RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant?

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 9:09:53 AM

thetammyjo

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Did my childhood abuse cause my dominant tendancies?

I think the abuse pushed me further along the continuum to the point where egalitarian is an ideal but is not what turns me on.

If I hadn't been abused I know I would not have been submissive cause that's just not part of my personality but I think I would be more egalitarian, probably vanila with a touch of spice that wasn't identified with any particular type of sexuality.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 12:14:04 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
What he meant is that if a Dominant agrees that because they were abused as a child and therefore became Dominant so that they could control and justifiably beat, use and abuse others they would therefore be admitting that they are in essence repeat abusers.

Ah ... if that's what he meant than I think he's full of shit.

I was abused as a child, and strongly suspect that it influenced my sexuality ... that it takes a lot of work to make myself vulnerable to someone else, and that I prefer situations in which I'm in control.

But to infer thenceforth that I don't care about consent, that I have no ethics or morals, that I wish to do unto others as was done to me ... is to have not the basic knowledge of what goes into bdsm.

Agreed. And anyone who can say that they have not been influenced by their past are fooling themselves. The past is what makes us who we are. There are personality traits inheret in us from birth, but it takes experience to shape them. And if part of that experience is abuse, it is unwise to ignore the inlfluence it has.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 9:56:27 PM

AAkasha

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I am a femdom and I have a perfectly normal childhood. In fact, I have an "overly" normal childhood, a la Brady Bunch style. Two parents still married after 40 years, all sibs married and in functional relationships, no drugs, no jail, all good grades and college educated, lived in the same house growing up my entire life, dinner on the table for a sit-down meal with family same time each night with structure but in an environment of laughter, fun, and love. Grew up middle class and all of us went on to find great earning potential in careers we love. Really, there's nothing my parents could have done better.

I did a lot of research in college trying to figure out why I was wired this way (and none of my sibs are); I don't believe that abuse or trauma are triggers. For some, maybe, but not all.

Akasha

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 10:07:14 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

YES! -

I was abused throughout my childhood.

I never made a bed until I left home to go to college.

I never got an allowance, I just asked for money when I needed it and my parents gave it to me.

If I didn't like what my mother prepared for dinner I had to wait until my grandmother decided to get up and make me something different.

I didn't have a CD Player, a DVD, or even a VCR and my TV wasn't connected to cable! It's immaterial that cable didn't exist and neither did CD's, DVD's, VCR's. The point is I didn't have any!

I was sent to CATHOLIC School! Enough said!

My sex talk from dad in the car to my first dance. Dad; "You know how girls get pregnant?" Me; "Yeah..." Dad: "Well, make sure you don't do it!" Me; "okay dad." (That's an exact quote - I assumed he was talking about getting them pregnant and not saying don't have sex.) THANKS DAD!

But the biggest abuse was around Christmas. I was born in December so every year my one "big" present would always come with the caveat that it covered my birthday AND Christmas. So, things like my first piano, and my first dirt motorcycle, were there on my birthday and I only got other toys and clothes under the tree!

It's no wonder I needed to find a slave to take out all the frustration caused by my abusive childhood!

The sick degradations which some parents inflict on their poor innocent children really makes me want to pray to the porcelain
God (Honda is not my God, the euphemism is "Ride The Porcelain Honda") or Sell Buicks.

In the words of my buddy, "I think most parents are simply butt-reaming assholes." So I tell my kids constantly what sort of sick and twisted individuals parents are.

Odd thing is, we get along famously despite my efforts to destroy their happy childhood.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 7/15/2006 10:58:23 PM >

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 10:24:35 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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I could have written this myself:

quote:

I am a femdom and I have a perfectly normal childhood. In fact, I have an "overly" normal childhood, a la Brady Bunch style. Two parents still married after 40 years, all sibs married and in functional relationships, no drugs, no jail, all good grades and college educated, lived in the same house growing up my entire life, dinner on the table for a sit-down meal with family same time each night with structure but in an environment of laughter, fun, and love. Grew up middle class and all of us went on to find great earning potential in careers we love. Really, there's nothing my parents could have done better.

I did a lot of research in college trying to figure out why I was wired this way (and none of my sibs are); I don't believe that abuse or trauma are triggers. For some, maybe, but not all.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/15/2006 10:33:56 PM

MaleModel

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am a femdom and I have a perfectly normal childhood. In fact, I have an "overly" normal childhood, a la Brady Bunch style. Two parents still married after 40 years, all sibs married and in functional relationships, no drugs, no jail, all good grades and college educated, lived in the same house growing up my entire life, dinner on the table for a sit-down meal with family same time each night with structure but in an environment of laughter, fun, and love. Grew up middle class and all of us went on to find great earning potential in careers we love. Really, there's nothing my parents could have done better.

I did a lot of research in college trying to figure out why I was wired this way (and none of my sibs are); I don't believe that abuse or trauma are triggers. For some, maybe, but not all.

Akasha

I too had a very normal childhood, have achieved a lot, have wonderful kids, and have had, on the whole, had successful relationships.

My therapist recently told me that my submissive tendencies are rooted in my mother's coldness and the lack of nurturing that she provided. There is no doubt that she was this way.

I still don't get the precise relationship, but I think this explanation is in the ballpark.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/17/2006 6:42:30 PM

MASTERinVA

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I've been wondering lately about this issue. I was bullied by my brother and others at times as a child. I think that has something to do with why I like being a Master. It sure feels a heck of a lot better. I'd guess that there are other factors involved too. As a teenager, I enjoyed my role as an older brother where I was in a power position. In that case, as in most instances as a Master, I was very nuturing and caring. In my family, my father always had the final say in things and I identify with him, so that's also a factor. But I think one aspect of my enjoyment of being a Master is that now I can be on the other side of the bullying behavior. I only find my bullying behavior acceptable because in a MASTER/slave relationship, it's all consentual and in some way enjoyable to both parties.

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/21/2006 10:05:03 PM

dorsaisgirl1

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i agree with slipstream your past does efect you .it efects how you deal with things or avoid them witch ever the case maybe. the things you learn early in life efect you all your life .however its up to the individul how they are efected. and its not just abuse but good things that has the ability to shape a person

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/21/2006 10:10:36 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Childhood abuse, no. I was attacked, violated and nearly killed that has greatly affected whether or not *I* can be restrained. But I was dominant before that, my domme streak was the reason the guy who came after me did so... I broke up an attempted rape and threw him uot a 2nd story window. My attack was his revenge, and him showing me whose boss (becasue drugging someone, cuffing them to a bed in an abandoned building and slitting their wrists and throat really make you a big man). After that, I couldnt be held down or restrained, which a lot of vanilla men seem to think is kinky.

DV

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