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married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:02:43 PM

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For the dominant, would you take on a submissive if she was married? I'm in an open relationship with my husband and do not leave for various reasons. Three biggest one is we have two kids and I'm not raising them without a father nor will I leave, so im beginning to cuckold him... if you, as a Dominant, would our wouldn't take a married sub, I'm curious as to why.

RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:07:04 PM

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No, marriage and any other committed relationship is sacred, in my warped opinion, but I'm a prick like that.

Jus sayin

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:27:01 PM

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While open relationships are fine for me, preferred even, I tend to stay away from marrieds or anyone with primary partners at this point in my life. This is simply because they have more serious obligations in their lives (spouses, children, etc) and I have too often been placed on the backburner. Your potential Dom would need to know you can set aside time for him/her knowing that you're a wife and mother.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:31:18 PM

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While I am open to sharing my partner or being shared...married people are off limits.
As already stated, marriage, in my mind is sacred; and while the 'married couple' may not care, I do.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:33:46 PM

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Of course, it all depends on the individual. I have found mite dominant are Interested in "training" submissives, or hotwives but not in a D/s thing after training.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 3:37:25 PM

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I'm not the rule, I'm more likely the exception. For each one of me you find, there are probably a thousand D's that could care less about your relationship or any potential damage he may do to it.

Jus sayin

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 4:07:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I'm not the rule, I'm more likely the exception. For each one of me you find, there are probably a thousand D's that could care less about your relationship or any potential damage he may do to it.

Jus sayin

There's also, yanno, a happy medium in which a D doesn't mind that you're married and doesn't want to cause problems within the marriage.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 4:45:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I'm not the rule, I'm more likely the exception. For each one of me you find, there are probably a thousand D's that could care less about your relationship or any potential damage he may do to it.

Jus sayin

There's also, yanno, a happy medium in which a D doesn't mind that you're married and doesn't want to cause problems within the marriage.

I'm sure, but he isn't me.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 4:47:41 PM

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I'm no D, but I've had many an open relationship, but not an open marriage.
I'd say make sure that your D and your husband talk, and everyone is cool, otherwise it won't work.

ETA- Also- I would say if your husband hesitates for WHATEVER REASON- don't pick that guy. Seriously, everyone needs your affection if you're the one with multiple partners- the reality of that is hard to manage. You have to respect everyone's feelings- and be really conscious of not hurting anyone.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 11/16/2014 4:56:28 PM >

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 4:50:58 PM

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It would make me pause, but it wouldn't be a complete hard limit if the husband was onboard so it wasn't cheating.

But I like having my woman next to me at night, and spending lots of time with her.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 5:28:30 PM

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-fast reply-

I find it beyond ironic that posters have noted they wouldn't hook up with a married submissive who's looking for some strange because they view marriage as sacred. But I'm a divorce lawyer with an undoubtedly skewed sensibility.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 5:38:06 PM

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I think it doesn't matter, there is obviously no commitment or trust in the relationship already. I think you'd be a lot better off making a clean split, kids don't benefit from growing up around people that have no respect for each other. It's much healthier to be around one healthy person than two spiteful ones. You are their view of what relationships should be like. And what they see by you staying together is that a piece of paper means more than the feelings of the people involved. Staying together for them essentially tells them it's their fault. trying to hang on to something that doesn't work teaches kids that they are helpless to effect change, and they will carry that into future relationships.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 6:21:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

-fast reply-

I find it beyond ironic that posters have noted they wouldn't hook up with a married submissive who's looking for some strange because they view marriage as sacred. But I'm a divorce lawyer with an undoubtedly skewed sensibility.

Okay, I got a pin prick hemorrhage trying to figure out what this means, you sadistic hussy!

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 6:50:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allnewtoday

.... if you, as a Dominant, would our wouldn't take a married sub, I'm curious as to why.

Personally I might although it is solely dependent on the motives of the sub. I would need to know beyond a doubt they are being open with their spouse to why they are looking outside their primary relationship. Since I am in a poly dynamic myself with a spouse and in a secondary relationship, which my spouse is fully aware of, I need to ensure that if I become involved with anyone else that will not affect my primary and secondary relationships.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 10:05:23 PM

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No married men for me.

I do not share people.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/16/2014 10:19:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

...married people are off limits.
As already stated, marriage, in my mind is sacred; and while the 'married couple' may not care, I do.

OP, it's too bad that things can't get worked out in your marriage without your having to seek a Dom for a V-type triad. If your husband isn't already pre-disposed to being a cuckold, don't be surprised if your marriage ends up going south(er) at an accelerated pace.

To me, any person who is already attached to another is not a free agent and not unowned. With marriage, regardless of whether intimacy has gone out the window, you own and are owned by one another. Period.

I'm not a poacher, and I don't mess with pre-owned men, submissive or not. I take my commitments seriously, I don't have casual play partners, I don't do fuckbuddies, I've never had an FWB. I don't get with men who are separated and therefore in limbo. And like sexyred1 said, I don't share. Not only am I possessive as hell, but I require complete devotion. There's no way I'm going to get that with a submissive who can't be entirely mine.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/17/2014 12:40:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I'm no D, but I've had many an open relationship, but not an open marriage.
I'd say make sure that your D and your husband talk, and everyone is cool, otherwise it won't work.

ETA- Also- I would say if your husband hesitates for WHATEVER REASON- don't pick that guy. Seriously, everyone needs your affection if you're the one with multiple partners- the reality of that is hard to manage. You have to respect everyone's feelings- and be really conscious of not hurting anyone.

I agree with shifty. I would only take on a married submissive if his/her relationships was a strong and happy one. The other spouse would have to know like and trust me and everything would have to be above board...no secrets.

What I wouldn't touch with a ten foot barge pole is a submissive who was living within a rocky marriage.

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/17/2014 11:51:33 AM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allnewtoday

For the dominant, would you take on a submissive if she was married? I'm in an open relationship with my husband and do not leave for various reasons. Three biggest one is we have two kids and I'm not raising them without a father nor will I leave, so im beginning to cuckold him... if you, as a Dominant, would our wouldn't take a married sub, I'm curious as to why.

Just trying to get the facts straight.

You are a submissive, in an open relationship, with a shit marriage that you won't terminate, and you are rubbing your displeasure with the marriage in his face.

Sound about right?

In the words of the great Jack Nicholson playing the Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.

Edited to add: Grow a spine and get out of your marriage if you are unhappy. The damage the divorce will do to your kids is far less than what it will do for them if you are miserable and stay.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 11/17/2014 11:52:48 AM >

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/17/2014 12:30:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Edited to add: Grow a spine and get out of your marriage if you are unhappy. The damage the divorce will do to your kids is far less than what it will do for them if you are miserable and stay.

Yup.

I'm not a Dominant, nor do I particularly care for playing with people who are married...but *this* is one thing that absolutely ticks me off to no end. Usually, from my side, it comes out as "my wife won't give me what I want". Same deal though. In my neck of the woods, this would be expressed at "shit or get off the pot".

Truly "open relationships" or poly situations are a different story. These are not something that I would get into myself, but I respect them to the extent that all parties are aware and consent to said situation.

To the OP-- I'm sure you could get someone to dominate you. My personal opinion is that anyone who would knowingly get into such a situation would not be someone that I would want to get close to me...but we all make our choices...

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RE: married submissives a hard limit, or not? - 11/17/2014 7:23:53 PM

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Sure, there are a lot of male dominants cheating on their wives who would be fine doing you.

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