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25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/22/2015 10:43:25 AM   
MistressFiera


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline 		A friend of mine found this article and I thought it was worthy of spreading around so I wanted to share with this group!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/ultimate-guide-to-bdsm
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/25/2015 11:31:13 PM   
tylerWILLsubmit


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/8/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks for posting.

(in reply to MistressFiera)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 5:35:20 AM   
satanscharmer


Posts: 376
Status: offline 		This would be a really good article for newbies to read. I especially like the fact that it reiterates that there is no one size fits all, something that seems to me to be a common misperception with some new people.

(in reply to MistressFiera)
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RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:05:46 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline 		I love that it points out that BDSM isn't inherently sexual in nature. Seems like just about everyone, new or experienced fail to understand this.

Edit: Because it seems like I've upset the natives with this comment I feel the need to point out that I'm not saying that it's wrong or bad to include sex in BDSM. I made the comment to point out that it's nice that someone out there recognizes that it's not inherently sexual... I don't know why some of you folks are taking it as a personal attack against your beliefs. If you like sex with your BDSM or BDSM with your sex that's totally fine. The existence of people who practice non-sexual BDSM is not going to undermine your whole life...

Christ I've received nothing but flak since I joined this community; feels like just poking ones head up gets it snapped at by the clique.

< Message edited by TransFat -- 2/26/2015 8:26:20 AM >

(in reply to satanscharmer)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:15:19 AM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline 		Well it may not be about sex for you. But that doesn't mean it's not all about sex to someone else. That's the thing. You believe as you do. Someone else believes as they do. There's no one size that fits all. For me, it's mainly about sex and my own sexual gratification. Being dominant is a set of personality traits. It's just (part of) who I am as a person. Nothing particularly special here

(in reply to TransFat)
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RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:16:38 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat

I love that it points out that BDSM isn't inherently sexual in nature. Seems like just about everyone, new or experienced fail to understand this.


It doesn't have to be sexual, but for some of us, it is ONLY sexual.

(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:20:54 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Well it may not be about sex for you. But that doesn't mean it's not all about sex to someone else. That's the thing. You believe as you do. Someone else believes as they do. There's no one size that fits all. For me, it's mainly about sex and my own sexual gratification. Being dominant is a set of personality traits. It's just (part of) who I am as a person. Nothing particularly special here


I didn't say it couldn't involve sex as well. I said that it wasn't inherently sexual in nature (And like I said before I didn't say it was specifically to me... I never mentioned myself in regards to the nature of BDSM) That doesn't mean that you can't add sex to it. Heck you can add sex to chess if you wanted. The problem (For me anyway) is that just about everyone automatically assumes BDSM is sexual in nature where it isn't.

Most people I know tend to try to put something else in my mouth, you've chosen to try to put words in there instead...

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:22:18 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 2/26/2015 8:23:44 AM >

(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:25:41 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"


It sounds like he is saying it doesn't have to be sexual but if you want yours to be that's good too. Why would you have a problem with that?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:27:47 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"


It sounds like he is saying it doesn't have to be sexual but if you want yours to be that's good too. Why would you have a problem with that?



She actually. And thank fuck someone understands what I said. If I were the type to wear hats I'd tip it in your general direction.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:37:07 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"


It sounds like he is saying it doesn't have to be sexual but if you want yours to be that's good too. Why would you have a problem with that?



She actually. And thank fuck someone understands what I said. If I were the type to wear hats I'd tip it in your general direction.


Sorry bout that, I generally try to check the profile if I don't know the poster but I forgot.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:39:32 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		You said "you can add sexual stuff to it"

In my case we would be "adding power exchange to our kinky sex"

That type of language is implying my strictly sexual kink is something wrong.

I know its not just about sex, and rather than imply that I'm doing it wrong you could've said "for some folks it is just sexual, for others it is isnt sexual at all"

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 2/26/2015 8:42:22 AM >

(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:40:40 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"


It sounds like he is saying it doesn't have to be sexual but if you want yours to be that's good too. Why would you have a problem with that?



She actually. And thank fuck someone understands what I said. If I were the type to wear hats I'd tip it in your general direction.


I'm nodding in agreement here even though no one can see me.

I read your post as you saying it was not inherently sexual, meaning that as an across the board thing... BDSM is not inherently sexual for every.single.person involved. Nothing to do with shiftys personal dynamic. Nothing to do with anyones personal dynamic. Just a basic statement.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:45:36 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65


quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I still have issues with what you are saying. My BDSM IS inherently sexual.
Eta: that is to say, we have kinky sex and no power exchange or anything outside of sex. I'm not "adding things that are sexual"


It sounds like he is saying it doesn't have to be sexual but if you want yours to be that's good too. Why would you have a problem with that?



She actually. And thank fuck someone understands what I said. If I were the type to wear hats I'd tip it in your general direction.


I'm nodding in agreement here even though no one can see me.

I read your post as you saying it was not inherently sexual, meaning that as an across the board thing... BDSM is not inherently sexual for every.single.person involved. Nothing to do with shiftys personal dynamic. Nothing to do with anyones personal dynamic. Just a basic statement.



That is how I read it as well. Kinda like milk. You can drink it straight or you can add chocolate. Saying not all people add chocolate to their milk does not mean that anyone who does is wrong, it's just saying that some people like it that way. In fact I have met people who won't drink milk unless they can add some.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:48:08 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Because I'm currently embroiled in a seriously ugly verbal fight on another board, I'm feeling the need to make sure I didn't sound bitchy or snarky on this one.

Did I? I genuinely and sincerely don't mean to if I am but my blood is up lol.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:48:49 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

You said "you can add sexual stuff to it"

In my case we would be "adding power exchange to our kinky sex"

That type of language is implying my strictly sexual kink is something wrong.

I know its not just about sex, and rather than imply that I'm doing it wrong you could've said "for some folks it is just sexual, for others it is isnt sexual at all"


I think you're either failing to understand what I'm saying or you're looking for something to take offence to. Let's take power exchange for example as it seems to be relevant to you. What is inherently sexual about exchanging power? What is sexual about the act or the idea? Just like bondage, pet play, wrestling, etc there is not inherent sexual aspect to it. Nowhere did I say that someone couldn't add a sexual component to it/get something sexual out of it, nor did I say anywhere that it was wrong to do so.

So please call of your hounds, they won't find anything because there was nothing to chase in the first place.

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:50:48 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Because I'm currently embroiled in a seriously ugly verbal fight on another board, I'm feeling the need to make sure I didn't sound bitchy or snarky on this one.

Did I? I genuinely and sincerely don't mean to if I am but my blood is up lol.


Considering I've been the target of that snark on my very first post on this forum I'd say you've definitely failed to channel that snark on this thread. Kudos.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:52:24 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat


quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Because I'm currently embroiled in a seriously ugly verbal fight on another board, I'm feeling the need to make sure I didn't sound bitchy or snarky on this one.

Did I? I genuinely and sincerely don't mean to if I am but my blood is up lol.


Considering I've been the target of that snark on my very first post on this forum I'd say you've definitely failed to channel that snark on this thread. Kudos.


Hurrah! :) I'm currently being called disrespectful, unkind, snarky and other lovely things so I'm a bit sensitive at the moment.

Oh and I have to say, I love your artwork in your avatar.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to TransFat)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:54:29 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I just have issue with the assumption of power exchange, just as Transfat doesn't like the assumption of sexuality in kink. But I wouldn't phrase things as "adding x is fine" because it implies that the whole of my kink isn't whole, and rather something to be tacked on.

Either way, sorry for jumping the gun, but I still am weary of folks who might be up on their high service only or power exchange purity horses- clearly TransFat you aren't, apologies.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: 25 things everyone should know about BDSM - 2/26/2015 8:55:06 AM   
TransFat


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65


quote:

ORIGINAL: TransFat


quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Because I'm currently embroiled in a seriously ugly verbal fight on another board, I'm feeling the need to make sure I didn't sound bitchy or snarky on this one.

Did I? I genuinely and sincerely don't mean to if I am but my blood is up lol.


Considering I've been the target of that snark on my very first post on this forum I'd say you've definitely failed to channel that snark on this thread. Kudos.


Hurrah! :) I'm currently being called disrespectful, unkind, snarky and other lovely things so I'm a bit sensitive at the moment.

Oh and I have to say, I love your artwork in your avatar.



Thanks, it's my most treasured possession. My little "Cattoo" was designed by myself and modified to be made into a tattoo by Mike Peezee of Texas Body Art. But I digress, this is a touch off topic. Have a good one and good luck with whatever you're up to.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 20
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