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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 12:23:05 AM

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

...he put his fetish over my safety

...when I refused he threatened to take my collar

...he hides them from me

...he will reject me

...I certainly don't feel sexy in the kinds of clothes me makes me wear...

Sweet, look at what you are saying:

His high heel fetish is more important to him than your feelings, your comfort, your sexual self-esteem and even your consent.

You either have to accept being in a relationship where you are never comfortable and where you are made to feel rejected when you are in a totally normal human state, or you have to bite the bullet and accept that he is not the right partner for you.

What exactly is so wrong with just being yourself, being comfortable in your own clothes, and enjoying your own sexuality? Why not find a Dom who will love to do that with you?

Being a submissive is about wanting to submit, enjoying submission and feeling pleasure from it. It is not about forcing yourself to do things that you really don't want to do, just so you get a tick in the box for 'good submissive'.

I'm only saying because, for years, people said similar things to me about dressing to please my Master, 'making the effort', 'maybe you're not a submissive' and I accepted it, but it made me miserable. After 3 years I realised that the kind of naked, comfortable, relaxed, body-happy sex I wanted was never going to happen with him and I made the difficult decision to leave. And I am so glad I did. Now I am with someone who fancies me whatever or however I am dressed. When I am slobbing around in my pajamas, naked in the shower, in knickers and a vest watching TV or any other situation, he fancies *me* not the clothes I am wearing. I thank God I didn't stay with my clothes fetishist. I honestly recommend you do the same.

Good luck.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 1:44:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

...he put his fetish over my safety

...when I refused he threatened to take my collar

...he hides them from me

...he will reject me

...I certainly don't feel sexy in the kinds of clothes me makes me wear...

Sweet, look at what you are saying:

His high heel fetish is more important to him than your feelings, your comfort, your sexual self-esteem and even your consent.

You either have to accept being in a relationship where you are never comfortable and where you are made to feel rejected when you are in a totally normal human state, or you have to bite the bullet and accept that he is not the right partner for you.

What exactly is so wrong with just being yourself, being comfortable in your own clothes, and enjoying your own sexuality? Why not find a Dom who will love to do that with you?

Being a submissive is about wanting to submit, enjoying submission and feeling pleasure from it. It is not about forcing yourself to do things that you really don't want to do, just so you get a tick in the box for 'good submissive'.

I'm only saying because, for years, people said similar things to me about dressing to please my Master, 'making the effort', 'maybe you're not a submissive' and I accepted it, but it made me miserable. After 3 years I realised that the kind of naked, comfortable, relaxed, body-happy sex I wanted was never going to happen with him and I made the difficult decision to leave. And I am so glad I did. Now I am with someone who fancies me whatever or however I am dressed. When I am slobbing around in my pajamas, naked in the shower, in knickers and a vest watching TV or any other situation, he fancies *me* not the clothes I am wearing. I thank God I didn't stay with my clothes fetishist. I honestly recommend you do the same.

Good luck.

QFT.

If he's willing to put his fetish over your safety, that's a big fucking red flag. It means he cares more about his fetish than he does your safety.

I am sure you do think you love him, but you know... once you've kicked him to the curb and met a guy who is actually compatible with you, you'll have a good old laugh at his expense.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sweetieDA)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 1:56:33 AM

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Its too bad that in our youth, we often waste it on men we wish to give our heart, soul and body to, that are not worth the time we give them to repair themselves and give us what we need to sustain our heart, soul and body.

Its a lesson in love and life, and a tough one.

When we are finally free of all the nonsense, love takes on meaning we thought it had when in our youth. We come into our own and learn that by loving ourselves, we can love others more fully and expect that they treat us better.

Its not easy, but very worth the pain in the lessons we learn and the love we gain once we get passed the frogs and met the real prince. We romanticize our commitments until we find the real thing and that love goes both ways. Settling for less in all our youthful fairness and understanding results in a lot of pain when we face the fact that we loved someone not worth all we were giving and then we can become a seasoned person, wiser for the experience, but more in tune to what will actually bring us fulfillment and happiness.

Learn to be alone, to love yourself and expect what you need to fully give yourself in love, once someone really loves you.

A dom could gain your respect by first respecting you and himself enough to allow you to bloom as the person you are rather than the image he has set in his mind and forcing you to fit it. A dom you can respect will give you the time to trust him and allowance to be who you are in love and submission. Anything less could be feeding one needy ego and breaking another that could have been loved by a healthy partner instead.

A healthy partner doesn't risk your well being, doesn't hide shoes, knows people come before most anything else, doesn't blame his own failure on you and faces himself in the mirror with accountability. That you can trust in, give more fully within and love till your dying day. A needy dom, can't bring you that unless you're romanticizing and filling in where he has gaping holes. When we realize that, we have looked in the mirror ourselves and see how we allowed ourselves to compromise in a way that hurt us and not to do that again. Sometimes it takes a lot of frogs before some of us learn that we are worth more.

I don't kiss frogs anymore, hoping for a prince. I look for a prince. They kiss better.

(in reply to sweetieDA)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 6:29:20 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
...what if they are happy together (compatible) and she CAN learn to accept her partners needs and not have it become something that causes her to feel inadequate or badly about herself?

In my opinion, compatibility includes sexual compatibility. There's a name for two people who really like each other but aren't sexually compatible, it's called friendship. If you're not sexually compatible, you're not really compatible at all, for a relationship.

I agree with you. My point was lost, and to attempt to clarify further would just come across as argumentative and derail the thread.
Besides, with more information from the OP, there are a lot more issues taking place than his high heel fetish.

(in reply to sweetieDA)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 3:33:22 PM

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I read the post and one BIG thing comes right out, COMMUNICATION. When you were first talking did you both feel each other out and find out what if anything clicks between both of you ? You would have know about the shoe fetish, so you then would have had somewhat of a trial and see if you can like it or not. With the communication, you both would understand the needs of both parties and then if you want to continue, then so be it, but if you do not like it then you move on and no one loses out.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 9:15:48 PM

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Kaliko it's not that I refuse to dress how he prefers for me to. It's not that I don't want to. I am over weight and sometimes it just feels awkward and uncomfortable to do so. When I dress as he asks and look in a mirror all I see are the things wrong with me. I am originally a tomboy and while I would love to dress like he wants and feel beautiful and confident all it does is make me feel worse about myself. I try to talk to him about it and he brushes it of or gets made at me. I just don't feel like his attraction of me should be based on just those things but me in general.

What I meant by the more I try the more I get shot down is that I have tried to dress the way he wants and he still doesn't want me sexually or just down right ignores me.

(in reply to smartsub10)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 9:25:24 PM

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I honestly think I have become more confused then when I first asked this question. I have some saying just leave him because his fetish is more important to him than I. I have others that's it's my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to be what he needs me to be. Then I have others that are just saying that me need to communicate better. I have people asking me questions that I have been asking myself for weeks now and still can't answer for myself.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 10:36:15 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

I honestly think I have become more confused then when I first asked this question. I have some saying just leave him because his fetish is more important to him than I. I have others that's it's my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to be what he needs me to be. Then I have others that are just saying that me need to communicate better. I have people asking me questions that I have been asking myself for weeks now and still can't answer for myself.

This is the nature of asking large groups for advice. Rarely will you have a unified opinion, even on a small board like this.

As for which advice to take? That's up to you.

Do YOU feel you need to try harder? Or that you've done what you can and need to look out for yourself?

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 10:45:24 PM

kittenheels1968

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Joined: 2/21/2015
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everyone has different needs from their relationship, one thing that stuck out to me about yours is that you say

"It's just the more I try and get shot down the more I just give up and feel worse about me and my body."

well for me, in my relationship, this is the worst that could happen, I came to my relationship with feelings of worthlessness and a history of eating disorders, so for me its vital that I feel my Master is happy with my appearance, to this end yes, I always dress how he wants, but thats not slutty, its feminine, girly dresses, and I feel beautiful in them. I would absolutely never dress casually, or wear shorts (always available to touch)

If you are uncomfortable dressed how he wants, and cannot aclimatize to it, then I would say he is the wrong Master for you, you have a right to happiness, comfort, and should not try to fit yourself into someone else's ideal, you already ARE someones ideal, you just have to find them.

_____________________________

I watched the movie with subtitles on, therefore I have totally read the book

(in reply to smartsub10)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/18/2015 11:04:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

I am stumped. My Master has a shoe fetish and while I do understand it and what not, I feel as if I am not wearing something slutty or a pair of heels he doesn't find me attractive at all. I have tried to be more suductive but I just feel weird and awkward. I don't see myself as a sexy person and I don't know how to act as one either. Sometimes I feel like he should see me as attractive in t-shirts and shorts and sandles as much as he does in heels and skimpy clothes. I have asked about this and we end up in the same conversation of me trying harder. He says that I should be begging. It's just the more I try and get shot down the more I just give up and feel worse about me and my body. This effects our sex life gravely. He wants me to try more and I just don't feel comfortable doing so anymore. So, I guess my question is how can I fix this. I don't want to lose him but what more can I really do if he just isn't into me. Sometimes it feels like he is more attracted to the clothes on me then the real me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Your first sentence identifies this as a problem with your feelings.

He says you should try harder. He says you should beg. He's not really being specific, and he's not willing to do much more than tell you to do stuff.

He either doesn't know how serious this is, doesn't care, or is unwilling to extend himself.

quote:

At first I was able to handle it and accept it, but then he put his fetish over my safety and when I refused he threatened to take my collar. That is what made me start looking at it differently and taking a step back. He has negotiated with me a little and given me one day that I can wear flat shoes but has only given me one pair to wear besides my work shoes. Any other day he hides them from me so even when I need to go somewhere without him I have to wear heels. I am originally a complete tomboy and that being said I actually like wearing them but as any girl knows it is aweful to try and base an outfit around the shoes you have to wear, especially when you wear nothing but tee shirts and basketball shorts.

I guess what my real problem is that he will reject me and end up reading a erotic story and master ate to it instead, if I am not wearing something "sexy". I was always told it doesn't matter if the clothes are sexy or not but how the person insides the clothes feels and I certainly don't feel sexy in the kinds of clothes me makes me wear just to get excited around me. I just don't know how to relay this to him without the argument that is sure to follow when I bring this up.

He's not willing to change.

That bit about hiding your shoes is horrible. A Dom should direct, not play silly little manipulative games.

If he's going to go masturbate, he's already rejecting you and shutting you out. You're asking what you can do. That's the wrong question - you should be asking what the two of you can do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PANKRATIO

My guess (again from way over here, I don't know you) would be that you're overweight.

I realize you're trying to help, fella, but you're not.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/19/2015 12:13:09 AM

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

I honestly think I have become more confused then when I first asked this question. I have some saying just leave him because his fetish is more important to him than I. I have others that's it's my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to be what he needs me to be. Then I have others that are just saying that me need to communicate better. I have people asking me questions that I have been asking myself for weeks now and still can't answer for myself.

I think the reason why you feel confused is because now that your feelings have been validated, you feel compelled to act, but a part of you doesn't want to give up on this relationship yet where you've bonded with your Master and invested your time, energy and resources into him.

You're only 21 and nobody at that age has enough relationship experience under their belt to know what's best for them in the long run. How you allow a man to treat you now will have long-lasting effects upon you the rest of your adult life, with trust issues and everything else.

Forget the D/s element. If this man were your live-in boyfriend instead of your Master, would you tolerate this kind of uncaring and inconsiderate treatment from a man who should be a positive influence on you? A man who should want you to succeed at being the best that you can be? Anything less than that just isn't an option.

Believe me when I tell you that it doesn't get any better than the honeymoon phase which you as a couple are no longer enjoying with one another from the sounds of it. (There are probably more underlying issues which you aren't even prepared to address because this one is consuming your mind.) This phase usually plateaus after two years IF it has what it takes to make the distance, and yours is already plummeting.

Most posters have not laid the blame upon you, but are encouraging you to stand up for, and to look out for, yourself. There is no conflict between that and aligning what's in your best interests with that of your Master, if he deserves to assume that role in your life. People who work against one another or who are at cross-purposes are not a cohesive partnership unit -- they are in an adversarial relationship instead.
If somebody was trying to take a more objective stance from a bird's-eye vantage point, it is or was due to insufficient data.
Furthermore, a slave who pulls the slavier-than-thou number on you when you are still finding your way as a sub and as a young lady more importantly, isn't being helpful so you should disregard the immaterial as not pertaining to your situation.

DreamLady

Edit - punctuation

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 6/19/2015 12:18:13 AM >

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/19/2015 11:06:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PANKRATIO

Hello all,

To the OP:

I'd like to suggest that all fetishes aside, all fetishes included, boners don't lie.

At this point I'd suggest (from all the way over here in Canada, thousands of miles away) that he's just not that into you.

Why? My guess (again from way over here, I don't know you) would be that you're overweight.

I bring up the point because you've got a nice smile, what seems like a great attitude and something of a sense of style. It's the only thing I could think of. Other than that, well, it's not you, it's him.

Really? That's what you came up with as a contribution?

How does her weight have any bearing on this?

I am sure when they met a year ago, he saw her size and he gets turned on from his fetish.

Idiotic response.

(in reply to PANKRATIO)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/19/2015 11:17:15 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

I guess what my real problem is that he will reject me and end up reading a erotic story and master ate to it instead, if I am not wearing something "sexy". I was always told it doesn't matter if the clothes are sexy or not but how the person insides the clothes feels and I certainly don't feel sexy in the kinds of clothes me makes me wear just to get excited around me. I just don't know how to relay this to him without the argument that is sure to follow when I bring this up.

My answer would be:

Sorry - but, why can't you dress more as he prefers? Because you don't think you should have to? That he should be equally attracted to you in t-shirt and shorts as he is when you are wearing certain shoes, which you know is his fetish?

You love him. You say he's your Master. And you're arguing with him about dressing as he wants you to?

But...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiaCastle

What do you mean, the more you try, the more you get shot down?

I'm curious to know what this means, too. Because your answer might change my answer.

She doesn't have to do a damn thing if it destroys her self esteem. Subs are actually allowed to not agree to something that hurts them: I know this is shocking news.

I loved my ex husband very much, but he had a leather fetish, which I put up with until I became annoyed. I like wearing lingerie and he wanted hard core leather.

I found someone else whose fetish was me, in anything.

That's what she needs to do. No man is worth agonizing over when his fetishes take over his ability to care for his woman.

When she dumps him, he can jerk off to photos of Jimmy Choos if he has any taste at all.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 6/19/2015 11:23:45 AM >

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/19/2015 3:19:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

Kaliko it's not that I refuse to dress how he prefers for me to. It's not that I don't want to. I am over weight and sometimes it just feels awkward and uncomfortable to do so. When I dress as he asks and look in a mirror all I see are the things wrong with me. I am originally a tomboy and while I would love to dress like he wants and feel beautiful and confident all it does is make me feel worse about myself. I try to talk to him about it and he brushes it of or gets made at me. I just don't feel like his attraction of me should be based on just those things but me in general.

What I meant by the more I try the more I get shot down is that I have tried to dress the way he wants and he still doesn't want me sexually or just down right ignores me.

So you are doing what he asks of you...which means the clothing and shoe fetish is not the problem here.

What I am hearing is that you are wearing the shoes/clothes that he demands. Regardless of how it makes you feel, you are following through with what he wants.

But even when you are doing as he wants, he still ignores you. He still makes you feel sexually undesirable.

Then the problem is not the fetish. The problem is compatibility. And it sounds like it is doing more damage to your self esteem, and his refusal to communicate is only compounding the problem. He could be talking with you about this. Find out what the issues really are. And if after that he was still determined that you do all of this, he could be supporting you in overcoming your discomfort. Instead of manipulation.

Relationships are about fulfilling each others needs...but this sounds very one-sided to me. I disagree that it is abusive, as someone else suggested, but it does sound selfish.

If I am correct about the above, then you are doing yourself more harm than good by staying in this relationship. This will not improve. Move on, and find someone who you can be more of your natural self with, so submitting to them feels natural and enjoyable, and fulfills both your needs.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/21/2015 9:58:22 AM

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it it not unusual for a person to be attracted to a particular part of your being. but if thats when it ends, then yes you do have a problem.

i get the sense from your post you have spoken to your dom about not being able to pull off the kinds of clothes he desires you to wear. but have you addressed the more fundamental question of whether he is attracted to you as a person as opposed to a clothes-hanger? i think you should confront that issue, and insist on getting an answer.

if he says yes, then explain to him that you are not comfortable pushing yourself so hard to make yourself attractive in one particular way, and that you would appreciate if he showed his affection to you in other forms, situations and channels.

and if its a no... well ... you know where that leads.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/21/2015 1:48:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

She doesn't have to do a damn thing if it destroys her self esteem. Subs are actually allowed to not agree to something that hurts them: I know this is shocking news.

Of course a submissive can disagree. Condescension is not required for me to understand that.

However, there are consequences to our willingness to obey (or, our "agreement") being taken off the table. Depending on the relationship, a submissive's disobedience, regardless of how she feels about it, is cause for action. If she's prepared for that action to possibly be termination of her service, then she can disagree all she likes and let the chips fall where they may. If she's not prepared for that, then she needs to consider how to live within the parameters he's set for her.

I'm skeptical of submissives who claim self-esteem issues as a reason to disobey. It's too convenient. The appeal, for me, of living in submission is learning to set aside how I feel about something in favor of what he desires. This is not a comfortable process, even though it's ultimately rewarding. So I'm only wondering if maybe she's still working out the kinks in getting through that difficult process.

Or...it could simply be compatibility issues and best for her to move on. I only offer another perspective and certainly not claiming it to be the only valid one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning

if he says yes, then explain to him that you are not comfortable pushing yourself so hard to make yourself attractive in one particular way, and that you would appreciate if he showed his affection to you in other forms, situations and channels.

and if its a no... well ... you know where that leads.

If it's a no, it doesn't necessarily have to lead anywhere. Just as she doesn't have to be a fetish delivery system, he isn't required to be affectionate on demand. Just because he doesn't do what she wants him to do doesn't mean it has to lead anywhere different than where she's already at. (Sorry - that's a really cumbersome sentence, isn't it?)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

I honestly think I have become more confused then when I first asked this question. I have some saying just leave him because his fetish is more important to him than I. I have others that's it's my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to be what he needs me to be. Then I have others that are just saying that me need to communicate better. I have people asking me questions that I have been asking myself for weeks now and still can't answer for myself.

Now, after all that I've already said, I have to say this. My take on relationships in general is - if you're talking to yourself about all the reasons that you want to stay or go, then your hand is already on the door. Personally, I think you've already made your decision and you're looking for validation. If that's the case, you've got it, because it truly doesn't matter what any of us think. There's a difference between appreciating the struggles versus being genuinely unhappy. What you write about fetish and clothing and self-esteem makes me think you are uncomfortable with shedding your inhibitions to him and being in service how he wants you to be versus how you think you should be. Your statements above tell me that you don't feel good enough about your relationship to want to shed those inhibitions for him in the first place. And that's okay. Your choice, whatever it is, will be the right one for you.

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 6/21/2015 1:49:08 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/21/2015 9:59:24 PM

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Joined: 1/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: PANKRATIO

Hello all,

To the OP:

I'd like to suggest that all fetishes aside, all fetishes included, boners don't lie.

At this point I'd suggest (from all the way over here in Canada, thousands of miles away) that he's just not that into you.

Why? My guess (again from way over here, I don't know you) would be that you're overweight.

I bring up the point because you've got a nice smile, what seems like a great attitude and something of a sense of style. It's the only thing I could think of. Other than that, well, it's not you, it's him.

Really? That's what you came up with as a contribution?

How does her weight have any bearing on this?

I am sure when they met a year ago, he saw her size and he gets turned on from his fetish.

Idiotic response.

Well spotted sexyred. My post was indeed my contribution.

I didn't say that her weight had any bearing on anything, I suggested that it can have bearing on attraction, both initially and its later ebbs and flows. As the OP had named the thread "Attraction Issues" I figured that the topic of for discussion was that of issues pertaining to attraction. Weight/body shape is one of those issues.

Perhaps I should elaborate a touch.

If two people are attracted to each other, (though this thread concerns itself with one side of this attraction) there are presumably several things these people like about each other, and we've been focussing on some foot fetish aspect, because it's come up as one component of attraction in discussion between the partners. The other aspects specifically mentioned are begging (Initiating the intereaction in a supplicating manner? I'm not sure.) and skimpy dress in general. The OP wrote that her specific efforts feel forced, that she doesn't see herself as a sexy person and that in tandem the attempts make her feel worse about herself and her body.

My suggestion is that the OP consider the body on its own. If some substantial weight-loss occured, which in overweight young women is generally accompanied by an increase in attractiveness, than proportionately less off the attraction in the relationship depends on foot-fetishism or other paraphilia.

Of course it's not convenient or terribly nice, nor does my suggestion/guess offer a quick fix. I certainly don't offer any unqualified sympathy or unearned validation. I'm just saying that all fetishes aside, all fetishes included, boners don't lie.

Do you still think it's idotic?

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/22/2015 10:20:28 AM

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Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar

Kaliko it's not that I refuse to dress how he prefers for me to. It's not that I don't want to. I am over weight and sometimes it just feels awkward and uncomfortable to do so. When I dress as he asks and look in a mirror all I see are the things wrong with me. I am originally a tomboy and while I would love to dress like he wants and feel beautiful and confident all it does is make me feel worse about myself. I try to talk to him about it and he brushes it of or gets made at me. I just don't feel like his attraction of me should be based on just those things but me in general.

When you speak to him about it, what exactly do you say? In what context is it?

What I'm getting at is that there might be a place and manner in which to say things which might be better than others. For example, if you broach the subject while in the attire he says he desires, any conversation about this might not be as effective as it would be at a time when you two are on more "neutral ground".

With that being said though, this may just be a question of incompatibility. He may want something that you just can't give to him. No "fault" to be laid-- just a plain old fundamental incompatibility.

(in reply to BrentsSugar)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/23/2015 10:57:53 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/17/2015
Status: offline

Boots, corset, and best oil up too, and serve me muffins - in no way would I be turned on. I am merely always in a state of cake famishment

What was the question again – shoe extension is your answer, someone has got to walk about the room in them, or jump up and down on him – not sure what masters are into – but I do like a good plate of cake. Whether you serve it to me in slippers – don’t care.

You have not defined your relationship enough for me to decide what you should do.
Do you live together be married etc

Dump him anyway. See if you can get custody of a flat screen tv for me as mines still has valves. And let him keep you most stinky pair of shoes – hmm or would he like that.

Can I have my cake now.

Should you love this errant creatures and be married to him live with him it is not unreasonable for you to dress up a few times and whipping me up some nice muffins

His definition of a relationship is shoes, some peoples definition is abuse, others cake, other still an eclectic mix of the yet to be explored, others its toaster thrashings – lock that lot up I would.

Some people have low self esteem, confidence etc….it can be made worse. Some with these issues cannot be made better but it sounded to me if yours had been ebbing away – and that is what will continue the path is set.

(in reply to smartsub10)

RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/24/2015 7:53:45 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PANKRATIO

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: PANKRATIO

Hello all,

To the OP:

I'd like to suggest that all fetishes aside, all fetishes included, boners don't lie.

At this point I'd suggest (from all the way over here in Canada, thousands of miles away) that he's just not that into you.

Why? My guess (again from way over here, I don't know you) would be that you're overweight.

I bring up the point because you've got a nice smile, what seems like a great attitude and something of a sense of style. It's the only thing I could think of. Other than that, well, it's not you, it's him.

Really? That's what you came up with as a contribution?

How does her weight have any bearing on this?

I am sure when they met a year ago, he saw her size and he gets turned on from his fetish.

Idiotic response.

Well spotted sexyred. My post was indeed my contribution.

I didn't say that her weight had any bearing on anything, I suggested that it can have bearing on attraction, both initially and its later ebbs and flows. As the OP had named the thread "Attraction Issues" I figured that the topic of for discussion was that of issues pertaining to attraction. Weight/body shape is one of those issues.

Perhaps I should elaborate a touch.

If two people are attracted to each other, (though this thread concerns itself with one side of this attraction) there are presumably several things these people like about each other, and we've been focussing on some foot fetish aspect, because it's come up as one component of attraction in discussion between the partners. The other aspects specifically mentioned are begging (Initiating the intereaction in a supplicating manner? I'm not sure.) and skimpy dress in general. The OP wrote that her specific efforts feel forced, that she doesn't see herself as a sexy person and that in tandem the attempts make her feel worse about herself and her body.

My suggestion is that the OP consider the body on its own. If some substantial weight-loss occured, which in overweight young women is generally accompanied by an increase in attractiveness, than proportionately less off the attraction in the relationship depends on foot-fetishism or other paraphilia.

Of course it's not convenient or terribly nice, nor does my suggestion/guess offer a quick fix. I certainly don't offer any unqualified sympathy or unearned validation. I'm just saying that all fetishes aside, all fetishes included, boners don't lie.

Do you still think it's idotic?

Yes, because if you looked beyond the title you'd see this was about something completely unrelated to the OP's size.

She's talking about her partner's shoe fetish, and it making her uncomfortable. If she lost weight he'd still have the fetish and she'd still hate wearing heels.

Have you taken into account that her partner may like her size? Or that physical attraction isn't dependent on your narrow view? Fetishes aren't one size fits all (otherwise there'd be no need for this topic) and your assertion that her relationship problems would solve themselves if she just lost some weight is ridiculous.

So your comment is idiotic and insulting because you're taking someone's unrelated relationship problem and turning it into an attack on her weight.

It's uncalled for.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to PANKRATIO)

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