every time a guy says "it was my fault ill take care of it"

ooh i managed 7! though they are pretty similar, i count that as message accomplished.


Hmmm... the other end of that is pretty rough to deal with as well. One of the most common point's of contention you'll find on these boards is the "It's not rocket science" chest thumpers. I'm guilty of it from time to time, i have a hard time understanding why people just cannot check the oil in their friggen cars.



So last week as I was driving home my car started to make a weird noise. When I got home I checked the oil.....and it was almost dry. Where does that put me on the scale....?


_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 5:25:51 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		Right about here

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to smileforme50)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 12:47:11 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I can check the oil but I'm fucked if I get a flat, or anything needs to happen with the oil.

I plan on just flopping around helplessly until someone helps

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 1:05:00 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I can check the oil but I'm fucked if I get a flat, or anything needs to happen with the oil.

I plan on just flopping around helplessly until someone helps


The other thing that works in lieu of refilling the oil in your car is to buy it a new $3000 engine. Do not ask me how I know this.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 1:34:28 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Oh noooo.

in my old Saturn I had to refill the oil all the time. But now I'm my focus, my guy likes working on the cars so Ive become pretty ignorant

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 1:37:48 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I can check the oil but I'm fucked if I get a flat, or anything needs to happen with the oil.

I plan on just flopping around helplessly until someone helps

I bought my daughter her own car earlier this year.
She knows most of what she has to do in most situations.
She can fill the car, change the oil, change a flat, replace bulbs etc.
She knows what to check for (oil/water/washers etc).
Can setup the battery charger and knows how to jump-start if need be.

She hasn't had a single driving lesson yet and she's 21 on Sunday.

Anyone who doesn't know the real basics needs to go on a course and I personally believe if you can't maintain your car/bike, you shouldn't drive one.
If you relied on the likes of me to bail you out, you'd be waiting a very long time!

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 1:50:12 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I am mostly kidding.
I have never had to change a flat, so that I don't really do know how to do anymore.
I could figure out my oil
I carry jumpers in my car and I know how to use them.

But I'm sure you raised your daughter right and better than I was...good job?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 2:35:44 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I plan on just flopping around helplessly until someone helps

Can I bring my camera?

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 3:23:32 PM   
HeartAndSoul31


Posts: 148
Status: offline 		1. Men who don't check and change oil for me

As far as I am concerned men were put on this earth to help women fix a flat. If I do it myself you have no purpose or use to me.
I do have a thing for handy men or jacks all trades. That's sexy.

(in reply to thompsonx)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: VII - 9/20/2014 4:34:16 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

1. Men who don't check and change oil for me

As far as I am concerned men were put on this earth to help women fix a flat. If I do it myself you have no purpose or use to me.
I do have a thing for handy men or jacks all trades. That's sexy.



oof i know but i love helping. one of the times i had the most fun was when daddy taught me how to change the brakes in his truck...he says he had the most fun teaching me to drive stick.... though i thought that was bloody terrifying. something about a guy coming home covered in dirt and grease is such a turn on mmmmm

< Message edited by DerangedUnit -- 9/20/2014 4:38:14 PM >

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: VII - 9/22/2014 8:08:15 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

1. Men who don't check and change oil for me

As far as I am concerned men were put on this earth to help women fix a flat. If I do it myself you have no purpose or use to me.
I do have a thing for handy men or jacks all trades. That's sexy.

What do those handy men or jacks all trades get in return for helping you with your chores?

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: VII - 9/22/2014 9:24:29 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Nice post. It evoked a lot of thought because I am a pretty flexible guy, but my emotional and ego structure is pretty firm.

Trust - Lack of faith or trust
Accountability - Lack of accountability for your mistakes. Mistakes are fine, own them, fix them. Don't make excuses or try to justify not fixing them.
Rapture - because when it wears off and reality sets in, it's a fail situation
Apathy
Disobedience
Disrespect
Insecurity



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: VII - 9/22/2014 10:26:02 AM   
Exidor


Posts: 135
Joined: 12/31/2011
Status: offline 		Looking at the lists in the thread, I can only surmise that either most of you are painfully vanilla, or the core relationship issues are the same between vanilla and BDSM...

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: VII - 9/22/2014 10:28:23 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Exidor

Looking at the lists in the thread, I can only surmise that either most of you are painfully vanilla, or the core relationship issues are the same between vanilla and BDSM...


Well, since Wayne manor burned I've had issues accessing my infinite wealth to live in la-la land 24/7.

woe is me...

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Exidor)
Profile   Post #: 40
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