Wayward5oul
Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
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Wow, nice job of not listening. You even outdid my expectations on this one. Congrats.
I don't have any hope that you will be receptive of any of this, and frankly I don't care. But there are other people that read these boards, some I am familiar with and respect, and some I will never be aware of, so I don't care to let this negative representation of me stand unchallenged.
I mean, if people are going to think that I am a warped bitch, I would prefer it be because of something warped or bitchy I actually said or did, not because of how some domass interpreted what I said.
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ORIGINAL: ImperialPath
Being a woman does not make you the expert in what CM is and you are mistaken in your view of how CM is used.
Never said it made me an expert. You have asked women for their views, and I am giving you mine. But I do acknowledge that I am speaking in a broader tone than just 'me', because having talked to other women, I can tell you that many other women share my views. Maybe not letter for letter, but the gist of it is felt by many. And some of those other women have communicated this same idea on this thread and the other thread both. You just refuse to recognize it.
And CM is used in a lot of different ways, including some that you also refuse to recognize.
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First, BDSM does not automatically mean people in this lifestyle are in it "as an excuse to abuse others".
I never said that being involved in bdsm automatically meant anything. And if you would employ objective reading comprehension to this, then you would realize that I in no way colored every person involved in bdsm as abusers or abusive. But if you have any awareness whatsoever of the real world, then you know that there are way too many people in the lifestyle who do use it as an excuse for that type of behavior, and bottoms have to be especially conscious of that.
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That is so far wrong that I can't get my head around it.
Well, to be fair, you have shown that you have trouble getting your head around much of anything.
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It shows that you completely miss understand BDSM and you completely distort it and how CM is used especially on the "other side" as a valued way of finding others with similar interests fpr dating and even in many cases future life long partner. Your distortion of how people using CM explains your over focus on "harm" rather than "partner", "friend", "lover", Dom and "pleasure".
I am not distorting anything. I explained a specific phenomena within a specific context, trying to show a reality that submissives have to keep in the back of their heads when evaluating potential partners. I never said it was the only thing, I never said it happens all the time, I never said anything that was a distortion of anything.
What I did was try to point out the reason why so many women do not trust a man who does something that, realistically speaking, seems so benign. It points out a bigger picture that lots of women have in their head when reading messages, a bigger picture that may not have even occurred to the man. Sorry if you don't like it, but you (especially you, after reading 20 pages of threads with your opinions in them) need to understand it if you want to understand the mindset of women that you pursue.
I did cite CM specifically, and talked within the context of bdsm, trying to keep the focus as narrow as possible to highlight the point. But what I said can in fact, to some extent, be applied to other sites and to vanilla dating.
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Oh really, thanks, I would have never known that up to now. Guess all those women I "cajoled" were just plain stupid, huh? Are you serious? Where did you get the idea I somehow thought a man can "cajole" (I'm liking that word) a woman like that as a dating practice?
You are the one who has continually said that you would (and do) continue to contact a woman, after she has said no, in an attempt to convince her to change her mind. What would you call that?
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And just so you know I know, high levels of trust are equally desirable in vanilla and not so vanilla relationships.
I agree. But with submission it can be a very different kind of trust. One that inherently implies control. Actively giving someone a degree of control over you is a different kind of trust than what I might have looked for in vanilla dating. I never said that vanilla dating does not require trust. Its the kind of trust that I am talking about, one that is defined within the context of consent. And by ignoring when a woman says no, you show your disregard for that from the get go.
So if I am looking for a vanilla partner, I might excuse a guy pestering me after I have said not interested, (as long as it wasn't mean) because I know that even if I were to give in and go out with him, it would not involve a power dynamic. So no harm done.
But that is not something that I would feel comfortable with in a kink relationship. I need to know that he understands what 'no' means, even when it comes to the little things. Because that tells me how much I can rely on him to listen to 'no' when it comes to bigger things.
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Some of you honestly act as if vanilla girls don't go home with a guy they just met.
Wrong. I know it. I have done it. Will probably do it again.
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Talk about dangerous. There is nothing more "inherently dangerous" about contacts made here on CM and you are no more in danger because you are a submissive woman with a CM profile than the vanilla submissive woman.
I am no more in danger just because I am submissive. But sites like this do attract some warped individuals, with warped ideas. All sites have that to a degree, but there is a reason some are focused specifically on 'alternative' lifestyles. Because you are knowingly walking into situations where the rules that you have been taught all of your life may not apply. That's why all of this is referred to as 'alternative'. Refusing to acknowledge that is just stupid.
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Thanks for the lessons but I fear you need some yourself.
Nope, I am pretty happy with the lessons that I have learned, and hope to continue learning. Not all of them have or will be pleasant, but not all of them were or will be born from experiences with partners, either.
Some of them, including much of what I have said here and in the other post, are things that I learned from others in the lifestyle who are much more experienced than I am. Men and women both, submissives and doms and switches, people who have been doing this longer than I have known it existed. People who have made a name for themselves in the community, both near and far, as people who can be trusted to lead groups and guide others into doing this safely, sanely, and happily. I have heard more than one dom, ones that I personally know and respect, reinforce the very thing that we have talked to death here, that of responding (or not) to messages.
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Your distortion of how people using CM explains your over focus on "harm" rather than "partner", "friend", "lover", Dom and "pleasure".
The fact that I am focusing on this has nothing to do with my attitude towards bdsm. It is solely because it directly involves what is being discussed. I am not going to be talking about the things that I love about kink, the things that I have learned that I can't live without, if the discussion is about responding to email messages.
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RE: Link for submissive women to follow if they would l... - 
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