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Question to Other Doms - 10/18/2015 1:54:23 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/18/2015
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Hello and Good Morning/Afternoon to wherever you are

I have a question for other doms out there. Me and my Little/Submissive have been together for a long time. Neither of us have been with anyone else evolving any BDSM. In the beginning she was very involved and loved to do anything sexual or anything at all involving BDSM. Now in the past 2 months she has been getting less and less active sexually. But in the moment she doesn't have a problem with it at all. I do almost anything she wants to do the times we are together. Matter if it is going out to dinner or simply watching a movie together at home. But most of the time when I want to do something I want (most of the time its sexual) she doesn't want to do it and then I feel bad for pushing it onto her. For her birthday I took her out for dinner and got her lots of presents. I did everything she wanted and even took her out to a date where we first met. I gave her all the time she wanted in the bedroom and did anything she wanted done sexually to make her happy on her special day. For my birthday she did come over and it was good to see her. But she was aware it would make me happy for my birthday to have a little time in the bedroom but she never did and later told me sorry she wasn't in the mood that night.

So my question is, in your experiences since im still considerably new to being a dom, Is there anything I can do to make her want to please me more? Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/18/2015 2:12:35 PM

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadHatter192
Me and my Little/Submissive have been together for a long time.

Your profile says you're 20....so I doubt it's been a long time.

quote:

So my question is, in your experiences since im still considerably new to being a dom, Is there anything I can do to make her want to please me more? Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

Since we don't know either of you and don't know anything about your relationship except for the vagueness you posted....it's too broad of a question to be answered.

It could be you're not compatible, it could be that you're not really Dominant, it could be medical, it could be medication, it could be drugs, it could be boredom, it could be stress in other parts of her life.

You might want to try something REALLY EXTREME....it's called talking about your relationship with your partner. (and do it like an adult without placing blame)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/18/2015 5:29:04 PM

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
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as a slave I would suggest praising her on the things you want to have more pleasure in. the positive feedback will reinforce the desire to please you. having a discussion with her and a good understanding of the relationship helps as well

_____________________________

currently owned by LadyAthena15805
i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/18/2015 7:30:38 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Has she changed birth control, or any other medication?
Is she under more stress?

Is it possible she's pregnant?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littleclip)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/18/2015 8:38:57 PM

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

The relationship is over; she just hasn't had the courtesy to tell you, yet. Once your replacement is searched out and thoroughly interviewed, she'll be sitting you down with a "We need to talk ..."

Sorry, bro.

Michael

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/19/2015 12:09:20 AM

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
The relationship is over; she just hasn't had the courtesy to tell you, yet. Once your replacement is searched out and thoroughly interviewed, she'll be sitting you down with a "We need to talk ..."

Sorry, bro.

It's possible that you both are just going through a rough patch, but it also doesn't sound (based on what OsideGirl pointed out about your only being 20) as though the two of you have made a lengthy emotional investment in one another either. Your sub may be older than you, but chances are she's close in age. Barring some physiological condition such as the side effect of decreased libido caused by medication, she should have voiced her concerns by now if she doesn't know why she isn't getting sexually aroused when she's with you.

OP, you have been patient and considerate, which does you great credit, and shows you must be rather mature for your age. I'm not going to beat around the bush. My very first impression was that she's no longer turned on because you aren't acting "Dominant" enough for her. Many submissives enjoy being "forced" or essentially expect their Owner to take control of them, and staking claim to their bodies is a huge part of this.

I'm torn between not wanting to encourage you to behave forcefully and "impose your will" upon others, much less advise any man to behave in less than a gentlemanly manner toward any woman, but. . . I am not a submissive.
It isn't just the young or immature submissives (and non-submissives) who confuse domineering conduct with an expression of dominance. You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your gal. However, instead of asking her how you should proceed, I would explore every angle I could think of and then decide how to address them.
If what I suspect is true, then you have to come across as being decisive. If A, then you will implement B. If C, then D, and so on. Otherwise, you will have already lost her.

To put it another way, for me to tell a man I want him to act more romantic towards me kinda ruins it. It ruins the mood.
I feel as though I shouldn't have to. After all, if I chose this man, then he should be a romantic sort of fellow.

Btw, not every submissive female gets off on consensual non-consent, and until you know and trust your partner very well (and she, you), this is a bridge you don't want to cross without having a thorough discussion beforehand to lay out boundaries and parameters. Insist she use her safe word if she starts feeling as if anything is getting out of hand; and even if she doesn't, as her Dominant it is up to you to set the pace and to put matters on pause if you don't feel comfortable with any given situation.

Best of luck,

DreamLady

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/19/2015 7:19:19 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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First of all, it doesn't sound like a d/s relationship. I can't imagine any good reason to refuse my dominant for sex unless I am genuinely ill. Not in the mood is not a good reason.

It's very difficult to tell what is going on. But is she a bratty kind of sub? If I am not in the mood, being forcefully taken WILL put me in the mood instantly. My sexual turn is sexual dominance.

Maybe next time she says, not in a mood, you should just take her anyway, forcefully. But how you enforce this is, have safe words. I mean, outside of d/s, gotta have an official conversation with her, that, "No" means to you, to continue. That if she genuinely want things to stop, she must use her safe word.

This way, if she say she's not in the mood, you ignore that, and forcefully take her , tie her up, whatever, have your way with her. Stop only when she says the safe word. If she keeps protesting in all other words, do not stop.

This way, you will also perhaps understand her better, that, maybe she just need you to be a little more domineering. If she uses her safe word, when she says she's not in the mood, and does so very frequently, then..., I think..., something is wrong. She doesn't feel submissive towards you for some reason. She doesn't feel you can control her. Sometimes, this is just chemistry issue.

(in reply to dreamlady)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/19/2015 7:37:04 PM

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Maybe next time she says, not in a mood, you should just take her anyway, forcefully. But how you enforce this is, have safe words. I mean, outside of d/s, gotta have an official conversation with her, that, "No" means to you, to continue. That if she genuinely want things to stop, she must use her safe word.

This way, if she say she's not in the mood, you ignore that, and forcefully take her , tie her up, whatever, have your way with her. Stop only when she says the safe word. If she keeps protesting in all other words, do not stop.

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

So, OP do NOT take this advice. You're 20 and a lifetime having to register as a sex offender is very long, long time.

The best advice is to sit down and talk about what is going on and where both of you would like the relationship to go.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/19/2015 7:38:49 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 2:32:07 AM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Maybe next time she says, not in a mood, you should just take her anyway, forcefully. But how you enforce this is, have safe words. I mean, outside of d/s, gotta have an official conversation with her, that, "No" means to you, to continue. That if she genuinely want things to stop, she must use her safe word.

This way, if she say she's not in the mood, you ignore that, and forcefully take her , tie her up, whatever, have your way with her. Stop only when she says the safe word. If she keeps protesting in all other words, do not stop.

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

So, OP do NOT take this advice. You're 20 and a lifetime having to register as a sex offender is very long, long time.

The best advice is to sit down and talk about what is going on and where both of you would like the relationship to go.

Do you do selective reading? Safe words are involved. She ain't gonna report him for rape as long as he respect her safe word, geez! The whole point she is in control of the situation the whole time.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 3:10:03 AM

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Do I spoil her too much?

Yes.

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 7:00:14 AM

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Fuck her "mood" - buy lube
Take your pleasure as often as you like
Pat her on the head and tell her "good girl"

If you really insist that you "want her to want you" before you fuck her, tell exactly what to say. Then add lube, take pleasure, pat head.
I mean, if you have a submissive and you ain't getting what you want, it is because you don't know how to take it.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 7:17:51 AM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Fuck her "mood" - buy lube
Take your pleasure as often as you like
Pat her on the head and tell her "good girl"

If you really insist that you "want her to want you" before you fuck her, tell exactly what to say. Then add lube, take pleasure, pat head.
I mean, if you have a submissive and you ain't getting what you want, it is because you don't know how to take it.

I just want to say, this would totally work on me! Ha! But my kink is to have a man take me whether I want it or not.

The problem is, pretty hard to tell what OP's sub's kink is precisely without knowing her personally. And what really motivates her.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 7:40:21 AM

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Fuck her "mood" - buy lube
Take your pleasure as often as you like
Pat her on the head and tell her "good girl"

If you really insist that you "want her to want you" before you fuck her, tell exactly what to say. Then add lube, take pleasure, pat head.
I mean, if you have a submissive and you ain't getting what you want, it is because you don't know how to take it.

I just want to say, this would totally work on me! Ha! But my kink is to have a man take me whether I want it or not.

The problem is, pretty hard to tell what OP's sub's kink is precisely without knowing her personally. And what really motivates her.

True that.

Hey . . . I can empathize. There have been times I told my slave to seduce me. Being she was bartender and an exotic dancer, that always worked out nice.

There are times in life when you get out of sync, out of rhythm... you have to choose what is important to you. If the relationship is important, you will service it, 'give it the old college try', put on your best face and 'take one for the Gipper'... otherwise fuck you for being so self centered that your bad 'mood' was to determine the happiness of our relationship (and on a birthday). And that goes both ways. If you don't pick up the reins and ride your own pony, that's on you.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 8:45:47 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Maybe next time she says, not in a mood, you should just take her anyway, forcefully. But how you enforce this is, have safe words. I mean, outside of d/s, gotta have an official conversation with her, that, "No" means to you, to continue. That if she genuinely want things to stop, she must use her safe word.

This way, if she say she's not in the mood, you ignore that, and forcefully take her , tie her up, whatever, have your way with her. Stop only when she says the safe word. If she keeps protesting in all other words, do not stop.

Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life. It does not matter what conversations were had ahead of time. The law does NOT accept that you can consent to rape.

So, OP do NOT take this advice. You're 20 and a lifetime having to register as a sex offender is very long, long time.

The best advice is to sit down and talk about what is going on and where both of you would like the relationship to go.

Do you do selective reading? Safe words are involved. She ain't gonna report him for rape as long as he respect her safe word, geez! The whole point she is in control of the situation the whole time.

Do you do selective reading? The words were "Which of course, could lead to him being charged with rape and having to register as sex offender for the rest of his life."

In the real world your advice is very risky, especially given that something has clearly changed in the relationship.

By far and away the best advice, way better than "you should take her anyway, forcefully" is

quote:

The best advice is to sit down and talk about what is going on and where both of you would like the relationship to go.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 9:04:37 AM

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Do you do selective reading? Safe words are involved. She ain't gonna report him for rape as long as he respect her safe word, geez! The whole point she is in control of the situation the whole time.

Safe words only work if they both agree to the situation. Safe words won't mean anything law enforcement.

I realize that a lot of us here a "consentual non-consent" relationship. I'm one of them. But, from the OP, it appears their relationship is not set up that way. This requires a conversation between them about how they wish their relationship to work, not one side deciding. (Since they're probably both around age 20, I'm willing to bet that this is more of a bedroom D/s relationship)

To be honest, from the OP, what I'm seeing is that she's no longer interested in the D/s BDSM portion of their relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 11:52:03 AM

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadHatter192
So my question is, in your experiences since im still considerably new to being a dom, Is there anything I can do to make her want to please me more? Do I need to push more for what I want? Do I spoil her too much? What do I need to do so we can both be happy?

She's a submissive. That means she wants a man who's dominant, not a man she can walk all over.

The problem is, you're too weak to risk her displeasure by insisting on satisfying your own desires. If you need your submissive, then you're not her Dom.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to MadHatter192)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/20/2015 8:24:43 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/5/2015
From: Madison, WI
Status: offline

I'm brand new to the message boards here. Not a brand new Dom. It doesn't sound like a D/s, DD/lg, and damn sure doesn't like M/s. Sit down with your girlfriend and gently figure out what is wrong. You don't have a submissive. You have a girlfriend that is preoccupied.

(in reply to Awareness)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/21/2015 8:02:15 AM

Posts: 50
Joined: 10/19/2015
Status: offline

Have you tried searching ebay for a brain washing whore kit – typically they come with a tinfoil hat (well if I hadn't bought them all up) and a pair of sparkly shoes.

You could always ask her why there is a disparity in your sex drives/libido. And as someone above me said there could be many reasons for this being the case. But don’t start with why are you so frigid, or my last gf was so much better at pleasing me, seeing to my carnal lusts etc less you want tarred and feathered

(in reply to MasterGru)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/26/2015 12:28:53 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/21/2015
Status: offline

quote:

You might want to try something REALLY EXTREME....it's called talking about your relationship with your partner. (and do it like an adult without placing blame)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Question to Other Doms - 10/26/2015 3:17:15 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm still betting that she's pregnant.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Snjcpl)

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