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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 11:11:15 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
So maybe it is nature and nurture that causes this? Interesting.

I've never believed it was totaly one OR the other but rather a mix of both.
Another with a diffrent disposition could have had the same experiences and reacted diffrently, bringing about a diffrent outcome.
I could have had a diffrent set of experiences thus diffrent challenges and developing diffrent parts of my personality, also a diffrent outcome.
Nature and nurture together. I don't see how anyone could make a valid argument otherwise.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 7/13/2006 11:12:04 AM >

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 11:24:52 AM

yourMissTress

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I grew up in a home where everything was completely out of My control as well as everyone elses. My parents were both addicts and My step father a pedophile. It wasn't until I summoned the courage to stop the abuse that My dominant personality began to evolve. My mother was completely controlled by her husband and it made Me very sick to watch. She imposed no real rules or structure and even at the age of 13 I had no curfew. She died at a young age and I went to live with My Grandmother. I left there quickly and made a life for Myself. Found out a lot of things the hard way, but learned fast.

I think that without the dysfunction in My childhood, My dominant nature would have surfaced sooner. I don't think any of it caused Me to be dominant.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 11:52:01 AM

popeye1250

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Hi Raven, I think we're a lot alike.
I was also very independant as a child too.
At the age of 7 in the summer I sold tomatos door to door and at the age of 11 I took a train cross country by myself from Boston to San Francisco.
I've always loved to travel, it must be a "Sagittarious" thing!
I think I was very independant and pretty much "in control" from a very young age.
If someone would say they couldn't do something or that I couldn't do something I would always figure out a way to do it.
I was on my own at a young age too. I worked in a factory on the graveyard shift and went to a Prep School in Boston nights before going to work.
I come from an Irish/American family in Boston so there was plenty of abuse and the aunt and uncle were the worst.
Those people don't believe in "sparing the rod."
I think it just made me tougher.
I was never intimidated or "afraid" of anything.
One time in my teens 3 guys beat the crap out of me for no reason so I waited for a bit, did some "re-con" and burned their cars a month later. Nice cars too! lol
I think I've always been Dominant.

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Post #: 23

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 11:52:10 AM

LaTigresse

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I don't think I had a terrible childhood. No abuse, we knew without a doubt that we were very loved. Even though my dad is an alchoholic and my mom is a mental case we did have the constant of alot of love. I know that my younger years were pretty happy. We were really really poor, REALLY poor! The school enviroment of our community made being poor miserable. It was and still is a very materialistic town. That was somewhat difficult at times, being made fun of alot and not having alot of friends. I think that is where my deep love of art, reading, nature and animals came from. My late teens and twenties was the most hellish part of my life. It was totally out of control and sometimes terrifying. I was exposed to some of the ugliest human characteristics one can imagine.
As far as wether any of that had any influence on my dominant traits, I don't think so. I would say that life's circumstances forced me to either be a victim and let others dictate how my life would be or demand better for myself and children. I think my dominant traits helped me to survive.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 11:58:16 AM

Arpig

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No.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 12:01:13 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't think I had a terrible childhood. No abuse, we knew without a doubt that we were very loved. Even though my dad is an alchoholic and my mom is a mental case we did have the constant of alot of love. I know that my younger years were pretty happy. We were really really poor, REALLY poor! The school enviroment of our community made being poor miserable. It was and still is a very materialistic town. That was somewhat difficult at times, being made fun of alot and not having alot of friends. I think that is where my deep love of art, reading, nature and animals came from. My late teens and twenties was the most hellish part of my life. It was totally out of control and sometimes terrifying. I was exposed to some of the ugliest human characteristics one can imagine.
As far as wether any of that had any influence on my dominant traits, I don't think so. I would say that life's circumstances forced me to either be a victim and let others dictate how my life would be or demand better for myself and children. I think my dominant traits helped me to survive.

It is called trial by fire, and I experienced this myself for a period of time when my family was going bankrupt and losing our house at the beginning of junior high... a time when most girls are judged by their clothing, and I only had one pair of pants.. bright turquiose.. it was right before my dad passed away too. Very tough period for me. Being teased was a character builder for me.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:12:12 PM

KnightofMists

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well since I was never abused as a child... guess the answer is No. In fact I had a damn good childhood

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:24:19 PM

ExSteelAgain

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I had an unusual childhood in that I had an alcoholic father, but a mother who cared for me greatly. That combination made for an unsteady and, even horrific, at times, childhood. My mother more than made up for his short comings, I thought, but the bad times were there. There is no denying that. I feel sad to this day. But I also was blessed with academic ability and I did very well with my education and career even if I have to admit, my childhood affected me. It could be that it is involved with my BDSM bent.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:47:45 PM

kyraofMists

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Actually, being abused when I was 14 did make me become more dominant in my relationships with men. It took a great deal of trust for me to let that go and give my Lord the authority in my life. It is what I always craved, but did not feel safe enough to give until now.

Knight's kyra

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 4:10:38 PM

ClassAct2006

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I don't think you can generalise. I am very drawn to men who says they've always been dominant without any abuse in their past, because that is the same as me - felt submissive from as young as I can remember, happy childhood, no problems always enjoyed and never had any problems with being submissive.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 4:31:59 PM

amayos

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Outside of what comes as natural yet seldom admitted human proclivities, I had a few "interesting events" which took place in my youth. Did they in some degree contribute in forming who and what I am today? Of course. Am I on a subconscious crusade to right the wrongs of my past? Certainly not. All I have experienced I cherish.

"The beginning is the most important part of the work."
—Plato

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 4:38:03 PM

enigmabrat

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Im still waiting for cartakr to explain what he said :(

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 4:52:23 PM

Mercnbeth

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YES! -

I was abused throughout my childhood.

I never made a bed until I left home to go to college.
I never got an allowance, I just asked for money when I needed it and my parents gave it to me.
If I didn't like what my mother prepared for dinner I had to wait until my grandmother decided to get up and make me something different.
I didn't have a CD Player, a DVD, or even a VCR and my TV wasn't connected to cable! It's immaterial that cable didn't exist and neither did CD's, DVD's, VCR's. The point is I didn't have any!
I was sent to CATHOLIC School! Enough said!
My sex talk from dad in the car to my first dance. Dad; "You know how girls get pregnant?" Me; "Yeah..." Dad: "Well, make sure you don't do it!" Me; "okay dad." (That's an exact quote - I assumed he was talking about getting them pregnant and not saying don't have sex.) THANKS DAD!

But the biggest abuse was around Christmas. I was born in December so every year my one "big" present would always come with the caveat that it covered my birthday AND Christmas. So, things like my first piano, and my first dirt motorcycle, were there on my birthday and I only got other toys and clothes under the tree!

It's no wonder I needed to find a slave to take out all the frustration caused by my abusive childhood!

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 5:17:24 PM

Slipstreme

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I know it is the abuse I suffered with my peers that initially caused me to become power hungry. Even now I can trace a few phobias involving people and desires to seem imposing to those years when I was a victim, and the only advise I was ever really given was to suck it up and take it. My parents couldn't help and the teachers never tried. I was left at the mercy of my peers throughout school years, up until I found Suncoast high, where I went about as a loner until some old friends of mine attended a couple years later. So yes, I have to say that abuse, not from my parents, but from my fellow students and some backstabbing "friends" that I have had, has influenced my being Dominant.

However I think also the fact that my mother has always been a strong, powerful influence in my life also has something to do with it.

Sadomasochism I blame on my brother and my friends. We were always going around beating each other with something out in the woods next door.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 5:24:21 PM

Sinergy

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Hello A/all,

I grew up in a household with a narcissistic control freak for a father and a mother who a) would say whatever the hell weird thought came into her mind and b) was completely controlled by my father.

My father being a control freak taught me to a) not give out too much information about what I was doing (since he would always object to it) and b) always have a plan B, since his jumping into my life and screwing around meant that my plans would be messed up.

The thread, however, is about cause and effect.

I dont know. Im not sure why I consider myself a Dominant. Put me into a group and I end up in charge. I really have issues with people trying to control me.

Besides which, it seems to work for me.

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 7/13/2006 5:25:08 PM >

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 5:37:26 PM

popeye1250

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Merc, yeah! My birthday was Dec 17th and they pulled that Birthday/Christmas crap on me too!

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 8:33:30 PM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Im still waiting for cartakr to explain what he said :(

What he meant is that if a Dominant agrees that because they were abused as a child and therefore became Dominant so that they could control and justifiably beat, use and abuse others they would therefore be admitting that they are in essence repeat abusers.

A large number of abused people repeat and abuse others.

Make sense now?

< Message edited by akisha -- 7/13/2006 8:36:34 PM >

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 8:44:31 PM

TNstepsout

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I grew up with two passive aggressive parents. Is that why I'm a switch?

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/14/2006 12:47:38 AM

ExSteelAgain

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I know that I am different than those who grew up in perfect families, but I see that as a strong point because it gives me a different view on people and things in general. I always rebelled against authority figures, but at the same time was able to find the human element in things. I would look at how a situation affected the people instead of the mechanical situation itself. Everyone interests me and I think that helps me as a Dom.

I also went in the Army early on to find a stable family, I think. It was the Army that sent me to Creighton University and grad schools after I became an officer. The way I became an officer is interesting in itself. I took entrance tests at the beginning of my Army career and, fortunately, did well on all…but one.

That one was the psychological test to determine my ability to be an Army officer. I was borderline at best on that one, but because my other scores were high, after interviews, the Army took a shot with me.

During every officer evaluation report (OER) I had throughout my active duty time, I was the highest rated officer in whatever unit I was in. I, truly, think that was because I could see life from the other side of things. I was not the guy, from the perfect family, who went to West Point and thought the world was orderly and wonderful. That psychological test saw that I wasn’t from the perfect family, but what it couldn’t predict was the advantage those same hardships gave me.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 7:28:28 AM

Manawyddan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
What he meant is that if a Dominant agrees that because they were abused as a child and therefore became Dominant so that they could control and justifiably beat, use and abuse others they would therefore be admitting that they are in essence repeat abusers.

Ah ... if that's what he meant than I think he's full of shit.

I was abused as a child, and strongly suspect that it influenced my sexuality ... that it takes a lot of work to make myself vulnerable to someone else, and that I prefer situations in which I'm in control.

But to infer thenceforth that I don't care about consent, that I have no ethics or morals, that I wish to do unto others as was done to me ... is to have not the basic knowledge of what goes into bdsm.

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