Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying

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Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/17/2015 8:57:48 PM

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First, let me just ask if any other femdoms find self deprecating behavior from sub men to be at all endearing? I am not talking about the very occasional "poking fun at oneself," but comments made frequently that are like less offensive versions of "I am a lowly worm."

Things like:

"But I probably don't know what I am talking about it."
"But my opinion doesn't matter."
"I'm nothing compared to you in this aspect."

This also isn't humility, which I find to be more subtle. These are deliberate "digs" at oneself, brought up during non-playtime, with a sheepish look or pause of anticipation. I sometimes feel like this is either self-flagellation of ego, or a subtle enjoyment at acknowledging perceived or imagine "female superiority" (even when the sub says he is not a female supremacist - head scratcher!)

Akasha

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/17/2015 9:04:16 PM

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I haven't experienced those specific examples, but I have definitely found that a lot of males subs I've talked to lack self confidence and/or who believe that they don't deserve to be treated well, which is why they're seeking out a Domme. Personally I find it to be rather offensive, because the implication is that I'm not a nice person and that as a dominant woman I look at men as something to use and abuse, which isn't the case.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/17/2015 9:59:42 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
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From: West Virginia, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

First, let me just ask if any other femdoms find self deprecating behavior from sub men to be at all endearing? I am not talking about the very occasional "poking fun at oneself," but comments made frequently that are like less offensive versions of "I am a lowly worm."

Things like:

"But I probably don't know what I am talking about it."
"But my opinion doesn't matter."
"I'm nothing compared to you in this aspect."

This also isn't humility, which I find to be more subtle. These are deliberate "digs" at oneself, brought up during non-playtime, with a sheepish look or pause of anticipation. I sometimes feel like this is either self-flagellation of ego, or a subtle enjoyment at acknowledging perceived or imagine "female superiority" (even when the sub says he is not a female supremacist - head scratcher!)

Akasha

No, I don't find it endearing. Most of the time it feels like someone is needing a NSA D/s fix and is basically humping my leg without my consent.

Some are new to this and think that this is a good/expected way to defer to women (the leg humpers vastly outnumber these guys)...and these newbies can learn from having someone explain that it's not necessary and that I prefer for them to just be themselves.

The rest...are a different pain in the butt/kettle of fish. I see them as being in one of two groups, both are a lot of hard work if I'd choose to take one of them on. The first on the list is the passive aggressive crowd, where they put themselves down to force someone to deny what they said, etc., which I find aggravating...like someone is trying to turn me into their puppet and pull my strings.

The second group...have a whole lot of low self-esteem baggage. I can normally handle that last part but right now I'm taking a two year hiatus that may stretch to infinity and beyond.

Some nice, subtle humility? That's hot.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 6:23:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
First, let me just ask if any other femdoms find self deprecating behavior from sub men to be at all endearing?

As a related aside, I have been particularly accused of being not self-effacing enough!

Point is, that there is a delicate balance between confidence and humility that most of us strive to seek, but many of us never achieve, myself included.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 7:03:54 AM

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If I give a damn about the particular submissive in any way, its not because he thinks he is a worm, worthless, inferior
If I give a damn about a submissive its precisely because he is anything BUT a worm, useless or inferior.
I see the deprecation factor as fantasy driven, and while Im a dab hand at being a bitch, if I have to be, I dont want you in my life.
I can taunt, tease, be cruel, be sweet, be fucking downright evil. but making a man feel like he is a worthless worm on a continuous basis is boring as hell.
But thats just my 2 cents

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 8:20:08 AM

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Is it at all possible that this "annoying" self effacing behavior has a passive-aggressive element to it? Admittedly I am not a submissive but I have been in subordinate positions to people less knowledgeable than I am at work. When said supervisors insist that I do things in a way I know won't work after I have already explained the flaw in detail, I frequently respond with "I've only been doing this for 25 years. What do I know?" Or am I just badly misreading the question?

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(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 8:28:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Is it at all possible that this "annoying" self effacing behavior has a passive-aggressive element to it? Admittedly I am not a submissive but I have been in subordinate positions to people less knowledgeable than I am at work. When said supervisors insist that I do things in a way I know won't work after I have already explained the flaw in detail, I frequently respond with "I've only been doing this for 25 years. What do I know?" Or am I just badly misreading the question?

yes, it is passive agressive in some, I believe in "my " experience only.
I like male subs, they are what interest me kink wise, and many of the humiliation aficionados Ive met are looking for a fetish delivery system.
I can be as self deprecating as anyone. for a short time. But not in any meaningful relationship of domme and sub. I just refuse to deal with it.

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<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to FelineRanger)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 9:41:37 AM

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It's one of the reasons that I find most male subs annoying.

It's a power exchange relationship and if you don't have any power to begin with, you have nothing to exchange.

Combine that with the "Do Me" bottoms that think they're submissive and it's a tough go.

I have seen very few male submissives that serve with strength and grace....and they get snapped up very quickly.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/18/2015 9:43:42 AM >

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 7:17:58 PM

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It's a power exchange relationship and if you don't have any power to begin with, you have nothing to exchange.

I think you pretty well nailed it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/18/2015 7:31:10 PM

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as a male slave I just enjoy pleasing my owner in any way I can I am in the army and served 5 tours in combat I have my own ideas and opinions I chose to serve my owner and try to better the relationship. I have myself seen many doormat subs who think that is what is desired both males and females. the tops/doms I have interacted with prefer to have their property have a spine and hold a conversation just in a respectful manner. im a independent in politics I am for choice and gun owner responsibility's I am also a owned slave

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RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/21/2015 6:06:32 AM

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It is most frequently an attempted form of manipulation....and who doesn't find manipulators annoying?

(in reply to littleclip)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/21/2015 8:24:52 PM

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Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline

I most definitely do not like self-deprecation. I am not looking for a flunky, a court jester, or "worthless worm."

I'm looking for a First Officer.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/21/2015 10:40:08 PM

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From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry
I most definitely do not like self-deprecation. I am not looking for a flunky, a court jester, or "worthless worm."

I can never understand anyone who wants to call a guy a 'worm' or 'worthless worm', nor any guy who wants to be considered same.

BTW, LadyBerry .... how did you get your LOCATION to be in your description?
(I just added a description to my profile in the city field, but it didn't show up.)

(in reply to LadyBerry)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/21/2015 11:06:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry
I most definitely do not like self-deprecation. I am not looking for a flunky, a court jester, or "worthless worm."

I can never understand anyone who wants to call a guy a 'worm' or 'worthless worm', nor any guy who wants to be considered same.

BTW, LadyBerry .... how did you get your LOCATION to be in your description?
(I just added a description to my profile in the city field, but it didn't show up.)

It works for me I just added my lication.

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/22/2015 6:00:22 PM

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Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

BTW, LadyBerry .... how did you get your LOCATION to be in your description?
(I just added a description to my profile in the city field, but it didn't show up.)

Under "My Profile" fill out the "From:" field.

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/22/2015 9:23:40 PM

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From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry
Under "My Profile" fill out the "From:" field.

Thanks for explaining that.

For the life of me, I never even looked at that "My Profile" link, as I generally edit my profile with the "Edit Profile" button.

However, they appear to be two separate things!

Here is what I have been editing, up until now, and which hasn't been working.
This is the "Edit Profile" button in the collarspace domain:

However, that's not what you were talking about.
You were talking about this "My Profile" link in the collarchat domain!

(in reply to LadyBerry)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 11/23/2015 7:37:20 PM

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I have only met a few who want the worthless worm type the majority have preferred to have one that has thoughts and ideas of their own to be able to have conversations. myself I like to have discussions on a variety of topics and be a slave to my owner.

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i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to crumpets)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/5/2016 4:00:34 AM

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/4/2016
From: New York City
Status: offline

I am a sub but I would not do this, and I would want my dom to encourage me and say nice things about me.

The whole "i am a lowly worm" seems to be a
huge turn off, not to mention corny.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/5/2016 4:03:52 AM

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Joined: 1/4/2016
From: New York City
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip

I have only met a few who want the worthless worm type the majority have preferred to have one that has thoughts and ideas of their own to be able to have conversations. myself I like to have discussions on a variety of topics and be a slave to my owner.

Just as I feel. I want to be property, but I also want to keep a sense of self worth and continue my hobbies and build things.

(in reply to littleclip)

RE: Male subs: Self deprecation is annoying - 1/5/2016 4:38:53 AM

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I think in a way it's them fetishizing the whole thing, in some ways what they think is expected of them because they saw too much bad BDSM porn or talked to too many online Princesses and Goddesses, whatever it is, it annoys the hell out of me.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

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