RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!!

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/30/2015 2:04:10 PM

UllrsIshtar

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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Did I say anybody said that it wasn't?

And emotional abuse isn't proven at all at this point based on what she said.
He may very well be abusing her, but there are various scenarios in which the opposite could be true, and she may be abusing him, or herself. If he's been open and honest with her the entire time, and has always been clear he prefers lighter women, but that he still finds her sexy if she dresses up, it may very well be she's using him as a perverted prop to punish herself because of her own low self esteem, and that she actively provokes him into a situation that does harm upon him, because he feels like he's made to feel like a bad person because of his sexual preferences.

Now she's obviously being harmed by this relationship. But I wouldn't say that based on what we know we can tell whether it's him harming her on purpose, or her harming herself on purpose (because another option is that the victim is the one abusing themselves, and the other person is merely a prop to accomplish this feat), or if it's just two people ill compatible fucking up each other's self-esteem.

Based on what she said, it does seem like it's all his fault and he's just fucking her while he can until he can trade her in for a -in his view- better model. But to suggest that because of what she said it's cut and dry clear that she's being abused? Nope, not at all in my opinion.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/30/2015 2:13:58 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/30/2015 2:10:55 PM

MiaCastle

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Alrighty then.

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/30/2015 5:18:12 PM

BrentsSugar

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/16/2015
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You ask where my mother is? She is probably on the street somewhere or an an abused women shelter. She was never really in my life. Where is my father? That's a good question since I have only seen him a handful of times. Last time I seen him was when I was 6 and he dropped me off at the DCFS center in the middle of the night cause I told him he wasn't hitting me anymore. You ask where someone that loves me is? That's a question I ask myself every day. I thought I found someone when I met him?
I haven't been in this relationship to harm myself anymore than I do already. I don't use him as a crutch to hurt myself mentally or emotionally either.
When we first got together he knew my size but he also knew that I was working out and trying to lose the weight. So he was okay with it. Now that I have come to a point where I'm just not losing anymore he says that if I want him to be happy with me I need to try harder. He has taken control of all my food intake and some days doesn't let me eat at all unless it's a fruit or yogurt. Even that is limited. He says it just because he wants me to be the best me and be healthier and at first I believed it but now I just feel like he is trying to turn me into what he wants me to look like.

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 6/30/2015 9:54:21 PM

RogueCell

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/2/2015
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You are not covering yourself in glory here OP. Your tone suggests that you know this is wrong. So you know what to do. No further advice required. Man up, as they say!

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 7/2/2015 12:46:19 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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OP? You need some major help from a therapist or friend or doctor, not a bunch of kinksters or your boyfriend.

I read this entire thread and there is a tremendous amount of bullshit masquerading as good advice.

Listen, this is not a D/s thing. This is a fucked up, manipulative, cruel douchebag move on your boyfriend's part.

He can like what he likes, but he is not allowed to try to change you or make you feel bad when HE PICKED YOU.

He is also not the arbiter of what men find attractive. Stop being on the defensive and get your priorities straight. You don't need assholes or body shaming in your life.

You need to be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy. You don't need to be skinny for that to happen.

You don't need a guy for that to happen.

Ya know, I am much older than you and went through some major shit last year. None of it was based on how thin or heavy I am. My strength is what is allowing me to deal. I could fall apart, but I am not. Because I love myself.

I can tell you one thing from a chick who always had a ton of men. If anyone ever said the shit your guy said to you, they would have been kicked to the curb.

Helping someone improve can be part of a relationship, but this guy wouldn't know help if he got smacked in the face with it.

I can tell you this last thing, OP and it's always worked for me, who was never thin. If you think you are hot, you are hot and men will see it because that's what pours out of you, not your insecurities.

Now go and fix your attitude!

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 7/2/2015 6:14:48 AM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

If you think you are hot, you are hot and men will see it because that's what pours out of you, not your insecurities.

This is 100% true.

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RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! - 8/8/2015 9:48:19 PM

MrNiklas

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/20/2015
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Dress the opposite!

Dont dress like a whore, dress like a business-woman.
But most of all, with some long powerful nails that you can show
a glimt of him for, when you give him a glass of water.

And tell him you are paying for a professional toe-pedicyre.

Let him dress you as he wish.
If you still dont think he loves you - he dont.
And never will.

So do you want to be loved? or do you love him?
I am sure we all know the answer to that question.

(in reply to smartsub10)

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